Hi! Well, it's almost been two months since I last updated anything. Wow, I'm pathetic. But don't blame me! I only had a ton of projects, tests, and exams. Where would I find time to write fics? Well, I'm back now, for any of you who cared, and you can finally sigh in relief that my rant is over. Enjoy!

Asuka-chan in Wonderland

Chapter 8: The Queen's Golf Course

It seemed that some divine force was enjoying the spectacle of Asuka blowing her top. (Not literally, you perverted fan-boys). Here she was, attempting to take a nap after all she'd been through, and instead she's faced with three things that were supposed to be dead. There was Sachiel (3rd Angel), Shamshell (4th Angel; don't know if the name is spelled right) and Ramiel (5th Angel; yes, that diamond thingie; just envision that he grew arms and was floating around everywhere) running around with buckets of LCL. Their conversation went something like this:

Ramiel: Sachiel, don't you dare drop any of that LCL! We have eighteen humans left to create!

Sachiel (crying pitifully): I'm so sorry for dropping you mother! (Reference to those of you who know what LCL really is)

Shamshell: Shut up and get working! The Queen will have our heads if we don't finish this load of humans.

Ramiel: Oh crap! We were supposed to make them with red hair!

Sachiel: I have some red paint! Let's just paint their hair!

(The three Angels paint the humans' hair red)

Asuka wandered over, curious. The Angels were downsized and creating humans. "Can I help?" she asked eagerly.

The Angels suddenly stopped and looked at her. Asuka took a step back uncertainly. Then her famous pride stepped in. She glared back until all three Angels took a step back and began muttering about her helping herself. So our one and only Asuka Langley Soryu began to paint human hair red while the Angels created more humans from LCL (use your imagination people).

Suddenly, fanfare began playing. Then, from a weird arch with cross-shaped leaves and flowers entwined around it, Angels marched out. Asuka couldn't help but gape. There they all were! Then Rei-bunny came out. (Yes! She's finally back! Everyone missed her didn't they!) She was dressed in leather thongs (lol) and had a whip that she was hitting the Angels with when they didn't move fast enough. In her other hand, she held a trophy that declared her the Grand Prize winner of the Annual Miss Dominatrix Contest. (O.o I would make a killing if I hosted a contest like that…) She announced "Welcome the King and Queen of Hearts!"

Then THEY came. Asuka felt her jaw hit the ground. She didn't even notice the three Angels flop (yes, flop) onto the ground facedown. She didn't notice Kaworu-cat coming out of nowhere with a cat-like grin to congratulate Rei-bunny for winning the contest then disappearing. She didn't notice the procession come to a halt. All she saw was the two seated in the carriage pulled by a shrunk EVA Unit 01.

Breathe.

Prepare yourself.

Warning: may cause extreme shock.

Last chance to turn back…

K, you asked for this.

The Queen gazed coolly at the Angels, ignoring Asuka completely. (HAH! Thought I was going to reveal their identities didn't you! ;P) Then he turned his head to look at Asuka. "Who is this?" he asked the King.

The King smiled and bowed, but said nothing. "IDIOTS! ALL OF YOU!" then he turned and gazed at Asuka again. "What's your name?"

"IT'S ASUKA YOU DOLT!" Asuka retorted, feeling very hurt and sorry for herself. What is with these fools in this nightmare land?

"INSOLENCE! OFF WITH HER HEAD!" the Queen shouted, turning his glare on everyone around. Unfortunately, no one was around, most having run away by now. Rei was sitting down with the King of Hearts, playing strip poker. Shrugging, he turned to the Angels, shutting Asuka out again.

"What were you doing?" He asked, almost nicely, almost like his usual self. The Angels all jumped up. "Doing our duty sir, uh, ma'am." They replied in unison.

The Queen began counting the humans laid out on the ground. Then he looked up. "There are 56 humans, excellent." Just as he was about to walk away, he was something very interesting. The hair of one of the humans was wet. (Angels in background getting fidgety) He bent down and touched the hair. It came off wet with red paint. The Queen suddenly did an Asuka imitation so convincing that Asuka herself leapt back in fear.

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! THEY USED RED PAINT ON THESE HUMANS!" The Queen screamed. Sachiel, Shamshell, and Ramiel were dragged away crying (don't know how, don't know why, don't want to ask).

Then he turned to face Asuka. "Can you play golf?" He inquired, seeming to forget all his former anger.

"Of course! The Great Asuka will surely kick your ass at the game, you girly man!" She stated proudly.

"Come on then!" The Queen beckoned.

Asuka followed, and soon found herself walking by Rei. "How do you do." The bunny girl asked flatly. When the only response she received was a glare, she shrugged and turned to whip a stray Angel (Armisael, 16th Angel, who killed Rei II).

"So what became of Gendo, er, I mean, the Duchess?" Asuka asked. She was sort of curious about what happened to the embryo clutching man.

"He called the Queen a useless no good loser, and came late too, so the Queen said-"Rei was interrupted by the Queen screaming for everyone to get to their places. They had arrived at a huge sprawling golf course.

There Asuka was given a miniature Lance of Loginus in red while the Queen had a purple one. The ball they used looked very much like an S2 engine. (I know, you people are going, get on with it! We don't need all these Evangelion references!) A couple of Angels joined them on the course, but the Queen began shouting "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" all the time.

Asuka was beginning to feel uneasy here. Just as she was looking for an escape route (sound familiar? Refer back to chapter one), who should appear but Kaworu? He politely asked after her health, which caused Asuka to growl at him (at last! Someone is slightly in character!). Then, he asked, "How do you find the Queen?"

"I think he's a –insert VERY bad words-"Asuka yelled.

Unfortunately, the Queen heard. "Why you-"

Just as she was about to use her famous phrase, the King waddled (hint hint) over to where Kaworu was. "I don't like this cat."

The Queen's attention immediately shifted to the Angel-turned-into-human-form-dressed-in-a-Cheshire-Cat-costume. "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

Kaworu grinned his trademark grin, and then started to run away humming Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Everyone chased after him. After running around for a while (Asuka got bored and fell asleep), they came to a halt. "Let's ask that girl to settle this!" The King declared. So everyone came over to Asuka and kicked her until she woke up. Now, anyone with an ounce of a brain would know that kicking the Second Child is NOT wise. So a little bit later, with bruises everywhere, they begged Asuka for guidance.

"It's that Duchess's cat, so go find him and have him deal with it!" She told them irritably.

Quickly, Arael (15th Angel) ran, uh, flew off to fetch Gendo from the dungeons where he was muttering about Third Impact and the Dead Sea Scrolls and feeding Adam LCL while singing a lullaby (…No comment - -;).

So Asuka sat back down and watched as Shinji in a red dress and Pen-Pen with an oversized crown with the Angels in tow ran around trying to catch Kaworu, who was now singing Ode to Joy. 'When I get back, I'll start carrying DA Revolvers around' Asuka promised herself silently.

To Be Continued…

Author's Note: This chapter is long and really bad, but live with it people. Summer Break is finally here! I feel so good! Okay, now that that's out of my system, I really should write more. Yes, Pen-Pen came back from the realm of the dead. The Angels are representing the cards. Everyone is somewhere deep in the OOC universe. Oh well. Four chapters left. Review!