Chapter Nineteen: Changes

Dinner was driving me mad. First of all, Adam was eating with us, and what made it worse was that because supposedly Adam was my suitor, Mum and Dad requested that Roland bring his charming little Alexandra Westley. I had trouble keeping myself from twitching at the table. Her presence was bothering me like hell.

She was dressed stupidly in a light blue dress that was so incredibly puffy that if she turned around, she'd whack you with it. Her ugly dark locks were pulled tightly into a bun, which made her moon-white forehead seem extremely large. Because of her I couldn't eat. It was driving me crazy. I poked uselessly at my food and none of it ever made it to my mouth. Adam sitting right next to me was also a bit nerve-wrecking. "Astrid," said someone. "You haven't touched your food. Aren't you hungry?" I looked across the table and saw Mum looking at me. She always had to guess that something was wrong.

"Not that much. I still feel a little ill from earlier today." Mum nodded, seeming to understand. I could tell that she had more to say, but she and Dad would leave that for a lecture tomorrow.

"I'll take you upstairs if you'd like, Astrid," Adam offered, already getting up from his seat.

"It's all right," I replied quickly. "I'm fine. You don't have to do anything. Please, sit." He took his seat again and when I averted my attention back to the table, I saw Alexandra's eyes piercing me with a fiery glare.

"When did you two meet?" she asked, and by her tone it was as if she only wanted to know so she could make some cynical remark.

"Well," Adam and I said simultaneously. I was the first to shut up and let Adam tell the story.

"Well," he repeated. "I met her at a party, Miss Westley."

"I see," she said, leaning closer to Roland. "Has Roland told you about our voyage across the sea?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No, he hasn't. But I am sure that he will tomorrow," I said. At that, I gave a strict look over at Roland. Sadly, he didn't see it because he was too busy looking at his evil sweetheart. "Roland," I nearly yelled. That got his attention and he looked at me.

"What?"

"How's your swordplay coming along?" I asked with a smirk.

"Good. A lot better since I got to actually practice it on board the ship."

"Oh," I said. "How good are you? Because Daddy says I have much improved over these two years."

"Great God," Alexandra interrupted, grabbing her wine glass. "You take fencing lessons? What a waste of time. It's not like you'll ever get on a ship to try it out on pirates." With a mocking laugh, she took a sip of her wine, her eyes never leaving my face to see how I would react.

I did not react appropriately.

I stood up from my seat and slammed my fist on the table. "I will make it to sea ya ignorant wench! And your stupid little remarks won't stop me!" I grabbed my glass of wine and tossed its contents at her, the red liquid splashing all over her face and dress. Everyone at the table got up from their seats and just as they did, I ran out of the dining room, clearly sick of their company.

"Astrid!" came a ferocious yell. It wasn't Mum or Dad. I knew they would save their yells for sometime later. It was Roland. I could hear him running after me to give me a good punch in the face for what I did to his Alexandra. "Ya bloody little arsehole!" he screamed, turning me around and pushing me. This wasn't like the old Roland at all. His eyes were flaming and his fists were tightly clenched, but I wasn't afraid of him. He was my brother and he couldn't beat the hell out of me even if he wanted to. "Why'd you do that to her!" he yelled.

"Maybe if she learned to keep her mouth shut when she's not needed I wouldn't have done that to her! That conversation was directed to you only! She should learn when it is appropriate to interrupt and when its not. She knows better than to get into my way!" I shouted in reply.

"Well you should learn that the whole world does not evolve around you!" He shoved me aside and stomped back into the dining room, leaving me to absorb his words alone.

I would not follow him. I had no intention to go back to the dining room. I wanted a ship to take me away right now, but I wouldn't want to leave without a farewell. I made means to go outside and run to the docks just to get a good look at the sea, but I decided to change my course. I walked somberly up the stairs and locked myself in my room.

I sat myself on my bed miserably and ran my fingers through my hair vigorously, in attempt to shake away all my burning fury. It was a stupid thing to do, but I was a stupid girl. "I don't like this new Roland," I said to myself. "He's mean and snooty. Alexandra has corrupted him." I had no proof that the evil young woman had anything to do with Roland's new personality, but I had to blame it on someone. I didn't want to blame Roland for changing so much, but I had a bad feeling that he changed on his own. Was it always that way when people went out to sea? Did they always come back tougher and meaner? "Of course they don't," I said, reassuring myself that it was safe to go out to sea. I didn't want to change into some hard brute by going out to sea.

"Astrid?" came a muffled voice. It was blocked by my closed bedroom door, and I took a guess at how it was. It was not Mum and Dad. They always saved their harsh lectures for the next day, and it could not possibly be Alexandra or Roland. I knew who it was. It was Adam. "Is everything all right?"

"No, Adam. Nothing is right at all," I mumbled to myself. "My brother is a mean little cad, and his lover is the most wicked child that ever stepped on this earth." Of course, I had no intention of him hearing what I just said, but I didn't want him to come into my room either. "Yes, Adam. Everything is fine. I'm going to bed," I called back, hoping that it would shoo him away.

"Why do you conceal things like that?" he replied. Shocked and agitated, I got up from my bed and walked over to my door. My hand was about to open it, but I decided to speak to him with the door between us.

"Conceal what?" I replied, trying to seem stupid.

"I know for a fact that you and Roland are not fine with each other."

"Well, if you want to fix the problem so badly, then tell Roland that I will apologize if he stops courting Alexandra."

"Why should I when you can do that yourself?" I didn't like his witty comebacks. He was too smart. Curse him for being clever and charming.

"Because I'm still mad at Roland. I need to stay away from him for a while."

"And how long will you do that?"

"As long as it takes me to relieve my anger." I sighed and leaned my back against my door, waiting for Adam to respond.

"What is it about Alexandra that makes you so angry?" he asked at last. I nearly laughed at his remark. At the party he said he was not the least bit fond of her, yet he asked why I abhorred her so.

"Why do you request such a thing when the answer is quite obvious to you?" I waited for him to speak, but silence lied on the other side of my door. "I hate her presence because she has a problem with who I am. She likes to pick on me and make my spirit shrink so that I too hate myself. Did you not see how she criticized me for learning how to fence? And it's not just that either, Adam. I have many more things to say about her."

"Then tell me all," he said simply. This caught me by surprise, and I couldn't help but open my door at last to him.

I looked at him with wide, but suspicious eyes. My mouth was pinned closed and I would not say a word until he had spoken his. "I want to know, Astrid," he said.

"Why?" I asked. "You're brain will disintegrate once I am done telling you all these things about little Miss Westley." He smirked when I said that, and I smiled inside. The rich boy had a good sense of humor after all.

"I just want you to be happy, Astrid," he said. His voice had fallen a bit deeper at that, and I wondered if it happened because he wanted to show me he was sincere.

"Revealing Alexandra as the witch she is will not make me completely happy," I said.

"And what would?" Adam replied, moving closer to me. He was already close enough before, on account of the fact that he was standing right beside my door when I opened it. But he moved closer, to the point where I could actually feel the heat off his body.

He was a bit taller than me, so he leaned his head a bit down, but he lowered it a bit further, so that his face was closer to mine. I began to feel quite nervous with him. "Do you want to know?" I asked.

"Yes, I would," he replied, looking me straight in the eye. It was a bit unnerving because he had never looked at me in that way.

"Are you sure?" I continued, stalling my answer so I could see what he would do next. What he did next made me very uneasy, but I stood firmly in my place. He gently grabbed my chin with his hand and tilted my face closer to his.

"Tell me," he whispered. I smirked and pretended to play along with him.

"What will make me happy, Adam, is if someone-"

"Yes?" he interrupted, obviously eager to hear my answer.

"Brought me out to sea," I said, stepping aside and ruining his attempt to spoon me. I felt happy with my accomplishment and I looked back at him to see how he had reacted. He was attacked by shock and his eyes were wide with astonishment.

"Y-You really want to go out to s-sea that badly?" he asked, fumbling with his words.

"I'd do anything to get on a ship, Adam," I replied.

"Astrid, they don't let women join crews on ships. If you go on a ship as a passenger, you'll be protected and tended to by the crew. Don't you know that?"

"Well, now I do," I said, my voice trying hard not to waver. They wouldn't let me do the protecting or fighting on a ship even if I ever made it to one. I swallowed hard and this time it was me who looked at Adam straight in the eye, telling him that I meant what I was about to say. "I'll get myself onto a ship's crew, Adam," I said strongly. "Even if I am a woman, I'll get myself onto a ship nonetheless, and my sword will at last be useful."

That night, after Adam and Alexandra had left and we all had retreated to our rooms for a good nights rest, I lay in my bed wide awake, thinking about so many things. I thought about why Roland had changed, and what life on a ship had done to him. I thought about the idiocy of Alexandra and how she could have even survived on a blasted ship. And I thought about Mum and Dad and what lecture they'd have for me tomorrow morning. Lastly, I thought about Adam and how he almost kissed me earlier that day. "Stop thinking, Astrid," I said to myself. Despite telling myself to stop thinking about those things, I only thought about them in more depth, and I wished my brain would shut off somehow. I rolled onto my side and faced the empty old bottle of that delightful drink I found in Mum's room. At last, something else that was not so worrisome to think about. I was actually glad to focus on the bottle. It reminded me of the pirate in those papers. It reminded me of Jack.

"I want the life you have," I said to the bottle. Of course, it was a stupid thing to do, but I imagined the bottle as the infamous pirate I read about. His life was so interesting and full of adventure. I wanted my life to be just like that, but I'd be stuck here in this house until I died. "You said in my dream that you'd come back for me one day. When will that be?" Again, I was talking to the air, but it was better than keeping all my questions stuck in my hollow head. "Tell me it will be soon." I sighed through my nose and hugged the pillow under my head tightly, and I closed my eyes. My only desire was for sleep to come to me swiftly, and my desires were fulfilled.

Jack came into my dreams again. His sight was always such an uplifting surprise. He was truly a pirate, attire and all. He had the pirate look, the pirate ruggedness, and the pirate confusion and daze. But in this dream, he didn't see me. I only saw him. He was on board a ship with black, torn sails and an eerie grey color surrounding it. It was night, and he stood calmly at the helm beside the wheel, in his hand a small, black compass. Unlike before, he wasn't smiling and acting as if he was drunk. His face was serious and taught. He was focused on something, but on what?

I was hiding in the brush along the beach, watching him. A grey mist hovered gently above the black ocean waters as the ship rowed quietly and steadily to shore. I wondered what he was doing in Port Royal, so I emerged from my hiding spot when he and a few of his crew members got in a row boat to make it to shore. "Jack!" I whispered. He didn't even look at me. "Captain Jack Sparrow!" I yelled. That got his attention and he walked his wobbly feet over to where I stood on the sand.

"Who are ya , love? And why are ya callin' for ol' Cap'n Jack, eh?"

"I'm Astrid. You said you'd come back for me. You promised." His eyebrows furrowed and he took a step back away from me.

"I dunno any Astrid, love. I've never seen ya." This got me upset. Had he lost his mind? He took me on his ship and promised me he'd come back for me one day when I was ready. Why did he deny it?

"But you said you'd take me!" I screamed. "You promised me you'd come back for me!

"Look, lassie, I never said anything of the sort to ya. Now, if you can excuse me, my crew and I have a bit of work to do." He walked past me without looking back and I turned sharply to him, the tears burning in my eyes.

"You lied to me!" I screamed, feeling the first tear drop. His body stopped and he turned around, obviously annoyed with me.

"I promised you nothing, lass! Nothing!" I grabbed his coat collar, bawling my eyes out.

"You said you'd bring me to sea! You promised! You promised you'd be there! You promised you'd come back!" He merely ignored my screams and pushed me aside.

"Get her quiet!" he yelled to his crew. "Or she'll wake up the whole town." He walked away from me then, and I felt two strong hands grab me, putting a hand over my mouth, and at that, I drew apart from my reverie and returned to reality.

I sat up quickly in my bed, panting heavily for some reason. I looked around my room, and seeing that everything was in place and quiet, I relaxed again, rubbing my hands over my damp face. "Why did he lie to me?" I thought. "Why did Daddy leave?" I shook my head immediately after that thought. Why had I called Jack, Daddy? That was a stupid thing to do. I didn't even know the man, let alone be related to him. Besides, I was raised and born here. There could be no possible way that Jack could be related to me. I was a Turner, and I would remain one for the rest of my life, that is, of course, until I got married.