Chapter Five:
Dreams of Memories

Pacey's Hospital Room

Pacey tossed and turned on his bed as memories from his past invaded his dreams. Dreams that were worse than nightmares, because they had actually happened.

"Come on Pacey!" She called. "Just a little bit further! We're almost there!"

"Meg!" He called, hurrying after her. "I'm trying Meg! Wait for me."

"Don't worry Pacey!" She said, turning her lovely face towards him for a brief moment, and giving him a quick, reassuring smile. "I won't leave you. We're going to be okay. We're almost there."

Pacey shifted uncomfortably in his bed, a soft sound of distress leaking from his lips. He wished that he could call out and warn her, but he couldn't. He hadn't known then what he did now. That they had been doomed from the moment they had left the compound.

"Where are we?" Pacey asked, as they paused for a moment to rest.

"We're almost to the main road. There's a car stashed there...We can be in Massachusetts by tomorrow."

Pacey felt joy spread through him. Massachusetts! Home! She was going to bring him home. "Let's go!" He exclaimed, clamoring back to his feet.

Meg smiled at him indulgently. "Yes, let's go." They started forward again. Moments later they came to a dirt road. "Almost there!" She exclaimed softly.

Pacey cried out, begging her to go back. To run the other way, deep into the forest where they would never find them. But she didn't hear him. She never heard him. He watched again, as she turned to him, a smile lighting her face as she led him towards the car. The smile that faded as they got closer, and saw the figures standing by it. It was too late then. Too late to run. Too late to even cry out. Too late. Always too late.

"Going somewhere Meg?" Mama Sal asked, stepping away from the car as some of her men approached from behind them. "You taking my little boy away from me?"

"I..." Meg said, looking around frantically. "I had to Mama! This isn't right! He should be home with his family!"

"You questioning my judgment, girl? Well that's one thing...But to act on it..." She nodded to a couple of the men. "Show her what happens to people who cross me."

"No Mama!" Meg cried, stepping back as the two brutes approached her. "No! Please don't!"

"Meg!" Pacey called. He turned to Mama. "Don't hurt her Mama! Please don't hurt her!"

"Watch and learn Sonny," Mama said, glaring at the boy. "Think about this the next time you think to run away."

Pacey's eyes were wrenched towards Meg when she screamed in pain. "Meg!" He screamed.

"No!" Pacey moaned, his head tossing on his pillow. "No! Please!"

"Pacey!" Gretchen called, shaking her younger brother gently, desperate to stop those sounds. Those horrible heartrending sounds that were coming from him as he thrashed on the bed. "Pacey!" She said, shaking him a little harder.

"No!" Pacey called, struggling against her for a moment. His eyes popped open and she stepped back slightly, scared by the desperation in his gaze.

She stepped forward again. "Hey. It's gonna be all right, kiddo," she said softly. "I'm not the enemy."

Pacey looked at her for a moment before realization blossomed. "Gretchen?" He questioned softly.

"That's me," Gretchen said with a grin. "Give your big sis a hug?"

Pacey smiled and sat up, holding out his arm to her. She stepped forward and pulled him close to her. "How're you doing, kid?" She asked softly.

Pacey shrugged. "I've been better...but I've been worse too."

Gretchen bit her lip and had to force back tears at the sound of his voice. When she felt that she was in control of her emotions, she stepped back and looked at him. "I missed you, Pace," she said softly, hoping that there was no expectation in her gaze.

"I missed you too, Gretchen," Pacey said softly.

They studied each other in silence for a moment before Gretchen took a deep breath. "Can I ask you something?" She asked softly, her hand moving to lay on his arm comfortingly. Pacey looked at her for a minute and then nodded warily. "Who's Meg?"

Pacey closed his eyes, pain ripping through him. Meg with her bright red hair. Her dancing green eyes. The sweet smile...Her face twisted in pain. Her screams echoing into the night. "Meg was a friend," he said softly, his voice breaking.

"Pacey?" Gretchen said softly, suddenly afraid for him. He sounded so lost...

"She...She tried to help me escape when I was twelve." Pacey's eyes opened and his gaze locked with Gretchen's. "Mama killed her."

"I'm sorry Meg!" Pacey cried, his body convulsing in sobs as he held her limp body in his arms. "I'm sorry! I never meant..."

"What you meant doesn't matter Sonny," Mama said, glaring down at him. "You should have known that you couldn't get away from me. You'll never get away from me."

Pacey stared up at the woman, hopeless anger filling him as tears made their way down his cheeks. She was right. He was trapped here with her. Forever.

"Oh Pace," Gretchen said softly, stepping forward to hug him again. Pacey took the embrace thankfully, holding on to the comfort that she was offering with everything in him. Before he even knew what was happening tears were making their way silently down his cheeks and he struggled to control himself.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling back from her and swiping at the tears. "I don't know..."

"It's alright, Pace," Gretchen said softly, squeezing his hand. "You have every right to cry. You need to cry."

Pacey looked at her uncertainly, not sure what to say. He wasn't sure how to react in any situation any more. He was so used to hiding his true feelings that he wasn't even sure if he knew how to experience them anymore.

"Pace," Gretchen said. She stopped as a knock came on the door. They turned as Joey stuck her head in the door.

"Oh!" Joey said, as she caught sight of Gretchen. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were here. Sorry to interrupt."

Gretchen looked at Pacey and was amazed at how his face had transformed. There was a light in his eyes and a small smile on his face. She turned back to Joey and smiled. "That's all right, Joey," she said softly. "I don't want to monopolize all of his time." She turned back to Pacey and held out her arms. "Hug?"

He smiled and nodded. She stepped forward and held him close again. "Love you little brother," she said softly.

"Love you too big sis," Pacey whispered back. "Come back soon."

"You can count on it." She stepped back and left the room, giving Joey's arm a squeeze as she left. "Bye Joey."

"Bye," Joey said. They watched as Gretchen left the room and then Joey turned to Pacey. "So, did ya miss me?" She asked sitting down in the chair next to his bed.

"Oh yeah," Pacey said with a grin. "It was a horrible..." He looked at the clock at his bedside. "Fifteen hours. I don't know how I survived."

Joey grinned back at him. "You're a tough cookie, that's how," she said.

"Oh yeah, that's me all right," Pacey said.

"So when are they springing you from this place anyway?" Joey asked.

"Don't know," Pacey said with a sigh. "I think that they're still trying to determine if it's safe to let me loose in Capeside or not. There's some shrink who's getting here today. I think they're waiting to hear what he has to say."

"Ah," Joey said.

"So," Pacey said with a grin, shrugging off the shrink talk. "What's been up with you the past six years Jo? How are your parents and Bessie?" Pacey's smile faded as a shadow crossed Joey's face. "Jo?"

Joey bit her lip and then sighed. "Mom...Mom died when I was thirteen."

"Oh, Jo," Pacey said softly, his heart breaking for his friend. He held his hand out to her and she took it, squeezing it gently.

"Breast Cancer," she said softly. "And Dad...Dad's in prison." Pacey's eyes opened wide. He remembered the Potter's as a happy, loving couple. "Drug trafficking."

"Oh Jo," Pacey said again.

"Bessie...Bessie's doing well with me...and Alexander." Pacey raised his eyebrows. "Her son."

"Oh," Pacey said. "Is she..."

Joey shook her head. "But he's around. He used to work at the Icehouse...but it's gone now..."

"What?"

"A fire."

"Geez, Jo. Did anything in this town go well while I was gone? Next thing you'll be telling me is that Mitch and Gail split up!" Joey smiled wryly, nodding slightly. "Oh, you're kidding!"

Joey shook her head. "They're back together now though."

Pacey was silent for a moment, trying to process everything that she had told him. "So, anything happy to report?" He asked.

"We turned the house into a Bed and Breakfast," Joey said. "It's doing good business so far."

"That's good," Pacey said with a smile. "And I'll bet that you're number one in the class, all the teachers adore you...Hey, speaking of teachers, what can you tell me about Tamara Jacobs?"

"Ms. Jacobs?" Joey asked, puzzled at the sudden change in conversation.

"Yeah, the woman who disproved my closet-case theory about Dougie. What's she like?"

Joey shrugged. "She was my teacher. It's not like I have any social knowledge of her at all. She's nice."

"Helpful as always Potter," Pacey grumbled.

"Hey!" Joey said with a playful smile. "I didn't realize that I was supposed to bone up on Ms. Jacobs' biography before I came to visit you! Next time I'll be more prepared!"

"Well, see to it that you are!" Pacey said with a grin. "I need info here!"

"Yes sir!" Joey said with a mock salute. "Any other requests?"

Pacey looked thoughtful for a moment. "Not that I can think of, but I'll let you know."

Joey smiled. "So how're you doing today? Shoulder better?"

"Yeah," Pacey said. "I'm healthy enough to go home, it's just a matter of whether they think I'm stable enough to. You know, once they decide if I'm going to collapse under the pressure of everything I've been through, you know, now that I'm finally away from it."

Joey had to smile at the sarcasm in his voice. "You never know, Pace. The shrink, he might be cool."

"Yeah. Right, Jo," Pacey said, looking at her doubtfully. "He's going to be some stuffy jerk in a cardigan. Not my idea of a fun time."

OUTSIDE

Dawson stopped in surprise as Gretchen left Pacey's room and immediately burst into tears, burying her head in her hands and taking a deep steadying breath. "Gretchen?" He questioned softly.

She looked up. "Oh, hey Dawson," she said softly.

"Are you all right?"

Gretchen sighed and wiped her tears away with her hand. "I don't even know. I'm so happy that he's home. But I'm sad too. Not that he's here, but because the more I learn about what happened to him there, the more horrible it seems and I just...I don't know how he survived for six years...and I don't know what's going to happen to him now."

"What did he tell you?" Dawson questioned softly. "What...?"

"I have to find my parents," Gretchen said. "You can come if you like. I..."

Dawson nodded. "Is he all right?" He asked, nodding toward Pacey's door.

"Yeah," Gretchen said. "Joey's in there with him. I think he's better then good. He...he seemed almost happy."

Dawson nodded. "I passed your parents on my way up here. They were talking to Paul and some other guy."

"Must be David, the psychologist," Gretchen said. "Let's go." Dawson nodded, and led her to where he had seen her parents last. As soon as she caught sight of them she hurried towards them. "Mom, Dad," she called.

They turned towards her and her father pulled her into a hug. "What's wrong Gretchen?" He asked. "Is he all right."

"He's okay," Gretchen said. "Well, for the moment. Joey's with him." Mr. Witter nodded.

"Did he say something?" The man next to Paul asked.

"Gretchen, this is David Alexander. He specializes in criminal cases dealing with children. The FBI agreed when he requested being assigned your brother's case."

Gretchen studied him. He didn't fit any of her images of a psychologist. He was wearing jeans with loafers and a sweatshirt. His hair was slightly mussed. He looked like he had just woken up. Gretchen shrugged all that off, deciding that it didn't matter what he looked like. All that mattered was whether or not he could help her brother. If he could, he could wear a dress for all she cared.

"Nice to meet you," Gretchen said, shaking the man's hand. She took a deep breath. "When I got there he was having a nightmare," she said. "He was calling out in his sleep for someone named Meg. He sounded...terrified. Heartbroken. I woke him up." Gretchen bit her lip, tears coming to her eyes. "He struggled for a minute and then he recognized me. I gave him a hug...and then I asked him who Meg was..." She looked everyone in the group in the eyes and then said. "Meg was his friend. She tried to help him escape...And that...that witch killed her in front of him!"

"What?" Mrs. Witter exclaimed.

"When...?" Mr. Witter asked, needing to know, but on some level, not really wanting to.

"He was twelve," Gretchen said, her tears spilling over. Her father pulled her close with one arm, using the other one to bring his wife close to his side. "Twelve Dad."

Paul turned to David, something occurring to him. "At least now I know what he meant," he said softly. David nodded.

"What was that?" Mr. Witter asked, looking at the two men.

"Something Pacey said in the bank," Paul said. "Before he jumped in front of me, he told Mama Sal that he wasn't going to let another person die because of him."

"He blamed himself," Mrs. Witter said, her heart breaking for her son. She buried her head in her husband's shoulder and cried. "Oh John."

"He'll be okay," John said, looking at David hopefully. "Somehow..."

David wished that he could reassure them, but he couldn't. Not when he hadn't even spoken to Pacey. "I'd like to meet him," he said softly.

Paul nodded. "That would probably be a good idea."

"Give him a few minutes," Gretchen said, a note of pleading in her voice. "Joey's in there right now...He seemed so happy to see her..."

David nodded. He turned to Paul. "Joey?" He asked softly.

"She's a childhood friend of his," Paul said. "So's the guy who came over here with Gretchen. Joey's one of two people from his past that he's really talked to. Gretchen's the other one. She got more out of him today then anyone else has been able to."

David nodded. "When Joey comes out..."

Paul nodded. "I'll ask her to stick around."

"Thanks," David said. He turned to the family. "Paul told me a lot of what's been going on, but I'll need to talk to you all individually as well." They nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" Mr. Witter asked.

"Sure," David said, nodding.

"That first night, when we saw him in the hospital in Maine...He was so open. He talked to us, let us see that he was hurting. Now, he does everything in his power to make it seem like he's fine. Like nothing in the world is wrong. Why...?"

David sighed. "He probably considered it a weak moment. One that he'll guard viciously against in the future. You have to keep in mind that he's had to bury his true feelings, his true personality for six years. That's hard to change and he can never truly regain who he was before, because burying his personality also changed it. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be very hard to get him to trust you again, but you're lucky too, because there are people from his past that he trusts. Gretchen and Joey. That's a positive sign. You're going to have to be patient though. He's not going to get better overnight. It's going to be a long road with plenty of bumps. Be prepared for that."