Sirius' Choice
Chapter Four: The Journey 'Home'
Whimsical Firefly
Authors Note: This chapter is something is something of a once-off. It has the past Sirius' time compared with present Sirius' time. So, just to make it easier – the italics are what happened the 'first time around', and the normal font is what Sirius is re-living through. I hope that makes sense and that you enjoy this chapter.
And this chapter is dedicated to James Milamber for being the ::bestest:: beta ever, and to my lovely reviewers.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters are property of J.K Rowling.
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Sirius swiveled around when he heard his name called. Through the packed streets of Diagon Alley he could just see a head of untidy black hair and a flash of auburn in the sunlight. Heart hammering into his ribcage he lifted his arms up and waved.
"Sirius!" James' voice called across the packed streets. Sirius tried to push through to them, but couldn't get anywhere. In the end, Sirius indicated across to the ice-cream parlour and sat down at one of the covered tables.
He watched as James' and Lily struggled across the crowded main street. Truth be told, thought Sirius as he inhaled, it was like watching two fish trying to swim across a current. With less success, he amended as he watched them get pushed back to the side again.
The streets of Diagon Alley had never been this crowded before, and knowing the reason why, Sirius hoped it would never be this crowded again. The reason why was a string of attacks on pure-blood families who weren't supporters of Voldemort. The list was long including the Potters, the Loydells, the Bones, and the MacKenzies.
It was a definite wake-up call to those in the Ministry who had agreed with Voldemort's policy against muggle-borns and turned a blind eye towards it. After all, they had told themselves – it was all for the good of the wizarding race. An attack on pure-bloods however…
Sirius twisted his mouth into a grim line. Conspicuously absent from the parade of vengeful wizards were the Blacks, the Malfoys, the Lestranges and the Snapes.
Funny really how in any other family he'd be the good son. The son who stood up for his beliefs, and his friends, was on Dumbledore's good side, and did his best to get along with everyone. Funny how it was those very qualities that made him a disgrace in his own family.
He looked up to see James and Lily finally edging out across the street and running towards him. Sirius stood up, only to be practically bowled over as James and Lily grabbed him in a fierce hug.
James was the first to let go, but Sirius noticed that he still kept a hand on his shoulder. "Sirius…mate. We thought that you'd…" James swallowed and met Sirius' eyes, and Sirius could see that they were overly bright.
Sirius nodded in understanding. "I know. I'm sorry…I just…I was too late." James closed his eyes and looked down.
"Yeah. I know you would have tried to help." James and Sirius clasped forearms and grinned weakly. "So long as I still have my 'brother'".
Lily released Sirius and wiped her eyes. "So long as we're all safe, that's what matters."
James and Lily both saw Sirius' face drop as the words left her mouth, and gasped. "Edana?"
Sirius took a deep breath as though to compose himself. "She's…"
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Sirius took a deep breath as though to compose himself. "She's…"
"Right here!" interrupted Edana. " I left Sirius here so I could just grab some more quills for next term. It does start tomorrow, despite…everything."
Lily grabbed Edana in a strong hug. "You're safe too! Thank Merlin! James and I were both so afraid when we saw the Dark Mark that you and Sirius had…" Lily trailed off and looked up at James, whose eyes were back to being overly bright.
Edana and Sirius exchanged a glance, and it was Edana who stepped forward and brought James into a hug. "We know James. We're just sorry that we couldn't have helped your parents somehow."
James just nodded, and swallowed rather desperately. "Yeah… like I said to Sirius – I know if you could have, you would have." He smiled shakily. "If that makes sense."
Lily slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him. "Of course it does."
Sirius wrapped his arms around Edana's waist and looked at James and Lily. "So. What do you say to attending the March? I reckon that at least one Black ought to be in attendance."
James nodded and his face took on a closed look. "As should the remaining Potter."
The four young friends turned and mingled into the crowd that was marching purposefully towards the Ministry of Magic.
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Sirius looked up at the ceiling and fidgeted in his bed. The room was really irking him. The bed was lumpy and uncomfortable, the pillows were like blocks of cement and the room had a strangely cloying musty smell about it.
Stupid motel. Thought Sirius bitterly, and then turned over to see the other bed.
"Of course," he said aloud, "Ickle Prongsie is just perfectly asleep."
"I'm not, actually," came James' muffled voice from across the room. "But I was giving it a bloody good try before."
Sirius grinned slightly into the darkness. "Talk to me."
Sirius could practically see James answering grin and heard him turn over in his no doubt lumpy bed.
"Fine. I will," said James, whose voice was no longer muffled.
"Comfy?"
"Of course. I haven't been this comfy since I tried to go to sleep in Honeyduke's cellar."
Sirius laughed slightly into the darkness. "How was your date this morning, eh Prongsie?"
James attempted to give his friend a death glare, but realising that he couldn't see, gave up. "It wasn't a date, Padfoot. Grow up."
"Never! I'll be like that little flying munchkin in Muggle stories who never grows old!"
"Oh… him! Um… Peaky Fan?"
Sirius frowned at the ceiling. "I don't know. Ask Lily later, I guess. And if it wasn't a date with Lilyflower, then what was it? A mad snogging session?" he paused, then said, "or did you finally jump her bones…?"
A pillow came flying out of nowhere and thwacked him on the head. Considering his friend couldn't see him, James had very good aim.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Padfoot," growled James. "We went to see Dumbledore. He's worried."
Sirius grimaced slightly. "That's not good. Dumbledore's never worried."
"Mmm…" came James' murmured assent from the other side of the room.
"Well, what is it?"
"Eh?"
Sirius sighed. "What's he worried about James?"
"A weapon."
Sirius nodded in the darkness. He could ask what kind of weapon it was, but there was only a very slim chance that James would tell him what it was. Better to just go back to his favourite means of harassing James.
"And after that?"
James groaned. "Damn it Padfoot!"
"AHA!" Sirius said triumphantly. "So there was an after that! Did you or didn't you?"
James mumbled something across the room softly.
Sirius sat up in bed. "What?"
James mumbled again, softer than before.
"Just say it so I can hear you, Prongs," growled Sirius.
"I was going to ask Lily to marry me, okay?"
Sirius promptly fell off the bed. "What?"
"You heard," grumbled James before turning around so his back was towards Sirius.
Sirius inhaled sharply, ignoring the fact that the air even tasted damp. "Mate, you got it bad. Need I remind you we're still in school?"
James didn't turn around.
"Why do you want to marry her?"
James rolled over onto his back and sighed. "Why wouldn't I? And I know we're in school, and I know that it would probably seemed rushed to her, which is why in the end I didn't ask her."
Sirius stayed silent.
"But the thing is… it's not rushed for me. Think about it Padfoot, I have loved her for… the longest time. It just seems right."
Sirius made a non-commital noise in the back of his throat, and then laughed.
James grinned. "Hey! You saying you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with Edana?"
James heard the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. Sirius climbed back onto his concrete slab of a bed, and turned so his back was towards James' bed.
"Think I'll try and sleep now. See you in the morning mate," said Sirius softly.
James swallowed. How stupid could he be? She had only died a few days ago, in front of Sirius' eyes.
"Yeah mate. Sleep well."
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James grinned. "Hey! You saying you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with Edana?"
James heard the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. Sirius clambered up off the floor and onto his concrete slab of a bed, and turned so that his back was facing James.
"Think I'll try and sleep now. See you in the morning mate."
James paused and then grinned. "Am I right in thinking that I've struck a nerve here?"
"Sod off Prongs."
"Yes, yes I have," grinned James, putting his arms behind his head in an indolent fashion. "So what's the problem?"
Sirius turned and in the early morning light James could have sworn he saw Padfoot's mouth tweak slightly.
"Remember," continued James, as though he hadn't seen Sirius turn. "I am always here to be your agony auntie, darling."
Sirius laughed and hurled James' pillow back at him, hitting James in the stomach.
"Tsk tsk. My shot was better and I couldn't even see you. Shame, Padfoot… shame."
Sirius laughed. "Shut up Prongs."
"Seriously though. What's with Edana and you?"
Sirius looked at James and sighed. He supposed if he had been badgering James for details, he should at least return the favour.
"It's just… during the attack. I was so scared. One of the Death Eaters tried to put the Cruciatus curse on her. She dodged it and then we ran out of there, with them hot on our tails. For some reason, they didn't follow past the gate."
James closed his eyes and imagined what he'd do if someone did that to Lily. Kill them, he decided.
"But I was so angry. With her for putting herself in danger. With me for letting herself put herself in danger. With them for being the danger."
James laughed slightly.
"And I've just been thinking since then I guess. Life's short nowadays. We'll leave school soon. What are you going to do?"
James sat up and tried to look at his friend, but he couldn't see him clearly. "What do you mean?" asked James cautiously.
"Voldemort, the March, the attacks. Think about it James – its going to get worse before it gets better. He's gathered too much momentum, too many followers to just be stopped by the Ministry of Magic tapping him on the wrist and saying he's a bad boy."
James laughed softly at the visual image presented.
"What are we going to do when we leave school? Will we fight him, or will we hide in the shadows and pray that Dumbledore defeats him, or that he gets knocked down by a rampaging hippogriff? Because I don't know about you, James. But I am going to fight."
James nodded. "I'm fighting too. The scumbag killed my parents, remember?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows but refrained from making the comment of 'how could I forget?' The image of James parents lying there with glazed eyes was going to haunt him for a lifetime and then some. "The thing is… resisting Voldemort can substantially reduce your lifespan by a few decades."
James snorted. "This is all very fine sentiment Padfoot. But what does it have to do with Edana?"
"It has everything to do with Edana. Life's too short to not spend it with those you love. So ask Lily, James. Sorry if I wasn't supportive earlier, but go for it. She loves you, you love her – why not? And maybe if I manage to find my courage, I might just ask Edana as well."
"I see."
Sirius rolled over so his back was facing James. "I'm going to try and get some sleep mate, before I rock up at Kings' Cross tomorrow."
James swallowed, still touched by the sentiment that Sirius had expressed earlier.
"Yeah mate. Sleep well."
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Sirius and James walked up the train.
Sirius looked over at James. "Are you sure Moony is saving us a carriage?"
James smiled confidently. "I'm positive. He always does – him and Peter."
At the sound of Peter's names Sirius wrinkled his nose slightly but said nothing. If there was one thing he wasn't in the mood for now, it was Peter Pettigrew.
James continued talking, not being able to see Sirius' face. "The thing that puzzles me though, is where's Lily?"
Sirius laughed slightly. "Lost your girlfriend mate? Or maybe she ran away."
James turned around long enough to give Sirius a darkling look and then resumed his searching the train for Lily and/or Remus and Peter.
Sirius grinned slightly. It wasn't often that James let something like that past him. He must be really worried, decided Sirius. Sighing Sirius went back to looking through the glass windows of the compartments. With a sudden thought of inspiration, Sirius started whistling 'Blue Moon' loudly.
An answering whistle came from a compartment a few metres down.
"There you go Prongs! There they are." Grinned Sirius.
James laughed and strode over to the compartment with Sirius. They opened the door and were met with complete silence.
The silence wasn't noticeable at first, but after James and Sirius had stored their trunks and turned around to face Remus and Peter, it became very apparent.
A very pale Remus was the first to regain his composure. "You're both alive?" he asked with a grin. The other boys pretended not to see the moisture gathering at Remus' eyes.
Instead, Sirius made a great show of inspecting himself and James. After a few moments of this, Sirius remarked "We seem to be. What do you think James?"
James then inspected himself and Sirius, much as Sirius had done earlier. "Yes, all seems to be in order."
Peter began his high-pitched giggle that drove Sirius crazy. Thankfully, Remus shot him a quelling look and he stopped. Remus then spoke softly.
"When I heard that your house had been attacked James… all Tess and I could think of was that you, Lily, Edana and Sirius were there. We tried contacting you, but nothing came back. We thought you'd…"
Remus broke off his sentence and then continued down a determinedly cheerful road. "But you're all okay, right?"
James slumped down onto the red plush seats and shrugged. "More or less."
Sirius sat down on the floor, and pulled his knees up to his chin. Remus looked at him, and took in his abject pose. "Is Edana…?"
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Sirius sat down on the floor, and pulled his knees up to his chin. Remus looked at him and took in his abject pose. "Is Edana…?"
Edana opened the compartment door. "Sirius? There you are!" She wrapped her arms around him and Sirius in turn nuzzled her shoulder.
Remus exhaled the breath that he had been holding, and relaxed. Even though Edana had only been a part of the group for a small amount of time, she had become an intrinsic part. He hated to think what they'd do without her.
James looked down at Edana and asked if she knew where Lily was.
Edana looked up at him and grinned. "Well she was at a meeting for the heads and prefects but…"
She didn't get to finish her sentence as Remus and James exchanged panicked glances and ran out of the compartment.
Sirius however, looked down at her. "But what?"
Laughing, Edana finished her sentence. "But it just finished."
Sirius laughed too. "Silly buggers. You're a prefect too – you'd think they would have clicked that you were here with us."
Edana shrugged and laughed again. "But I'm not a prefect anymore!"
Sirius gaped at his girlfriend and then began to chuckle as well, whilst Peter stared out the window, feeling very much excluded from their intimate world.
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James and Remus ran up the corridor, James swearing silently under his breath.
"I can't believe I bloody well forgot!"
Remus stifled a chuckle, and let James continue with his self-recriminations.
"What kind of git forgets a meeting on the first day back of a new term?"
"Ahem!" interrupted Remus. "I forgot too, remember?"
James flashed a guilty look back to his friend. "Sorry Moony," muttered James. "But you know what I meant."
Remus nodded and they kept running towards the front of the train. He did know what James meant. He also didn't think it was entirely James' fault for forgetting, given all that had transpired during the last few days. However, wisely Remus held his tongue, not wishing to upset James.
Instead Remus stared out the window as the train rolled past. Grass, forest, ocean, town, cliffs…
He had been so busy staring at the view that when James stopped in front of him, he was completely unprepared. He crashed into James, who crashed into someone, who crashed into someone else. A nice little domino effect really, he decided.
"Nice going, guys." Came a slightly accented voice underneath everyone. "I'm probably paralysed."
"All except your mouth obviously," joked James as he shoved himself up off their two victims. Once he and Remus were clear, Remus could see that the two girls they had crashed into were none other than Lily and… Tess.
Remus' heart suddenly decided that his throat was a far more appropriate place to live than his chest. "Are you two… okay?" he managed to ask.
Tess looked at him with direct violet eyes, and then smiled slightly. "Absolutely spiffing, wouldn't you say Lily?"
Amused emerald eyes turned towards him and James. "Absolutely. We just came back from a meeting that had one head girl…no head boy…and a distinctly uneven amount of prefects."
James started apologizing madly, and in the end Lily cut him off with a kiss. Remus however was still caught up in the slight nuances of her speech.
"We?"
Lily released James and nodded slowly. "Yes. Tess is the new Seventh year Gryffindor prefect because Edana…" Lily swallowed and then finished the sentence. "…died."
Remus ignored the slight watering up of his eyes. Edana had been one of the nicest girls that he had ever met. She was so trusting and innocent, and yet so dangerous and wise at the same time.
The four walked back towards their compartment. It was only upon reaching the door and holding it open for his friends that Remus realized the full ramifications of Tess' promotion.
Prefect baths…his breath hitched and his eyes glazed over slightly, much to the amusement of Sirius and James.
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James started apologizing madly, and in the end Lily cut him off with a kiss. Remus, however was still caught up in the nuances of her speech.
"We?"
Lily released James and nodded slowly. "Yes. Tess is the new seventh year Gryffindor prefect because Edana…" Lily quirked an amused eyebrow before finishing the sentence. "…resigned."
Remus coughed slightly in shock, but didn't take the bait. He'd ask Edana about it later.
"Congratulations then, Tess." Smiled Remus, his heart hammering madly and attempting to leave his throat.
Tess merely blushed and smiled. "Thanks."
The four then walked back to their compartment. It was only upon reaching the door and holding it open for his friends, that Remus realized the full ramifications of Tess' promotion.
Prefect baths…his breath hitched and his eyes glazed over, much to the amusement of Sirius and James.
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Sirius, James, Peter and Remus hauled their trunks off the train and towards the horseless carriages. Except…
Sirius stopped and stared at the carriages as his mates shoved their trunks on board. They weren't horseless anymore.
Well, they didn't have horses. But they did have some… creature pulling it.
"Guys?" called out Sirius. The three boys turned around. "The carriages have gotten something to pull them now. Crazy, huh?"
Remus, James, and Peter slowly turned around and looked at the carriage, and then turned slowly and looked back at him. Finally Remus spoke. "No… they're still horseless Padfoot."
Sirius pulled a face and walked closer. Shoving his trunk haphazardly into the carriage, he turned and took a closer look at the things.
"They're real!" he insisted.
James waved a careless hand. "Whatever. Now, are you getting in or not?"
Sirius frowned but stepped into the carriage with his friends.
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Sirius frowned and stepped into the carriage with his friends, only to be stopped by a slight hand tucking itself into the crook of his arm. He looked down slightly to see Edana smile at him.
Sirius grinned and then pulled her into the carriage.
"Oi! Padfoot – there's only meant to be four to a carriage," laughed James.
Edana smiled sweetly at him. "It's all right. I can sit on Siri's lap, can't I darling?"
Sirius sat down and pulled Edana on top of him. "Any time and everytime."
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Sirius searched the Great Hall for her, for any sign of her. She's not here! His brain told him firmly, but Sirius ignored it and continued searching.
If Edana was anywhere, she would be here waiting for him.
He jumped slightly when he felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder. He whirled around to see… no-one.
Then he looked down and saw Lily. "She's not here, Sirius. I'm sorry."
Sirius swallowed. "You don't need to apologize Lily. It's not like you did anything."
Lily nodded and looked up at him, concern in her almond shaped eyes. Then she turned and walked back to where the rest of the gang were hanging out.
Sirius surveyed the hall one last time before turning around to return to his friends.
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Sirius surveyed the hall one last time before turning around to return to his friends.
When he turned, a grin spread over his face. He grabbed Edana and wrapped his arms around her.
"'Dana!" he murmured into her ear. "Where did you go? I couldn't find you for ages."
Edana didn't meet his eyes as she replied, telling him she had been waylaid.
Sirius nodded and then wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders, guided her towards their friends.
He didn't look down to see her eyes well up with tears, and she brushed them away quickly.
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Sirius slid into his seat beside Remus and smiled before turning his attention to Dumbledore at the head of the podium.
Dumbledore surveyed the mass of students before him. A sea of students regarded him back solemnly.
When he spoke his voice was soft, but all could hear every single word he said.
"I am grieved as I look at the faces before me. Your holidays were not the relaxing, enjoyable times we had hoped for you."
His eyes roamed the entire hall, somehow making eye contact with every single person.
"Lord Voldemort's attacks have injured and killed many, and as I look before me I see students have been orphaned by Lord Voldemort's treachery, and students whose absence is conspicuous in the light of these attacks."
Sirius glanced involuntarily at where Edana usually sat beside him.
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Sirius glanced involuntarily at where Edana usually sat beside him.
Feeling his eyes upon her, she turned and smiled faintly before turning back to the front.
"And so," continued Dumbledore, "I would like to propose a moments silence for those who were lost to us, whether they be friend, enemy or relative."
A collective silence gathered over the hall and Sirius shivered.
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A collective silence gathered over the hall and Sirius shivered, although not from cold. How many more people would these attacks effects?
Someone once said that everything you did had an effect, an aftershock. Similar to when a pebble was dropped in water, the ripples would spread as a result of that one action.
Except this wasn't a pebble. This was a bloody boulder.
The students looked up as Dumbledore thanked everyone for their co-operation.
"I wish I could promise that that silence would solve everything, or that we would never need to have another silence like that. But I can't. I can only promise you that you will be safe here, for as long as your spirit remains true to the school."
Dumbledore's eyes rested on the seventh years in particular.
"Now please, tuck into this excellent feast."
Sirius smiled slightly. Looked like he was back home again.
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"Now please, tuck into this excellent feast."
Sirius smiled slightly and reached across for Edana's hand. She looked up and met his eyes, but there seemed to be a wall between them, that had never been there before.
Despite this Sirius smiled and squeezed her hand. "Glad to be back?"
Edana nodded and looked away. "Yeah. Back home again."
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Author's Note: Thankyou so much for the kind reviews! Wow! Just because of that, this chapter got posted only two days after the last chapter!
Well, it's actually because it was written and James gave it back to me. But the reviews helped too!
And because they were so lovely, I have to reply…
Lady of the Dragons2: I'm making it so that Sirius is the same age as he was when we read about him in Harry Potter. That way it's not like there's two Sirius' running around. Sirius looks enough like his younger self to make it dangerous to meet any of his friends, but not enough to freak them out. Hopefully, anyway…
Renatinha Black: Thanks for saying that I've got the characters right! ;) I keep trying to read your story, but the links on the alerts keep saying that the chapters don't exist (ff,net doesn't like me much). It does work when I go through your profile though, so I should be able to review soon (when I've read them). Looking forward to it!
Sweet 16 Movie Buff: Wah-hey! I loved your review…Once again, I'm really glad that you liked the characterisation, and Sirius' memories. The memories become more and more important as the story goes on, so I'm glad you like them! Hurry up with your sequel so I can read it!
Heart Of The Phoenix: I never thought about it being balanced and stuff, but it's good that you thought it was. ;) Hope this was quick enough!
And so until next time, please review! This chapter was a bit different, so I'm curious as to what people made of it. Thankyou once more.