Chapter 5
Unzip Your Trousers and Be Free!
When Draco woke up the next morning, he made a mad dash to the bathroom. Luckily, he got there just in time. After he finished retching, he found that he craved chicken. No, wait! The idea of chicken disgusted him. He retched again. Now he wanted an éclair. Yes, that sounded good.
He picked himself up off the floor, got dressed, and sighed, rubbing his face. "Bloody hell." He murmured. He went down to breakfast slowly, rubbing his hand over his midsection all the while. To think there was life growing inside of him…it nearly made him weep.
When he made it to the Great Hall, he noticed something strange. None of the teachers were wearing any clothing.
"Hello Trelawney." He purred. Then his eyes drifted casually over to Dumbledore. "AAAAAAAAHHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!" He fell to the floor. "STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL!" He screamed. Eventually, the fire was put out. A seventh year sitting near him was kind enough to restore his eyesight. It would have worked splendidly if his eyeballs hadn't been burnt to a crisp.
"Dammit." He said. "His fat saggy ass caused me to go blind. FUCK YOU DUMBLEDORE!" He yelled, hopping like an angry monkey on what he thought was a table. It turned out to be Millicent Bullstrode. She promptly shoved him back on the floor and squashed him into a pulp. When he fell into the predicted vegetative state, Dumbledore began to speak.
"I would like to make an announcement." He said, tapping his glass with a spoon. The hall was quiet, in a dead shock at his nudity. In fact, it would have been completely silent if not for Kaozi, Ron, and Viktor in the corner. Dumbledore decided not to wait until the spanking noises subsided.
"Hogwarts is now a legalized nudist colony." Screams were heard throughout the hall. Dumbledore went on. "We will be turning the grass areas by the lake into a beach. We will also be installing tanning chairs. Oh, and all your clothes will be burned tonight. Thank you, you may go back to your breakfast now."
The hall was dead silent - even the spanking had stopped – until Goyle yelled, "What the fuck?"
"Ten points off Slytherin!" Dumbledore yelled back. Draco turned to the boy sitting next to him.
"Do you think breakfast tastes better when you're naked?" He asked. The boy shrugged. Draco sighed and stripped down.
"Draco, you're getting fat." Pansy said.
"No I'm not. I'm pregnant." Draco said, no scruples attached.
"And with whose child, may I ask?" Pansy inquired, pursing her lips.
"Granger's. Oooh, don't like that, do you?" He chuckled coldly.
"PROFESSOR SNAPE!" Pansy yelled. "PROFESSOR SNAPE, DRACO'S MOLESTING THE CORN FLAKES AGAIN!"
Draco's brow furrowed as laughter flew up into the air. "What the hell, Pansy! I told you it was only once! I'm not even sitting by cornflakes!"
She flicked her wand. A bowl of corn flakes set itself down in front of him.
"Shit." Draco said dejectedly, and shamelessly fondled the cereal.