Chapter Eleven:
Aftershocks

"What are they going to say?" Pacey asked softly.

"Who?" Joey asked, her soft tone matching his. They were sitting crosslegged on the ground looking at each other. Joey refusing to do anything that might make him think that she was pulling away. Pacey terrified to move at all.

"My parents," Pacey said, his voice small, with a childlike aspect to it. "What am I going to tell them? How...How do I explain this?"

"Just tell them the truth, Pacey. They'll understand. I know they will."

Pacey started and looked down at his watch. "Dawson! I told him..."

"He'll understand if you want to cancel..." Joey started.

"No!" Pacey exclaimed. "I don't want..." He didn't want to tell anyone that something was wrong. He didn't want to seem any more different then he already did. "I want to go..." He looked back at his house. "I need to go. I can't...I can't go back in there, Jo. I can't look my parents in the face and tell them why..." He shuddered. "I just need to get out of here for a little while. The fort..." He paused. "I think that the fort will be good for me."

"You have to go back in sometime," Joey said softly.

"I know," Pacey said. "Just not...Not right now."

"You at least have to tell them what happened," Joey said. "If you don't, they'll be worried Pace."

Pacey nodded and looked down at his hands. "I...I know." He looked over at her hopefully. "I...I'll leave them a note?" He said. "I have to go in and get my camping stuff anyway."

Joey nodded, knowing that the note in itself was a victory. She also knew that no matter what it said, it wouldn't make his parents worry less. She sighed softly. She would tell them what happened. "Let's go in and get your stuff," she said softly. "And then I'll walk you to Dawson's."

Pacey nodded and got to his feet, offering her his hand. She took it and stood, but held on tight when he went to let go. She wouldn't let him move away. Not even that little bit.

He looked over at her, his eyes shining with something that she had yet to define. "Thank you," he said softly.

Joey smiled softly, knowing what it was that he was thanking her for. "Your welcome," she said. They turned towards Pacey's house and walked towards it, hand-in-hand.

A While Later
Police Station

Joey walked into the police station and looked around uncertainly. She wasn't sure how to go about this. Pacey's family had always made her a little nervous. Maybe Doug would be there. At least he'd be easier to talk to than Mr. Witter.

"Can I help you?" An officer sitting at the desk in the entryway said. He looked vaguely familiar to Joey. What was his name? Hinkley? Something like that.

"Uh, yeah," Joey said. "Is Sheriff Witter here? Or Doug Witter?"

"The Sheriff just went home," Hinkley said. "But I'll find Doug for you. Just a minute." He turned around in his seat, and yelled to one of the other men. "Hey Harvey! Where'd Doug go?"

"He's in the Sheriff's office. He's doing something for him or something."

"Thanks." Hinkley turned back to Joey. "It's that door right down there," he said, pointing. "Go ahead. Just knock."

Joey nodded uncertainly and then walked forward tentatively. When she got to the door, she reached out and knocked on it softly.

"Come in," Doug said, his voice slightly strained.

Joey cracked the door and peaked in. "Doug?" She said.

Doug's head popped up. "Joey? What are you doing here? Have you heard from Pacey? Is he all right? Do you know what happened?"

Joey sighed and stepped into the room. "Someone's been home already?"

Doug nodded, motioning for her to close the door behind her. He didn't want his family business being spread around town more than it already was. "My mom. She called here in a panic. Dad went home to try and figure out what had happened...Do you know what happened?"

"I was there," Joey said softly.

"What...?" Doug started.

"Did you see the news today?" She asked, interrupting him. Doug shook his head. "He was already upset when I got there," she said. "Something had happened at the counseling session. He turned on the TV...And she was on the news."

"What?" Doug exclaimed. Damn news people. Always going for the ratings, never caring whose heads they messed with. "What did she say?" He asked, his voice cold with hatred.

Joey took a deep breath, tears filling her eyes at the thought of the pain that Mama Sal's words had caused Pacey. "She said...She said that Pacey wasn't worth the effort that everyone was putting into him...That your parents had only taken him back because it would have looked bad if they hadn't...It was bad Doug. It pushed him over the edge. He didn't know how to control the anger..."

"He scared you?" Doug asked softly.

"Not as much as he scared himself," Joey said. "But yeah. I thought he was going to hurt himself. And he..." She stopped.

"What?" Doug asked.

"He was scared that he would hurt me," Joey said softly.

Doug closed his eyes, his heart breaking for his little brother. When was this going to end? When was the pain going to go away? "Where is he?" Doug asked softly.

"He went out to the fort with Dawson. He couldn't stand to face your parents yet."

"They're not mad..." Doug started defensively.

"I know," Joey said. "But he is. And he's scared and confused and... and bent. I can't say broken. I refuse to think that he's broken, but he is bent. He doesn't know what to do or think or say. He's lost, Doug. He's so lost that it hurts me to see it. He wants to believe in your family so much that it's torture for him that he can't. And then he's mad at Mama Sal for taking his ability to trust away from him. There are so many feelings there that he doesn't know what to do with them all."

Doug didn't know what to say. All he knew was that his heart was breaking for his brother...and that he had never wanted to kill anyone more than he wanted to kill Sally Anderson at that moment. "Thank you for coming in," Doug said softly. "I really appreciate it." Joey nodded, smiling slightly "I'm going to call my parents..."

Joey nodded. "I'll see you later Doug."

"Bye Joey," Doug said. "And thanks again...for everything."

"It's been my pleasure," Joey said. She smiled softly at Doug before she turned and walked out the door.

"I'm glad," Doug said softly, watching her leave. He knew how much Joey meant to his brother and he was happy to see that Pacey meant just as much to her.

In The Woods

Pacey and Dawson hiked through the woods in uncomfortable silence at first. But soon they were talking about anything and everything. Nothing important, but at the same time, very important, because it was the first normal conversation that they had had since Pacey had returned to Capeside.

By the time they reached the fort, Pacey was feeling a lot more relaxed. Enough so that when he spoke, it was with the comfort and familiarity he would have had if the six years with Mama Sal had never happened. "Hey, there it is, D," Pacey said. "Our old fort. The fruit of an entire summer's labor. She's still standin'."

"You know, this is typical," Dawson said, looking at the fort.

Pacey walked into the fort. "Of what?" He asked.

"Of me," Dawson said. "I mean everything. I mean this fort, of everything we've seen today I remember as being bigger than life. But now it's just ordinary. Maybe my whole life has been ordinary.

Pacey exits the fort. "All this over an old fort? We were nine years old when we built this, Dawson. What did you expect, the Taj Mahal?" He looked around and then sighed. "I would have killed for ordinary," he said softly.

A stricken look crossed Dawson's face. "Pacey, I'm so..."

Pacey shook his head. "Stop right there," he said, holding up a hand. "You don't have to apologize Dawson. To be perfectly honest I'm getting really tired of people telling me that they're sorry. You don't have to edit yourself around me. You don't have to pretend that you don't feel what you feel just to spare me."

"All right," Dawson said softly. He looked around again. "Wanna set up camp?"

"Sure," Pacey said. He took another look at the fort and shook his head, laughing a little. It was a faint, humorless sound.

"What?" Dawson asked.

"It's just funny," Pacey said, starting to get some things out of his pack.

"What is?" Dawson asked, looking at him curiously.

Pacey turned and looked at his old friend, something Dawson couldn't identify shining in his eyes. "It's just...There were times... I'd think about home, about my family, about you and Jo, about places like this... and I'd wonder if it had all just been a dream. If my life here was just something I'd imagined. It was just... it was so bad there Dawson. It was...I couldn't believe anymore that I had ever been a part of something this... clean... this innocent, ya know." He looked back at the fort. "But it's still here, proof that I lived that life... and I can't help but wonder what that means."

"About what?" Dawson asked softly.

"About me," Pacey said. "I... Six years is a long time Dawson. A very, very long time. Longer still if you consider all the things that happened during that time. The boy who built this fort with you died a long time ago Dawson." Pacey bit his lip. "I wish I could get him back again," he whispered, shutting his eyes tightly. "I wish... I wish I could run through the woods with you and Jo like we used to, not worrying about anything. I wish I could feel like I did back then. So safe...Happy. Sometimes I think I'll never feel safe again... Never be happy... Not like I could have been..."

"Pace..." Dawson began, finally starting to understand what had happened to Pacey while he was gone... Finally starting to understand the person that he had become.

Pacey shook his head and smiled ruefully. "Naw, don't worry about it D. Can we just...Let's just forget that I said anything and set up camp, all right?"

"All right," Dawson said, not wanting to push. He felt like he had done enough pushing when it came to Pacey. They quickly set up camp and soon had a fire roaring, and a fine camp meal of beans and hot dogs cooking.

The spent a while discussing Capeside. Who had moved away. Who had come. Who was still there.

Pretending that everything was fine was becoming second nature to Pacey. He hated the fact that he could sit and calmly chat with Dawson as if he hadn't just destroyed his parents living room. "And the Oscar goes to..." He muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Dawson asked.

"Nothing," Pacey said, turning his attention back to his friend. "I didn't say anything."

Dawson took his denial in stride, moving right on to what he had been thinking about. "You know, I always looked at our adventures here as being like those old westerns. Living off the land..." He noticed Pacey's doubtful look. "What? You don't think that your life reflects a movie genre?"

"Sure it does," Pacey said slowly. "But there's no way that it's a Western."

"What do you think it is?" Dawson asked.

Pacey looked at Dawson uncertainly, wondering if his view of the world was something that he truly wanted to share with his overly optimistic friend. He sighed and decided that it would be better for both of them if he let Dawson into his mind a little. "The way I see it," Pacey said. "Is that horror movies are the most accurate portrayal of real life. I mean, think about it. They may kill the monster in the end, but their lives are still royally screwed up. All their friends are dead, and they live in constant fear that the monster will return like it inevitably does. The clear message being, life sucks and then you die. That's my reality Dawson. That's how I see the world."

Dawson was speechless. He didn't know how to react to a statement like that. More than that, he wondered what it was that had been done to Pacey to have given him such a bleak outlook on life.

Pacey watched the emotions play across Dawson's face and sighed. "D, just so you know, my opinion on that is starting to change a little." Dawson looked at him hopefully. "I beginning to think that it might be a suspense instead...And that after another scare...or two, maybe, just maybe...the monster will be gone for good."

Dawson smiled. "I hope you're right," he said.

"Yeah," Pacey said. "So do I."

The Next Morning

"So are you glad you came?" Dawson asked as they hiked down the path towards home...and reality.

"Yeah," Pacey said slowly. "I am. It was nice to go somewhere that hasn't been touched by all of this...It was nice to get away."

"I'm glad," Dawson said. They came to a little store and went inside to grab a couple of drinks. Once they had paid, they went back outside to drink them. They were silent for a while, both of them had things on their minds. Pacey was thinking about what was going to happen when he went home. Dawson was thinking about all of the things that Pacey had said...and he was starting to worry.

"Pacey?" He said uncertainly.

"Yeah?" Pacey said.

"I've just been thinking...About you and Joey, you know? I just...She's special...and she's been through so much..."

"What are you trying to say, D?" Pacey asked warily, his mind returning to the afternoon before...to the look on Joey's face when he had turned to her...and she had flinched.

"Just be careful," Dawson said slowly. "You've been through a lot, and it...it's changed you. I just don't want..."

"You think I'd hurt her?" Pacey asked, a stricken look on his face.

"No," Dawson said quickly. "No, not at all, I just...I just want you to be careful, is all. Joey's...She's been through a lot. I just don't want to see her hurt." Dawson studied Pacey for a minute, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, as a bleak and distant look spread across his face. He had said the wrong thing and he knew that Joey wasn't going to thank him for it. "Pacey..." He started.

"No, I understand," Pacey said, a deadness in his eyes. Dawson shuddered, wondering just what it was that he had done to his friend with those few simple words. "I understand," Pacey said again. Understood that he was a danger to Joey, physically and emotionally. Understood that he was damaged goods. That he would never be the same again. Understood that he was wrong for her, that she didn't need the complication of having him in her life. He understood that. Heck, he was the first one to say it. Why, then, did it hurt so much when someone else said it?

"How was camping?" Pacey's eyes closed tight at the sound of her voice from behind him. He opened them again and saw Dawson look at her, an almost frightened look on his face. "Guys?" Joey asked uncertainly. He couldn't do this right now. He turned and walked rapidly away, not even raising his head to look at her. "Pace...?" She asked softly, her voice fading away.

He didn't turn, he just walked away, his shoulders slumped. Joey spun around and looked at Dawson accusingly. "Dawson! What the hell did you say to him? He wouldn't even look at me!"

"Uh oh," Dawson whispered softly to himself as he was met by Joey's angry gaze. "I...uh, I just told him to be careful. That...that I was worried about you and I didn't want to see you get hurt."

Joey studied him for a minute. "What else?"

"That he had been through so much and that the things that had happened to him had changed him..."

"Damnit Dawson!" Joey exclaimed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm worried about you!"

"Yeah, well so was Pacey. 'Cause all those things you just mentioned were the things that he and I have talked about. Do you have any idea what's going on in his head? I'm trying to convince him that he wasn't ruined by what happened to him. And you just destroyed that. God Dawson, do you have any idea what you just did to him?"

"Joey, I was just..."

"Yeah I know. You were looking out for me. You know what, I wish people would realize that I can look out for myself."

"I'm sorry Jo," Dawson said, hanging his head.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," Joey said, turning her attention in the direction that Pacey had disappeared.

"Do you think he'll..."

Joey didn't look at him. She just sighed, gazing longingly after Pacey. "I think that you may have just ruined the best thing that has ever happened to either one of us Dawson. I think that he'll run...And I don't know if he'll ever let me close to him again."

"I'm so sorry..."

"I know," Joey said, but her voice was cold. "But I think...I think that I just need to go home right now. I'll see you around Dawson."

"Jo..." But she didn't stop. "Great," Dawson muttered, hitting himself smack on the forehead. "Send not one, but both of your best friends running from you like you have the plague. Great going, moron!" He look first in the direction that Pacey had gone and then in the direction that Joey had gone and wished desperately that he had never opened his big fat mouth.