Chapter 4
The Second Session - and Some Other Stuff
As he knocked on Snape's door, Draco found he had butterflies in his stomach for the first time in a very long time. He gulped and, when he heard Snape's call of, 'Enter!', turned the brass doorknob. The door fell open with an eerie squeak. He stood their briefly, then made his way into Snape's office.
"Draco, are you here for your session?" Snape asked, polishing his square glasses and tying back his hair.
"Yes sir." Draco sat in front of Snape's desk. He was patting his stomach very softly.
"Well, what's the problem boy?" Snape inquired bluntly.
"Erm…sir, I er…slept with a girl recently." Draco admitted, going pink.
"Good god, did it get stuck again? I told you to use the Astroglide –"
"No! No, it …um…didn't get stuck. It's just…" He couldn't finish. It was all too horrible. The room was spinning, but he dare not faint. He steadied his gaze on the end of Snape's nose and willed himself to a steady consciousness.
Snape bent very close to his face, so close, in fact, that Draco could feel his hot breath. He tried to lean backwards, but the back of the chair prevented him from doing so. He felt as though he was in a tropical jungle, with the combination of Snape's greasy locks and his humid breath. "Draco…is she pregnant?"
"No." Draco half-smiled, and patted his stomach again. "I am."
Snape seemed to freeze. "What?"
"I am. I'm pregnant, Professor. Oh! It's kicking! Feel." Draco grabbed Snape's hand and placed it on his stomach. Indeed, there was something alive in there. Either that or his intestines were writhing like garden snakes. "Isn't it wonderful to think that there is life inside of me?" Draco cooed, smiling mildly.
"Good great fuck!" Snape screamed. With that, he fled his office.
Ron stared at Viktor in disbelief. "You're kidding me. You can't fit up there!"
"I can too, Ronnie. I did it last night vhen your vere asleep." Viktor grinned slyly.
"Really? That was you? I thought that was Kaozi…well, anyways, it gave me one hell of a fantasy. Heh heh heh!" Ron laughed, slapping his knee. Viktor stared at him.
"Erm…right. Vell, I'm going up now."
"Oh…oh Viktor…thank you!" Ron squealed like a little piggy.
"RONALD WEASLEY! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Hermione yelled. She had walked in to Ron bent over, grinning, his trousers around his feet.
"Oy Ronald! I found a quarter!" Came Viktor's irrepressibly loud call. Ron smiled at Hermione weakly.
Draco left Snape's office, slightly confused, and sought to find Granger. She has to be around here somewhere, he thought vaguely.
"Oh duh. The library." He slapped his forehead in an extremely gay manor and went to the place Goyle called The Room with Lots of Weird Paper Thingies with Words.
He found her in the back, looking like she was recovering from something traumatic, and rolling a page from Quidditch Through the Ages to smoke cocaine with.
"The thin paper burns faster." She explained, sprinkling the white powder in.
"Ah. Well Granger, I've found you to tell you something."
"And what might that be, Malfoy?"
"Er…as it turns out, I'm pregnant."
She dropped the joint in surprise. "What the hell!" She stared at him for a moment, then picked up the joint again, brushing it off delicately. "Get out of here. I need to smoke. I've had too many strange encounters today."
Sighing, Draco turned around and went one of the shelves to pick up a copy of Your Magical Maternity on his way out.