OR DIE TRYING: CHO CHANG'S SIXTH YEAR
By monkeymouse
NB: JKRowling built the Potterverse; I'm just redecorating one of the rooms. And one of the great things about JKR telling the story from Harry's point of view is that stuff could be happening all over Hogwarts that Harry isn't aware of.
Rated: PG
Spoilers: Everything
xxx
26. The Quality of Mercy
When Cho got back to her dormitory room that night, she put up her books and quills in her writing-desk. As she did so, she saw the rolled-up scroll tucked away in one half-open drawer. It was the letter she had begun to Penelope Clearwater, consisting only of one sentence. Still angry at Harry for what he'd said about Marietta, and still feeling miserable for being angry at Harry, she decided to finish the letter before homework or anything else. She redated the scroll "Wednesday, 7 April" and read what she'd already written:
"Dear Penny,
You told me this summer that you didn't understand how you could love and hate someone at the same time. I think I finally understand you..."
"although I wish to Heaven that I didn't," Cho continued writing.
"I don't know if my grip on my emotions has gotten any better, but I've known all along, I suppose, that Cedric is gone and life goes on and all of that sensible Ravenclaw rubbish. Anyway, there's someone I've wanted to be with for a long time, and we've managed to get together once or twice, but he keeps saying and doing these stupid, spiteful, idiotic things, and it truly drives me mad!"
Cho stopped writing for a minute, wiped her eyes, then went on:
"I suppose some of the things I said and did were stupid and idiotic as well, but I really feel that his stupidity provoked my stupidity. Anyway, that's what I see when I look back on it all.
And yet, he simply doesn't want to be sensible and sort it all out. And so things as they are, with me being unable to see him, to talk to him, leaves this hollow, hurting feeling within me. This relationship hasn't gone anywhere good, for the most part, but the only way I would feel worse would be to make up my mind never to have anything to do with him again. And I can't do that, Penny; I still care for him so very deeply.
So, tell me, Penny: have I come even close to understanding what's happened with you and Percy? And does it happen to all of us?
By the way, Percy was here at Hogwarts the other day. I didn't see him, but I heard that he came up with Fudge, and he may have been part of some big blow-up between Fudge and Dumbledore. Have you heard anything about that?
Please write to me as soon as you can, even if you don't have all the answers yet. As the old saying goes, misery loves company, and talking with you this summer made me feel a lot less miserable."
Cho signed the letter, but, before tying it to Quan Yin's leg, she stroked the owl's glossy feathers, wishing she could give it a strong hug instead. The bird wouldn't understand, she told herself, as she tied the letter on and set Quan Yin loose to fly to Cambridge.
The bird wouldn't understand, she thought again as she watched the owl fly into the night, and I don't understand either. I don't understand why, at this very moment, I hate Harry Potter for being such a thick-headed, unfeeling clod, and yet all I want to do now is run to him, throw my arms around him, hold him tightly and have him hold me...
Homework, she scolded herself. Work is the anodyne, as they say. At least it will keep me busy; so many long assignments to do with the Easter break just about to start.
So Cho opened up her Muggle Studies texts and started writing. Two hours later, when it was past midnight and she went to bed, she'd filled several scrolls with her essay on Muggle flying machines--yet she couldn't remember a word of what she'd written.
xxx
Once classes were over and the break officially began, Cho found that she had more than enough time on her hands to finish her assignments. She went back to spending as much time with Marietta as she could.
Marietta was still in the hospital wing. The hex which Madam Pomfrey had assumed would take an hour to sort out was in its fourth day, and resisting all attempts of being undone. It was also resisting any attempts to cover up the blemishes. Any kind of makeup applied to Marietta's face, even Queenie Clarinda's Coverall for Cruel Complexions, simply beaded up and rolled off of Marietta's face like rain off of a windowpane.
"Cho," Marietta moaned for the tenth time since Monday night, "you've got to tell me: what did I do to deserve this? Maybe I can go to Granger myself, but I have to know!"
Once again, Cho refused to tell her. It would do no good for Marietta to appeal to Granger's sense of mercy--anyone who could whip up a hex like this one surely had no mercy in her heart at all. Besides, the fear never left Cho that, by speaking the wrong word at the wrong time or place about Dumbledore's Army, her own face might be next.
So she was pulled between two poles: her loyalty to her friend and Prefect, and her loyalty to--damn it all, Chang, admit it, she scolded herself--her love for Harry. A love that looked like it was going exactly nowhere.
She was pondering all this Friday afternoon, at a table in the library, when she looked up just in time to see Hermione Granger. She was looking at Cho; then, as if she was afraid of getting caught, Granger turned and quickly walked out of the library, with several large volumes in hand.
Are you my competition? Cho vaguely wondered as she watched Hermione leave. Or am I being a fool? She's never been linked romantically with Harry, except by that Skeeter woman and all that lying tripe she wrote last year. She went to the Yule Ball with the Durmstrang Champion, not Harry; he rescued her in the Second Task, not Harry. What am I afraid of?
Worse: why am I afraid at all? Because I am; I'm afraid...
Cho rose and quickly left the library, returned to her bed in Ravenclaw and stayed there until dinner. She felt that she was again on the verge of losing control of her emotions, but not over Cedric.
xxx
Saturday she threw herself back into her studies, and worked with Marietta on her assignments as well. One assignment was something of a day of rest for Cho, since it involved ancient Chinese divination methods, although Professor Firenze's grasp of those methods was a bit tenuous. Then again, China wasn't home to centaurs; the closest they had to demi-humans were the legendary ape people of Hubei province. But, as she sat in the hospital wing repeating to Marietta the lessons she had learned from her parents about throwing coins and divining the meaning of passages in the "I Ching", Cho realized that she hadn't felt this--NORMAL--in ages.
Sunday morning, Cho woke from a fitful sleep. She couldn't remember her dreams, but she was sure that she had yet another nightmare, but without Marietta to help her this time.
All thought of nightmares vanished when she looked at the window. Quan Yin was back.
She rushed to open the window for the owl, to untie the letter, to read it:
"Dear Cho,
I was so happy to hear from you! I just wish you'd written more often--you promised, you know!
I heard about Percy, from his father, actually. Just before Christmas he'd been attacked by a serpent and ended up in St. Mungo's. Now, I'll be the first to say that some of the things Percy said last summer were horrid and almost unforgiveable. But I'd come to like Mr. Weasley, so I Apparated to his bedside as soon as I heard the news. He tells me things he's heard around the Ministry about Percy. He told me about the row with Dumbledore, because a friend of his also went up there. The Ministry accused Dumbledore of trying to undermine Fudge--not the first time for such accusations, mind you, but Fudge claimed that Dumbledore was getting up an army of students to help him! How could anyone believe anything so foolish?"
How indeed, Cho smiled. I'll tell you all about it, one day. She returned to the letter:
"Dumbledore's in hiding, I understand, which left that Umbridge person in charge up there. At least, that's what the Ministry likes to think. Arthur--Mr. Weasley--didn't have to go far to convince me: I remember Dumbledore, and I know he's sharper than a dragon's claw. No matter where he is, I'm sure he still has a hand in running Hogwarts.
And now for the other matter. You seem to have jumped out of the cauldron and into the fire, as they say. At least you have some good memories of Cedric. It must seem worse with someone you like who insists on acting thick-headed, because you know they can be better than that. That's the way I feel about Percy, anyway. I honestly think he'll come to his senses some day, and realize that he's already been Best Boy and doesn't have to let his ambition get the best of his good sense. I'm sure he'll see that Dumbledore was right and Fudge was wrong about You Know Who, and that he'll crawl back to his parents (and to me) with his tail between his legs asking to be forgiven. And I'll forgive him, of course. It's what you do if you love someone.
Of course, maybe I'm on a fool's errand, and Percy will always be Percy. All I can do is remember the past, and hope for the future. It's not much advice, but I offer it to you as well. Especially since, if you really like this other boy, you'll do exactly that anyway: remember the good times, forgive him the bad times, and hope for a future together.
Speaking of the future, I have to go; I've been taking classes at Cambridge (easily done since my parents both work there anyway). I expect we both have a lot of end-of-term studying to do, but please try to write me again, as soon as you can. And I hope everything turns out all right for you.
Penelope"
As soon as Cho read it, she knew Penelope was exactly right. She could forgive Harry anything, even the hex Granger put on Marietta, as long as Harry was willing to see reason and talk to her. But approach Harry directly? Not after what happened; it was still too soon. But she'd promised Marietta she'd think of another way.
But she didn't think of one until the next morning, and it came to her quite by accident.
She had just come down from her dormitory and was crossing the Common Room when she glanced at the day bed, and her heart leapt into her throat. How could Harry get in...?
Then she realized it wasn't Harry; just another student with disordered black hair. It turned out to be Michael Corner--and the problem suddenly fell into place.
He must have fallen asleep reading last night, since a small stack of textbooks was on the floor beside the day bed. She didn't want to wake him up by shaking him; that was a good way to get yourself hexed. So she called out, "Michael?"
Corner shook his head slightly, stretched like a cat, then turned over to face Cho. "Well," he smiled, "you're a pleasant sight to wake up to." Cho felt her cheeks start to burn at the compliment, until Corner's brow furrowed; "Or you would be, if you weren't still siding with Edgecombe."
"That's something I have to talk to you about." Cho sat in a chair across from the day bed. "I understand that the Army could have gotten into trouble because of her, but they didn't, and now they can't."
"What does that mean?"
"Somebody--maybe Dumbledore--put a Memory Modification Charm on her. She doesn't remember a thing about the Army."
"Well, that's good news."
"But she's still got that awful hex on her face. I'm not asking for your help because she almost betrayed the Army; I'm asking because she's still a Ravenclaw Prefect--and one of my best friends. Will you hear me out?"
Corner thought about it for a second, then sat up in the day bed. "Right, then, what is it?"
"I need to talk to Harry Potter."
"So talk to him; you don't need me for that."
"Well, we, we had a sort of a falling-out..." Cho felt herself blushing again.
"And now you want to apologise?"
"I think we both need to apologise, but he won't listen to me. But you--you're friends with Ginny Weasley, aren't you?"
Corner's smile broadened until it was almost a leer. "Yeah, I guess you'd say that."
"Next time you see Ginny, could you ask her to talk to Harry? Or at least talk to her brother Ron; he's in Harry's year, after all."
"Let me see if I've got this," Corner smiled. "You want me to talk to Ginny, about Ginny talking to Harry Potter, about Harry talking to you?"
"I know it sounds silly when you put it that way, but I can't talk with him directly. And we really need to talk."
"All right, then," Corner said. "Want to walk down to the Great Hall for breakfast? We can figure out a plan of attack."
"Actually, I have to stop by the hospital wing. But thanks for doing this for me; I owe you a favour."
"If you want to pay me back, just beat Gryffindor for the Quidditch Cup."
"Beat your own girlfriend? She's Gryffindor's new Seeker."
"Yeah, and that's been a hell of a lot to compete with. But that's a story for another time. See you later." And he was up on his feet and out through the bookcase.
Cho stood in the empty Common Room. She was pleased that she thought of a way (hopefully) to get Harry to talk to her ... and a bit puzzled by Michael Corner, and the way he acted, and the way it made her feel... Maybe she'd better reread Penelope's letter...
xxx
to be continued in part 27, wherein Cho watches the Weasley twins depart and looks forward to the Quidditch Cup match...
By monkeymouse
NB: JKRowling built the Potterverse; I'm just redecorating one of the rooms. And one of the great things about JKR telling the story from Harry's point of view is that stuff could be happening all over Hogwarts that Harry isn't aware of.
Rated: PG
Spoilers: Everything
xxx
26. The Quality of Mercy
When Cho got back to her dormitory room that night, she put up her books and quills in her writing-desk. As she did so, she saw the rolled-up scroll tucked away in one half-open drawer. It was the letter she had begun to Penelope Clearwater, consisting only of one sentence. Still angry at Harry for what he'd said about Marietta, and still feeling miserable for being angry at Harry, she decided to finish the letter before homework or anything else. She redated the scroll "Wednesday, 7 April" and read what she'd already written:
"Dear Penny,
You told me this summer that you didn't understand how you could love and hate someone at the same time. I think I finally understand you..."
"although I wish to Heaven that I didn't," Cho continued writing.
"I don't know if my grip on my emotions has gotten any better, but I've known all along, I suppose, that Cedric is gone and life goes on and all of that sensible Ravenclaw rubbish. Anyway, there's someone I've wanted to be with for a long time, and we've managed to get together once or twice, but he keeps saying and doing these stupid, spiteful, idiotic things, and it truly drives me mad!"
Cho stopped writing for a minute, wiped her eyes, then went on:
"I suppose some of the things I said and did were stupid and idiotic as well, but I really feel that his stupidity provoked my stupidity. Anyway, that's what I see when I look back on it all.
And yet, he simply doesn't want to be sensible and sort it all out. And so things as they are, with me being unable to see him, to talk to him, leaves this hollow, hurting feeling within me. This relationship hasn't gone anywhere good, for the most part, but the only way I would feel worse would be to make up my mind never to have anything to do with him again. And I can't do that, Penny; I still care for him so very deeply.
So, tell me, Penny: have I come even close to understanding what's happened with you and Percy? And does it happen to all of us?
By the way, Percy was here at Hogwarts the other day. I didn't see him, but I heard that he came up with Fudge, and he may have been part of some big blow-up between Fudge and Dumbledore. Have you heard anything about that?
Please write to me as soon as you can, even if you don't have all the answers yet. As the old saying goes, misery loves company, and talking with you this summer made me feel a lot less miserable."
Cho signed the letter, but, before tying it to Quan Yin's leg, she stroked the owl's glossy feathers, wishing she could give it a strong hug instead. The bird wouldn't understand, she told herself, as she tied the letter on and set Quan Yin loose to fly to Cambridge.
The bird wouldn't understand, she thought again as she watched the owl fly into the night, and I don't understand either. I don't understand why, at this very moment, I hate Harry Potter for being such a thick-headed, unfeeling clod, and yet all I want to do now is run to him, throw my arms around him, hold him tightly and have him hold me...
Homework, she scolded herself. Work is the anodyne, as they say. At least it will keep me busy; so many long assignments to do with the Easter break just about to start.
So Cho opened up her Muggle Studies texts and started writing. Two hours later, when it was past midnight and she went to bed, she'd filled several scrolls with her essay on Muggle flying machines--yet she couldn't remember a word of what she'd written.
xxx
Once classes were over and the break officially began, Cho found that she had more than enough time on her hands to finish her assignments. She went back to spending as much time with Marietta as she could.
Marietta was still in the hospital wing. The hex which Madam Pomfrey had assumed would take an hour to sort out was in its fourth day, and resisting all attempts of being undone. It was also resisting any attempts to cover up the blemishes. Any kind of makeup applied to Marietta's face, even Queenie Clarinda's Coverall for Cruel Complexions, simply beaded up and rolled off of Marietta's face like rain off of a windowpane.
"Cho," Marietta moaned for the tenth time since Monday night, "you've got to tell me: what did I do to deserve this? Maybe I can go to Granger myself, but I have to know!"
Once again, Cho refused to tell her. It would do no good for Marietta to appeal to Granger's sense of mercy--anyone who could whip up a hex like this one surely had no mercy in her heart at all. Besides, the fear never left Cho that, by speaking the wrong word at the wrong time or place about Dumbledore's Army, her own face might be next.
So she was pulled between two poles: her loyalty to her friend and Prefect, and her loyalty to--damn it all, Chang, admit it, she scolded herself--her love for Harry. A love that looked like it was going exactly nowhere.
She was pondering all this Friday afternoon, at a table in the library, when she looked up just in time to see Hermione Granger. She was looking at Cho; then, as if she was afraid of getting caught, Granger turned and quickly walked out of the library, with several large volumes in hand.
Are you my competition? Cho vaguely wondered as she watched Hermione leave. Or am I being a fool? She's never been linked romantically with Harry, except by that Skeeter woman and all that lying tripe she wrote last year. She went to the Yule Ball with the Durmstrang Champion, not Harry; he rescued her in the Second Task, not Harry. What am I afraid of?
Worse: why am I afraid at all? Because I am; I'm afraid...
Cho rose and quickly left the library, returned to her bed in Ravenclaw and stayed there until dinner. She felt that she was again on the verge of losing control of her emotions, but not over Cedric.
xxx
Saturday she threw herself back into her studies, and worked with Marietta on her assignments as well. One assignment was something of a day of rest for Cho, since it involved ancient Chinese divination methods, although Professor Firenze's grasp of those methods was a bit tenuous. Then again, China wasn't home to centaurs; the closest they had to demi-humans were the legendary ape people of Hubei province. But, as she sat in the hospital wing repeating to Marietta the lessons she had learned from her parents about throwing coins and divining the meaning of passages in the "I Ching", Cho realized that she hadn't felt this--NORMAL--in ages.
Sunday morning, Cho woke from a fitful sleep. She couldn't remember her dreams, but she was sure that she had yet another nightmare, but without Marietta to help her this time.
All thought of nightmares vanished when she looked at the window. Quan Yin was back.
She rushed to open the window for the owl, to untie the letter, to read it:
"Dear Cho,
I was so happy to hear from you! I just wish you'd written more often--you promised, you know!
I heard about Percy, from his father, actually. Just before Christmas he'd been attacked by a serpent and ended up in St. Mungo's. Now, I'll be the first to say that some of the things Percy said last summer were horrid and almost unforgiveable. But I'd come to like Mr. Weasley, so I Apparated to his bedside as soon as I heard the news. He tells me things he's heard around the Ministry about Percy. He told me about the row with Dumbledore, because a friend of his also went up there. The Ministry accused Dumbledore of trying to undermine Fudge--not the first time for such accusations, mind you, but Fudge claimed that Dumbledore was getting up an army of students to help him! How could anyone believe anything so foolish?"
How indeed, Cho smiled. I'll tell you all about it, one day. She returned to the letter:
"Dumbledore's in hiding, I understand, which left that Umbridge person in charge up there. At least, that's what the Ministry likes to think. Arthur--Mr. Weasley--didn't have to go far to convince me: I remember Dumbledore, and I know he's sharper than a dragon's claw. No matter where he is, I'm sure he still has a hand in running Hogwarts.
And now for the other matter. You seem to have jumped out of the cauldron and into the fire, as they say. At least you have some good memories of Cedric. It must seem worse with someone you like who insists on acting thick-headed, because you know they can be better than that. That's the way I feel about Percy, anyway. I honestly think he'll come to his senses some day, and realize that he's already been Best Boy and doesn't have to let his ambition get the best of his good sense. I'm sure he'll see that Dumbledore was right and Fudge was wrong about You Know Who, and that he'll crawl back to his parents (and to me) with his tail between his legs asking to be forgiven. And I'll forgive him, of course. It's what you do if you love someone.
Of course, maybe I'm on a fool's errand, and Percy will always be Percy. All I can do is remember the past, and hope for the future. It's not much advice, but I offer it to you as well. Especially since, if you really like this other boy, you'll do exactly that anyway: remember the good times, forgive him the bad times, and hope for a future together.
Speaking of the future, I have to go; I've been taking classes at Cambridge (easily done since my parents both work there anyway). I expect we both have a lot of end-of-term studying to do, but please try to write me again, as soon as you can. And I hope everything turns out all right for you.
Penelope"
As soon as Cho read it, she knew Penelope was exactly right. She could forgive Harry anything, even the hex Granger put on Marietta, as long as Harry was willing to see reason and talk to her. But approach Harry directly? Not after what happened; it was still too soon. But she'd promised Marietta she'd think of another way.
But she didn't think of one until the next morning, and it came to her quite by accident.
She had just come down from her dormitory and was crossing the Common Room when she glanced at the day bed, and her heart leapt into her throat. How could Harry get in...?
Then she realized it wasn't Harry; just another student with disordered black hair. It turned out to be Michael Corner--and the problem suddenly fell into place.
He must have fallen asleep reading last night, since a small stack of textbooks was on the floor beside the day bed. She didn't want to wake him up by shaking him; that was a good way to get yourself hexed. So she called out, "Michael?"
Corner shook his head slightly, stretched like a cat, then turned over to face Cho. "Well," he smiled, "you're a pleasant sight to wake up to." Cho felt her cheeks start to burn at the compliment, until Corner's brow furrowed; "Or you would be, if you weren't still siding with Edgecombe."
"That's something I have to talk to you about." Cho sat in a chair across from the day bed. "I understand that the Army could have gotten into trouble because of her, but they didn't, and now they can't."
"What does that mean?"
"Somebody--maybe Dumbledore--put a Memory Modification Charm on her. She doesn't remember a thing about the Army."
"Well, that's good news."
"But she's still got that awful hex on her face. I'm not asking for your help because she almost betrayed the Army; I'm asking because she's still a Ravenclaw Prefect--and one of my best friends. Will you hear me out?"
Corner thought about it for a second, then sat up in the day bed. "Right, then, what is it?"
"I need to talk to Harry Potter."
"So talk to him; you don't need me for that."
"Well, we, we had a sort of a falling-out..." Cho felt herself blushing again.
"And now you want to apologise?"
"I think we both need to apologise, but he won't listen to me. But you--you're friends with Ginny Weasley, aren't you?"
Corner's smile broadened until it was almost a leer. "Yeah, I guess you'd say that."
"Next time you see Ginny, could you ask her to talk to Harry? Or at least talk to her brother Ron; he's in Harry's year, after all."
"Let me see if I've got this," Corner smiled. "You want me to talk to Ginny, about Ginny talking to Harry Potter, about Harry talking to you?"
"I know it sounds silly when you put it that way, but I can't talk with him directly. And we really need to talk."
"All right, then," Corner said. "Want to walk down to the Great Hall for breakfast? We can figure out a plan of attack."
"Actually, I have to stop by the hospital wing. But thanks for doing this for me; I owe you a favour."
"If you want to pay me back, just beat Gryffindor for the Quidditch Cup."
"Beat your own girlfriend? She's Gryffindor's new Seeker."
"Yeah, and that's been a hell of a lot to compete with. But that's a story for another time. See you later." And he was up on his feet and out through the bookcase.
Cho stood in the empty Common Room. She was pleased that she thought of a way (hopefully) to get Harry to talk to her ... and a bit puzzled by Michael Corner, and the way he acted, and the way it made her feel... Maybe she'd better reread Penelope's letter...
xxx
to be continued in part 27, wherein Cho watches the Weasley twins depart and looks forward to the Quidditch Cup match...