Mr. Rawls sits at his desk, his hands folded on the surface. A rather big man, I can't keep my attention from shifting from his twitching black-dyed mustache. My own hands are folded on my lap as I avoid the hard brown eyes bearing down on me, the only movement from him adjusting his glasses or once running his fingers through his short salt-and-pepper hair.
The silence between us is ominous, like a shadow hanging in the air. I sit at the edge of my seat, uncomfortable. It is a silent standoff, neither of us willing to begin talking first. Each tick of the clock seems to take forever, the only silence in the room save from an occasional throat clearing from the bear of a man across from me.
"Kairi is it?" Mr. Rawls finally speaks up, his voice as deep as I imagined it. I heard once that he used to be a general in the army at one of the bigger nearby islands. It's believable since Sora and Riku claim he commands the boys P.E. class as if they were in a boot camp. He doesn't wait for me to answer before launching into what sounded like a very practiced speech he must have gotten from some school counselor handbook.
"Kairi, I've heard of what happened, and everyone is there to help you through this time or hardship. Loss is inevitable in life, and the best thing to do is to move on. They were good men, boys, I mean, though Sora never did try hard enough during class to get his lazy butt up the rope…" he trails off as he goes off topic, rubbing his chin in one hand. I reckon that wasn't part of the speech. I can't help hiding a small giggle behind my hand as I feint a cough. Sounded like Sora alright.
By now, he is standing, becoming wrapped up in the words as he paces around the room. Mr. Rawls rests a hand on the back of my chair, looking out the window behind his desk as if searching for the right words on the glass.
"Okay, listen kid," he sighs, groping for what to say. "Tragedies happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Go through the pain and move on." And…how did he become school counselor? I should be looking for the door to the other worlds instead of wasting my time in him.
His monotonous jabber passes into one ear and out the other as I think about more important things. The door continues to flash in my mind, appearing and disappearing into the rock wall. The soft buzzing of Rawls's speech is making me drowsy, a muddle of boredom and a soft, slightly soothing hum as I tune him out.
O
There is the door again, large and solid looking. I can make out the details in it, the carvings someone had carefully carved into its surface. The door to the other worlds, back again? Hesitantly I reach my hand out, doubting the tangibility of the exact object I've been searching for in the past few days.
The wood is solid and hard. I can feel every grain beneath my fingers as I run them over the carvings. "Sora, Riku," I whisper, watching the door in awe. It has reappeared. Does that mean they have returned? That any moment they would walk through that door and I can throw my arms around them?
The door seems to shudder and I jump back, watching in wonder as it opens. Yes! Light streams into the cavern from the other side and I pry at the door, desperate, but it doesn't seem to want to open more than a crack. No, why won't it open? The door refuses to budge no matter how much I pull, desperate to open it wide enough to let me through.
Sounds become audible as I cease the tug-o-war with the door and I peer around the edge, blinking from the bright light. Slowly everything becomes clear and I see a figure in the distance, two strangely shaped silhouettes by his sides. Something long rested casually over his shoulder as the three stroll along a long road, a castle up ahead. That spiked hair…that stride…
"Sora! Sora!" I cry out, now desperate to move the door to no avail. "Sora! It's Kairi!" I began screaming until my voice is sore, the gap in the doorway closing and cutting me off. He doesn't here me as my cries grow more frantic.
Black shapes move under the ground, sliding under his feet like…like Shadow Heartless! They creep up on the unaware group, yellow eyes glowing malevolently. In the back of my mind I know he can take care of himself, but I still fear for him. Every time he battles with heartless there's a chance he might not make it no matter how small a chance it is.
I see him in my dreams in the middle of fights, each time never coming away completely unscathed. I'm thankful to death for potions and the magic spell Curaga, but it still worries me, more than a mother worries about her son. Like a friend, or maybe something more. I was in his heart once, and now…I think…a part of him is in me. He'd already lost his heart once because of me, turned into a heartless. I couldn't stand looking into those yellow eyes and seeing him trapped behind those glowing orbs. I have to warn them…
The sliver of a gap in the door slowly disappears as the heartless advance on him. I dig my fingers into the crack, trying futilely to force it open. No, at least let me see if he'll be fine…I can't stop the flood of tears from frustration and sadness rushing down my cheeks. Finally, I let go, my mind accepting that it is useless. Magnified through a teardrop Sora finally whirls, his keyblade raised in the air as he slashes at the heartless. Attacking a heartless while his companions deal with their own. That is the last I see of him as the door shuts firmly close.
Cool air from the stone under my hands enhance the silence as I kneel there in defeat. Every time I come so close, he is ripped away. It is worse than not seeing him at all. At the same time, I am relieved to know he is still there. I no longer have dreams about Riku or where he's at. The dreams of Sora torment me, but at the same time they relieve a bit of my worry. Is the pain worth the relief?
A wind blows through the cave, first whistling softly then carrying the clanging of a sword and whispering in Sora's voice, his promise to me. "Kairi. Remember what you said before? I'm always with you, too. I'll come back to you. I promise!"
They just can't leave me alone. I can't get him out of my mind, can't just ignore everything that had happened and is happening. Anger runs through my body as I clench my fist until my nails draw blood from my palm. The pain is nothing. I really have changed since I left the island. Pounding my fists into the ground as tears of frustration pours out of my eyes, I scream one name. "Sora!"
O
"Sora!" the name tears from my throat as I thrash against something restraining me by my shoulders. Someone is calling my name, a man by the sound of his voice. I snap out of my dream, remembering where I am. School. Counselor's office. I must have fallen asleep while he was talking. Mr. Rawls grips my shoulders, a look of fear meeting mine of confusion.
"Kairi, are you all right?" He looks more scared than me, an interesting picture. Who knew a big guy like him could be terrified of a little girl like me? I can only nod mutely as he looks over me carefully until he finally lets go. He paces behind his desk as I sit back, gripping the arm rests. "Never should have volunteered to be the counselor," he mutters. I'd be talking to myself as well if my voice didn't seem to have gone for the moment.
Mr. Rawls paces his office and looks uncomfortable, scratching his head furiously. I'm as distraught as he is, only I deal with it in silence, still in shock from the realistic dream. Finally, he sits down. A good fifteen minutes later.
"Okay, kid, I'm not really the best person to deal with these things," he tells me. That's obvious. "I'm going to recommend you to a few friends of mine and call your parents. They can choose what they want from there."
"Recommend me for what?" I ask, not liking the idea of my parents being involved. Was I in trouble? What had I done?
"No, just to see a psychologist or psychiatrist or somebody. Never could remember the difference between them. Never received a very high score in the class either." A psych-something? Does he mean a shrink?
"But I'm not crazy," I begin to say but stop. Am I? Why else would I be having strange dreams. Sane people don't bang on cave walls looking for doors or crying out in the middle of dreams. But I'd thought Sora had been strange when he started telling me about weird dreams. And now he's gone and nobody believes me on what happened. Maybe I do need to see somebody.
"…and just…get some rest," the nervous counselor continues, rambling a bit. He is nudging me toward the door, eager to get the screaming girl out of his office as soon as possible. Figures. He's probably never had anyone who hadn't come to him to spill every problem on their mind as an excuse to get out of class.
I stand alone in the hall, speechless that I've just been kicked out of the counselor's office. So much help he was. The note he gave me with the psychologist's name crinkles as I unfold it. Dr. Cordin. Reading it over a few times, I slip it in my pocket. I don't need help. They can't help at all. They just think I've lost it. In disgust, I begin walking down the corridor, and a bell rings overhead. In moments, students pour out of doors lining the walls, and I am lost in the crowds leaving the useless Mr. Rawls in the counselor's office behind me.
Chapter 11
"Kairi! Heads up!" A white and blue ball craters the sand next to me as I duck, a gasp escaping my mouth. Tidus and Wakka race by after it, the comical pair competing to retrieve it first. I can't help giggling as I watch them, plowing through Selphie's sand castle a little way down the beach.
"You two are in big trouble!" Selphie gives a cry of dismay at her ruined creation and takes after them, nunchuka in hand, in a flurry of sand. Laughing, I sit back in the sand under the umbrella.
My friends haven't wasted a minute of my weekend out. First thing in the morning they'd come over, a day on the beach waiting for us. It feels weird being out here, almost normal. I half expect more voices of Sora and Riku sparring by the waterfall. In a way, I almost welcome the absence of the two of them. Even what remained of the raft has long been removed.
Tidus's cries of protest catch my attention as I look his way where Wakka has him in a headlock and between him and Selphie as a shield. Two boys against one girl doesn't seem very fair to me even if Selphie doesn't seem to need the help. Running after them, I jump on Wakka's back, knocking all of us to the ground.
"Feeling better, ya?" Wakka laughs as he tosses me into the sand. "That's the first time I've heard you laugh so much since…" Selphie silences him by throwing his own ball into his face.
"It's…it's okay," I give him a big smile to prove it. "I guess the sun's really helping." That slight reminder hurts a little bit, but I try not to let it faze me for now. I plan to take a look in the secret place later anyway. Besides, I these three are trying so hard and I deserve a little break from worrying.
They've been giving me so attention, I sort of feel bad. I barely missed them while I was in Cyprus Grove because I've been thinking about Sora and Riku, and I wonder how I could have ever forgot about them. As Selphie and I watch, Tidus and Wakka wrestle each other, the older boy getting the hand easily as Tidus struggles out of his grip. Slipping through like a snake, they shoot off down the beach doing whatever boys like to do. Selphie shouts warnings after them to be careful and giggles.
"It's so good to have another girl around here," she really seems to mean it, resting her elbow on my shoulder. "Now I've got someone to gossip to! Did I tell you about how Tidus embarrassed himself trying to give Yuna a note in class? He's really got a bad crush on her no matter what he says." Rambling on for a moment, I laugh.
"Sounds like I missed a lot," I giggle.
"Yeah you did." Selphie nods. "But don't worry, I'll get you all caught up! Did I tell you about the girl Lulu who keeps ignoring Wakka no matter how much he tries to talk to her? You know, the one in his grade? She…" I raise a hand to cut her off, taking a moment for my laughter to settle.
"Actually, can you tell me a little later? I'm going to take a walk." All this talk about school and the normalcy is a little overwhelming. She looks a little disappointed but nods as I get up. "Besides, I think Tidus is coming back this way, and Wakka's not too far behind with…looks like he's got your nunchuka." As soon as I finish saying that, sand picks around us and we cover our heads, screaming in the shower.
"Get back here! That's mine!" Selphie takes off after them, and I watch them for a while before they disappear up a ladder, the chase resuming up in one of the tree houses. Shaking me head with a smile, I walk the other way. Crossing the bridge, I sit in the paopu fruit tree.
It's peaceful despite my friends' voices drifting in the gentle breeze. I watch the waves, the water crashing below. Closing my eyes, I listen, absorbing the smell of salty water, the rustling of leaves, and the whispers of old promises as I block out the sounds of everything else.
I clear my mind, pushing back the memory of one time shortly after I returned to Destiny Island where I sat in this same place, a paopu fruit in my hands and trying to feed the image of Sora and Riku in the water that I had imagined. Only this time, no paopu hang on the tree, no sign of the mysterious fruit with its mythical soul mate properties. Funny how this is the first time I've come here and no star shaped fruit, not even a tiny unripe one peeks from the leaves. It's unnerving how everything has changed, even in the slightest way. Fine then, I don't need a paopu. Just a comfortable, familiar place to sit.
Clear blue water casts my reflection back to me as I search once more for the glimpse of Sora and Riku I'd seen last time, yearning just for a little flash of a reminder. There's always that connection I have with them in my heart, stronger with Sora, but as I grasp that small light and look into the water, I can see only myself. Strange. Straining once more, a face shimmers over the surface, but not of the boys. A girl's face, blond hair and sad eyes, shows against a shadow, the silhouette of my friends. Gasping, I pull away, catching my balance before I fall out of the tree as I look behind me, hands steadying me by my shoulders.
It's not a girl's face I see but a boy's, spiked blue-black hair falling over blue eyes watching me curiously. "Sora?" I whisper as I look into the eyes, but suddenly the look is gone, a stranger's face replacing it.
"Who's Sora? My name's Roka," the boy frowns, helping me up. "I'm new to Destiny Islands." Roka. Not Sora. Still, something about him reminds me of Sora. Actually, a bit of him reminds me of Riku too. The blue eyes they all share? Maybe the spiky hair all boys seem to have some kind of variation of nowadays?
Roka watches me carefully, searching my face for a moment as I stare at him. "What," he asks, a hand moving to his cheek. "Do I have something there?"
"Um…no, it's nothing," I look away. Roka walks around, resting an elbow on the tree next to me. Sort of examining me as if trying to decide what to make of the strange girl before him. Quickly, I look down to my hands in my lap, embarrassed.
"What's your name?" he asks. "I haven't seen you before. Are you new too?" I shake my head, not sure what to answer. You can't just tell someone you just got out of a mental institution for the weekend. Talking with crazy people usually makes people uncomfortable.
"No, I've…I've been away for a while," I finally get out. "I'm Kairi. I'm sort of just visiting for a couple of days." I pause a beat to search his face for recognition, hoping he hasn't heard of the loony girl yet. To my relief, he just nods, smiling a bit.
"Kairi. That's a pretty name." Someone who doesn't know about me. It feels nice not to have someone treating me as if I was sick or a child. Easing up a bit, I brush my bangs out of my face, a small smile tugging at my lips.
A voice calls my name and I turn around, a breathless trio running toward me. "Kairi! There you are!" Tidus, Wakka and Selphie gasp for breath as soon as they reach me, Tidus holding up a hand as if signaling me to wait until he could talk. "We've been looking all over for you!" he finally makes out, each word individual.
"But I just told Selphie I was going for a walk," I point out. I sigh, suddenly feeling engulfed in too much worry and babying all over again. I look toward Roka and try to act casual, giving a small shrug.
Selphie seems to still be catching her breath. That or her mouth is open for a different reason as she stared dreamily at Roka. Waving a hand in front of her face with no reaction, Wakka shrugs and nudges her with his elbow. "Selphie, you there, ya?"
"Just ignore her, Roka. She just has a c-r-u- oww!" Tidus is cut off by Selphie's foot meeting his shin, the other girl miraculously alive again. The rest of us laugh at Tidus's protests.
"Hey, guys, just introducing myself to Kairi here," Roka grins. Nodding toward the other three, he asks, "Friends of yours?"
I nod, but before I can answer, Wakka does for me. "Ya, we've known her since she first moved here. She's just been away…to…somewhere else lately." To me, he says, "And Roka here's the new kid in class. He's in some of the classes with me at school."
Roka nods, cutting the other boy off before he could talk some more. "Yeah, my mom and I just got here a couple weeks ago. I've been home schooled all my life, but luckily, there were some openings at your school." My mouth goes dry as I note that those "openings" were Sora's and Riku's spots. With the forced smile that I've gotten a lot of practice with by now, I nod.
"Hey, man, do you wanna hang out with us tomorrow?" Tidus asks. "I'm guessing Kairi'll just want to stay here on the beach most of the day, so we'll have a picnic and everything. And I still want that rematch!"
"Come on, you know you can't beat me," Roka boasts. "I took all three of you on last week and buried you in the sand." As if to prove it, he grabs Tidus's stick, whipping it around in a complex pattern. Another excellent swordsman. Suddenly he seems like he's almost replacing Riku and Sora on this island slowly. A headache creeps up and I close my eyes for a second, tapping Selphie on the shoulder.
"Um, I'm not feeling very well. Do you think we can go home now?" Selphie looks worried, immediately placing a hand on my forehead. I know she won't feel any sign of a fever. I just suddenly feel a little uncomfortable here.
Selphie frowns as she nods, putting a hand on my arm. "Sure. We'll just let the boys," she wrinkles her nose playfully, "do whatever boys do. We can come back tomorrow. Don't want you to take everything too hard on your first day back."
Roka leaves Wakka and Tidus arguing about who's a better fighter, coming over and taking my hand. "It was nice meeting you, Kairi," he smiles, shaking it. "I'll see you tomorrow." Bending his head, his lips brush the back of my hand in a gentlemanly kiss. A light blush rises to my cheeks as he returns to the other boys.
"Ooh! I think he likes you!" Selphie croons on the walk back over the bridge. "Every girl at school has a crush on him. And he's so sweet too! Not like Tidus and Wakka…" I begin blocking out her drones of romantic date scenarios. Roka really is nice. So much like…the other two in a way. It hurts to be near him because of the reminders, but something about him just seems different.
………………………………................................................................................................
Author's notes: Oye, yes, this has taken me forever to update, but after school started, I had a lot of personal problems. I kept starting to write, but I kept getting distracted by something else that was happening. Then I've been coming in and out of depressing moods, so it's hard to get into the mood of writing. And I was really busy with
cross-country, then made the mistake of joining the dragonboat team even if the practice days were the same days I have martial arts. Too much stress. Not too many good days. But! At least I finally got around to working on it! I'm trying to get more into writing, but I can't promise my next chapter will be too soon, so if I haven't lost you as a reader yet, probably putting me on author alert is your best bet on catching the next chapter when I'm finished. I'm so sorry for the long wait, but things have just been weird. Don't worry! I've got ever intent to finish this story eventually,
Emotional Breakdown: hehe, sorry about not being able to update sooner. But I'm definitely going to try!
October Breeze:I was? Well, probably not anymore since I've been slacking so much:P I hope I haven't lost you because of the long wait!
Ud the Imp: Okie, you two try not to kill each other! Points to Ud for figuring out the double edged meaning of the chapter title! A sword was exactly what I was thinking of when I titled it!
Shady Fetish: Yeah, it's good for her to be out. Too bad this time isn't permanent.
TheWyldWind: An….animal? Um…I'll have to think about that. I'm trying to keep to the actual games as much as possible in a way, and I'm pretty sure Riku wouldn't turn into an animal.
Kintora: Good think your Mary-like counselor is in the past. Now you have to worry about those sickeningly fake sweet Mary-like teachers! Ha, you should meet my history teacher!
Byn: You said one week to one month. How about nearly four months? ::hides in case of anything thrown at her::
aliasfan: I hope I didn't take too long! And if you liked the institution scenes, don't worry! They'll return in a few chapters!
Black-Rose72: whoa, wonderful in all caps? Awww, thanks! Is this time long enough for you to expect a new chapter?
Miaku-Astradah: ::gasp:: something will? Well, we'll just have to see!
Kawaii-rae: SQUEAKY! ::hugs her to death::
obliviousroyalty: ::cowers:: Okay! Okay! No promises though!…………Is this who I think it is?:P
Anna Marie Raven: I guess I imagined there had to be more of the island than shown in the game. Otherwise, where would the others have lived? My guess was that the beach was on a secluded part of the island where they usually had to take boats to and they ended up hanging out there a lot. That or it was really a small separate island that kids like to go play on. Um…Chain of Memories? Me? Nope! ::hiding gameboy under table::
Yusukelover13: wow, thanks! I never thought I'd get an update that long after my last chapter! Lucky for you, that means this chapter will seen like it was updated really quickly!
Thanks, people for all the reviews! They really help motivate me into continuing! In fact, if it wasn't for you people and the feeling of guilt that I'd be letting you guys down, I probably wouldn't have gotten to finishing this chapter! ::big hug to all:: one more thing, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I was going to wait to post it then as a way of bringing in 2005, but my friend convinced me to not hold it off a day longer. You've all waited long enough already! ::hugs::