It's tempting to just crawl back under my sheets when my mother knocks on my door, the smell of French toast wafting under the door from the kitchen. "Kairi, honey, time to wake up!" she calls, her voice extra cheerful this morning. I return to school today, and this time she's taken the day off to drive me, afraid of a repeat of the last attempt at sending me back into my normal routine.
Groaning, I throw my pillow at the door, huddled under my blanket for a moment before emerging. I don't want to go back yet, but I've delayed it long enough. I sit on my bed, deep in thought for a moment, wondering if I can really manage this before going to my closet. Dressing, I look in the full length mirror on the wall, teasing my hair with a comb when I catch sight of my bureau behind me and the pictures on it.
"Sora? Riku? What do you think about this?" I turn around and ask them, picking up one of the pictures, a memory captured in a flash. "I need you guys here with me. How else am I going to face everybody?"
Their smiling faces don't answer, no voice in my head like in movies. I sigh, running a finger along the frame. I still need them with me. Turning the frame over, I remove the picture, folding it carefully and placing it in my pocket. It holds little comfort, but at least it's something.
"Kairi! Hurry up or you'll be late for school!" my mother calls again. She sounds impatient now, worried. I obey before she comes up to my room and checks on me. Just as I thought, she is halfway up the stairs when I enter the hall.
"Oh, honey, there you are," she says, one arm around my shoulders as she leads me downstairs and the other fixing my hair. I try to brush her hand away, but she doesn't respond. As soon as I am seated, she brings a plate of food for me, the smell of cinnamon and syrup stimulating my senses. Sudden hunger hits me and I dig in, ravaged.
Breakfast is a strange affair, my mother watching me eat as she sips coffee with a smile on her face though I catch worry in her eyes. I make sure she doesn't see me notice it, washing down my mouthful of French toast with a sip of orange juice. Neither of us says a word until I stand to put my plate in the sink.
"All ready honey?" she asks, placing her cup down quickly and grabbing her keys off of the counter. She seems eager to get me to school and hope I say there this time, reverting to my old self. I nod and grab my backpack, heading out the door. On my way out, I see she didn't drink her coffee. She must have just been pretending, watching me the entire time.
The car pulls up to the school and my heart suddenly races. Here I am. Without the boys. I'm supposed to pretend they never existed. I stay staring at the school until Mother comes around and opens my door, helping me out.
"Kairi!" a girl calls and I look for the source. Selphie comes racing toward me, tackling me in a hug. Wakka and Tidus are right behind her, trying to pry her off before she strangles me with her death grip.
"I'm so glad you're back!" she laughs, releasing me as I massage my shoulder. "We thought we'd help you settle back in again." How thoughtful. Even without them saying it, I can tell they're also there to keep me from doing anything rash. After the last time I tried to return to school and the other day at the beach, they think I might do something dangerous.
"Ya, we're here for you," Wakka says, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't worry about anything," Tidus adds, trying to take my book bag as I push him off. "We'll handle everything." Seeing me refuse to relinquish my bag, he links arms with me instead as the other two walk on my other side.
Selphie chatters animatedly as we walk the halls, telling me all that has happened since I was last here, but her words never reach my ear. My attention is focused on the other students we pass, most of them quietly watching me or whispering. As we pass where Sora's and Riku's lockers were, I look away, even more whispers and glances of pity exchanged.
"Don't listen to them, Kairi," someone tells me. It's Tidus, noticing my uneasiness. "They just don't know how to keep to their own businesses." With that, he sends glares at them all, looking ready to fight if anyone said a word. I give a small smile to him, not really comforted. At least he tried.
Reaching my homeroom, Tidus and Wakka depart for their own classes, leaving Selphie to lead me to my seat. Just walking in I gain a multiple amount of glances. Attendance is about to be called, and I notice a seat empty set off to the side. Sora's. The same thing would happen in Riku's class.
"Kairi? Kairi dear," the teacher calls, gently though bordering on impatient.
"Oh, present," I reply. She gives me a smile as she adjusts her glasses, mouthing "Welcome back" before moving onto the next person. I sink into my seat again, looking out the window. I'd do anything to be elsewhere right now. What was I thinking when I agreed I was ready to return?
I feel like I'm in a zoo, trapped behind walls and glass as people look and wonder about me. I'm not sure what is worse, the strange looks from people who think I'm eccentric or the pity I receive from them.
The teacher begins reading the announcements, but I tune out, not caring whether or not the football team is having a game today or the procrastinators club has cancelled yet another meeting. My after school activity had always been hanging out with my friends. For once, I realize I have nothing to do after school.
Selphie taps me on the shoulder, passing a note to me. Opening it up, I see it's from some girl a few rows down. Sophie, that's her name. I don't talk to her much, always involved in my own little group.
Kairi,
Sorry about what happened, hope you're okay, I'll be available to talk with anytime. Good luck with everything.
-Sophie
Another note lands on my desk, and a couple more tossed over my shoulder. All read similar things. Crumbling them discretely, I let them fall to my lap. Pity or do those people just want attention? They never talked to me before. It seems that people are nice to each other only when something bad happens and they feel sorry for me. I think that's the only reason for the attention I'm getting.
I am saved from having to reply to any of the notes when a student enters the class, delivering a piece of paper to the teacher before leaving. "Kairi, you need to go to the counselor's office," she announces, reading the note.
"I'll go with her!" Selphie volunteers, jumping out of her seat. The teacher shakes her head and glares at her. "No, I don't need more students miss lessons!" Selphie slinks back into her seat, sinking behind the table a little bit. I feel sorry too. It would be nice to have someone with me. Getting of my seat, I ignore the stares from my classmates as I walk down the aisle, collecting my hall pass before going out into the hall.
My footsteps echo in the empty hall, the door to the office looming closer and closer. Somehow, the halls seem longer. It's a little intimidating, white walls surrounding me. I don't know why, but I feel as if I should be afraid.
My hand rests on the doorknob of the counselor's office and I bite my lip nervously. I've never had to come here before. I don't know what to expect. I should've known that I'd get at least one visit to the counselor. Hopefully this is the only one. Slowly, I open the door and sit in a chair inside the room, waiting for my turn.
Chapter 10
I rub at the bandages around my wrists, sitting on my bed with my back against the wall. The thick cloth is irritating, and nothing I do helps it. "Leave it alone, honey," a nurse tells me, setting a tray down on my bed stand and unscrewing a bottle on it. I've been put on antidepressants, the idiots here blaming my injuries on depression. Once again they don't believe me, not accepting the excuse that it was an accident.
I don't listen, tugging at the white strips until she pulls my hand away. Ignoring my glare, she hands me the pills in the cap and a cup of water. I swallow them under her watchful eyes. God, this woman is almost as bad as Mary. Thankfully the real witch of the west is off today. Satisfied as I grimace and sip the water, she takes the cup from me and leaves.
"Good riddance," I mutter, collapsing on my bed. Someone checks up on me every half and hour now. They really don't trust me anymore, believing I might hurt myself again when they least expect it. Just because I'm in a mental institute doesn't mean they can't believe me when I say it was an accident!
It isn't even ten minutes when the door opens again. I sit up, ready to throw my pillow when I notice who it is. "Good day, Kairi," greets Dr. Mason as she shuts the door. I fall back again, my pillow over my face. I really don't feel like talking to her right now. Ignoring me, the bed bounces a bit as she sits by my feet.
"Decided to come see you instead of the other way around," she tells me, pulling the pillow away and placing it on her lap. I reluctantly sit up, refusing to look at her in the eyes. She seems to be doing the same, smoothing the surface of the already starched pillowcase.
"It's perfectly normal," she finally speaks up, now fluffing the sack of stuffing on her lap. "Depression is very common in young teens. Even my own daughter suffers from it." There it goes again, depression. "There's always someone who cares for you, Kairi," she continues. "It's not worth it to hurt yourself."
I want to scream that it was an accident, that I just lost it for a split second. I hadn't been meaning to kill myself. I had thought of it after the mirror shattered, but I know I don't want that. I don't say anything though. Who would believe a mental institute patient whether or not they are sane anyway?
My gaze wanders for a moment until she puts a hand on my cheek, turning me to face her. She is smiling now, taking my hand until I stand up. "So many people care about you that I have a little surprise." It better not be an extra session. I haven't had one for the past couple of days, and the rest is doing me loads of good. My head is much clearer than ever before. Still, Dr. Mason's announcement intrigues me as she walks me toward the door, knocking until the attendant waiting outside opens it. Motioning for me to follow, I abide as we head the opposite way from her office.
The door we stop at looks familiar and I try to remember when I saw it last as Dr. Mason opens the door. Instantly, I am smothered as something, or someone, collides with me, strangling me with a vice-like embrace. It takes me a moment to notice there are more than one person.
"Kairi! We hope you're okay!" a familiar voice pipes up as I struggle to free myself from a tangle of limbs, gasping from the impact. It is a little hard to breath, something in my face. After a moment the mass of bodies around me shifts and I take a deep breath, looking up to see my attackers. Wakka, Selphie, and Tidus stand before me, all grinning ear to ear. I quickly hide my bandaged wrists behind my back.
"How are you feeling?" Wakka speaks out, chuckling as he rubs the back of his neck. So it was him trying to stifle me, or at least his broad chest as he hugged me. He looks unsure of what to do for a moment, giving me a light punch in the shoulder like he normally does.
The younger boy flashes his silly half-smile, laughing a bit. "You should've seen your face, Kairi," Tidus grins, looking smug. I can't help a little smile, barely noticeable but there. What are they doing here? Dr. Mason answers my question for me.
"Well, honey, you seemed to be a little stressed lately," she says. Because of the mirror thing? "I thought maybe a change of scenery might do a little good," she continues. "Sometimes just being around people you're familiar can remind you that you are loved."
I look around at them all, at their smiling faces. I still haven't said a word since walking in here, speechless. Happiness mixed with confusion runs through my mind. I sink into my thoughts, not hearing most of Dr. Mason's words until something catches my attention.
"…go home for the weekend," she finishes, smiling as my expression turns to one of shock. Did she just say what I think she said? "I thought a day pass, or in this case, a weekend pass, would cheer you up a bit. How does that sound?" It sounds fantastic to me, but at the same time it seems too good to be true. It IS too good to be true. She said for the weekend. After that, I'd be back here, locked up. It's almost cruel how they want to wave something like freedom in my face before whisking it away. I almost don't want to go.
Looking around, I don't see my parents. So my friends care for me more than they do. Makes me want so much more not to return home. Selphie hugs my arm and I finally notice I am staring blankly at the ground. Looking up, I see her smiling.
"This will be good for you," she insists. "I promise." I don't have to ask Tidus and Wakka to know they think the same, nodding in agreement. "This will be so much fun." Fun? What can I do? I miss my room, my bed, everything, but I don't want to have it all and lose it again. It was hard enough the first time.
The choice seems to have already been made as Dr. Mason takes my arm again, leading me to the door. "Isn't this nice? Let's get you changed so you can go home," she smiles cheerfully, my friends waving as I follow the doctor into the hall. "Such kind friends you have," she comments. "See? People really do care about you."
Coming back to my room, I already see an outfit on my bed, the outfit I had come here in. Running my hand over the pale purple and white material that now seemed foreign to me, I look at the door as Dr. Mason leaves me, closing the shades outside my door so I can have a little privacy.
My clothes feel strange as they replace the paper thin drabs of the hospital clothes that fall to the floor. It takes a little fumbling before I get my shoes on, adjusting my skirt. My armbands and my necklace lie on the bed. I haven't seen them since I came here, everything taken from me. The thalassa shell necklace is easy to put on, but I hesitate on the armbands. I already have the bandages on my wrists, I don't think I need anything else. Sliding them in my pocket, I wish they hadn't taken the mirror after the incident. How much have I changed?
Brushing my hair behind my ear, the door opens as Dr. Mason returns, giving me a motherly smile. "You look so pretty dear, your parents are going to be so glad," she tells me, pulling a comb from her pocket as she attempts to fix my unruly locks. I turn away, finding it annoying. Any signs of affection from anyone are alien now. I prefer to keep it that way as I remember the first time I came here.
Something moves in the doorway and I see Anna being led away by an attendant. She probably caused some kind of trouble again, but that wouldn't bother her. It wouldn't explain the pained expression on her face, one of longing and sadness. She doesn't seem to notice the small wave I send her, peeling herself reluctantly from sight as the attendant tugs on her arm.
The doctor leads me back to the common room, white halls flowing away. I'll be back. Nothing will be different. I'll be dragged back here and the walls will continue to scare me. They will probably haunt my dreams wherever I am.
Taking a last look behind me, I worry about Anna. What could that have been about? It wasn't as if I was leaving. The bandages and the wristband confirm that. There would be no way I could truly be released after that assumed suicide attack. No, it must have been something else. I'll have to talk to her when I get back.
Selphie hugs me again as soon as I return, Wakka and Tidus talking with Dr. Mason. "This is going to be fun," she tells me again, and I crack a weak smile at her cheerfulness. Wakka is signing some forms after giving Dr. Mason a note most likely from my parents, Tidus straining to read over his shoulder. My friends act so normal, or at least they seem to be trying to. I know I should try to act normal as well, though things won't be the same.
As soon as things are taken care of, Wakka comes and places an arm around my shoulder in a brotherly fashion. Another forced smile from me. I still can't feel any comfort from my friends, but I do appreciate their efforts.
"Take care, and don't be afraid to call me if you have any problems, Kairi," Dr. Mason tells me, giving me a hug as she hands me a card. "Try to relax a little and I hope you'll feel well enough when you get back that we can continue your sessions again."
"I'll…try," I mumble, more just to answer though not meaning it. Great. I don't want to go home and I don't want to be here. No where left to go. Wakka walks me to the second door in the room, the one that leads to outside, the one I've dreamed of walking out and not having to ever walk back through again. From my peripheral vision, I see Dr. Mason handing a pill bottle and a sheet of what looked like instructions to Selphie. Damn, why Selphie? Why not Tidus? He wouldn't make me take the pills. They're probably antidepressants or something. Now I'll really have Selphie hovering around me. It would be nice if she hadn't decided long ago to be a nurse and assigned me to be her first patient.
Behind me, Dr. Mason shouts a final goodbye as the door closes. It leads to a hallway, past a receptions desk, and out to a parking lot, the visitor's entrance. The sun beats down mercilessly, blinding me for a moment. When was the last time I was outside.
"Over there, Kairi," Tidus points to a car. His mother waits, the window rolled down and the radio on. Fanning herself with a magazine, she unlocks the doors and starts the car as Wakka and Selphie nudge me in, putting me in the middle of them in the back seat. My parents couldn't even come pick me up?
"Hello dear, I hope you're feeling better," Tidus's mother says, adjusting the air conditioner. "Your parents couldn't get out of work, so I came to pick you up." So my father sees his job more important that me? Sure, he is mayor, but couldn't he take a couple hours off to show he cared?
The hospital is an hour away from town, and the car ride is mostly quiet save for Selphie's blabbering in the uncomfortable silence. I find myself slouched in my seat, resting on Wakka's shoulder for support as he falls asleep, leaning on the window. Support from my friends. If there's anything I really need, it's them.
Eventually the talking fades away as the other girl falls asleep and Tidus's mother turns on the radio. The soft music lulls me into a trance, the gentle rocking of the car somewhat soothing. Somewhere about half way home, I begin to drift into a nap like the rest of my friends, leaving our driver singing along softly with the radio.
The car stops with a jolt, and I moan softly, pushing myself up to look out the window. Home already? The house sits looking just as it did before, waiting for me to return. I feel a longing to get up to my room as fast as I can, seeing a ghostly past self of me in my window. Suddenly all thoughts of not wanting to come home flees.
Wakka and Selphie rouse slowly as I nudge them, Tidus coming to his senses as his mother opens his door and he almost falls out. "Welcome home, Kairi," Selphie smiles sleepily, rubbing her eyes as she unlocks the door. Almost impatiently, I scramble out as fast as I can. For a minute, I just stand in the front yard, breathing in air that was fresh instead of the stale sorry excuse for air at the institute.
"Nice to be back, ya?" Wakka grins, holding up keys to me. The house keys. My parents must have left them to him. For the first time, a genuine smile crosses my face as I take it, running up to the front door.
"Hey! Wait up!" Tidus calls, finally fully awake as he untangles himself from his seat belt. I ignore him, fumbling with the keys until the lock clicks. The first lock that I had the keys for. As I open the door, I hear him muttering as the others jog after me, "She's quieter now, but doesn't look like she runs any slower."
"I'm home," I whisper, forgetting my limited time I have here. As soon as I crossed the threshold, I feel like I never want to leave again. The house smells anything but sterile and I inhale the scent, racing up the stairs to my room. My friends stay downstairs, Tidus's mother going to the kitchen to make something to drink.
I just want to assure myself that I am home, make sure I'm out of Cypress Grove, at least temporarily. My bedroom door is closed, as if my parents couldn't stand being reminded of me when I was gone. Throwing it open, I find it just how I left it. They must have refused to come in here as well.
My room has picked up a slightly musty spell, dust particles visible in the stream of sun from the window. Still, the sight is amazing to me, a room that I'm not trapped in. A room of my own.
The first thing I do is run my hand along my shelf, dusting off the pictures sitting on it. The weekend is supposed to be normal, but it will never be normal as long as I'm missing my friends. I turn away to drop on my bed, grabbing my stuffed moogle Momo from amidst my pillows. Hugging him to my chest, I here a car drive into the driveway and a couple minutes later the front door open.
"Kairi! Kairi, honey. We're home!" shouts a familiar voice. My mother. I can here the voice of my father chattering to my friends and I draw Momo closer to me, my only comfort. He's the only one whose views of me will never change. I feel uncomfortable to go and greet my own family. How normal can this weekend be?
Author's notes: I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY! Yes, I know it's taken me a while to update. I've been very distracted lately, especially since school just started. I knew I shouldn't have signed up for so many extra curricular activities…Anyway, it's too hard for me to promise that I can get another chapter out in two weeks or less, so I won't, but I'll try. It took me a while to figure out what was going to even happen in this chapter, and parts of it doesn't even make sense. I doubt they'd actually give her a weekend pass if they think she just tried to kill herself, but it seemed as if some people were getting a little tired of the hospital, so just a temporary, short change of scenery. Probably only for the next chapter or two. Still, I guess it's possible. Depression is sometimes said to be helped by having others around you to try to help you, so this might work. Oh gosh, I'd never thought I'd get this many reviews from people. Thank you! XD
Kintora- There, a little break from the asylum! Lol, no way I'm going to kill her, just make her suffer. Hehe, camp must have REALLY been bad if you're comparing it to the asylum. Did you have a Mary-like figure there too?
October Breeze-::hugs:: Thank you for reading my other story too! I'm sorry I'm taking so long! I'll try harder! ::starts typing as fast as she could until her fingers fall off::
Ed- hehe, sorry she doesn't find out, but she will when she gets back to the hospital. Don't worry, though, she will eventually find out!
Ud- Oh gosh, still with the cult dudes thing? Lol
Chibi Trowa B- Grr…never never? Sorry about boring you. Still, you ARE very picky sometimes…
Shady Fetish-Thankies! Trying very hard to get over it! It's a very big block…0o
Tsuka- hehe, I hope I didn't freak out that much! If that was bad, I recommend you stay away from my other story. That might just give you nightmares :D
aliasfan- Lol, I see a potential Mary and Mason-hater fan club president! Oooh…fries…
Maroon- Hehe, strange thing is that I wasn't really thinking Girl Interrupted when I started it, but I saw the book at the library the other day and thought the same thing. Kudos to you for being the first other one to notice it! As for waiting until the next game comes out, I was considering it, but I doubt it, but if I keep taking this long on updates, maybe!
Kagami Eizou- Awww, can't be one of the best! But thanks!
Kriss Kay-Kinda? Sorry! I'll try to make it clearer from now on!
Cold-Blade-Lol, don't worry, she will remember! …..Eventually!
Miaku-Astradah- Awww…::hugs:: I think murder will get her in more trouble than she already is! But I agree! Anna seems much cooler!
Akaineko- Ah…violence definitely a possibility…wonder how many ways are there to kill Dr. Mason…
Black-Rose72- Thanks! Well, since you just reviewed a few days ago, despite the actual time it's taken me, does this count as updating soon? ::hopeful::
Oh gosh, one more thing before I finish up, be sure to read A bone to pick by Moogle Mints! It's a kh story as well and written really well! That and she updates more frequently than me XD, so take a look if you want something to keep you going until I finally get ch.11 out, especially if you're a fan of Halloween Town in the game. Even if you're not, it's still really good! And no, I'm not saying this just because she's my friend. I really mean it!