Author: AJaKe
A/N: This is Post-OotP, all the others are Pre-OotP... This one is about Dumbledore, enjoy.
Last Updated: 28 April 2004--------------------------------------
I am sorry Harry, I am sorry for an old man's failures…
I tried to do what was best by you,
Your first year I told myself you were too young, 2nd year you still had some innocence in your eyes I could not take it away from you, I did not want to be the one to chase it from you forever.
I see now I was mistaken, by placing you in the hands of the Dursley's I took away and semblance of a childhood you may have had. I only wish that I could use a time turner to make things right.
When you look at me I can see what I had never wanted to be seen there, you carry the world on your shoulders and I put it there. You look at me with mistrust and a tinge of anger. Yes I had known, I had known all along. I would like to think that at the end of things you will see what I did was the safest option for you at the time. Your safety was paramount in my mind; I knew that there were people looking for you still, Death Eaters not yet caught by the Ministry. I did not want a childhood for you where you would be scared to go outside. I suppose as it was, you were not let outside often. I knew about that cupboard and I did nothing.
I am sorry Harry, for making you endure that childhood that was never a childhood. You had to grow up far to quickly and I regret this. Only one other person has seen me cry before, Grindewald, right before I had to kill him. He and I had both known I had won. But all the classes, lectures, and teachers in the world cannot prepare you for the actual action of killing a person. I was not ready to kill, but I had to, we both knew I had to. So I did. He had been and still was the first and the last person I have ever had to kill.
Oh the Dark Lord is gone, let's rejoice! They forget that your soul is now tarnished, you killed someone. It does not matter that they were evil in its purest farm, a little piece of your soul was blackened the day you uttered the spell that ended their life. Not an Avada Kedavra or a Crucio. It could be a simple Wingardium Leviosa or an Accio said at the right time. That is all it takes
I am sorry Harry; I do not think you know yet what is going to happen to you. I knew what would happen, no I am not a Seer, I have had to do the same as you, minus a prophecy. You will be expected to defeat someone, to kill someone. The public do not see it the same as the person who actually has to kill does... I can see it in your eyes; you have been brooding on the mere thought of killing someone. You may hate Draco Malfoy, but not enough to kill him; you may despise Professor Snape, but never enough to kill him.
Love is what is going to save you. But it is my fault that you don't know what love is. You grew up not knowing what love was, even though your mother's surrounded you at all times. You didn't know what love was when Sirius came to your aid in the Ministry; he died to save you, because he loved you.
I am sorry Harry, but even if you do not know what love is, let is be known that people do love you. I love you as I would my own son, Molly her son, Ron like a brother, Remus like a friend… People love you Harry I only wish you could see that.
Harry turned away from Hermione to look up at the Head Table. He was startled to see that Dumbledore was looking straight at him, his blue eyes twinkling incessantly. Harry was affronted for a moment, what right did he have, to have twinkling eyes? Before realizing what a prat he was being and gave a slight nod before turning back to Hermione and Ron, who were in another argument. But as soon as he had turned around to his friends, he had to turn back, for Dumbledore had stood up, hands forward to make a speech.
"Welcome back for another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," the Headmaster said, eyes twinkling madly.