Chapter one, Chocolate pudding, the other miracle drug
Helloooooooo! Ishi again, man I feel like I have a lot of free time on my hands. But anyways, thanks for daring to read this, it's sort of AU, and some OOC, but mostly in the first chapter, and then some slight inserts so don't be too frightened. Its X, and a Yami no Matsue crossover. I warn you, there isn't any shonen-ai or yaoi in it till the last two chapters, so just bear with it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from X, or Yami no Matsue. If I did, I'd kill Muraki nice and slowly….sorry for all u Muraki fans, I'm just voicing my opinion…
"Please sit down." Said the therapist. Kamui sat himself in the seat obediently. Laying back, he stared straight up at the ceiling, his hands placed together on his stomach. He was a bit nervous about spilling his life story to this poor woman whose job was to sit and listen all the way through. It was Subaru's idea, all of it. He recommended that Kamui go see a therapist after he had accidentally walked into Kamui's room to check on him that dreadful night, when Kamui had just so happened to be in one of his 'moods' and mistook the poor Omniojin for Fuma. Now Kamui wasn't the most aggressive person in the world, but, that particular night, he'd felt the sudden urge to see what it was like on top, so, he went for it. I'll leave you to fill in the blanks.
All in all, Subaru took things extremely well, of course he did try to fight back, but let's face it, trying to summon a shikigami from sutras is kind of hard with the distraction of your friend trying to rape you and all. Kind of gets stressful. But, when it was all said and done, Subaru took it like a man (imagine that) and recovered quickly from the shock, then firmly recommended Kamui'd gets some serious help, and he knew the perfect person for the job.
So there Kamui was, sitting in the office of Subaru's blood relative, who just happened to be a therapist. Haku Sumeragi. Kamui watched as the tall, curly-haired chick fiddle with papers, behind her desk, then happily walk over to a chair next to Kamui's, with some notes, and blank sheets of paper all together on a clipboard. In her right hand was a pen, ready to go.
"So, how are you related to Subaru again?" Kamui asked, for he didn't see even the slightest bit of resemblance in appearance or personality. She had a sort of look to her that was just so, so happy. Definitely not Subaru.
"Oh, I'm his second cousin, twice removed by marriage on his mother's side." She said, then added, trying to sound serious, "but this isn't about me, it's about you."
Well, that explains it. Even so, Kamui didn't really find any easy way to explain the situation. It's not every day a therapist gets something like 'Oh, I accidentally took away whatever virginity was left, if any at all, of your cousin, because I mistook him for my closest childhood friend that has been recently molesting me, just because he went crazy, and tore his sister into pieces in front of my eyes, and then decides being sadistic is fun. I was asleep after all, so I couldn't tell the difference between the two.'
Haku could see that her patient was thinking deeply about something, so trying to get the conversation started, she interrupted his thoughts by saying, "So, Kamui, tell me what happened." This caused Kamui to pop out of his own little world and give her a 'you've gotta be kidding' look.
"Don't worry, Subaru informed me of everything before hand. Why don't we start from the beginning? Share everything that lead up to that point." She'd get him to crack soon enough, it's what she did.
"Well," Kamui began, then took a deep breath, "ok…" he'd made up his mind. If she was crazy enough to take him in as a patient, then she'd get what was coming to her.
……….
Two hours later, Kamui had explained everything that lead up to the point in which he went to bed, and began dreaming about Fuma shooting anonymous flying guinea-pigs that had nametags saying, 'Muraki'.
"Well," Haku-san said when Kamui was through, "I'm not sure what your dreams are trying to tell you exactly, but I can say this, you my dear Kamui-kun have U.S.T."
"Wha-?"
"U.S.T."
"Look," Kamui said frustrated, "I don't really understand any of this therapist-lingo, so just say it to me straight sensei, what's wrong with me?"
"U.S.T is an abbreviation for unresolved sexual tension."
"…"
"And you need something to help you with that." As she said this, she walked back behind her desk and pulled out a large box labeled 'Fragile'. Kamui gulped, and then thought, what exactly could help him with unresolved sexual tension, and be 'fragile'? Haku-san then opened the box, with her handy dandy safety scissors. In the box, was nothing else but Chocolate pudding. Yes, chocolate pudding, the miracle drug (even though it's not really a drug, and we all know that Tums has that title).
"Ha!" she exclaimed, "Chocolate Pudding, the miracle drug!"
"But, I thought that was Tums." Kamui said confused.
"Yes, but Tums won't cure U.S.T now will it? Not completely anyways! Now, I will prescribe this pudding to you, take a whole cup three times a day, once in the morning, before eating anything, then, once after lunch and dinner. Side effects, uh, there isn't really anything too severe, so let's not talk about that."
"Wait," Kamui interrupted, "shouldn't I go see my doctor for prescriptions?"
"Normally yes, but the good doctor is out on an extended vacation…"
Briefly flashes to Muraki…
The man dressed in white, right down to his shoes, walked through a cherry blossom tree park, a knife in hand, with the fresh stains of blood covering it, from his latest victim.
"Damn this is like dejavu! All I need now is for Hisoka to pop in and it will be an instant replay of three years ago!"
Just as he said this, a boy with unmistakable green eyes appeared from out of the shadows. It would have looked seriously scary, kind of like when you get the feeling that something really bad is going to happen to the main character (aka Muraki for now) if not for the fact that Hisoka was accompanied by a small blond-haired infant, no more than three years old, in a stroller in front of him. In fact, it was so unexpected, that Muraki didn't notice him at first, and when he did, he took a double take to make sure he wasn't hallucinating again.
"My who is that?" Muraki asked pointing to the little tike.
"He's yours." Hisoka replied.
"Mine, my what?"
"Your somehow baby!" (Dan, dan, dan, Some other creepy music)
Enough of that for now
"So, don't forget to take them, cause if you don't, it'll mess up your whole system. Pudding is easily found in most every food stores. Make sure you get chocolate, and chocolate alone. Call me in a week if you don't see any results." Haku-san explained, giving Kamui some cups of free pudding to hold him for a day.
After she pushed him out the door and bade him goodbye, and the best of luck, Haku sat back in her chair and breathed a sigh of relief. Barely a minute passed when she heard the window open, the scent of fresh doughnuts from Crispy Cream accompanying it. She found her two friends Ishi and Ki making themselves at home on the floor of her office.
"I don't even wanna know how you guys managed to get in through the window considering this is on the fifth floor, but I'm sure glad to see ya!" She exclaimed to the two.
"Hey Ha-chan! We glad to see ya too!" Ishi replied back.
"Yup, and I brought doughnuts!" Ki added holding up the box of doughnuts.
"Cool," Haku said joining them on the floor (somehow, it's now teatime, without the tea) "Hey, guess who I just treated a few minutes ago? Kamui Shiro in the flesh! Seems he has a case of U.S.T."
"It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out." Ishi said.
"Is it your life goal to mess him up?"
""
"Anyways, I prescribed him some chocolate pudding." Haku said cheerfully.
"You didn't?" Ki said shocked, however all she got out of Haku was a big evil smile that said it all. You see, Haku always gives her patients chocolate pudding to drown their worries away, so it was only natural that she'd give it to Kamui too. However, very few people know of the strange side affects chocolate pudding could give to a person who rarely eats chocolate!
This is suppose to be a comedy, can anyone tell? I'm thinking of making Seishiro be one of Haku-san's patients too, and that means, yes, the chocolate pudding gets to him as well! I really like talking in third person though, I think this one's gonna start doing it regularly, well, not so much when I really talk, for the sake of inoccent/normal people. Do keep reading!