Author: AJaKe
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: Don't think about this too much, I was just feeling rather profound. Enjoy, and review if you choose to.
I am laying here on my bed, staring up at the chipping paint on the ceiling of this small room. My eyes roam across the room, briefly glancing at the barren walls, they fixate on the bookshelf. The great Classics of Literature are sitting on that musty old shelf. I have read them all. Dickens, Tolstory, Steinbeck, Dumas, and my personal favorite, Orwell. Maybe my aunt thought they would give her golden child some culture, Dudley and culture do not belong in the same sentence. When I first read them, just after I had been allowed to make myself home in this cell, I could tell they had never been read. The pages were still fresh and crisp the edges sharp and straight. Bliss was reached when I read that first line...
"It was the best of times; it was the worst of times..."
The books allowed me to leave this barren place for even just a few hours. Freedom. For just a small amount of time I got to be away from my relatives. The insults, the putdowns, the all around abuse. I was allowed to be someone else, to live in another world, something I'd never get to do in reality. Even now they allow release. Not from my relatives (though that is a plus) but from just me. From my fame, from the admirers, from the weight of the world. Everyone expects we to do well. To excel, to perform, just because of something I did not do.
What would happen if I did not meet up to what the people expect of me? What if I fail, what if I am not the brave one rushing in to save the day.
This is what I have become. I have become the population's White Knight. The Percivale to Dumbledore's Fisher King. Yes, that story is on that shelf too. I will go on a quest to find the Holy Grail, but what is the Grail in my case? The defeat of Voldemort? The elimination of evil? I am expected to do these things because I am Percivale. I will bring prosperity to the barren wasteland that exists now. I will right wrong and triumph over evil. Oh wait, that is Sailor Moon; and yet, it fits so well in my case as well.
Eventually I will die, and another hero will take me place. Just as Percivale's sword shattered and a new upstart came. Is that what is happening now? Will I secede Dumbledore, am I the upstart to HIS Percivale? So many questions asked and no answers are to be given.
I have been thinking about the future lately, if I should live long enough to have one. What will I do after Hogwarts? Quidditch? Work in the Ministry? Work at Hogwarts? What will I do? I wish I had some sort of plan. I do not like things being too spontaneous. I will admit, that it is sometimes best to have a set plan to work from.
My mind is jumping around so much, what will it go to next? Cedric. Dammit. I had been trying since I got back to not think about that. It has been two months and my eyes are even now welling up with tears. Each single tear is one person who has been killed because of me. One, James, 2 Lily, 3 Quirrell, 4....
The list goes on, and how many lives have been ruined by me, Sirius, Lupin, Cho, the entire Hufflepuff house. They say they do not blame me that it was out of my hands. But you have to listen to what they do not say. They don't say "Voldemort did it; not you" they don't even mention his resurrection. As if it had never happened. They think I am lying, they do not believe me, and distrust creates suspicion. Paranoid aren't I. After this year, I suspect I will be much like Mad Eye Moody: always looking behind me. I might not cause a racket should the dustbins be rattled though. I have to give a small grin at that... Mad Eye Potter. That would be a headline for Rita Skeeter.
What would have happened should I have not taken Hagrid's hand? Not entered into this pre-written destiny. Or as Frost would say, If I had took the road not taken. I miss being normal; not having an entire fan club devoted to me. But, as I am realizing now, I could never be normal. Even if my parents had not died, fate always catches up. My life was planned out even before my parents were born. I have always been told that I am nothing special, a freak, an insignificant little insect in the grand scheme of things. Oh how I wish it were true. Truth of the matter is, is that I am something special, and the future depends on me. My destiny, my problem. But people are always interfering with my destiny. People who should not...Cedric for example. I do not want to accept my destiny. I want to run. Run far, far away. Away from Voldemort, away from the Dursleys. Run and never stop. But one thing I have learned, other that that I can never be normal, is that one can not run forever, no matter how much they try. So I stay and shoulder the burden. Is it me, or did the weight of the world just get a bit heavier?
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: Don't think about this too much, I was just feeling rather profound. Enjoy, and review if you choose to.
I am laying here on my bed, staring up at the chipping paint on the ceiling of this small room. My eyes roam across the room, briefly glancing at the barren walls, they fixate on the bookshelf. The great Classics of Literature are sitting on that musty old shelf. I have read them all. Dickens, Tolstory, Steinbeck, Dumas, and my personal favorite, Orwell. Maybe my aunt thought they would give her golden child some culture, Dudley and culture do not belong in the same sentence. When I first read them, just after I had been allowed to make myself home in this cell, I could tell they had never been read. The pages were still fresh and crisp the edges sharp and straight. Bliss was reached when I read that first line...
"It was the best of times; it was the worst of times..."
The books allowed me to leave this barren place for even just a few hours. Freedom. For just a small amount of time I got to be away from my relatives. The insults, the putdowns, the all around abuse. I was allowed to be someone else, to live in another world, something I'd never get to do in reality. Even now they allow release. Not from my relatives (though that is a plus) but from just me. From my fame, from the admirers, from the weight of the world. Everyone expects we to do well. To excel, to perform, just because of something I did not do.
What would happen if I did not meet up to what the people expect of me? What if I fail, what if I am not the brave one rushing in to save the day.
This is what I have become. I have become the population's White Knight. The Percivale to Dumbledore's Fisher King. Yes, that story is on that shelf too. I will go on a quest to find the Holy Grail, but what is the Grail in my case? The defeat of Voldemort? The elimination of evil? I am expected to do these things because I am Percivale. I will bring prosperity to the barren wasteland that exists now. I will right wrong and triumph over evil. Oh wait, that is Sailor Moon; and yet, it fits so well in my case as well.
Eventually I will die, and another hero will take me place. Just as Percivale's sword shattered and a new upstart came. Is that what is happening now? Will I secede Dumbledore, am I the upstart to HIS Percivale? So many questions asked and no answers are to be given.
I have been thinking about the future lately, if I should live long enough to have one. What will I do after Hogwarts? Quidditch? Work in the Ministry? Work at Hogwarts? What will I do? I wish I had some sort of plan. I do not like things being too spontaneous. I will admit, that it is sometimes best to have a set plan to work from.
My mind is jumping around so much, what will it go to next? Cedric. Dammit. I had been trying since I got back to not think about that. It has been two months and my eyes are even now welling up with tears. Each single tear is one person who has been killed because of me. One, James, 2 Lily, 3 Quirrell, 4....
The list goes on, and how many lives have been ruined by me, Sirius, Lupin, Cho, the entire Hufflepuff house. They say they do not blame me that it was out of my hands. But you have to listen to what they do not say. They don't say "Voldemort did it; not you" they don't even mention his resurrection. As if it had never happened. They think I am lying, they do not believe me, and distrust creates suspicion. Paranoid aren't I. After this year, I suspect I will be much like Mad Eye Moody: always looking behind me. I might not cause a racket should the dustbins be rattled though. I have to give a small grin at that... Mad Eye Potter. That would be a headline for Rita Skeeter.
What would have happened should I have not taken Hagrid's hand? Not entered into this pre-written destiny. Or as Frost would say, If I had took the road not taken. I miss being normal; not having an entire fan club devoted to me. But, as I am realizing now, I could never be normal. Even if my parents had not died, fate always catches up. My life was planned out even before my parents were born. I have always been told that I am nothing special, a freak, an insignificant little insect in the grand scheme of things. Oh how I wish it were true. Truth of the matter is, is that I am something special, and the future depends on me. My destiny, my problem. But people are always interfering with my destiny. People who should not...Cedric for example. I do not want to accept my destiny. I want to run. Run far, far away. Away from Voldemort, away from the Dursleys. Run and never stop. But one thing I have learned, other that that I can never be normal, is that one can not run forever, no matter how much they try. So I stay and shoulder the burden. Is it me, or did the weight of the world just get a bit heavier?