Chapter Fifteen: By The Pricking Of My Thumbs
Joey didn't protest when Pacey pulled away, knowing that he needed this to move slowly. Knowing that, by any definition, they had made giant leaps already. She felt in her heart that he wouldn't turn her away again. He might move away slightly, or run a little, but he would come back. Knowing that, she was willing to take it slow.
Pacey just sat, looking at Joey for a few minutes. She sat just as silently, letting him reach whatever conclusion he was coming to on his own. There were no excuses this morning. No apologies and, best of all, no fear. A smile spread unconsciously across his face as he allowed himself to just be happy.
Joey smiled back at him, feeling joy leap in her chest. This was good. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a pounding on the door. "Up and at 'em you two!" Bessie called, banging on the door again for good measure.
Pacey and Joey just looked at each other for a moment before breaking into laughter. "We're up Bess!" Joey called back. She turned to Pacey. "Why don't you go ahead into the bathroom," She pointed to the door that connected her room to the downstairs bathroom. "And take a shower. I'll get some of Bodie's things from Bessie for you to wear."
Pacey nodded, smiling uncertainly at her. "Thanks Jo," he said, and Joey knew that it was for more than the clothes. For more than the night before.
"You're welcome," she said softly. She got up and slipped out the door into the hallway. She turned to head to the kitchen and ran directly into Bessie. "Geez Bess!" She exclaimed.
"How is he?" Bessie asked, ignoring the reproachful look on Joey's face.
"Okay," Joey said, allowing herself to smile. "He's... good." Bessie raised her eyebrows, but didn't say anything. "What?" Joey asked, puzzled by her sister's behavior.
"Well, it's just that it was awfully quiet in there before I knocked..."
"And?" Joey said with a smirk. Bessie looked at her meaningfully but Joey just gazed back at her questioningly.
Bessie sighed. "Fine," she said. "Breakfast will be ready in half an hour. Bodie's making pancakes."
"Cool," Joey said. "Can you get something of Bodie's for Pacey to wear?" She kissed her sister on the cheek. "Thanks." She turned and hurried back into her room, grabbing some clothes and hurrying upstairs to the other bathroom.
She showered and dressed in record time and hurried back down to the kitchen after quickly running a brush through her hair. She found Bodie finishing up the pancakes and Bessie setting the table, but there was no sign of Pacey.
"He's still in your room," Bessie said. "Why don't you go get him?"
Joey nodded and headed for her room. She opened the door without thought and entered the room silently, shutting the door behind her. Pacey was standing shirtless with his back to the door, looking out the window. Joey stopped short, her eyes drawn to the rippling muscles of his back. Muscles that rippled under scars that were far more horrible then she had allowed herself to imagine. Scars that crisscrossed his back, puckered and ugly... Painful. Pacey turned as a small gasp broke from her throat and stared at her, horror jumping into his eyes.
Joey saw the horror in his eyes and vaguely registered his muscular arms and washboard stomach. She knew where the muscles had come from. Pacey had told her of the long boring hours where he had nothing to do but run laps in his cell and do pushups and situps to pass the time... and to prepare himself for a fight that he knew loomed ahead of him. But he had never told her about the scars that marred the skin of his back and that's what her mind remained focused on. "Oh Pace," she said softly, unable to keep the pity from her face and voice. A dark cloud descended over Pacey and he quickly pulled on the t-shirt that Bessie had left for him. He grabbed his coat and pulled it on as he headed for the door. "Pacey?" Joey questioned uncertainly.
"I.. Uh... I... I can't..." He looked down at his feet. He couldn't stand that look... He couldn't stand to have her pity him.
"Pace..."
"I'm late," Pacey said shortly, picking the first thing that came to mind. "Dr. David... I'll see you later." And before Joey could say another word he had scooped up his shoes and was out the door.
"Pacey!" She called, hurrying after him. He stopped at the door to pull on his shoes. "Pacey!" Joey said again. He didn't look up. His entire focus was given to tying his shoes. "Damnit Pacey, talk to me!" Joey demanded.
Pacey paused in his movements for a moment but didn't look up. He hurriedly finished tying his shoes and then straightened. He glanced at her uncertainly, wincing at the fear in her gaze. "It'll be all right," he said, his voice as reassuring as he could make it. "I... uh... I just need... to think." That was all that he could make himself say. He turned and hurried out the door.
"Damnit!" Joey exclaimed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. "It'll be okay. He just... He just needs to think..." She shook her head and forced back the tears that were threatening. He wouldn't run away from her again. He'd be back.
ACROSS TOWN
David looked up as Pacey slipped silently into his office. The haunted look on the boy's face spoke volumes. "Pacey. I'm glad you're here."
"Hey Dr. D," Pacey said, his voice thin. "What's up?"
"First things first, how are you? I know that yesterday was a difficult day for you..."
Pacey laughed incredulously. That was the understatement of the century. "Yeah. Difficult."
"But you did well," David said.
"Yeah right," Pacey scoffed. "I lost it."
"You told the truth, and the truth is that you went through something unimaginable and survived. The judge saw that, but more importantly, she believed every word that you said. And I have to say that considering the kind of torture you were describing, it's amazing you stayed as calm as you did."
"So you think that... you think that even if I lose it like that in front of a jury... it won't ruin the case?"
"If anything, it'll help it Pacey. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Pacey nodded slightly and began studying his feet.
"Where did you go last night?" David asked gently.
"To see Jo," Pacey said, not looking up.
A smile spread across David's face. "Well that's the best news I've heard all week. How'd it go?"
"It was... She..." Pacey smiled suddenly. It was hard to describe how Joey made him feel.
"She makes you happy?"
Pacey shrugged slightly. "She makes me...safe. She makes me feel safe. And happy. Happy too, but that isn't... It's the safe thing that really gets me, ya know?" David nodded. "That warm feeling, like nothing can touch me as long as I'm with her."
"That's an amazing thing to have, you know Pacey? That safe warm feeling?"
Pacey nodded and then sighed. "I just wish it wasn't so tenuous."
"What do you mean?" David asked, his voice concerned.
"Something always seems to intrude... Memories..." His voice drifted. "She saw them..."
"Saw what?"
"The scars. She saw the scars on my back."
"And why is that so bad, Pacey? She knew that they were there."
"But she didn't, because knowing intellectually that they're there is different from physically seeing them. And I don't want her... I don't want her to pity me. I know... I know that she's sad for me, but that was the first time that I saw pity in her eyes."
"Pacey, having her pity you for the scars isn't bad," David said soothingly.
"What?" Pacey said doubtfully. "It felt bad!"
"She pities you for something that was done to you, not for something that you are. She loves you for who you are. She hurts for the pain you had to endure. That's all pity is. Pity is hurting for someone. It's not bad to have someone who hurts for you Pacey, because all it really says is that she cares about you."
"I guess," Pacey said, not sounding too sure.
"Well, I know," David said. "Besides, the pity that you see? It'll fade. But the love? The love will stay...and that's what's important."
Pacey smiled slightly and then nodded. "Okay, ya got me."
David smiled back at him, but his smile faltered as the conversation that he had had moments before Pacey came in came back to him.
"What is it?" Pacey asked, sensing that change in the atmosphere of the room immediately. "What happened now?"
"Your father called before you got here..."
"What happened? Did she get out? Is..."
David held up a hand. "Nothing like that, Pacey." He took a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this... But... They found Meg, Pacey."
"What?" Pacey exclaimed, sure that he hadn't heard right.
"Well, her parents actually. The case has never been solved..."
"Where...?"
"You were in Virginia at that point..." David said.
An almost pleased smile crossed Pacey's face and David blinked, thinking that he had imagined it. But when he opened his eyes again it was still there. "Virginia has the death penalty, doesn't it?" He asked, his voice almost emotionless.
"Uh... I believe that they do... But I'm not sure when the last time they carried out a death sentence was."
"Doesn't matter," Pacey said. "After what they did to her, no one will doubt that they deserve to die..."
David looked at Pacey uncertainly. This was a reaction that he had expected, but he wanted to be sure that Pacey prepared himself for the reality of the justice system...Not that he was all that sure what that reality was. "I believe that only the person that actually killed her can be sentenced to death..." He said, his voice unsure.
"Well, then Larry should start putting his affairs in order," Pacey said, not about to let go of the satisfaction of imagining Larry getting what he deserved.
"Larry Anderson?" David questioned uncertainly. "We still don't know where he is."
"What?" Pacey exclaimed, crashing back to reality with a thud.
"Larry hasn't been found yet," David said, looking at Pacey worriedly. "I thought your father..." He thought that Mr. Witter had told Pacey that Larry was still missing. He had thought that Pacey was dealing with it in his own way and that if he had needed to talk about it, he would bring it up. He didn't know why Mr. Witter hadn't told Pacey, but he did know, judging by his reaction, that it might have been a good idea to keep Pacey in the dark.
"He didn't tell me," Pacey said, his voice cold. "Nobody told me that they hadn't found..."
"Pacey..."
"Do you think that I could have slept knowing that he was still out there? Do you think... Do you think that I would have let anyone close to me, knowing that he could be out there, watching? Looking for my weakest spot? Finding the best way to hurt me?" Pacey laughed bitterly. "I thought I was safe! After all this time, I thought that I was really safe..."
"Pacey. You are safe. No one's going to hurt you here."
"What about Joey? Is she safe? What about my parents? And Dawson? Jen? Are any of them really safe? When I was eleven, I thought that I was safe... And look what happened to me then."
"Larry isn't going to come here!" David said, searching his mind desperately for a way to reassure Pacey. "Every police force in the state of Massachusetts in on the lookout for him... He'd have to have a death wish!"
"He does," Pacey said simply. "He has a wish to see me dead... And everyone I love with me."
"Pacey..."
Pacey interrupted, his eyes cold and filled with loathing. "He slit Meg's throat with a smile of pure happiness on his face, David. So it doesn't matter to me what you say! I won't believe that anyone is safe until he's dead or locked up somewhere."
"Pacey," David said again, his voice soothing. Pacey shook his head, not allowing himself to be soothed.
"He's pure evil, David," he said flatly. "Unpredictable, unfaltering... And he truly enjoys hurting people. So you tell me what he's likely to do."
JAILHOUSE
Mama Sal looked up as her visitor entered the room. An ugly smile spread slowly across her face. He sat down across from her and picked up the phone. "Larry," Mama Sal said softly.
"Mama," Larry said, looking at her sadly. He hated seeing her here, trapped behind bars. She deserved to be free. His eyes narrowed. The boy would pay for this. "What do you want me to do?"
"Hurt him," Mama said softly, knowing that he would do anything she asked of him. "Kill him."
"All in good time," Larry said, his dark eyes glittering with madness and hatred. "First he must suffer for the pain he has brought you."
Mama Sal smiled fondly at her eldest son...Her favorite child. "What do you have in mind?"
"Did you know that your Sonny boy has fallen in love?" Larry said with a grin.
"Really?" Mama said. "How nice for him."
"How nice for us," Larry said.
"But he didn't tell us, silly boy... And after we fed him and clothed him..." She pouted slightly, shaking her head. "He must be punished for his arrogance...And for his betrayal of the family..." She smiled again. "Kill her... And then kill him."
Larry smiled, his eyes sparkling with pleasure. "That's one of the many reasons that I love you, Mama. You're always so supportive of my plans."
"Well, I want my boy to be happy, now don't I? Enjoy yourself Larry." She smiled even brighter. "Make it last."
"He will suffer, Mama. I promise you that... And so will she."
They looked up as a guard entered the room. "Time's up," he said, his voice monotonous. Larry put the phone down and got to his feet. He took one last look at his mother and smiled at her. She smiled back and then mouthed the words, 'No mercy.' He winked at her and then turned and followed the guard out of the room.
Larry stepped out of the Jailhouse and stopped at the top of the stairs. he pulled out his sunglasses and put them on, smiling as he looked out over the town around him. It was a beautiful day. He walked nonchalantly down the steps and disappeared into the crowd.
Down in the depths of my fiery home
The summons bell will chime
Tempting you and all the earth
to join our sinful kind
There is a job to be done and I'm the one
You people make me do it
Now it is time for your fate and I won't hesitate
to pull you down into this pit
So come on
Jump in the Fire
So come on
Jump in the Fire
With hell in my eyes and with death in my veins
The end is closing in
Feeding on the minds of man
and from their souls within
My disciples all shout to search out
And they always shall obey
Follow me now my child not the meek or the mild
But do just as I say
So come on
Jump in the Fire
So come on
Jump in the Fire
Jump by your will or be taken by force
I'll get you either way
Trying to keep the hellfire lit
I am stalking you as prey
Living your life as me I am you you see
So reach down grab my hand walk with me through the land
Come home where you belong
So come on
Jump in the Fire
So come on
Jump in the Fire