Chapter Fourteen: He's Leaving to a Ship

After my twelfth birthday, I thought that my life would improve. After all, I had received a sword and new apparel for my birthday, and all I really wanted now was to go on a voyage across the sea to test the items out. Apparently, it soon occurred to me that turning twelve brought sudden changes that I was entirely unprepared for.

The first change I noticed was at my party. I realized that I was taller than Roland. Of course, I had always been just about his size, give or take an inch, but I realized I was far much taller than him; at least by three inches. I had noticed previously in the year before that I was growing rapidly, but I did not question it. Roland had gotten very ill last year, and I figured that the sickness was the reason why Roland was not growing as fast as me.

But now more than a year had passed since Roland had gotten ill, and he hasn't grown much at all. Only I have grown. The second change occurred to me just a month or two after my birthday, just as Roland's twelfth birthday was approaching. Maggie was dressing me as usual, but when she pulled one of my old dresses on, it was uncomfortably tight across the chest. It was such a bother that I couldn't keep still when Maggie was pinning up my dress. I fidgeted and moved my arms to try to make the tightness go away. "Stop twitching, Miss Astrid," she said.

Again, there was the 'Miss' used for me. Why were they using a title with my name now? "I'm sorry, Maggie," I replied. "It's just tight."

"Tight?" she asked, stopping her fingers from pinning my dress.

"Yes, tight," I repeated. "Can't you find another dress for me?" Maggie turned me around and she looked at me.

"I think I'll have to ask your mother," she said. "I have to talk to her about this 'tightness' of yours." She patted my shoulder, and then dashed out of my room to my mother's quarters. Fed up with trying to move to loosen the dress, I just collapsed onto my bed, defeated and exhausted by a mere dress.

Soon enough, Maggie returned to my room, but with her came Mum. "Miss Astrid," began Maggie. "Your mother would like to talk to you first before I dress you in your new dress." I didn't speak, and instead looked from face to face. Mum dismissed Maggie kindly and I was left in my room with my dear mother.

"Astrid," Mum began. "I take it that you have noticed changes going around."

"Yes," I replied. "I am towering above Roland!" I laughed. Mum smiled and walked over to me.

"And? What else? What have you noticed just today?"

"My dresses don't fit anymore," I replied, obviously not clear of the point Mum was trying to make.

"Astrid, you are growing up," Mum answered.

"I know."

"I mean, you are growing into a woman."

"Yes? I know… a little bit."

"I am going to have to get a tailor in here to take measurements. I can't have any new dress made for you now that your body is differently proportioned now."

"Why hasn't Roland changed then?" I asked.

"He will, but his change will come slower than yours. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"All right. Maggie will be back in to dress you." I watched her open my door and leave my room. Maggie arrived soon after with a new frock in her hands. It was spring green and to my relief, fit just about right for me.

Mum continually reminded me of the "changes" going on, and I always partially listened to her words. I knew I was growing, which meant that soon, I would be able to go on a voyage on the sea. But, my dream would not be so easily reached.

A couple of weeks had passed since Roland's twelfth birthday. He had received many wonderful gifts. I gave him a new compass, some mapping gear, and a book with blank pages, which Mum had urged me to buy. I had originally planned on giving Roland a cape and a large hat with a feather, but I gave in to Mum's wishes and bought him the compass, journal, and mapping tools.

Of course, as promised, Roland received a sword for his birthday as well. It was almost identical to mine, except that the hand guard of his sword was styled differently. It was more rigid; square, while mine was round.

For less than two weeks, Roland and I practiced together with our new blades, but not without much difficulty. The swords strained our arms quickly, having been playing with wooden swords since we were children. I was usually the first to weaken, on account of the fact that my arms were long and skinny. Daddy tried his best to teach us the art of fencing, but it was harder than expected, especially when holding a full length sword in one hand.

Despite the obstacles in learning swordplay, I looked forward to my lessons. Even though I was changing into a woman, my mind did not focus itself on womanly needs. I still preferred wearing the clothing Roland gave me for my birthday, rather than wearing dresses. And I preferred wearing my hair loose, instead of having it tightly pinned to my head. I hated not being active, and I always looked for something to do, whether it was practicing with swords or nagging Lisa for another biscuit.

It was during another lesson with Roland and Daddy when I encountered a change that was one that I was not too happy about. Roland was particularly joyful that day. He walked about the house with light steps and was always oddly grinning. I wondered why, but I did not press the matter. Perhaps he was just in a good mood. When both of us were called outside to begin our lesson, Roland was jumping with anxiety. In his jacket pocket, I noticed there was a small envelope. Again, I was quite intrigued at his happiness, but again, I did not question him about it.

Daddy came with a sword of his own, and motioned for Roland to draw his sword. He did, and pointed the remarkable blade at me. I was then told to draw mine, and I did. I pointed the gleaming tip at Roland, and focused my eyes. "What are you going to teach us today?" I asked. Dad grinned and stepped back.

"Nothing."

"What?" said Roland. "You know Astrid and I are not ready to duel."

"I want to see how well you two have improved. By watching you duel, I will be able to see where you two need improvement." Roland and I heaved a sigh and prepared to duel each other. Of course, we would not follow the rules exactly, for we would not duel until the other was dead.

Dad signaled us to begin, and our blades crossed. I was a bit dismayed that Daddy had made us duel today, for I was still wearing a dress because of my lessons with my new and quite boring governess. Another obstacle I encountered was that I was left handed. Roland was right handed. In order to keep things fair, Daddy told me to duel with my right hand. He had taught me using my right hand, and it took a while for me to get used to the feeling. But separately, he had also taught me using my left hand, for the sake of any experiences I would have later on.

Roland swung his sword away, breaking the cross, and then he stepped forward, striking the sword straight at me. I parried the blow, and stepped back. There was a brief pause, then I took a quick step forward and thrust my blade at him. He blocked the blow and our blades crossed yet again. Roland was the first to withdraw, and we exchanged looks. Both of us wanted to win, but only one of us would come out victorious.

Roland raised the tip of his sword to his nose and smirked. He nearly jumped forward when he carried out his attack, and I dodged the blow by a hair. In fact, the tip of his sword had stabbed a clump of my hair instead of my face. "Astrid, move your feet," said Daddy.

"That's kinda difficult," I answered. "Dueling in a dress limits your movements." Daddy chuckled, and Roland and I carried on.

"I've beaten you before," I boasted.

"That was with a wooden sword. I'll beat you this time."

"I doubt that."

The duel seemed to go on forever, and none of us appeared to be winning. We had countered each other's attacks, but it got us nowhere. We would forever stay at a stalemate until one of us learned a trick that the other did not know. To our luck, Roland was called to come into the house. "Roland!" came Lisa's high-pitched voice. "You have a visitor!" He jumped up with glee and I watched him leave suspiciously.

"Why is he so happy?" I asked Dad. He just looked at me, and I took it that he didn't want to tell me.

"Well, I'm going to find out." I dropped my sword onto the ground and walked inside. To my disgust, at the door stood Alexandra Westley, her father and her older brother. Roland was chatting happily away with her, and she laughed daintily, hiding her teeth with a fan.

"She looks like an idiot," I thought. Roland turned around and called for Mum and Dad, and they came to his call. I remained eavesdropping into the conversation.

It was a skill I was quite proud of. I didn't breathe loudly through my nose, so I wasn't detected so easily. Plus, I was able to stay deathly still for long periods of time. "Did you get my letter, Roland?" said Alexandra.

"Oh yes," he replied, taking out the envelope in his jacket pocket. He looked back at Mum and Dad whose faces were fixed with untruthful smiles towards the Westleys. "You told me you'd let me go, right?" continued Roland.

"I know, Roland," Mum began, "But it will be an awful long time before you get back. Plus, you have school."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Turner," interrupted Mr. Westley. "I am going to teach the children on the ship. I am, after all, headmaster of young Roland's school." I had stopped listening after hearing the word, 'ship.' A ship. Roland would be going on a ship out to sea? A great jealously fumed in me. It wasn't fair. He would get to go on adventures on the vast ocean, while I would have to stay behind and do stupid things at home. I would learn useless abilities like knitting and cross-stitching, while he would get to feel the spray of the sea on his face. It wasn't fair. Why was he given this chance, while I was not?

I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't be able to bear listening in to the rest of the conversation concerning the trip. Not caring if everybody saw me, I emerged from my hiding place, holding back my tears. I ran blindly past the front doors, where everyone was standing, and up the stairs. Now I understood why Mum had wanted me to buy the compass and mapping tools. She knew Roland would be leaving and she hid it from me. It wasn't fair. I would never get to ride on the sea. My sword lessons were useless because I would never go out to sea to test them on villains.

Barging into my room, I slammed the door behind me and collapsed onto my bed. My tears fell fast upon my pillows, soaking them with grief. I would forever remain locked in the confinements of being a girl. I would stay bored at home for all eternity, doing nothing worthwhile. My dreams of going out to sea and standing on a ship were crushed, for it would never happen. I would remain here, to rot and decay as my life would get wasted away.

There was a soft knock on my door, and I met the softness with my own anger and hardened heart. "Go away! I don't want to talk to anyone!" I screamed. I plopped my face back onto my pillow and continued to cry.

"Astrid!" came a yell. It was Roland. "Open this door!" There was a loud thud on my door. I knew he kicked at it.

"Never!" I screamed back.

"For goodness sake! Open this damn door!" I knew I had gotten him angry, for I had made him curse. It took a lot to make Roland blow up in anger, and I had done it. Reluctantly, I got up and opened the door. I met Roland with a piercing glare, and had the urge to slam the door in his face.

"What?" I yelled.

"I've come to say good bye," he said calmly.

"Well then go ahead and say it so I can close my door again. It's bad enough you hid this from me all this time."

"I'm sorry you can't come along. I know how you would have liked to come join us."

"I wouldn't want to join you as long as Miss Prissy is with you. Just go. I don't care anymore. I'll die in this house, never setting foot on a ship in my whole entire life." I made means to shut the door, but Roland stopped it.

"I'm leaving now, Astrid."

"Well then hurry up and leave."

"You don't understand, Astrid. I'm leaving now."

"And?"

"I won't be back for two years." My mind went blank. He would get to go out to sea for two whole years. Angry completely left me, and I was just filled with envy.

"Have a good trip then," I said softly. He grinned and held out his hand.

"Are we leaving on good terms?" he asked. I sighed and shook his hand.

"Yes." He nodded at me and then left.

I closed my door and fell onto my bed again. This time, I cried again. But not because I was angry. I cried because Roland would be gone for two years. I cried because I could not go with him, and I cried because I had lost hope that I would ever get to see the wonderful ocean that had called me so often in my life.