Zell didn't regard himself as a bad dude, maybe just a bit nutty, but not bad. As he sat playing the totally cool 'International ISS pro Blitzball 5' (Sony's an intergalactic company you know) he thought about his old life at garden. He missed the old place badly now. His mother, Ma Dincht, kept pressurizing him to get a job. well what she actually said was more close too 'you lazy, good for nothing little brat, get out ma house before I slipper ya to hell and back!'. Why did he leave? Slaughtering people wasn't good. Yeh, but the pay was good and most of the people were bad dudes but most of all of his friends were there.

As he sat pondering over what Squall, Quistis, Selphi and all of the others were doing now that there was peace at last, he heard a noise coming from downstairs. It wasn't loud but his gut instincts told him that it wasn't good either. He paused his game pricked his ears up. He sat still for several minutes but heard nothing. 'Ma, are you all right down there?' for a few seconds no sound came and then his mothers severe voice floated through the rafters.

'Its okay son. I just dropped my… knitting'

'I didn't know you knit Ma?' he shouted downstairs.

'There's always a time to start boy' she snapped 'jus' carry on with whatever your doing'

Reassured that his mother was all right he carried on with his game. He was pretty good at it. Not the best he had to admit, but he was pretty good. The Aurochs were his favourate team. He always kicked ass with them.

There it was again! He was sure now. This noise was definitely not knitting. It sounded more like someone getting clobbered by his Ma in the kitchen and then being ground to death in the dish washer. Which, to Zells' surprise, was exactly what was happening.

Grabbing his baseball bat he ran to the stairs and peered over the banister. He could see his mother swinging a large pot left and right beating Galbadian soldiers to pulp. Galbadian soldiers! What were they doing here? In his house! A shower of bullets soared of his head and punctured his picture of his favourate singer, Yuna. That did it! No-one destroyed his home and got away with it! Especially Galbadians

Raising his bat over his head yelling a battle cry he ran down the stairs. He brought the bat crashing down upon the head of a surprised Galbadian at the foot of the stairs, crumpling him like a tin can. He rushed towards the tiny kitchen, a furious bowling ball scattering Galbadian Nine-Pin left and right. The bat was titanium, given to him for his birthday. It flashed before him, stained red, sending out a beating of death upon all that came near him.

He joined his mother in the kitchen. The entire kitchen was stained with blood and bodies lay around his mother. His mother at the moment was repeatedly whacking an oversized frying pan across a galbadians head, who appeared to be very much dead.

'this is what you get when you invade Ma kitchen!' she said as she landed a thudding crack over the head of the dead corpse.

'mother…'

'and this is what you get for coming to Ma house!'

'mother he's…'

'and this is for not knocking!'

'mother he's…'

'WHAT!'

'I think he's dead already.'

She stared at the corpse lying beneath her, blood oozing out onto her newly tiled floor and over her bugs bunny slippers. Damn! She would have to get them dry cleaned again now. Her anger building up again she smacked the nearest living object – Zell.

'AOWW! What was that for!' he said as he felt the teeth loosen in his mouth.

'that's for not coming down to help me'

'but you said you were knitting!' he whined

'you imbecile! You know I don't knit you good for nothing, idle, cretin!' she then softened her tone when she saw the look on her sons face. 'come on quickly. We gotta scoot.' She started bustling about the kitchen, pulling out all the tinned food she could find.

'Where are we going Ma?' Zell asked

'oh boy, when are you gonna learn' she sighed handing him a tin of beans. 'I thought you were part of SeeD? The whole bunch of em don't have a brain between em' then more to herself she muttered 'I should have taken that Squall or that cute Selphi, but noooo, I get landed with this delinquent, all cause them old puppy dog eyes'. She turned to see her little Zell crouching by one of the dead soldiers. He turned and those twinkling happy eyes shone out of that all grown up face. She gave a weak smile and turned back to the cupboards.

Zell was so used to her muttering by now that he never gave a second thought to the words that used to rip his soul apart years ago. He knew she loved him and didn't mean a word of it.

'But where are we going and why? This is our home' he persisted.

'look here boy, you and I know that this isn't the last of them galbadians' she spat 'there like cockroaches, step on one and more jus' keep on coming'.

True enough more soldiers were piling up at the front door. Zell realized that these must be the comrades of the five or six dead soldiers in the house. He crept stealthily towards another dead body, having found nothing o the first. This one had one of the latest weapons on him an Uzi. He had read about one in his weapons monthly magazine. They were one of the latest imports from Dr. Odins lab. Zell didn't know much about Odine except that he was working on interdimensional portals and had started some sort of trade service with the other civilizations. The weapon was capable of mowing down hundreds of people at once but was mighty expensive. He was planning on buying Irvine one for his birthday but now he wouldn't even have to pay for it! Which was a plus side since he was skint to the bone.

He searched the body further and found three fully loaded clips for the Uzi. The soldiers outside were getting restless. 'John, Luke, what are you doing in there? We told you guys not to rape anybody. Orders are orders!'

Two minutes later the door shuddered has they tried to shoulder barge it down. But it held. Ma was way proud of the door, pure oak it was and cost her an arm and a leg.

Ma Dincht ran up stairs to Zells room and started to fill a rucksack with his belongings. 'keep the bastards occupied!' she bawled over the balcony. Zell ran behind the sofa and started to familiarize himself with the weapon. It appeared to work like a normal gun. Pull the trigger and bullets come out the other end. Easy.

As he sat examining the weapon his hand accidentally slipped on the trigger. A deafening noise burst from the tip and three bullets hurled through the ceiling above him, taking the skin of his nose. Phew! That was a close one!

'Aaah! What are you trying to do boy! Are you trying to kill your own mother!' Zells cheeks flushed to the colour of a babies bottom.

He focused his attention on the front door. They had stopped banging now and everything had gone eerily silent. Then he noticed a red glow around the door frame. Shit! They had a castor!

The door glowed red hot, then white and finally octirine. A heat wave blasted through the living room giving Zell an instant tan. The sturdy oak door was now blackened to the colour of soot and cinders. It remained 'door shaped' for another five seconds before disintegrating into a small pile of ashes.

The Galbadians rushed in to be met by a volley of bullets tearing through them. In less then a second fifteen bodies lay scattered across the floor.

Zell felt triumphant. His new weapon really was something. He got up and walked towards the dead soldiers. As he knelt by the first dead body, getting ready to loot it, he realized that something just didn't feel right. Something was missing. Then it came to him, the castor!

He searched all the bodies but couldn't seem to find the corpse of the heavily adorned figure anywhere.

The he felt his legs go numb. They felt as though he had just stepped into a wet cement and was carrying lead blocks on his feet. He felt as though the entire world had dropped on his shoulders plus the weight of his mother (who was the size of Jupiter). He dropped to his knees and then flat on his face.

'Don't even think about moving' came the icy voice of the castor.

'do I have a choice?'

The castor let out a chuckle that would have sent a shiver down Zells' spine, if he could move it. 'I was told to capture you and your mother alive… by the way where is the fat devil? She's not dead is she?'

'She's right here you son of a bitch!' a shot sailed through the air and landed with a neat thud in the castors head. Zell felt the weight drop from his shoulders and heaved a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and felt the weight of the gravija spell wear off. He could here his Ma muttering 'fat devil, I'll show him fat devil!' he heard the thud of her boot connect with the side of a head. Boots?

He twisted his head left, then right and finally in a few circles, hearing the bones click together satisfyingly. Finally the dizziness left him and he opened his eyes… to be greeted by the biggest shock he'd ever had in his entire life. It was even bigger then when the Galbadians had invaded his house.

His Ma… the slipper yielding maniac… was dressed in full combat uniform.