Chapter 9

Dumblewhore and The Frat Pack

"Harry…" McGonagall moaned as he left kisses down her neck. Normally, she would take away points for this sort of thing, but who cared? She was having sex with Harry Potter. That was a really amusing slap in the face to all those punk ass bitches that were actually his age.

She ignored approaching footsteps.

"Minerva," The Headmaster's voice floated towards her. He sounded rather excited. "I need to talk to you."

"Please, can't this wait?" she asked. She was rather enjoying her anal massage.

"No, it's important." He urged.

"Dammit. Harry, please remove your hand from my buttocks. Thank you. We shall continue this later, and yes, I am raising your grade in Transfiguration to an O." she added, cutting off his question. He beamed at her, and she returned it whole heartedly.

Dumbledore whisked her away silently. He looked like he was about to burst with the information he withheld.

"What is it?" she hissed when they were in a secluded area, more commonly known as the little witch's room. Dumbledore ignored a terrified look from Ginny Weasley as she walked swiftly out.

"I can no longer preserve my youth, Minerva." He whispered.

"Well, that's no secret." McGonagall replied dryly, smirking. She indicated his beard. The staff knew that a piece fell into his coffee every morning, but no one had told him until a week ago.

"Shut up." He glared. "I'm sorry, I've beat around the bush. What I mean is…I think I've found a way."

"What?" She prompted.

"It'll take a couple of beauty spells, a youth potion or two, but…I'm going to become a gigolo." He said, stifling a giggle.

Needless to say, she was floored.

Ron grinned as Viktor tried desperately to lift his penis. "Just too big for you, isn't it?"

"No, no, it's not. I can do this." Viktor panted.

Ron looked up, laughing. "Anyways Harry, what were you saying?"

Harry, who had been watching all of this, was lost for words. "Err…"

"Something about a fraternity or whatever?"

"Oh, yes. Ron, I want to start a fraternity at Hogwarts." He smiled nervously.

"Now, explain."

"A fraternity is a house where a bunch of stupid, horny men get together to drink alcohol and fuck girls all day and night. Or, guys, in your case. And you get into one by drinking until you nearly die. It's a really brill organization, if you ask me." He smirked.

"Hmm. Sounds fun. Do we have to do any work?" Ron inquired.

"Nope. We're a bunch of slobs, remember?"

"Vould it be just Gryfinndor?" Viktor said from below.

"Probably not. If we included the other houses, we'd probably get more girls that way." Harry shrugged.

"Sounds good." Ron smiled.

"Indeed." Viktor agreed.

"Great. Now, we need about forty gallons of firewhiskey, a bunch of skanks, and somewhere to stick them all in one place. What do you suggest?" Harry frowned.

Ron and Viktor thought for a moment, then smiled and said:

"The Shrieking Shack!"

Harry grinned maniacally. "Let's make it shriek."

Draco dabbed at his eyes with his tissue. "And then, Granger said, "…..". I mean, can you believe that!"

Snape stared at him. "Yes, Mr. Malfoy, that is truly unbelievable."

"That's exactly what I said! I mean, I don't really want to name it Bobina."

Snape raised his eyebrow.

"I don't!" Draco protested. "I really did like Henrietta better…"

"So it's a girl then?" Snape questioned.

"I'm pretty sure. I can feel her boobs on my rib cage."

"Wow, that's interesting." Snape's eyes grew wide.

"Yes, I know. I've told everyone in Slytherin about it. They still think I'm lying…" Draco shook his head sadly.

"Imagine that." Snape sighed sarcastically. He looked down at his notes, which consisted of drawings of Draco's head exploding. He sighed again and added more brain to the wall behind him. There, that was sufficient. Now, more blood on the carpet –

"Professor?"

"What?" he asked irritably.

"Will you – well, this may be a bit forward – but will you help me raise her? Granger really doesn't seem to be up to the job, the filthy mudblood…" He grumbled.

"No." He said flatly. "You're forty-five minutes is up, Mr. Malfoy. Good day."

Draco left, sobbing. Somewhere in the world, perhaps there would be someone he could love. Maybe they stared at the same sky he did, saw the same stars –

Oh, but wait. It was daytime.

This made Draco sob even harder.

"Yes, and put the cake there. Emma can pop out of it at the opening tonight." Harry waved his clipboard to the spot he was speaking about. Crabbe and Goyle set the cake down there. "Good. Now, where's Hermione? She said she was bringing the coke."

"Harry." Came a voice. Harry turned around. A handsome, young man was standing there. He had twinkling blue eyes, short-cut brown hair, and a lively smile. Harry couldn't help but feel like he had known him before.

"Yes. Who are you?"

He laughed in a strangely victorious way. "It's me, Harry. Professor Dumbledore."

Harry gaped at him. "What? Who are you, really?"

"Seriously, Harry, it's me. Do you want proof?"

Harry stared at the man skeptically. "No. Never mind. Dumbledore or not, we're starting a fraternity house here. Would you like to be a member?"

"Sure."

"Great. Will you sign here? It's for insurance liability –"

"Wait. One more thing. Call me Dumblewhore."

"Er…okay. Dumblewhore." He added awkwardly. "Just sign here."

So he did.