Chapter 11-My Suicide
A faint gray light began to blanket the room. Beast Boy lay on the floor, unable to cry any longer. His anger…he had lost control—he hadn't meant to—but he did. Did this make him a threat to the Titans—or to himself? He wasn't sure, though he guessed it didn't. He was wrong. Dead wrong.
The door opened, revealing a groggy Robin with a sleep-flushed face. He looked at Beast Boy in surprise, raising a sleepy eyebrow as he spoke tiredly: "Beast Boy? What are you—" Robin glanced around, noticing the marred room around him, "what happened, Beast Boy?"
Beast Boy looked at him stoically, half-dried blood caked around his nose and lip, and the gashes across his whole body. "Nothing happened. Nothing at all," he said in a sharp, hypnotized-like monotone. He stood, seemingly unconscious to the arm that was bent into an awkward position that seemed almost completely backward the wrong way.
"Something had to have happened. Why is the main room so messed up? What happened to you? Who beat you up?" Robin asked, unconvinced by Beast Boy's answer.
"I told you, nothing happened," he said, anger rising in his voice.
"Who hurt you, Beast Boy?" Robin insisted.
"No one hurt me!" Beast Boy said as he attempted to remain calm.
"Beast Boy, stop messing around. Tell me what happened."
"Nothing happened!" Beast Boy yelled as he clenched his fists.
"Beast Boy, I—"
"You'll shut up if you don't want me to beat the—"
"Don't threaten me! I'm only trying to help!" Robin snarled in warning.
Beast Boy shoved past him as he faltered to the door. He lingered there a moment, then glared over his shoulder at Robin, whose face was tense and angry. He spoke softly, anger still in his voice.
"You can help by leaving me alone." Beast Boy left, the door closing behind him. Robin could only stare in stunned silence after him. He sighed, walked over to the tattered sofa, and gaped at the broken coffee table.
He locked the door behind him. Lying solemnly face-up across the floor, he thought as he listened to the silence around him. The one thing he craved more than anything was death. Lusting for it, the thought of him, smiling as he finally died, haunted his mind. Day after day, he yearned for it. It was driving him mad—though he didn't realize it.
The days passed, and with each, he pined for death more and more. He refused to speak, to eat—he refused to believe he was alive. He had lost it all—he could never be able to retrieve it again. He had to face it—he had turned on his friends; he had become Slade's apprentice—his shadow, his disciple, his follower. He had become Slade's apprentice.
But he didn't want to lie anymore. And yet, he was sick of everything: sick the truth, sick of having friends who wanted to help—that refused to leave him alone, sick of life. Beast Boy felt as though he would never die now. He tried not to let go of reality, but it was all in vain. He lost it all.
He glanced over at a clock that read 6:00am. Beast Boy sighed, stood unenthusiastically and half-heartedly walked to the door. Opening it, he walked out of his room, down the hallway, and up the stairs until he reached the roof. Once there, he opened the door that lead out on the roof of Titans tower. He gazed outward at the sea as it shimmered beneath the twilight of dawn. He stared down over the edge of the tower, down at the rocks lying below in a deadly disarray. He thought about jumping. He decided he'd never be brave enough to jump. He was wrong. Dead wrong.
"Beast Boy! I have not seen you in many days. You are—okay, yes? Robin had told me of the ravished room of mainness, and how you were the only one there when he entered it. I wish to understand the cause. You wish to do the 'chatting', perhaps?" Starfire said as Beast Boy walked wearily into the tower two hours later. He wished he had jumped.
"I know, peachy, congrats, oh well, no," he answered boredly before walking past her. She stared in wonder after him, then started after him.
"Please, Beast Boy—I do not mean harm—I merely wish to understand, so that I might help you to overcome your problems," she insisted.
"I don't have a problem, okay?" Beast Boy snapped.
"Robin says that something is wrong—though he is not sure what. Cyborg seems to understand, but he will not enlighten us on the cause for your sad and irritable behavior. He says he cannot tell us—he says he is the 'sworn to secrecy'," Starfire persisted.
"You want to know what's wrong? Fine, I'll sing. My life is going down the drain all because I'm a wimp, and I just can't take it anymore!" Beast Boy stormed past her and going back to the roof, leaving Starfire in a baffled silence.
The door slammed close behind him. His head throbbed with pain as his whole body shrieked with anger. He ran madly to the edge of the Tower, and stared longingly at the rocks below. He screamed to himself, "I can't take it anymore!" His knees buckled with rage and fear beneath him, and he allowed them to slide from beneath him.
He plummeted feet-first downward, wind biting at his whole body like rabid wolves, shredding his clothes and rending his flesh. (Note to Self: Not really—just deep description :)) He knew the rocks were coming—he hoped they'd kill him.
The impact came, snapping his legs like twigs within a child's hands. The blow damaged him badly, and he was knocked into his deep slumber.
Author's Note: This is the last chapter, though I will write an epilogue that takes place when the Titans find out. Before anyone says anything, let me clarify that he did go 'insane' at that time. He realized he couldn't take it anymore, and decided death was the only way for him to escape. However, he didn't mean to fall. He just...did.And yes the title did come from the last line in "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. It was just stuck in my head…:)