Fox, Roy, Yoshi: The Donut Bazooka
Author's Note: Well, what happened to the second wave of the cream donut war? Well here it is, I guess. I suppose I owe all of you a bit of an explanation for the incredible lateness on my part.
See, I was originally going to make a story about Bowser stealing the trio's supply of cream donuts, but I couldn't think of any good ideas, seeing as how I used them all up in wave 1. So that idea went down the drain. Next, I tried making a story about Fox eating a radioactive donut and poisoning everything he touched, but that, as you know, went nowhere. (If you want, I can still write a quickie about that, since I still have the rough draft. Let me know if you want to see it.) So finally, I decided that a story about a weapon of mass destruction would do nicely, you know, after reading about all these nuclear weapon alerts in the news. You could consider this wave 2 of the war, if you want, since, well, it does kind of seem like a war, doesn't it?
To all who have read/reviewed my stories, thanks a million, you are the reason I keep cranking these out.
Without further rambling, I now present to you the fourth story in the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series.
Fox's paws trembled as he poured the molten steel into the contraption he was building. You had to be extremely careful while pouring steel into this item, after all, it could change the world as we know it and possibly even end civilization!
"Fox?"
"AYIIEEE!" Fox screamed. The flask of melted steel trembled violently in his fist but did not shatter.
"What on earth are you doing?" Yoshi said. "It's not like whatever you're building could change the world or even end civilization…"
"For your information, it could!" Fox snapped. "Now leave and let me finish!"
"Geez, you're just as short-tempered as Falco," Yoshi muttered. "Hey, speaking of Falco, he can't find his stainless steel boot buckles. He's been yelling about them all morning…"
Fox glanced at the flask in his paws, then sat down quietly humming and went back to work.
(Two hours later.)
"My friends, using a small portion of our money-"
Yoshi and Roy glanced at each other for a second.
"Er, never mind that part. As I was saying, I present to you my newest invention, the-"
"Fox, that's your only invention."
"No, it wasn't! What about that hypnosis device I invented earlier?"
(Flashback, two months ago.)
"All right, Yoshi and Roy, this won't hurt a b-"
"YARRGHHH!"
"Oops." Fox muttered. "Oh well, at least they only have temporary memory loss."
(End Flashback)
"Hypnosis device?"
"Yeah, and I haven't been able to figure out why I have these strange burns on my head…"
Fox muttered a few obscenities, then continued to speak. "I present to you, THE DONUT BAZOOKA!"
Fox then whipped out a rather dashing chrome-coated bazooka. Despite the color job, however, it looked like a regular bazooka.
"This is the invention that could change the world?"
"Hold on. Okay, you two, open your mouths wide for some cream donut holes!"
Fox fired 8 donut holes at his friends.
"Well guys, how was it?"
Yoshi and Roy didn't speak because the donut holes had smashed right onto their foreheads and caused them to go into a coma.
"Oops." Fox muttered. "Oh well, at least they only have temporary memory loss."
Fox then dragged Yoshi and Roy to the infirmary.
Meanwhile, Bowser, the vile cholesterol thief, spotted the bazooka and snitched it.
"I wonder what this button does… Hey, cool, this thing's got internet access! Hmm, I wonder what is? Hey, wait, this Kal Takane Veras $#!head is wrong, I didn't eat over 400 donuts! I ate the ones that Kirby hid from me as well!"
"Let's see what this button does…"
SPLATT!
"Oh dear, that won't come off the walls so easily."
Well, Bowser was having the time of his life with Fox's donut invention. Lucky for us, he didn't see the button marked "NUCLEAR WARHEAD".
"Hey, this story says there's a nuclear warhead in this thing!"
Aw, crap.
BOOOMMMM!
A large section of the wall blew off (the warhead was tiny, Fox didn't want to cause any serious damage with just one warhead, but he had 500 loaded in there)
"Wow, I now own 500 nuclear warheads!"
Me and my big mouth. Oh well, let's see what the trio are doing.
"The last thing I remember was a large thing exploding chocolate cream all over my head."
"Yeah, me too."
Fox sighed. "Well, I'd go better find my bazooka before someone-OH NOES!"
"What?"
"MY BAZOOKA'S MISSING!"
"What bazooka?"
Fox slapped himself. "Well, whoever it is must like donuts a lot-BOWSER!"
Fox then ran upstairs to Bowser's room like a shot.
"Who's Bowser?" Yoshi said.
"I dunno." Roy responded.
"BOWSER! GIVE ME BACK MY BAZOOKA, YOU $&$#ING #&$!"
"Oh my, Fox, you wouldn't want to talk to someone who now controls 500 nuclear warheads like that, would you?"
"Oh, for the love of-!"
While Fox shouted obscenities at Bowser through the door, Yoshi and Roy went around recovering their memory.
"Ok, in this file, it says we're multi-trillionaires and we own Microsoft and Dunkin' Donuts. Cool, Roy!"
"Is that really my name?"
Fox pounded his pillow. "WHY!"
"Hey, Lox McProud! We're proud to say that we recovered all our memory!" Yoshi announced proudly."
"No, you idiot, it's Box McGrowled!"
"It's Fox McCloud, you dolts. Now what can we do to get my bazooka back?"
"Don't worry, Lox, we're trillionaires! We could use $100 bills as toilet paper!"
"YOU WHAAT!"
Meanwhile, at Peter's Plumbing Co.
"Hey, Bob! I found like 50 grand in this septic tank!"
"Really? Let me have some!"
"Ok, what is your name?" Fox asked.
"Yoshi."
"And what is your name?" Fox asked.
"Roy."
"And what is my name?" Fox asked.
"Pox McCrowd?"
"-! Do you know how much time I spent training you idiots to say-"
"Just kidding, we know you're Fox McCloud." Roy said.
"All right, now that you are finally yourselves, how can we get my bazooka back?"
"LURE BOWSER WITH DONUTS!" Roy and Yoshi joyfully screamed.
"Ow, my ears! Of all the idiotic plans- hey, wait, that is a good plan."
(30 min. later)
"HEY! Where are those #$ cream donuts I saved from breakfast!" Falco screamed.
"Donuts!" Bowser yelled, leaping on the pastries.
"Bowser!" Fox yelled, throwing a net over Bowser.
"I hate you." Bowser said.
"So do I. Now where is the bazooka?"
Bowser pulled the bazooka out of his chest.
"Ew! You kept it in your stomach!"
"No. I kept it in a pocket of body fat near my belly button."
"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better." Fox muttered as he left.
"Did you get the bazooka?" Roy asked.
"Yep."
"Hey, why is the warhead gauge empty?" Yoshi asked.
Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C….
"Ok, Mr. Bowser Koopa!" the President yelled. "I will give you the ransom if you stop bombing the White House now!"
THE END