A/N: Hey people. My first attempt on an angst fic. And also my first attempt on a song fic. It's just a one-shot. It's supposed to be really sad, but I don't know if it's going to have any effect since I always write humor. If you guys know the song Broken Vow, you'll like this fic (hopefully). It's Lara Fabian's version because it's going to be Botan's musings. And yep! It's Hiei/Botan! This is Botan's POV in case you're wondering. And like all my other fics, this is post-series. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho doesn't belong to me. The lovely song Broken Vow doesn't belong to me either.
Broken Vow
I just want to get away. To run. And I did. I don't want to show them my sadness. My sorrow. I don't want them to see the "real" me. They're talking about him… and his new mate. I just can't stand it. I loved him… he loved me. LOVED. Yep, it was in the past. It ended pretty fast, two years. But it just seemed like two days for me. Those were the two years that I felt truly happy, safe… and loved.
But then… all came crashing down to me, when another girl came into the picture. And not just some ordinary girl that you can see around. A really lovely one at that. Strong, tough, and a demon, by the way. She's everything that I am not. Quiet and serious. I looked at the sky.
I didn't cry. I doubt I can. I've cried and mourned for him for the past six months that I think I just ran out of tears. I sat down on the dewy grass then hugged my legs to my chest. For a moment I looked at the clear sky, there are few clouds scattered about the sky. I remember… this is like the weather when he told me about this new demon. I buried my face in the middle of my knees as I remember the time when he told me the news… the horrible news.
Flashback…
"Ahoy! Botan! Someone's looking for you outside!" I heard George shout from the other end of the hallway. I looked around to see George flailing his hands so I can see him through the thick crowd of onnis and ferry girls.
"Yeah! I'm coming!" I shouted back as I placed the stack of paper works neatly on my desk. I run towards the door. "Thanks George." I said as I pat the kind onni on the back. I exited through the large mahogany doors. I breathed the fresh air of Reikai. I sighed. Nothing sure beats fresh air after a long day of working inside the palace behind those huge stacks of paper works. I looked at the sky, it was clear. With a few clouds floating and hovering around.
I looked around. 'Hey! I thought George said someone is looking for me.' I said to myself as she looked around the large front yard of the palace. 'Oh, that ogre is so gonna get it.' I said to myself as I turn to leave, but then I heard a familiar voice that I haven't heard for the whole week.
"Onna." The voice said flatly, emotionlessly.
"Hiei!" I exclaimed, ignoring the fact that he called me onna. He used to call me onna before… but not now that we're mates and everything. I walked towards him, then gave him a longing hug. He didn't return it, which made me frown. I pulled away, slightly aghast at his mood. "Uhmmm… what brings you here?" I asked, looking at the ground.
"Onna, I'll get straight to the point…" Hiei said, trailing off. "I-I found a new mate." He said, sighing in relief as he finally got it off his chest. I looked at him, my eyes wide in shock. My mouth opened in a silent O. I felt tears forming on the corner of my eyes.
"But Hiei… the bite mark…?" I said, chocking at the lump forming in my throat.
"Eventually, it will slowly fade away…" He murmured looking away from me.
"So… that's just it? Right? Just throwing me away! Did you just used me?" I asked, more angry than sad. "How can you do that! I've always thought you were the loyal type! How! Why?" I shouted, I sounded more angrier than before. I just want him to look at me… look at my eyes the way he did before. "How can you do this to me? I trusted you with all my heart, Hiei! For god's sake answer me!" I shouted, beating his chest with my frail, clenched fists.
"It's just the way it is…" He murmured. And for the first time in two years… I cried. I cried… for him. For the man that I thought would never make me cry. I cried for my lover. I cried for my protector, my guardian. My best friend. "Onna…" He started, I felt his hands slowly massaging my arms.
"Don't touch me!" I cried, pulling away from him. "Just go away!" I shouted, then I ran… away. Away from him. Away from everything. Then from that day on… I learned how to shut up, to keep my big mouth closed. To isolate myself from my friends. I was made by the god to be "grim", and so… I did.
End of flashback…
I heard a slight rustle of bush behind me. A soft sigh escaped my lips. I know that this time will come that I have to face him after our "not-so-good" break up. It just hurts me a lot to see him… so happy with another person and not with her.
"Hey." I said, softly, grimly.
"Hn." He replied, walking towards me. He just stood there, arms around on his chest, looking through space. And I just sat there, my head cradled in between my knees, as I continued to hug my legs to my chest. "What are you doing here, onna? Aren't you supposed to be inside enjoying this so called party?" He asked, pretending not to be concerned.
"And since when did you care?" I asked, chuckling softly as I felt him fidget.
"Just curious." He said simply. I sighed loudly. He's probably not used to me so cold… so quiet, so unwelcoming… so grim. "Hn. They've been waiting for you for six months, you should be inside with them." He added.
Tell me her name
I want to know
"So, what's her name, Hiei?" I asked, that's one thing I didn't ask him when we broke up. 'Well like duh! How the hell can you ask him if you were crying your eyes out at that time! Get a grip, Botan!' I said to myself as I scowl at my stupidity.
"Kisha…" He said quietly as he continued to stare into space.
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
"Oh, wow, that's a lovely name." I replied, as I once again, sigh. "What does she look like then?" I asked.
"Hn." He said, but he then continued after a few moment. "She's beautiful. She's an ice maiden like Yukina. That's all I can say." He said, it's now his turn to sigh.
"Do you take her to the mountains all the time?" I asked. 'The place where you used to take me when we were still together…' I wanted to add that part, but then I just decided to leave it out. We're already awkward, and I don't want us to be more awkward towards each other.
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
With nothing else to say I looked at the grass then played with it with my fingers. "You know, the bite mark is still here. I thought you said it will fade away…" I started slowly. I felt Hiei look at me for the first time.
"Hn. Mine too." He said.
"Oh, ok." I said as I continued to play with the grass.
Chorus:
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Silence. An awkward but yet a welcoming one for the both of us. None of us don't know what to say. Six months of isolation made me feel like a stranger towards him, and not only him but to the whole gang. I continued to play with the grass for a few more minutes until, at last, he finally talk.
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
"Hn. You've changed a lot…" Hiei said. I chuckled softly.
"Why? Do you find my new personality weird?" I asked, as I stopped fiddling with the grass.
"Hn. Yeah for you." He joked. And for the first time… first time… in six months… I laughed. I've never expected that I'll ever laugh again… and not from his joke. No.
"Ok." I chuckled as he glared at me.
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
I want him to touch me… the touch he gave me when he marked me his, and when I marked him mine. When he promised me that he's never going to make me cry… when he promised to stay with me forever and never leave my side. But I know that would just happen in my dream… and probably not even in my dreams.
I still dream about him, a fact that I'm not very proud of. Nightmare about him have plagued me for sox months. I want to move on. Badly. But it seems like it's the hardest thing for me to do, there's something that I have to do that I can't do. It's harder than telling those poor, innocent souls that their dead… that they won't be able to see their family anymore. It's just hard. Hard. Like hard.
Chorus:
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
And once again, silence fell between the two of us. I looked down, then, once again, started fiddling with the grass. Damn, I can do this forever if none of us talks. I prayed to god that he'll just walk away that he'll just go to Makai… to his "beautiful" new mate. I prayed that he'll just leave me alone to think and greave by myself.
Unfortunately, he doesn't know… doesn't know how much I still feel about him. How much he is hurting me right now. He doesn't know how much it hurts me to hear him talk about his new life… and how unaffected he is about our separation. I can feel tears forming in my eyes, but I don't want to show it to him…I want to show him that like him, I'm not that affected anymore…
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I closed my eyes, and for the third time today, I sighed. As I closed my eyes, I dreamed… about him and I… just him and I. Alone. Like before. We didn't care about our whole surroundings as we lay together, legs entwined, our arms wrapped around each other. It was like the world was ours, and we're the only ones who lived there.
As I continued to dream about him and I… I just realized one thing. One thing. The most important thing of all. Now I know why I can't get over him… now I know. And as sad as I am to admit it… I have to. I have to. If I want to continue living, and if I want him to continue on living too. I stopped fiddling with the grass then breathed heavily.
Yes… that's why he's here right now, talking to me…to help me… to help him and his new mate. To help me get over him, to help me move on, to… let go. "Now you know, onna." He whispered. I massaged my temples. Let go… that's the thing I should have done long ago. Six months ago. To just, simply… let go.
"The bite mark won't simply fade away… if you don't let go." The koorime said beside me. I gave a long sigh of understanding… yes. Now I understand. I completely, totally, understand.
And the most surprising thing of all is that I'm not crying! At all! Not a tear forming on the corner of my eyes. Nothing at all. Now it all seems clear to me now. It's like a heavy burden was lifted from my chest. It is like as if the clearing of a fog, welcoming the morning sun shine.
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end
"Hiei? May I ask you one favor?" I asked. When he gave a small nod, I stood up, I dusted my pink kimono slowly. Then for the first time in six months… I looked in his eyes. No, no, for the first time in six month, we looked into each other's eyes. I looked into those deep, ruby eyes that you'll just get lost to when you look at them too long.
But not the new me. I didn't get lost to it. Instead, I got amazed at how deep and mysterious they are. I gave him a big grin, and again, my first time in six months. "May… may I touch you one last time?" I asked, smiling more softly now. He smirked, but then nodded slowly.
Shaking, I reached out my right hand. I slowly touched his cheek. He closed his eyes. I bit my lip. "Thank you, Hiei." I whispered, as I slowly removed my hand from his cheek. "I'll never forget you. You were the one who made me the happiest person I can be." I added, as we looked into each other's eyes. No tears. I'm not crying. "You're the one who helped me become tough. See? I'm not crying now!" I said, smiling. For the fourth time, I sighed. Hiei just smiled.
"Hn." He said. My smile widened. I know he meant: 'I'm happy for you now, onna.' "I'm going." He said, as he walked back towards Genkai's house.
"Bye, Hiei! I promise I'll come visit you and Kisha soon!" I called as he entered the sliding doors. I touched the junction between my neck and shoulders, and was surprised to feel smooth skin. I didn't feel the rough part where he bit me two years ago. I smiled once again.
Chorus:
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
A new feeling is going all over my body. Is it… happiness? Ease? Excitement? Whatever it is, it feels good. I've never felt so rejuvenated in my whole life. With one last look at Genkai's temple, I smiled. A broken vow. This is what I want to call it. A broken vow that has taught me one simple lesson to… let go. I materialized my oar, then flew towards Reikai. Towards a new beginning.
Normal POV…
"Do you think she's going to be fine?" Asked a smooth, silky voice behind Hiei.
"Hn. Yeah." He smirked, knowing that the onna has now let go.
"Are you sure?" Kisha asked, concerned. "I kinda feel bad for her." She added, looking down at her feet.
"Kisha, I know I haven't said this before but, I trust the onna, she's stronger than what we think." He said, as he slowly removed his cloak. "Look at this." He said, as he showed her the junction between his neck and shoulders.
Kisha smiled. "Indeed, she is strong."
The End.
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Waaahhh! Ok, I know I'm not good. And this isn't a really good, angst song-fic. I'm really sorry if I disappointed those people who are expecting something good. And like I said, this is, my first angst song-fic. So if it's bad, it's completely understandable.
Anyway, please, do review and tell me what you think. But no flames. Nu-uh. No flames. Lol. Oh and I wrote this for like 3 hours and I was listening to the song, Broken Vow, by Lara Fabian, over and over again to get the feel of it. Hahaha…
And do tell if you guys want a sequel. I'll gladly write one 'coz, right now, I can think of a good sequel. Though it's not going to be a Hiei/Botan. So, give me your feedbacks and tell me what you think! R&R!