5 1/4 disk claimer- The characters used within are not mine and as such I'm using them illegally for my own twisted purposes and for the entertainment of total strangers. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 7: I summon the Iron Chef
It was Sunday when Ranma finally saw his father again. He was beaten pretty severely and had the ruminants of ropes still on his body. It looked as if he'd chewed through the ropes to get free. His clothing was disheveled and it looked like his mother had really done a job on the old fart. He had that look of prey that had just escaped the lions den. Then he opened his mouth.
"Boy... son, you've got to protect me! Your mother's been killed and replaced by some sort of cat monster!" He yelled as he ran around Ranma and tried to hide behind him.
Ranma of course would have none of this and promptly whapped his old man on the head as he was trying to sneak around him. Genma hit the ground and looked up at his son.
"Why the hell are you trying to hide behind me for? I'm scared of cats if you didn't remember Pop."
"You've got to hide me. She'll find me any minute now!" He hit on something that he thought would make the boy go kill that monster that was saying she was his wife. "Boy you've got to go kill that monster that killed your mother and took her place!"
"Yeah rrright pops" He said as he too changed into his hybrid form. "like I'm going to kill Mom."
Genma scrambled away as yet another monster took the place of his son.
"Ahh you're not Ranma!" He screamed like a little girl.
"Actually pop I am Rrranma. Mom always was a werrre cheetah even beforrre you marrried herrr. I just found out that I'm one too." He said as he started advancing on his old man. "The rrreason she's so pissed is because of all the stupid shit you did." Genma was backed into a corner now.
"B...b b but it was all in the name of the art!"
"Rrright thrrrowing me into a pit of cats when I was six was rrreally for the best."
"Hey Ranma what's going on?" Makoto called out from behind him.
"Oh it's just pops he's trrrying to say that Mom's a monsterrr."
"Who's that?" he gibbered.
"Oh herrr. That's Makoto my fiancée... sorrrt of. She's the girrrl who's leg you brrroke a couple of days ago."
"Hi." She said as she popped her now feline head from around Ranma's side.
"I think she wants to have a worrrd with you."
Makoto started cracking her knuckles as she started to advance on the hapless Genma. Cologne had been alerted by all the shouting and was standing by the door to make sure that Makoto didn't go too far and Genma didn't try anything funny. Ranma waved at her as he went upstairs to get clean.
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"Make the hurting stop!" Was heard from downstairs.
Ranma chuckled as he passed by Walter's door. Just up ahead he saw the hired help again on a slow crawl towards the bathroom and hopefully salvation. Again he decided to take pity on him. He grabbed Walter and lifted him over his shoulder.
"y..r gd by y'know zat."
"Just hold on I'll get you to the furrro."
"Everytn gon blck."
"Man I'm glad that I've only got one Amazon to deal with. I don't know what I'd do with two of them."
"Daisy...."
"Ok I think you'rrre going to need something a little strongerrr than that."
"...ysiaD"
He rounded the corner and walked into the furo. Shampoo was just finishing up.
"Airen you is ok? Want Shampoo wash back?"
"Uhh no that's fine. Yourrr two frrriends just worrre Walterrr out that's all."
"Aiyahhh." Shampoo trailed off. Normally it would be the newlyweds washing each other the next day. If Walter had worn out her sisters to the point that they couldn't get up and wash with him that was impressive. These were cats all seemed capable of extreme feats of sexual stamina.
"Just go check on them and make surrre they'rrre both allrrright ok? I'll take carrre of Walterrr herrre."
"Ok bye bye Airen." She said as she left the room to check on her battle sisters. Well that and see if she could get any tips for her and her Airen's next time.
Once she was out of the room Ranma put Walter down on the ground and stripped off his clothes. Not wanting to go anywhere near Walter's boxers he just picked him up again and set him in the pool/furo. When he was fairly certain that Walter wasn't going to drown he made his way over to the wash station and began washing and getting off all of the dirt that was on him last night. It was made all the harder because he had more surface area and the fur wasn't helping matters. Eventually he got clean enough that he could get in the furo. He noticed that there was now a small bar fridge in the bathing area. Curious he walked over and opened it. Inside was a cornucopia of energy bars and sports drinks perfect for replenishing lost energy from lots of exertion.
He snagged a couple of bars and two bottles of drink and walked over to where Walter was still sitting trying to move as little as possible. He set the bars and one bottle on the side of the furo and cracked the second bottle open. Slowly he poured the life giving contents down Walter's throat allowing him time to breathe. When he was sufficiently revived he opened one of the energy bars.
"Feed me." Walter said weakly.
"Fine." Ranma replied as he took a small piece off the bar and put it into Walter's mouth.
This went on for a little while before Makoto opened the door. She didn't have any blood on her but she sure had a satisfied look on her face.
"Hey Ranma." She said as she walked up to the side of the furo.
"Hey. You didn't kill pops did you?" He asked.
"Nah. That's your mother's job." She said as she started stripping. "I just worked him over for a bit." She rubbed her shoulder where his one strike had hit. She wouldn't tell Ranma that he'd been aiming at her heart. She didn't know if it would have been enough to kill her but she still thanked elder Cologne for her assistance in deflecting the strike.
"Don mind me." Walter slurred. "I'll be gon in mint." He said as he slipped below the surface of the furo.
"Umm I think I'll skip soaking today." Makoto said as she jumped up and wrapped the towel around herself. Truth be told she didn't notice Walter sitting there as only the top of his head was really visible.
"Uhh yeah I'll make surrre that Walterrr doesn't drrrown or anything."
"Ok well see you at the table. I think your mom has breakfast ready." She said as she hurried out of the room. Ranma seeing her naked was fine as he'd seen her like this before, but Walter was not one that she wanted to flash.
"Ok so what to do with you then?" Ranma asked the bubbles that were forming on the surface of the water.
He watched them for a few seconds.
"Oh shit, this is not good."
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Down at the breakfast table Ranma found his father tied to one of the chairs with lots and lots of rope. Even with his panda strength he probably couldn't bust out of that much rope, although knowing the old man he probably had a move to get out of something like that. Houdini would be proud of the way the old man seemed to be able to escape from nearly anything. Apparently his mother was very good at bindings and knots and such... on second thought he really didn't want to know.
Makoto and Shampoo were in their usual spots which just happened to frame him on either side. Genma was glaring at his son as he nonchalantly sat down between the two girls and started eating. Nodoka came up behind him and hit him in the back of his head.
"Lay off it 'husband'. Like it or not they seem to work well together and I won't have you interfering!"
"But Nodoka the schools must be joined! Soun and I made a solemn promise that we would unite the two schools of Anything goes!"
Nodoka narrowed her eyes at this proclamation. She could see several ways that her foolish husband could use this against her son.
"So you see he has to marry Akane!"
"No way in hell am I going to marrrry that tomboy!" Ranma yelled back at his father. Makoto and Shampoo each grabbed an arm whether to hold him back from attacking his old man or to signify possession he couldn't tell.
"Dearest..." Nodoka started in her most frightening voice.
Genma shut up right then and there.
"Now Genma don't make me get the ball gag again."
At that proclamation Ranma engaged the Saotome final technique, he grabbed both girls and hauled much ass away from the table. His parents being sexual was just something he really didn't need to think about. Besides they were supposed to meet the other girls in the park and go to Tokyo Disney today.
Nodoka glanced at her watch noting the time.
"Elder I'm afraid that I've got to go to work today. Would you be so kind as to entertain my husband while I'm gone?"
"Think nothing of it. I don't have any more meddling to do today so all I was planning on doing was going out and maybe feeding the ducks in the park."
"I'll be off then!" She said as she grabbed her purse and briefcase and headed out the door.
Both Genma and Cologne sat in silence for a few minutes before she got up and walked over to where Genma was tied up.
"You know Genma it's been a long time since I've been with a man."
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It was a relatively short walk to the park as the three teens talked amicably amongst each other. Ranma had changed back as soon as he got out of the house. When they got to the designated meeting place they only found Rei and Ami waiting for them. It wasn't much of a surprise considering that it was still relatively early on a Sunday and dragging Usagi or Minako out of bed would have been a Herculean effort. Makoto waved to the two girls as they approached. Only Rei saw them and waved back. Ami was busy drawing in an upgrade for her BFG in her notebook and as such wouldn't notice it if one of the monsters that had been attacking suddenly popped up behind her.
Speaking of which.
Okonomix was quite thrilled. Her target, the girl with the blue hair, still hadn't noticed her sneaking up behind her. She was about to pounce and steal the poor girls panties for her master when she found herself tackled to the ground by some man cat thing. It managed to take a bite out of her before she was able to throw it off.
Rei was startled. One moment Ranma, Shampoo, and Makoto were calmly walking towards them, then the next Ranma had transformed into his (admittedly sexy) hybrid form and charged them. He was moving so fast that she didn't even get a chance to scream before he'd jumped over them and hit something that was behind them. She whipped her head around just in time to see Ranma getting thrown off of a large tuna okonomiyaki with legs, arms and a face. She also guessed that the bumps around it's center were supposed to be breasts.
She didn't have much time to think as the piece that Ranma had ripped out regenerated. Ranma had flipped over and was down on all fours with his tail wagging in the air. The piece of the monster that he'd ripped out was no where to be seen.
"Hey Makoto it's a giant tuna okonomiyaki!" He yelled before he lunged at the monster again.
Okonomix made a lucky dodge and was able to just miss the claws that the cat guy popped out. She still couldn't believe that he'd actually eaten a piece of her! She didn't have much time to think as the guy lunged at her again. This time he missed by a mile. She was about to start gloating about how some stupid cat creature couldn't defeat a great youma like her when she was tackled from behind by a female cat thing. Then the male jumped on as well.
Rei was silently fascinated and revolted at what she was seeing. In the past they had always just killed the monsters and they had turned to dust. Never before had she seen one of them actually being eaten.
"Hey Ami is this just weird to you?" She said as she looked over at her friend.
Ami was sitting there with a glazed expression on her face. There was a bit of drool running down her chin. Amidst the technical drawings with symbols that she had no idea what they meant and the long equations that would give most mathematicians a headache was a little doodle of Ami shoving the large handle of her BFG into...
Rei took a step away from Ami reminding herself to never offer to hold Ami's gun.
When she turned back she saw Ranma and Makoto both laying on their backs their stomachs distended from eating way too much. Ranma let off a loud belch that scared a couple of birds out of their nests. Makoto answered a few seconds later with a belch so loud it ruffled Ami's hair. Shampoo came up beside her.
"Remind Shampoo to never get between Airens and fish. Can lose hand."
Rei just nodded dumbly.
Ranma got to his feet slowly then helped Makoto her hers. He shifted back to his human form and started fixing his shirt.
"Hey change back Usagi and Minako are coming." He said as he stared off toward the entrance to the park.
"How do you know Usagi's coming?" Rei asked watching Makoto change back. Unlike Ranma, who's stomach went flat again when he changed back, Makoto's was still distended.
"I heard Usagi trip over a pocky wrapper." Ranma replied waving at the two girls.
Usagi waved back then started running towards the rest of the group somehow avoiding all of the pitfalls in her path. She immediately stopped by Makoto and started squealing like a... well... girl.
"Omygawd Omygawd, EEEEEEE! Makoto I didn't know you were pregnant!" She squealed. Ranma fainted at pregnant.
"I'm pregnant? But... we used protection! Oh no what am I going to do!"
Rei came up behind Usagi and smacked her on the back of her stupid blond head.
"Usagi you idiot! She's not pregnant!" She yelled causing Usagi's long ponytails to flail in the wind.
"I'm not pregnant?" Makoto said with a hint of relief.
"No you're just fat porky." Rei said as she poked her finger into Makoto's belly.
Of course at this time Usagi had caught up to the program.
"So she's just fat?" She said as she too started poking Makoto in the stomach.
"She's just fat?" Ranma said as he sat up.
He immediately went back down as Makoto and Shampoo kicked him in the head from opposite sides.
Minako decided that now as a good time to voice her opinion.
"So what did you eat? A cow?"
"No she and lover boy here just ate the latest youma." Rei stated.
Usagi and Minako turned to look at Makoto.
"We missed breakfast ok we were kinda hungry." She trailed off mumbling about yummy tuna monsters.
Minako turned back to Rei.
"You mean they actually ate one of the monsters that we fight?"
Rei just nodded.
"Shampoo wish they save her some. Shampoo hungry too." She pouted. "Maybe get Airens to buy too too delicious lunch and they no eat."
"I'll go for that. I'm so full I don't think I'll be able to eat anything for a few days."
"Lunch?" Ranma said as he popped up.
"You're still hungry? You just ATE a whole monster!" Rei yelled.
"Only three quarters. Besides we missed breakfast today. I was hungry ok."
Rei turned to Makoto.
"Makoto I don't suggest you have kids with him. If you do there won't be enough food left for the rest of us." Rei said with a smirk on her face.
"Hey!"
"Ranma do eat lot just like father but Ranma also use lots of energy." Shampoo said with a happy smile on her face as she not too subtly suggested what he should use his energy on.
"Ahh anyway we're all here. Shouldn't we be getting to the amusement park soon." Ranma suggested getting kind of uncomfortable with the innuendo being tossed around. Just once he wished that Ryoga was around so that he could have a good fight instead of being with the girls.
Ryoga was of course in San Francisco which he mistook for Shanghai.
Ranma and the girls ambled off towards the subway that would take them to a connecting train. It would take them quite a while to make it to Tokyo Disney.
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Unnoticed by all of them was the person hiding in the bushes.
Ukyo had taken the day off leaving Konatsu and her new hired help to watch the restaurant. She knew that Ranma now lived with his mother in Juuban so as his best friend she felt that she needed to visit him and check out the competition... I mean see how he was doing. She was dressed in her usual okonomiyaki seller's uniform with her bandoleer of spatula shuriken and her big ass spatula strapped to her back. For some reason she chose to wear a bra today accentuated with a bit of tissue paper that she'd picked up from some of the local advertisers on the street. Sufficed to say she was about a cup size bigger by the time she got to the bus stop.
She got off the bus near a park in Juuban and decided to walk the rest of they way to Mrs. Saotome's house. As she was passing the gates to the park a disturbance caught her eye. A ways down the path there were two cat creatures eating something on the ground just like a couple of large cats that she saw on a documentary a few days ago. The only problem was that they looked like a cross between a human and maybe a jaguar or a puma. That and they were wearing clothes. The female had on a green skirt that would have been knee length on her but was a mini on the cat creature. Her white blouse had tears in it that looked to straight to be natural so she guessed they were manufactured into the garments design. The male had on a pair of black kung fu pants and a red tang shirt just like Ranma used to wear all the time. These too had pre-made tear zones.
Suddenly she realized that she might be their next meal if she stayed out in the open like this so she quickly jumped into a nearby bush and continued to observe the situation.
From the cover of her bush she was able to see a bench with two girls sitting on it. The one with blue hair was seemingly engrossed in some kind of pornography from the glassy eyed drooling expression she had on her face. She was totally oblivious to the carnage taking place not five feet from her. The other was a girl with long black hair who was apparently too scared to move. Ukyo hoped that she snapped out of it soon, she really didn't want to play hero today. That and the fact that from the stories that she'd heard only the sailor scouts could fight these monsters.
All of a sudden another girl came into Ukyo's field of vision. She had to quickly slap her hands over her mouth to stifle the gasp that came out of her mouth. It was Shampoo! She was torn between wanting to go out there and save her often time rival or let her get eaten by the cat monsters. That was until she saw her strike up a conversation with the girl with black hair. Apparently she wasn't as shocked as she had originally guessed.
Then as quickly as it started it was over. There was nothing left of whatever the cats were eating. No bones, no skin, nothing. The male then stood up and Ukyo had to clamp her hands over her mouth again, this time to prevent him from hearing her scream as the cat monster changed back into Ranma. Two other blond girls showed up and some stuff happened but she wasn't paying much attention. Her mind was awhirl with possible scenarios of why Ranma was a cat monster. Everything from aliens to possession crossed her mind as she silently watched the progression leave the park. She eventually settled on following them and finding out.
If he was possessed she'd free him. If he was slain and replaced by a doppelganger she'd avenge him. If he was captured by aliens...
She always did hate those anal probes and besides they'd let him go eventually.
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Back at the procession only Ranma got the distinct feeling that they were being followed but every time he looked around he couldn't spot their pursuer. Eventually he asked Shampoo if she felt anything but she replied that he was being too paranoid. He still tried to catch a glimpse every so often but whoever was stalking them was very, very good at that task.
Ukyo was not having a very good time trying to follow them. She was using every sneaking trick that she knew of, even Ranma's cling to the ceiling and hope they don't look up trick. She was fairly certain that it was Ranma but he was possessed in some fashion. She had never tried to trail Ranma without him knowing it but it was turning out to be as tough as she imagined it to be. If she didn't live with Konatsu and had picked up on a couple of his ninja techniques she would have been spotted several times already. Back in Nerima he had crazy's coming out of the woodwork either out for his blood or other bodily fluids depending on the gender of the crazy. He once told her that paranoid people only thought that people were after him. He was certain that they were.
After a few near misses she managed to get all the way to Tokyo Disney without him spotting her. Damn it now she owed Konatsu a coke.
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As Ranma and the girls approached the gates they were not surprised to see only a scattered number of people lined up to get in. Granted it was early on a Sunday but with the general lack of people was a good indicator that the park may shut down soon. They all got their admissions and their ride tickets and went inside. Nobody noticed Ukyo in the next line also getting her tickets.
Once they got inside they were greeted by Mickey Mouse.
After they managed to pry Ranma off the gangly teenager they decided to split up for a bit and meet later at one of the rides. Since Makoto and Ranma owed Shampoo some food they took off in one group. The rest of the girls decided to go on some of the rides. Usagi eventually convinced them to start off with the teacups.
In one of the concession areas Shampoo was trying to decide between the hamburger or the super deluxe mystery meal. Right now she was leaning towards the mystery meal because it was unknown. As she was approaching the counter she heard a cat meowing from the back. As she came even closer she heard the employee at the front tell somebody in the back to keep the specials quiet.
Shampoo did a u turn and walked right past a bewildered Ranma and Makoto.
"Hey what's wrong?" Ranma asked as he and Makoto caught up.
"Only cat Shampoo want to eat is you two."
"Uhh well we are in a public place and all..." Ranma started.
"Some people think it's kinky to do it in a public place. The thrill of getting caught and all." Makoto continued.
"Shampoo just say she no want eat cat!" She protested.
"That's all right we'll just stay in human form. Right?" Ranma said with a smile on his face as he grabbed one of Shampoo's arms.
"Of course." Makoto said as she grabbed her other arm.
Shampoo lost the will to protest as the two of them dragged her off for a quick snack inside the American history exhibit. They chose that one because there was virtually no chance they'd get caught as nobody went there. They still had no idea they were being trailed.
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As soon as she was through the gate Ukyo took up a hiding position. She watched as Ranma pounced on the guy in the Mickey suit like a cat would pounce on a mouse. She then followed them until they broke up and went their separate ways. She was now certain that something was up. The two girls that were there when the possessed Ranma and the other girl were cat creatures weren't screaming in terror so they were either in on it or they were brainwashed minions. The only thing she couldn't quite figure out yet was why Shampoo was going along with this.
Oh well spy first, figure out what to do later.
She followed the trio into one of the off the track areas in the George Washington area. She positioned herself on one of the beams and settled in for a long wait. After about five minutes, monsters or not, she really wanted to just jump down there, tear off her clothes and jump right in. But no she had to remain vigilant.
She lasted ten minutes before she had to ahem relieve some stress herself.
After about half an hour or so of their little romp they finally finished up. Shampoo who was the main recipient of their combined attention was looking quite haggard. They got cleaned up and were walking out of the exhibit. Luckily for Ukyo they weren't in their cat forms or they would have heard the muffled whimpers from the rafters.
Of course the guy who came to check the reported leak in the roof got quite a bit more than he bargained for.
Once outside Shampoo started off towards one of the food stands. She was immediately framed by Makoto and Ranma who still had those stupid 'I just got laid and I want the whole world to know about it' smiles permanently plastered to their faces.
"So where are you going?" Makoto asked as she let loose a purr that had a couple of people looking at her strange.
"Shampoo still hungry."
"Damn girl you're insatiable." Makoto replied as she and Ranma dragged her off for another make out session.
"Shampoo just want cheeseburger." She said as she was dragged off by the two horny cats. They should have been were bunnies instead.
Much later the three of them emerged from yet another exhibit. Ranma was carrying a thoroughly exhausted Shampoo while Makoto was clinging to his right arm and purring up a storm. Pluto and Donald decided, wisely enough, to keep the hell away from the weird trio. (Well that and they'd seen what they guy had done to Mickey and since their last two paycheques bounced they weren't getting paid enough to do this.) As they walked towards the appointed meeting place Makoto got Shampoo a big four liter jug of Gatorade to help with the dehydration and a couple of deep-fried fish on sticks for energy. Sufficed to say Shampoo was nursing on the Gatorade bottle like a newborn sucks on it's mother's teat.
By the time they reached the designated meeting place Shampoo had recovered enough to at least stand on her own feet. She of course had training wheels on as she was framed on both sides by Ranma and Makoto. Since she'd just eaten the food still hadn't been given a chance to even start digesting to give her energy, that combined with the fact that she'd just had to perform some strenuous activities meant that she was getting really tired. Well that and Makoto's purring was like a soothing lullaby.
Of course that was before her nose caught the scent of something absolutely vial. She quickly shot to her feet and looked around to try and pinpoint the smell.
Coming around the corner were the girls. All of them were wet and looking miserable. Usagi's ponytails were leaving a slime trail behind her while Minako's shoes were making a squishing sound as she walked.
Oh yes and one can't forget the stink lines emanating from each and every one of them.
When they got closer the two cats had to hold their noses while Shampoo had opted to shove the napkins that came with her fish up her nose to prevent the stench from causing her to lose her life-giving sustenance.
Ranma was just about to ask what happened to them when Ami held out her notepad. On it were a few diagrams labelled a, b, and c. Diagram a was a picture of Usagi pigging out on what he guessed was super large cokes, large bowls of ramen, sushi, etc. Diagram b looked like a fat Usagi with a little pig tail getting onto the crazy teacups with the rest of them.
Diagram c was a force vector diagram with equations on the centrifugal force related to the projectile vomit in their relative frame of reference. The only thing he understood was the trail of puke emanating from Usagi's mouth.
"Uhh I think you could get hosed off somewhere around here." Makoto said as she pointed towards the staff showers. "Hey Ranma could you go get them something to wear? Shampoo I'll need a hand." Makoto said as she took charge of the situation.
Ranma dashed off to the gift store to buy the girls something to wear. Their clothes would probably have to be burned after this anyway. Shampoo and Makoto led the other girls off towards the showers at the pool making sure that they kept upwind all the way. Without Ranma there they never even noticed their pursuer.
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Ukyo had decided to follow the girls since Ranma would eventually have to rendezvous with them. The situation was getting stranger and stranger by the minute. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why the girls were not afraid of the cat monsters. Admittedly one of them was her possessed Ranchan but still...
She followed them to the shower room. She watched as the girls stripped and got into the shower area. Shampoo was left with disposal duty of the soiled clothing. She watched as the girl Makoto got a hose and started hosing down the other girls. It took a while but eventually it looked like they were all cleaned off. They also didn't smell as bad as they did before. After drying off under the dryers they were treated to the sight o Ranma in his female form walking into the changing area. He of course had blindfolded himself. Surprisingly enough he never tripped over anything and was walking as smooth as silk like he normally walked.
"Ahh well I couldn't find much at the gift shop but they were having a going out of business sale on today! I just hope that these fit because there are no returns." He said as he started passing out clothes the girls.
To Usagi he passed out a white t-shirt with a Chibi Sailor Moon on it, a pair of tight shorts with a crescent moon on it and a pair of sneakers. Ami got the same combo but with a Sailor Mercury motif. Minako got Venus, and Rei got Mars.
All in all the irony could be tasted in the air.
And irony tastes like chicken.
When he was done passing out the clothes Makoto was staring at him expecting her umm boyfriend to have had enough foresight to complete the set. When he hesitated she knew something was up.
"So Ranma where's my shirt?" She asked her voice as sweet as pure beet sugar.
He immediately started sweating. This was not good.
He reached into the bag and pulled out a Sailor Pluto and a Sailor Saturn t-shirts. Makoto's glare went up a notch. Even though Ranma couldn't see her through the blindfold he started sweating even more.
"Would you care to explain why you got a Saturn and Pluto shirts instead of Jupiter?" She said, her tone had enough ice in it that the water on the floor turned to ice. Usagi fall down go boom.
"Umm well you see... It's a really funny story aaaa..." Ranma would need some serious drink after this.
"When I went to the store they kinda didn't have any Jupiter shirts. I asked for them I really did but the guy behind the corner said... there was no demand for them." He said the last part a bit rushed and in as low a voice as he could.
It can not be said that Ranma was a stupid man just a bit uneducated. For instance he'd lived with an irate girl with a hair trigger temper for about a year and during that time he'd learned a few of the warning signs for when a girl was about to go off. First their battle aura bloomed around them even if they had no training. Shampoo was currently roasting marshmallows from the heat coming off her co-wife. Check. The scream of rage was replaced by a bestial growl. Ok that was new but not unexpected. The third thing was reaching into their dimensional space and retrieving their mallet of justice that all girls possessed. Instead of a large wooden pervert basher though she retrieved her henshin pen.
"Juu...mph"
She was tackled by Shampoo who slammed her hand over her mouth. The rest of the girls except Ranma dog piled on top to help hold the irate girl down.
Once they managed to calm her down (it took several tries) they all left the showers. Ranma silently reminding himself to go shopping later and find as much Sailor Jupiter stuff as he could. Makoto was scary when she was angry.
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They decided that a few more rides wouldn't hurt since Ranma, Makoto and Shampoo still hadn't gone on any. When questioned what they were doing the simultaneous reply was 'eating'.
Usagi of course wanted to go back on the teacups but she was outvoted easily by the rest of the group. They eventually settled on the haunted house.
Once inside they stuck together as a group. The girls took turns jumping into his arms when they were frightened much to the dismay of Makoto and Shampoo who ere made of sterner stuff and were not as easily frightened.
The animatronic werewolf didn't last long against ki charged claws.
They moved on quickly after that.
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Ukyo who was still tailing them watched as Ranma once again transformed into the cat monster and destroyed one of the animatronic robots with what looked like the neko ken. Ok if she wasn't sure before this clinched it. Ranma couldn't use the Neko ken unless he was scarred by a cat so badly that he thought of himself as a cat.
She said her prayers to every god and goddess that she could think of. If she was going into battle versus the forces of darkness she would need all the help she could get. She tightened her bandoleer of mini spatulas and adjusted her battle spatula.
She would save Ranma from that evil cat monster or die trying. That's what friends did after all.
"Groovy."
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Outside the haunted house Makoto was giving the girls a dressing down. Everyone including Usagi was looking embarrassed. Makoto was just getting into her tirade about how Ami did not have to grab his ass when that vampire had popped out at them when a horrifying sound was heard.
"Bark!" Boomed over the street they were on.
The cats jumped and looked around. No mere dog would scare them like this.
The twelve foot tall monsterfied Pluto doll that came around the corner was no mere dog.
"Ahh I just remembered that I've got to be somewhere else." Ranma said nervously, the cat in him starting to act up.
"I think I'll join you." Makoto said as the two of them turned tail and ran like hell only transforming after a few blocks.
"What's with those two?" Usagi asked.
Ami who was scanning the latest monster with her computer had an answer. "It's putting out a fear aura. I can feel it a bit but it seems to affect felines to a greater degree."
"Then why Shampoo not affected?"
"It's probably because you're not really a cat you just turn into one." Ami said as she finished up her scan. The Pluto dog was currently taking a wizz on one of the buildings. "Well we're in luck magic will hurt it." She said as she and the others ducked into an alleyway to transform.
Four flashy transformations ensued.
"Aren't you going to transform?" Usagi asked Shampoo.
"Shampoo think she sit this one out." She said nervously.
"Come on we'll probably need your help." Minako said with a smile on her face thinking that if she fired off that coin attack again they'd have money to go to the arcade here.
"Fine Shampoo help. Amalthea Power Make Up!"
The sound of a 39 dodge trying to start up in the middle of winter at minus 25 Celsius greeted their ears while a screen came up showing a Barney rerun blocked their view of the transformation.
When it was all done Sailor Amalthea stood among them.
Of course the Tuxedo mask outfit complete with cane accessory and mask was not what she was expecting.
"At least is better than dominatrix outfit. Ok Amalthea fight evil now." She said as she jumped to the rooftop.
"She's just going to stay up there throwing out encouraging words and not get into the fight isn't she?" Rei asked, poking fun at Usagi's boyfriend.
"Mamo chan does a lot more than that and you know it!" Usagi replied. She had to defend her man after all.
"Yeah he has to save your ass all the time." Rei quipped.
"Let's just go before that monster actually hurts somebody." Usagi said as she stomped out of the alley and towards the monster.
The others followed right behind her. They knew the drill well. Monster appears, transform, stomp monster, repeat as needed. Sure enough the monster was still whizzing on the building when they got out.
"All right so who wants to take first shot at it?" Rei asked warming up a flame sniper to be fired off at a moments notice.
"I'll do it." Minako said as she stepped forward.
"All right you bad doggie prepare to get fried. Love and Beauty Shock!" She yelled out as she tossed the golden heart at the dog youma.
Plutor caught her attack in his mouth then trotted over to where she was and dropped it at her feet where it promptly exploded. He barked then started chasing a butterfly destroying buildings as it went.
"Uhh Mercury how did it do that?" Usagi asked as she watched Mars go over to check on Venus.
"Well Pluto is a golden retriever so I guess his natural instincts are to retrieve things." She was just glad it was Venus that volunteered to go first so that she could come up with a masterful plan.
"Amelthea try your magic!" Ami yelled up. If she was wearing a Tuxedo Mask costume maybe she got his roses that tended to mildly annoy the enemy so that they could get a clear shot with their much superior magic.
"Fine I try." She yelled back.
Shampoo was more than a little hesitant about using any of her magic or for that case transforming into this mish mash warrior in the first place. The lack of consistency was getting to her. As a martial artist she was used to her attacks functioning the same way every single time she used them. To have something different happen every time she wanted to attack was dangerous. If she ever needed a big bang spell to go off would she die or would it just toss koosh balls at the enemy? She would have to 'speak' with pervert senshi about this.
Oh well enough bitching time to get down to business and hope nothing goes wrong.
"Magic do something!" She yelled as she tossed her hands forward.
Three dozen single white roses flew from her outstretched hands and impacted in the area of the youma. About twenty or so actually hit but they just bounced off. The monster even had the nerve to stop chasing the butterfly and smell the roses.
"Stupid fucking magic!" She yelled in Mandarin.
A white beam of light shot from her outstretched hand and impacted the still immobile Plutor. His entire body turned to stone.
Her index finger suddenly got very itchy.
Down on the ground Venus had been revived and they were watching Shampoo try out her magic again. When she tossed out the roses Usagi went on a rant about how she stole her boyfriend's attack. They heard her yell out something in what they guessed was Chinese and then the beam of light struck the monster turning it to stone. They watched as Shampoo calmly walked up to the monster and poked it in the chest just a little off center.
They had to quickly shield themselves as the monster exploded violently peppering the entire area in rock shards.
"Feel much better now." She said as she skipped off to change back.
"You know when Ranma told us that her favorite way of getting into a place was through the walls." Mars said with a sweat drop on her head.
"Yeah." Moon replied.
"I think I'm going to hide that porno tape of them really, really well."
The other three girls nodded their heads solemnly.
------------------------------------
Meanwhile our two scardy cats were starting to calm down as they got away from the fear aura that the monster was putting out. They stopped by a takoyaki stand. The proprietor looked at them for a few seconds then just dismissed them as being in costume. Although he hadn't heard of them doing a Lion King play today. Ahh the life of a simple businessman.
Once they caught their breath, not from running but from that stupid fear aura, they realized that they were a little too high up in the air. They calmly walked off trying to act as inconspicuous as possible. Of course they just had to run into a couple of tourists that just had to get pictures with every costumed character even though they had no idea of the series. In order to not blow their cover they were forced to pose for pictures. Makoto was accosted a few more times buy guys that were a little too sweaty for their own good. Of course she only hit the one guy whose hand roamed a little too far south for its own good.
"Perverts all of them." Makoto growled as they finally made it to the safety of the alley.
"I still say you should have let me pound him!" Ranma protested.
"Yeah well I don't think he'll be trying anything like that anytime soon especially with his hand in the shape it's in." She smiled an evil, evil smile.
He shuddered at this and vowed that if he ever pissed her off like that he'd be in his hybrid form. He'd heal faster that way.
"So do you think we should change back?" Ranma asked nervously.
"Yeah I think we sh..."
She was cutoff as a shadow descended from above. Ranma looked up just in time to get a face full of spatula. He dropped to the ground momentarily stunned.
The attacker turned around and assumed an attack stance. Makoto was able to see that Ranma was just a little dazed and that he had a demon ward taped to his face with duct tape. Upon closer inspection she could see the Mickey Mouse symbol on it. Makoto got into a defensive stance and took stock of her opponent.
The girl was about average height which to Makoto's 6' 10" wasn't all that significant. Her brown hair, which was about the same shade as Makoto's used to be, was tied back into a ponytail with a white ribbon. She was wearing a blue street vendor's outfit complete with tights. Across her substantial chest was strapped a bandoleer filled with what looked like mini spatulas. In her hands she held a very, very large spatula. It wasn't silvered but it looked like it would still hurt if she was hit by it.
Then the unknown girl spoke.
"Don't worry Ranchan I'll save you from this big boobed demon bitch!" She said as she readied herself to attack.
"Big..." A fierce growl escaped her throat like that of a pissed off alley cat.
"Boobed..." Claws that could rend steel were extended.
"Demon....." Battle aura engaged.
"BITCH!" Her eyes started glowing red. Candy Apple red Chevrolet paint scheme 1999-2004.
Ukyo was a fully trained martial artist able to stand down a psycho killer without batting an eye, so it is to her credit that it took a full 19.653 seconds for her to lose bowel and bladder control and soil herself.
When the hand fell on her shoulder she screamed like a little girl before another hand was clamped over her mouth. She was spun around and came face to chest with the Ranma monster. She tried to struggle but the thing had a grip like iron. She decided that valour was the better part of discretion and kneed her attacker in the groin as hard as she could. Instead of letting her go like she'd hoped he took his hand off her mouth and put it on her other shoulder. He gripped both her shoulders with enough force to actually cause her pain. The monster sank to his knees and subsequently forced her down too.
"That was low Ucchan." He said.
"Ranma is that really you? What the hell is going on here? Just what the hell is this? Why the hell are you a cat?" She said as she tried to figure out just what the hell was going on.
"Ya it's me. I guess I have some explaining to do. It's a really funny story if you think about it. You see it turns out that Mom was a were-cheetah and that makes me one too." He said as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
Makoto was standing in the background she was still fuming about being called a big boobed demon bitch. Seeing Ranma get sacked by the new girl just fueled her desire to kill the interloper even more. The only thing holding her back was the fact that Ranma seemed to know her from somewhere. He had better start explaining soon or else she was going to let her claws do the talking. She decided to stay back for now and see what would happen. If the new girl laid one more finger on her man she would put the smack down something fierce. Can you smell what the rock is cooking?
For the next six minutes Ranma gave Ukyo a quick rundown on the events of the past couple of weeks. Makoto was waiting in the wings listening to make sure that he didn't say too much. He gave just a quick overview of what had happened excluding Senshi business. He also didn't put in their sexual escapades like when Shampoo and Makoto did when they had their little talk with Kasumi and Nabiki. When it was over his nuts were healed and he stood back up to his full height seven feet 2 inches. He towered over her by quite a large margin. Much more so than when he was in Nerima only a few weeks passed.
He nodded to Makoto signaling to change back. Once she was safely back in her human form, he change back as well. Ukyo was amazed by this even though she'd seen it several times before. She didn't quite know what to think about it yet. Although that cat form of his was quite exotic she couldn't wait to see what her friend had in those tight pants of his. Although if she was guessing correctly that other girl, correction, that other cat girl just might be his other mate. Then there was Shampoo to contend with. She knew that Shampoo was quite protective of her things and that she could get quite uppity when her position as Ranma's wife was challenged. But if Ranma was willing to accept two wives why not a third? Genma still had not made restitution for his engaging her to Ranma. All she had to do was refuse and maybe a little sleight of hand and just maybe she'd be able to join up as No. 3. Ranma being her friend and all that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Then again, if it was anything like Nerima then she would have her work cut out for her. But then again she'd chased him for 10 bloody years...
Ukyo Kuonji doesn't give up that easily.
"Hey Ranma who is she?" Makoto asked with enough venom to kill a cobra 10 times over.
"This is Ukyo I told you about her haven't I? Although what she's doing here I don't quite know. What are you doing here?" He asked.
"Oh you know I just wanted to get out of Nerima for the day. I was going to see you to see how you are doing but…." She hesitated.
"But what?" Ranma asked wondering what his friend was hiding.
"I uhh saw you and her" indicating Makoto "attack and eat that monster in the park this morning. I didn't know what to think so I decided to follow you and find out just what the hell was going on. I just wanted to help I mean in Nerima weird things happened so I didn't know about you being a were-cheetah I just thought you were possessed or something. You know it was an easier answer like when your cursed form was dragging you off every night and draining your energy."
Ukyo still felt malevolence coming from the girl she now knew as Makoto. She hastily thought to add
"Uhh sorry for calling you a demon bitch."
"What about the big boobed part?" Makoto said tapping her foot expectantly.
Ukyo giggled as she reached into her bra and started pulling out lots of tissue paper. Ranma almost had a nosebleed but kept it in check because he had seen Makoto and Shampoo in much less.
"Well sugar that part you kind of got down. I must admit I'm jealous, the only girl I'm actually bigger than is Akane and that's not saying much."
Makoto turned on Ranma and glared at him. Ranma gulped and started scratching the back of his head.
"Well you gotta admit she does have a point." The glare intensified. "But don't get me wrong I really like your big rack. Even though I bigger when I'm a girl." The glare could melt reinforced titanium now. "I just fucked up didn't I?" Makoto nodded. "This is going to cost me big-time isn't it?" She nodded again. "I'm doomed aren't I?"
The grin on Makoto's face was something more along the lines of when she ate that monster this morning. Ranma got a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.
"So uhh Ucchan I guess this is where we break up?" He asked hopefully.
"Actually Ranma I was heading over your place to speak to your mother about a few things. I was wondering if I could accompany you?"
Ranma looked over to where Makoto was still giving him the death glare. He decided that if he was screwed, he would be screwed all the way.
"Yeah sure let's just go get the other girl's and we'll go." He started to turn to walk away but Ukyo brought him up short.
"The day is still young we are here at Tokyo Disney why don't we have some fun? That is why you're here anyway?"
"Uhh sure fun I guess. Let's just go find the other girl's." He started walking without looking back because he knew if he did he would instantly turn to ash. Sort of like a vampire getting a billion watt suntan.
After walking around for some time they eventually found the other girl's standing in line for one of the rides. Amazingly enough it was Shampoo who suggested the teacups again since she had never been on them before. She was quickly shot down as none of the other girl's wanted to play projectile vomit catcher again. Shampoo immediately saw Ukyo and went into a defensive stance. Ukyo did her best to try to hide behind Ranma of course this put her directly into Makoto's line of glare. Today wasn't turning out to be her day.
"What spatula girl doing here?!" Shampoo demanded. All the girls were after her husband this was just getting stupid. She'd almost need to hire 24-hour security just to keep the other girl's away.
"I was on my way to Mrs. Saotome's house when I uhh saw some things and I kind of followed you guys to find out what the hell was going on. I found Ranma and Makoto and they kind of explained everything to me." She made a swiping gesture like a cat. All the girls suddenly understood just what happened.
"So she knows now. What are you going to do?" Asked Usagi.
"She knows some of it we didn't have time to explain everything. She's coming over to my mom's house to do some things. I guess I can give her the 'whole story' then." Ranma replied.
The girls all nodded their heads knowing that their big secret still hadn't been blown. They would have to accompany him of course. It had absolutely nothing to do with his mom's awesome cooking. No nothing at all. Usagi could almost taste the zebra right now. The other girls backed off a bit as she started to drool. You could lose a finger or maybe even your whole arm if you got to close to her when she started getting into a feeding frenzy mode.
The rest of the day went without incident. Ok almost without incident. They rode many rides, ate much food, and lost most of it in freak puke attacks. Luckily all the projectile vomit missed everybody in their group... The procession of lawyers that was behind them however... Let's just say karmic justice was done that day. As they rode back to Ranma's house he got a dreadful feeling of foreboding almost as if the fourth wall was about to be broken. But of course as long as he didn't talk about the fourth wall nothing would happen. As they walked up to the gates all of they noticed that Setsuna, Nodoka, and Walter along with his two Amazon wives were sitting on the back deck drinking themselves stupid. Cologne was sitting on top of Genma's head looking like she was having a grand old time. Genma looked like he had just seen the third coming and was ready to commit his soul to hell for all eternity just to get out of that situation. Ukyo had to resist th e urge to grab her battle spatula and send him on his merry way to those lower levels. She only resisted because her main plan depended on not taking her revenge on the fat bastard.
As the group walked up the noticed that the adults were mainly drinking hard liquor and some other substances that were not readily identifiable. If they had known that Nodoka was drinking blood wine they probably would have run for the hills or grab their transformation wands and blast her. But of course they just thought it was a Caesar. As they got closer Setsuna beckoned them over. When they had reached the area she stood up with great difficulty and went to the bar on the deck to get each of them some glasses and more booze.
"Come on have a drink." She slurred.
"Uhh none of us are old enough to drink." Ami said with a little hesitation in her voice.
"Already called your parents said that you're going to stay over tonight. What they don't know won't hurt them right? Long as you don't tell we's all going to have a good time." Staying vertical was getting more difficult all the time.
"Great-grandmother is it okay?" Shampoo asked. She had always been told that alcohol was a bad thing that it dulled your reflexes and the warrior should stay away from the stuff.
"Of course it is dearie, as long as you only do it once in a while unlike this fat fool." She said as she upended an entire bottle of Smirnov. Little did she know how much she looked like Happosai in that moment.
Let it be said that Ranma never backs down from a challenge so when Shampoo challenged him to drinking competition he beat her then Makoto then Ukyo. Pretty good for somebody who'd never drank before. Of course the other girls didn't fare so well.
At the end of the night the only one who is still up was Setsuna. Centuries of drinking the best and the brightest of humanity under the table had given her an almost immunity to the effects of alcohol. Her evil plan would be that much easier to carry off. Of course those drugs that she'd slipped into the kids drinks wouldn't hurt either.
Do I make you randy baby?
Oh the things she did for the timeline.
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Author's notes:
Well here it is chapter what is it 7? I am so sorry that this took so long to get out. I came down with some weird disease the doctors still don't know what the hell it was. I seem to be all better now but I lost two weeks of work. During that two weeks for a week and a half I couldn't stand up straight without puking. Sitting up was almost as bad so that meant no writing either. Before that my muse decided that it was going to take a holiday oh joy. Then after I get back at work I find that they've put in a policy that bans all electronic devices from the operations floor. This means my PDA is now illegal and since I did all of my writing at work this just shot everything to hell. What I've decided to do is write at home however since I don't want to take too much time out of my at home life I've gotten DragonDictate 6.0. It seems to work quite well and I can usually talk faster than I can type... Usually. I'm currently seeing what I can do to get the no electron ic devices rule change at work. God I had forgotten exactly how boring my job actually is without anything to do. Worst-case scenario is that I use DragonDictate at home and actually come out with ideas at work and write them on paper instead of just half ass winging it as I go as I used to do.
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