AUTHOR'S NOTE: I played a very mean trick on you all in my last two chapters. The first was making you think Karen loved Jack and the second was making you think Karen loved Mary. Yes, that was cruel and evil and I should be very sorry. But I'm not. I was just messing with you. I assure you that there will be no homosexual couplings in this story. However if you do want to find one there are plenty to be found under the Harvest Moon categories. Hey, I'm just saying….

Chapter 11: Ready or Not

Fall 3

Tonight is the Music Festival. It shall be held in the church at six, but Pastor Carter wants everyone who will be playing to arrive an hour early. So that means I'll have to keep an eye on the clock seeing as it's four right now. Now normally I would be writing from my desk in the library around this time of day, but since it's a holiday and no one would stop by even if it wasn't, I decided to close up shop for today. I did this mostly because I needed all the time that I could take to practice the organ. The only organ in town is in the church so that's were I headed. It's been about three hours now since I arrived. Pastor Carter keeps telling me that I'll do fine and that there's no need to practice, however I don't feel ready. I'm so scared that I may mess up and in doing so, ruining the whole night. I don't know why I keep allowing myself to be talked into doing this every year! I just may die.

I feel so unlucky. Everyone else can practice in their own homes or at least somewhere where people can't hear their every mistake. I already mentioned that Karen will be singing, but I don't think I brought up the fact that both Elli and Ann will be playing the flute. There both rather good at it, at least that is what I think.

Come to think of it, Popuri is the only young lady in the village who doesn't participate in this day. That's strange because she is usually so active in whatever the village is doing. I think I'll ask her about that sometime.

Alright. I've taken enough of a break. Back to work. Between the organ and all this writing, my fingers are starting to ache. Maybe I should take a break from writing for a bit, maybe. We'll see.

Goodbye for now.

-Mary-

Fall 3 (cont.)

I know I just said that I would take a break but I can't go without making a note of this. While I was practicing Pastor Carter left the church for a while, when he came back he came up to me and said that he found someone new to play in the festival. My first thought that maybe Popuri had finally decided to join in, but when I asked who it was, it wasn't Popuri's name he gave. It was Jacks! Unbelievable. That's not the whole news. Not only will Jack be playing, but he will be standing right in front of the organ! Right by me! As if I wasn't scared enough! He'll be right there and I don't know if I'll be able to focus enough on my playing. I think I may be to worried about what Jack might think to be able to do this. I'm to nervous. My hands are shaking and everything I'm writing is coming out sloppy. I have half an hour till I need to be back here. I think I better go rest.

-Mary-

Leo looked back over the last entry which took up the bottom of one page and the top of the next on the same sheet. He flipped back and forth between the two pages, comparing the writing to other entries. It was a little different, but that was all. Sloppy? No, not by a long shot. He couldn't believe that this was what his mother considered bad hand writing. Never the less, Leo didn't feel like dwelling on that one detail.

He glanced over to the clock that hung from the wall. The funeral was going to start soon. Well, not soon soon, but it was still to close for comfort. But the again, if the funeral started in twenty years, that would be too soon for his likening.

Leo wanted to push those thoughts out of his mind. He didn't want to think that both his mother and father were dead. He began reading again, pushing himself back into a world that was.

Fall 3 (cont.)

I survived by some higher act I actually made it thought the entire thing and I did not miss a single note! Even with Jack right there, I managed to pull it off. I think maybe it was because I had my back turned to everyone, facing the wall. I made the whole idea go away and just let my mind work on the keys in front of me. As I said, I survived.

Jack came up to me after the show with his instrument in his hand, an Ocarina. It was the first year I can remember having one of those in the Festival, but it sounded wonderful. I had no idea that Jack could play so well.

He said that I was wonderful. I thanked him and even managed not to blush to heavily. He and I talked for a little after that, nothing big, just a little chit-chat about things unimportant to mention. Still, I enjoyed it.

Karen caught me on the way out, she had been waiting by the entrance. As I was leaving I saw that she was speaking to Jack about something. I think I knew what. I didn't really want to think about that then so I tried to hurry along before I could be seen, but Karen did spot me and called over for me to wait. I heard her bid a farewell to Jack and the jog over.

"It's all set. Are you still ready?"

"Karen, I don't know if this is-"

"Don't you dare chicken out, Mary." She interrupted so sternly that it shook me a little. "This is your big chance and if you don't take it, you may never get it again. Do you understand that?"

"Yes……" I mumbled, not sure of myself.

"Do you understand!" She almost yelled.

"Yes!" I replied before I even knew it.

Karen smiled at me, satisfied.

"Good girl."

She gave me a pat on the shoulder and then pulled me along.

"Come on." She said. "Walk me home."

The market in very close to the church, actually the only building In between in the clinic where Elli works at with the village doctor (The two of the, have started seeing each other romantically). It wasn't long before we reached her house, said out goodbyes and she went inside, but no before reminding me not to blow it. I wonder if she knows she's just making it harder on me? She probably does.

After passing two more homes and the library I reach my home where mom had dinner ready, leftovers from the other night. After dinner I went right to bed and that's where I am now. I'd like to write more but now my fingers really hurt. You would be hearing from me for awhile. I need to rest them for a few days. It shouldn't be long though, I'll be back before the Moon Festival no matter what may come.

-Mary-

Fall 10

It's been a week since last time I've written anything. To tell the truth my fingers were fine again after about two days. I would have come back sooner, but the fact of the matter is, there was really nothing to speak about. The past seven days have been just so plain that there was little to no point to bring anything up. Actually today wasn't every special either. It seems that I have gotten too much into the habit of writing down my thoughts and feelings that I needed to come back to this diary, despite the lack of noteworthy events. I do need this diary, it has been a God send to me. For someone like me, speaking how I really feel is hard, if not impossible at times. I become so afraid that, if I say something wrong, I'll hurt someone's feelings. There is nothing wrong with me, I'm just shy, that's all. And is that so bad, to be shy? That's why I've grown so close to this little book, here I can say how I really feel without fear. Normally I could do this only through the stories I would write, but even that wasn't good enough. Because, it wouldn't be me talking, it would be some character I would create, but never me. I would never put myself in one of my stories, at least not fully. I do base characters off of some of the people living here. That's what makes it so easy to write. I already know the characters and their thoughts and actions. I live so closely to each one of them every day. But in my diary it's all different. I am me. I am Mary and what I feel, I can say. I suppose that you will be the only one to every know how I truly feel. You can see the real me.

-Mary-

What Leo felt at that moment was guilt. And it hit him like a truck going a million over the speed limit. What he was doing was wrong, even if he was doing it for the right reasons. Being her son didn't make it any better, he might as well be a robber who accidentally stole this diary along with all of the family treasures; just reading it for kicks. He should stop. He should put down the book, stuff it back into it's little place on the shelf and just leave it there. But, in his heart, Leo knew he couldn't. He had come to far to stop now. He was standing at the exact point of no return. He knew he would hate himself for this later, he knew it, but even that didn't stop him. Hell couldn't stop him now.

"I'm sorry mom, but…….I have to know."

With a heart as heavy as lead, he turned the page to the next entry.

Fall 12

Tomorrow is the day, the moment of truth. I still have no idea about what I'm going to do, or what to say, or anything, but I have to try. I suppose that, even if I were to fail, knowing his true feelings would be better then living a life wondering. I don't regret falling in love with Jack, no matter what outcome may arise at the festival. I want to make this perfectly clear that I am happy with my choice. My heart is his and whatever he may do to it is his choice. I will be strong.

I went to see Karen several times since we, or should I say she, made this plan. I wanted her to call it off, or get give me more time, anything to prevent me from this fate, but she wouldn't have it. Karen kept telling me, "Bit the bullet, Mary. Bite the bullet" I suppose I shall. The time has come for me to do this. It can't be that hard to say, can it? It's only three little words, right?

Somebody help me.

-Mary-

Fall 13

Today's the day. In only a few short hours I'll have to leave the house. I'm sure Karen will come check on me to make sure I left. I know her just as well as she knows me. Wish me luck, diary. I'm going to need it.

-Mary-

Fall 14

I would like to begin by explaining what I have waiting till today to explain the events of the Moon Festival. We can simply leave it as this: It was very late when I arrived home and I was more tired then I had ever been in my life. I slept badly the night before. I hoped that if I didn't mention that yesterday, I could make myself a little less nervous. It didn't work.

A little before ten I left home and went to Mother's Hill. It was empty, just as Karen promised. I have no idea what she did to make that happen, she refuses to tell me. I hope that doesn't mean she made some big fuss over it.

It was easy to find my way to the top of the mountain, the moon is the brightest of the entire year on that day every year, one could almost think it was still day if it wasn't for the blue tint that covered the world from the moon's glow.

I'm not exactly sure how long I stood there, looking up at the night sky before I heard someone else coming up the hill's path. I wanted to tell myself that it was someone else who just had the same idea as me, but I knew better. It was Jack. He was here and I could not run. It was too late for that.

His voice carried over the still air to me. He simply said my name, but that was enough. My heart skipped a beat and chills went down my spine. Still I overcame these emotions and turned around, slowly, to face him.

"Hello, Jack."

"Evening."

Maybe I'm wrong, just playing into the drama of the moment, or maybe it was jus the moonlight shining on his face, but I think, I think, he looked a little scared. Like he didn't know what to do any more then I did. To my own surprise I was the one to speak up first to break the silence that had settled over us.

"You know tonight is the Moon Festival? If you don't have other plans, would you like to watch the sky with me."

"That sounds…… wonderful. Thank you."

I nodded and watched as he approached the cliff edge with me. He turned his eyes up to the stars and I followed.

"Beautiful." Jack said.

"Hmm?"

"The sky, I mean. It's so clear. It's almost as if I could reach up and touch the stars."

"Yes. Isn't it? You know, some of these stars have disappeared long ago, but the light from them is still visible. It's an incredible thing to think about."

"Yes. It is. The most incredible thing I've ever seen."

I mustered the inner strength to look over at Jack. I saw that he was no longer looking at the sky, but at me. His eyes were fixed fully on mine. And when I looked into his eyes, the fear was gone. I knew I was ready. This was it.

"Jack. There's something I want to talk about."

"What?"

"Jack you-I mean-It's that-"

I gathered myself and adjusted the glasses on my face.

"Jack I know that it's only been a few months since you arrived, but I feel like, in that short amount of time that I have come to know you very well. You're such a kind person with such a warm heart. You say the sweetest things and when I'm around you………when I'm around you I feel at ease. You make me feel things that I've never felt before. Things that no one else has ever done for me."

"Mary."

"What I'm trying to say is……I love you. I love you, Jack."

That's what would have happened. By all right that is what should have happened, but I chickened out. When I saw his eyes, I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't do it.

The entry for this date ended there. His mother's signature was not present as it had been every before. The page was stained here, the words near then end became hard to read and the paper became flaky as paper did when it wet. His mother was crying here, Mary was crying here. She was so upset at herself that she broken out into tears and just stopped writing. So upset, it seemed that there was a large gap between this entry and the next.

TO BE CONTINUED