Welcome back all you strange people out there!! This is THE BIRTHDAY EDITION!! WOOHOO!!! It's my birthday really, June 29th, but I'll make Rory's birthday September 5, today in the story so many birthdays and PRESENTS!!! YEAH!!! To my reviewers:

SillyBandit: Yeah, I know SCDL, she takes all of my quotes and uses them as an insanity quiz on her bio! But that's cool 'cause she thinks I'm insane and lots of people from my school randomly use my quotes too! YOU ARE MY HUMAN CLONE!!!!! There's your title, Zanza's Human clone. This is just kinda freaky. I am tall...for my age anyway!! insane laughter AND I AM A PYRO TOO!!!!!!!! (incase you haven't noticed the colorful flaming sporks...its all foamy's fault!) Did you know that if you light nail remover on fire it turns blue? I should know...heh-heh. Thanks for the boy-band names, though I still haven't come up with one I really like...at first I thought DeathTones...but that is almost like another band named...DeafTones...Maybe something with Death or Tones or Fire...Grin EVERYBODY!! SHE THOUGHT I WAS BRITISH!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.

DaLuver: So you're getting 'fat' because you stopped skipping down the mountain? And I've inspired you to continue and lose weight....ooooooookay. That's nice. I'm creating a bimbo for you as we speak and I hope you like...paintball. enter psychotic laughter

Amoria: Sorry if I confused ya! I do that a lot to people with my intelligence...and we know my bud confuses people with her BS...Retard. Okay, the question. Rory just kind of tried out the dark side because Voldie insisted because she is the ACTUAL heir to Slytherin and a great use to the dark. She told Dumbledore and everybody and they thought it was a wonderful chance to spy, but only for a short amount of time because she could be VERY useful to ole Voldie. But she wasn't into Pureblood supremacy and as soon as she broke up with Blaise, after something big happened, and went to the light side. Do you get it? If you still don't I'll try to help more. Just email me so you don't have to wait for me to update! And I'm happy the Flaming sporks and rabid squirrels didn't intimidate you! Scoff-fool-scoff.

Lonewolfsblossom: HEY EVERYBODY SHE CALLED ME A PRO AND SAID THIS WAS HER FAVORITE STORY!!! T-T I'm so touched. sniff Do you have ANY idea what you people are doing to my ego? Blowing it up like...err...like...umm...a squirrel...ehhh...heh-heh. And yes because I love you I will help you! (You had me at hello, which also for some reason made me even MORE arrogant. You should be proud.) IT BETTER BE DMHG OR ELSE YOU WILL SUFFER THE SEVERE CONSEQUENCE OF BEING ATTACKED BY RABID SQUIRRELS, IMPALED BY COLORFUL FLAMING SPORKS, PUT IN A FRILLY PINK DRESS AND MADE TO DANCE WITH SNAPE IN A CLOWN COSTUME!!!! And the wonderful PRO (MWAHHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!! Evil ego.) will help you out. Just email me! Yeah! Send any kind of idea you may have or story line and if you don't have one, I'll still help ya!

I own Ty, Troy, and Calica. DaLuver owns Monica and Professor Rogers. Lance Kelly is owned by himself. Brandon Boyd is owned by himself (Incubus lead singer). I own some places that you've never heard of. The song is owned by the Offspring. Everything else is owned by JKR. Damn...

Now on with this ESPECIALLY INSANE BIRTHDAY CHAPTER!!!!!

"Draco! I'm leaving! We have class in half an hour!" Rory yelled through Draco's door as she passed it on her way out. She received a grunt of acknowledgement as she jogged down the stairs. The wall slid out of the way and she raced through the slightly chilly weather towards the Great Hall. Geez. No wonder Draco was so late all the time. He took forever to fix his hair. Then again, we all can't be as pretty as him. (a/n Or as sexxi! -) She slowed down as she neared the colossal wooden doors. They opened upon her reaching within five feet of the entrance. 'Automatic doors this year. Dumbledore really is making improvements.' She ambled into the Hall, the doors slamming shut behind her. She walked over to the Gryffindor table and saw Ginny, Neville, and Luna, with an empty space next to Ginny. She plopped herself down on the bench next to her and grinned at them. "Hey Ror," Luna greeted. "Luna, Neville, Gin," Rory responded. "Hey, do you know anything about these new seventh year boys, Rory?" Neville asked. "No, I hadn't heard anything about them..." Rory replied. "I heard they are ALL supposed to be really hot," Ginny said dreamily. "Well, I guess we'll hear it from Dumbledore himself. Here he is," Luna announced pointing at the old man with a mischievous glint in his eye, followed by three boys and a girl. "It couldn't be...YEAH!" Rory whispered loudly, grinning. "Attention students! We have a few new students here at Hogwarts this year. All will be going into their seventh year. Brandon Boyd, Troy Atkins, and Ty Jefferson. Mr. Boyd is going into Slytherin and both Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Atkins are in Gryffindor," Dumbledore stated, that twinkle remaining in his eye as the three boys left the stage, heading towards their tables, where many girls swooned. "And this is Miss Calica Jefferson. She is training to be a medi-witch under Madam Pomphrey. Treat her with the same respect as you do the professors. That is all for now. Continue eating," Dumbledore directed.

We've been playing now for much too long

And never gonna dance to a different song

"Troy! Ty!" Rory yelled eagerly. She ran up behind Troy and jumped on his back. "Rory!! What's up? We were looking for you yesterday but couldn't find you! Where were you?" Ty asked, cheerfully. "Doing some stuff...How did you all get here? Aren't you supposed to be somewhere infiltrating the walls of evil or something?" Rory questioned dramatically, beaming. "Brad let us come back to school for our seventh year, but he preferred us coming here to be with you. I think he did it 'cause he likes you..." Troy explained, smirking slyly. They continued poking at her by singing 'Rory and Brad sittin' in a tree...' Rory rolled her eyes at their childish antics. "Troy! Ty! Stop being jerks!" Calica reprimanded. They both shut up immediately. 'Must be her...time.' Was the thought shared through a glance between the two boys. "Hey Calica. You didn't tell me you were gonna study under Pomphrey," Rory whined. "Brad just decided to let me for some reason...A strange one, isn't he?" Rory nodded in agreement. "Hey guys, come over here and meet my friends from Hogwarts," Rory commanded. "Yes, mam!" Troy and Ty yelled sarcastically, while Calica head back towards the Head Table with the Professors. "Guys, this is Troy and Ty. Boys, this is Luna, Neville, and Ginny," Rory introduced. The boys spent most of the breakfast time flirting with Ginny and Luna, while Neville and Rory held the only intelligent conversation at the table. "Hey, Rory, could you look over my essay for Snape real quick?" Neville asked and handed her his parchment. "Sure, Nev," Rory replied, taking the parchment. She began reading Neville's paper. She felt her left arm go numb and looked up immediately looking into stormy gray eyes. Malfoy. 'What is he staring at me for?' The scars from the use of dark magic to attack her were sort of similar to Potter's scar. She could feel when the person who attacked her was near or looking at her. Kind of scary actually, but very useful. The gaze broke when Rory sent him a warning glare and went back to reading Neville's paper.

I'm gonna scream and shout till my dying breath

I'm gonna smash it up till there's nothing left

Rory plopped down at an empty table in the Potion's Room. She sighed, propping her feet up on the table lazily. She looked around. Just her two nameless Gryffindors and a few Slytherin girls. She closed her eyes and sighed again. As more students arrived, she could hear them shuffle around her. "Hey 'Mione!" "Yo, 'Mione!" a couple boys yelled, gathering around her desk. Even with her eyes closed she could tell exactly who it was. Potter and his fan club of boyfriends. 'Oh joy.' "PotHead. Firecrotch. PotHead's boyfriends," Rory drawled. "Go ahead and ask. The worst I can do is say no," she mock-comforted and flashed a diabetes-inducing smile. "Well then, could you check our Muggle Studies homework from over the summer?" Ron asked smirking. "Ummmm...no," she retorted, flashing them a smirk that would make Salazar proud. She could feel Ty and Troy nearing the potions room and entering, looking in her direction and walking up behind her as the boys glared at her in shock. "I'd really hate to keep you away from one another, so run along now," she sneered as Potter and his cronies retreated indignantly.
Troy and Ty sat down on either side of her. "I'm so proud of you Ror," Troy said smugly. "Yes. You handled that with such witty and rude sarcasm. I couldn't had said it better myself," Ty added. "Of course, you big sack of duh. I AM the BEST when it comes to witty and rude sarcasm," Rory beamed haughtily.

Ooh smash it up

Smash it up smash it up

Snape's class ran rather smoothly, other than several Gryffindors blowing up their potions without her help. 'Oh. How tragic that the leeches have been discovered.' She helped Neville, Troy, and Ty with their potion and it had been simple enough for them, despite the fact that they hardly needed her help. She just offered willingly and they helped one another without repayment. Just how she liked it.

Ooh smash it up

Smash it up smash it up

"Today will be your first real life experience in DADA. You WILL feel pain. And this shall be an incredible game of vengeance, love, allies, and enemies," Professor Rogers announced grinning. "Today's lesson: PAINTBALL." Rory and her friends grinned and high-fived. "Allow me to demonstrate. Barbie, if you would," she asked her assistant, a giddy, blond bimbo. A perfect Barbie. Oh, the irony. Professor Rogers took out a paintball gun and pulled the trigger. An orange and red blur shot into the girl. It hit her with a SPLAT and she had orange and yellow paint all over her robes, but she was still smiling...(a/n I hate smiling people. It's irritating.)
"Now, here's the catch. Whomever you shot you must go on a date with to Hogsmeade. I will know if you don't go. Now, divide into boys and girls," Rogers commanded as the crowd separated. Each of you will have a gun and certain colored paintballs. By the end of this, everyone must be shot," she said, handing out the guns to girls. "If you get hit within the first ten seconds, detention with Filch. If you don't shoot within the first ten seconds, detention. If you don't move within the first ten seconds, detention," she explained coldly. "Girls shoot first at the boys, then vice versa," she proclaimed. "Begin!"

People call me weird, oh it's such a shame

Maybe it's my clothes, must be to blame

Rory watched as the boys dispersed. She shot near Ty's head just for fun. He ran faster. 'That's my shot.' She jumped onto a limb of a tree and steadied herself. She jumped to a near sturdy looking tree branch. She continued this for a few minutes, until she stumbled upon a panting Draco Malfoy hiding in a tree. "Malfoy?" she asked. "They-they're crazy. I knew I was sexy and all, but my god. They're insane," he said, his voice quivering. She cleared her throat. "Would you like me to save you, Malfoy?" she asked. He looked up at her. "Yes!! PLEASE!?!?" he screamed pitifully, grabbing at her leg desperately. "Ummm...okay. Well back up and turn around. Its gonna sting," Rory ordered as Draco complied. She lifted her gun and-"OW! Bloody hell, Rory! Did ya have to stand so close?!" "Hey! I didn't move! You had the choice to move further away, didn't you? So it's in no way my fault! And you owe me!" Rory yelled, sticking out her tongue at Draco, his robes covered in silver and black paint. "Oh, how mature..."

I don't even care if I look a mess

Don't wanna be a sucker like all the rest

"Okay! I found you boys incredibly pathetic to all have been shot in ten minutes. Either that or these girls are more insane than I had originally thought, but now it's your turn. Same rules! And I hope these girls aren't in any way as pathetic as you," Professor Rogers yelled, enthusiastic about her sarcasm. The girls got into a line opposite the boys and-ENTER SCARY LOUD NOISE Professor Rogers got a blow horn out to signal the start.

Smash it up

And you can keep your crystal glasses

 Rory did a mid-air back flip to avoid all the paintballs coming her
way. 'God Dammit! Why did I have to mature so suddenly!?' She ran towards the forest, paintballs whizzing by her. She jumped when she heard the whooshing sound of a paintball coming towards her feet. She disappeared into the forest, jumping on a tree limb again. She jumped to another and another, the 'splat' of paintballs smashing into trees around her, continuing until she didn't here the crunching of feet on dried leaves any more. She sat down on a branch and sighed, her hearing sharp, just in case. She could her the popping of paintball guns shooting in the distance. Suddenly, she heard leaves crunching under a pair of leather boots, by the sound of it. Leather... Only one male owned a pair of leather boots to her knowledge. "Malfoy!" By now the shots had ceased and the silence of the forest was only broken by the occasional 'pop!'

Smash it up

And you can see a very dead-way end

"Rory?" he called back cautiously. She dropped out of the tree in front of him and grinned. "I finally realize the hardships of being so damn sexy like us!" she cried, overly dramatic. He closed the space between them, enveloping her in a melodramatic hug. "I know! Why?! Why were we cursed with such good looks and athletic ability?!" he cried patting her back. They broke apart smirking. "About that favor you owe me..." Rory trailed off. "Of course, love," Draco answered, sarcastically. (a/n Just to be clear: he doesn't love her. Its like a weird thing he calls all his friends that are girls or something, okay?) Rory backed away farther than Draco had and CRACK. "Wow. That does sting quite a bit..." Rory mumbled, massaging her shoulder. "Well, I guess we have TWO dates to Hogsmeade, now, eh?" Draco announced more than asked. "Yup, but you're paying and you can't touch me!" she said, sticking out her tongue. "It would be the most gentlemanly thing to do...Well, let's head back. I think we are the last one out..." Draco said, turning around. "Ummm...Draco?" "Yeah?" "Where are we?" "Err..."

Smash it up

And you can stick a frothy lager

After finding their way back, Draco and Rory were told that their two dates would take place next Saturday and the Saturday afterwards. Rory made a mental note of who got who:

'Ty- Lavender & Padma

Potter-Parvati

Weasley-Millicent

Troy-Pansy (HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! I kinda feel bad---not!)

Blaise-no one

Draco-me

Pansy-Blaise

Pavarti-Troy

Padma-Ty

Millicent-Weasley & Potter (that puts a nasty image in your mind...)

Lavender-Brandon (that new Slytherin kid)

Me-Draco'

Smash it up

 Up the fuck with your lesson

At dinner that night several owls surrounded her carrying boxes and awkwardly wrapped items, attracting attention to her. 'What's going on? Ummm...not a holiday...not any anniversary...wait...what's today? September 5th....oh...that's my BIRTHDAY!!! YEAH! I ROCK!!!' She immediately looked at Ty and Troy and grinned. "You just remembered, didn't you?" Troy asked knowingly. Her grin widened and she nodded vigorously, unashamed. "Well, open them!!!" Luna commanded eagerly. "Yes, sir!" she mock agreed. She grabbed the biggest thing first. Troy, Ty, Neville, Luna, Ginny, and even Calica who had joined us gathered around. She read the card first, much to everyone's dismay. "Its from 'Ver. Aw. I always knew he loved me," Rory announced. (a/n 'ver is Oliver Wood) She already knew what it was by the shape of it, but still she ripped the brown wrapping paper off impatiently. A gasp followed. "An Alexandria 10000," Rory announced smiling. "Yup, he loves me a lot." She handed the broom off to Troy after inspecting it keenly and reading the information card. He gazed in awe at it. This version wasn't even coming out! Only stars like Oliver could get it. He read the card. 'This oughta help ya in the quidditch tryouts!!! Good luck, Ror!!! Oliver W.'

We've been playing now for much too long

And never gonna dance to a different song

She looked over to the next owl. Black with bright green eyes. Rory grinned involuntarily. "Awww...he shouldn't have...Really. Its probably a bomb," she told Ty. He snorted. "I wouldn't put it past him." She opened up the box and smiled when she saw leather. She pulled it out to reveal a long black leather trench coat. A crampled piece of parchment fell to the floor, catching Rory's eye. She picked it up and read it aloud, "'You always looked good in leather. S.'" She grinned and tried the coat on. It fit perfectly. She spun for the spectators and received appreciative whistles from the males. She took the coat off and threw it at Ty, moving on to the next package. She untied a package from a white eagle. She unwrapped the wrapping paper from the box and grinned. 'Xtreme Hair Highlight Kit.' She smirked. 'You look nice in green! But don't let the squirrels getcha! Monica.' That was random. She threw a glance to Monica who met her gaze and smiled slightly to her. She threw the kit to Troy, who put it beside the broom. She grabbed the next present from a black eagle with red eyes. It was a rather small box wrapped in crimson paper. She ripped it open to reveal a black velvet jewelry bow. She opened it and resting on a velvet pillow was a bracelet, ebony in the light with purple, blue, and gray swirls lingering within it. She cocked her head to the side curiously. She looked to the card and read it to herself. "Ummm...its from Vicious. He says its some sort of artifact that 'only the purest of the pure' can wear it. I guess he thought that was me," she explained, still a confused, but she put it on and...well she wore it.

I'm gonna scream and shout till my dying breath

I'm gonna smash it up till there's nothing left

"Ummm...Ror. This one is only carrying this," Troy said, handing her a piece of paper. She looked to the white eagle with black on the tips of its wings. It had beautiful navy blue eyes, she noticed. She read the note. 'Ror, You never had an owl, so I DECIDED TO GET YOU A DAMN EAGLE SO YOU CAN SEND YOUR REPORTS WITHOUT HAVING TO BEG EVERYONE FOR THIERS. Its name is Angel. Brad.' She laughed and said, "Everything is all about duty with him!" She passed the letter and Angel to Calica, who was empty-handed. She snickered as she saw the black owl perched on the table. She gently untied the bit of parchment from his leg. "Hey, Eb," she whispered to it, patting its wing. She unrolled the parchment and read the big, sloppy writing. She chuckled at the youth's precision in writing, or lack there of. 'Mynee, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! From, me, La and Blaise (even though he hasn't a clue that I sent this).' She grinned and folded the paper and put it into her robes. La, Blaise's little sister was her favorite of all Blaise's siblings. She was absolutely adorable and idolized her. She chuckled thinking about it. She fed the eagles and owls and sent them back to their owners with a quick thank you and several questions back to Vicious about that crazy bracelet.

And everybody's smashing things down

"Here ya go Ror," Ty said, handing her a stack of somethings wrapped up and tied together with black ribbon. She opened the top two up and both of them said the same thing, 'VENDETTA---CHRONICLE OF A RELATIONSHIP' She grinned and looked up at him. "That's awesome!!! You did this all by yourself!" "Yup! It wasn't that hard. We already had our recordings!" he replied. "A cd of US!! I don't believe it she said grinning. Another stack was shoved in front of her by Calica. Rory beamed at her. She opened the first cd up: Offspring. The next one: Metallica. The following ones: Godsmack, Draconian, Incubus, Pink Floyd, among others. "Thanks, Lee!" Rory yelled grinning. "OHH!!!! OHHH!!! ME NEXT!!!" Troy screamed, shoving a silver wrapped box under her nose. "Hmmmm...who to pick? Any volunteers? Anyone? Anyone at all?...oh fine, Troy?" she said to a very frustrated Troy, taking the box from him. She took her time opening, mush to Troy's dismay. When it was all finally removed, a quidditch kit looked her in the face. She read the box. 'Includes: QUIDDITCH GLOVES, BROOM WAX, 3 BLUDGERS, 5 PRACTICE SNITCHES, AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!' She smiled. She then attacked each of the three with a hug, which most stumbled then returned.

I said everybody's smashing things down

Happy fourth y'all. Even if you're not from America...its still July 4th! :P No review or I shall sick my (my newest threat) herd of attacking HUMMINGBIRDS AND WOODPECKERS ON YOU!!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Zanza