Asuka-chan in Wonderland
Chapter 3: The Cactus Dance and a Short Tale
Asuka blinked. She blinked again. And again. And another time. Her mind simply refused to register exactly what was going on in front of her. Maya Ibuki, Shigeru Aoba, and Makoto Hyuga stood in front of her. Of course, they didn't look like the bridge bunnies from NERV. They were dressed like birds. Asuka stared at them for what seemed to be forever. Maya was dressed in a leotard with goose feathers hanging off it. She even had a pair of makeshift wings. Shigeru was wearing a god knows what costume, though it looked like the extinct dodo bird that Asuka vaguely recalled from a museum visit Misato dragged them to. They could barely get out through the mob of men attracted by Misato's incredibly short shorts and low neck shirt. Makoto was dressed like an eagle, with fake beaks and everything. Curious, Asuka leaned in and listened to what they were debating.
"We should use this blow dryer!" Shigeru argued, holding up a blow dryer that Asuka was sure wasn't there a second ago.
"Nonsense, we don't have an electricity plug!" Makoto retorted.
"Please stop fighting! Hey, I know, let's dance around this cactus; we'll be dry in no time!" Maya told the other two.
"Excellent idea, if I do say so myself." Pen-Pen told her as he stepped onto the beach out of nowhere.
"Where the hell did you come from!" Asuka exclaimed. No one else on the beach was surprised, and all three bridge bunnies shook hands with the penguin and exchanged pleasantries.
"Elementary, my dear, I stepped out of thin air and appeared like a ghost, maybe a poltergeist." Pen-Pen replied in the voice of some decrepit old professor.
"Let's begin the cactus race!" The bridge bunnies chanted with one voice.
Before Asuka was quite aware of what she was doing, she was dragged into a circle with the other four (counting Pen-Pen). They began to dance around a lone cactus that suddenly popped up from the sandy floor. (If you have trouble envisioning this, think of a traditional Native American dance where they holler and yell, and paint themselves. Or maybe one of those Japanese dances where they circle around something and there's a taiko drum in the background) The dancing wasn't the least of it. Soon, the bridge bunnies and a certain penguin began a Gregorian chant. They chanted 'Evangelion' over, and over, and over. (Think of Escaflowne and the music in the background where they chant 'Escaflowne' over, and over, and over again. This time, plug the word 'Evangelion' in) For what seemed like an eternity, Asuka was pulled along with their mad dance. Finally, after maybe a century or so, they came to a sudden stop. It was so unexpected that Asuka promptly collapsed onto the beach. Gasping for breath she began shrieking insult at all four of the lunatics gathered in front of her. "DAMN YOU! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING! HAVE YOU ALL GONE MAD! WHAT THE FCK WERE YOU DOING!"
As she paused for a breath the crew in front of her shrugged. "Maybe the cactus dance wasn't to her taste." Maya suggested.
"Maybe she doesn't like the 'Evangelion' chant." Makoto mused thoughtfully.
"I've got an idea!" Pen-Pen brightened. "Let's have a cat dance instead."
"YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!" The bridge bunnies chorused.
A cat suddenly popped up where the cactus had been only moments before. As Asuka prepared to launch into another tirade, she was pulled into another dance. This time, they chanted 'Shinji' over and over and over again. After that, there was a cotton dance, and then a cone dance, and a camera dance, and the…Well, you get the idea. There were A LOT of dances. After a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really long time, they stopped. By this time, Asuka was, well, as dizzy as anyone who had danced in a circle for about 500 quadrillion times. (A quadrillion is equal to about 1,000,000,000,000,000, so Asuka danced in a circle for about 500,000,000,000,000,000 times. If that's too long, one quadrillion is equal to 1x10 to the15th power. So then 500 quadrillion would equal 5x10 to the 17th power. Confused yet? Ha ha. ;)
Now, Asuka had reached her breaking point. About to send the bridge bunnies and that god forsaken annoying little penguin to hell, she was foiled once again.
"I wish to tell you guys a story, because I'm such a nice guy." Pen-Pen told them. "Once, long long ago, there was a super hero called, PenPenguin! He was brave, he was fearless, and he had style. He saved the world and all kinds of beautiful women. He was loved by all. Ah, I still remember the days…" His voice trailed off dreamily.
That snapped Asuka's last nerve. She reached down and prayed for the gods to give her a weapon to shut these idiots up. (I think Lucifer replied, after all, Jesus swore off the whole 'violence is the answer' thing) Her hand found a very big rock. It was perfect. Tears sprung to the Second Child's eyes as she grabbed it and crushed Pen-Pen with it. (Poor Pen-Pen! T-T) Soon, she found more boulder and buried Maya, Shigeru, and Makoto with them. All the while, she laughed maniacally. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA! I WILL CRUSH YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!" She roared.
After raging and storming for about a couple of hours, Asuka grew quiet. "I crushed them." She muttered somberly. "I crushed them; I crushed them, LIKE THE LITTLE INSECTS THEY ARE! MWAHAHAHA!"
Her rage satisfied, she walked off, humming the "Valkyries" as she went. (In case you weren't aware, the Valkyries is a very famous opera by Richard Wagner about Vikings, I think. It makes you wanna kill something. It's all dark, and powerful, with lotsa drumbeats. Very inspirational.)
To Be Continued…
Author's note: Yes, I mean for a man to be cross dressing as the 'Duchess.' I won't tell you which though! ;) I've been listening to a lot of Richard Wagner, as the orchestra I'm in will soon perform one of his pieces, "Die Meistersingers." "Die WalkÜres" or the Valkyries is also fun. I really like The Flying Dutchman, which really calls the picture of a ship battling the savage sea to mind. Sorry about all the opera discussion. I made the chapter a page longer than the last one. The actual chapter in the book (I got it from my aunt a couple of Christmases ago) is really short, only about five pages. Hope to update soon, please read and review! I'm aiming for five this time, no pressure. :)