Chapter 12: Gray Matter

Fall: 29

The first thing I feel like I should do is apologize for my last entry. That night was very emotional for me. I just needed to express myself. The truth is that I did gaze into Jack's eyes, that much is true, but that's as far as it went that night. I tried to speak to him so many times, but the words kept getting caught in my throat every time. I finally knew that it was too late, that nothing would happen. Nothing good would come at that festival. I excused myself and went home. I managed to make it out of sight before I began to cry. I ran home. Luckily both mother and father were gone so I didn't have to explain the tears. I don't remember how long that lasted, but I did cry myself to sleep that night. The next day I thought that I was ready to talk about it. I thought that I would be well enough to write it down, but re-living that night was just as bad as being there. I cried. I suppose it's luck I didn't ruin the whole book with my sobbing.

It took me a long time to bring up the courage to write in here again, as you can see. I knew that when I opened this book, I would see that date and the tears would come again. However the urge to talk about my feelings out did the pain and I move on this this page. I thought about just ripping that part of my diary out so many times, but I never had the courage. It felt as though I would be destroying a piece of my life somehow. I can't really explain it, but it just felt wrong. That doesn't mean I won't come back later and rip it out, though.

It's no wonder that Karen was quite upset with me. Upset isn't the correct word, she was mad. She refused to speak to me for a week after she heard how I turned tail. She had no right to be mad. It's my life! She shouldn't be meddling in it anyway! But that's not being fair. She does care for me, and only has my best interests at heart. Karen is angry because she doesn't want to see my waste my life. I don't wish for that event either. Anyway, she came around just the same and we're friends again. But what about Jack? Things feel a bit different between us now, but I still like him. I do want to be with him. I just know that I'm not ready yet. In time, though. All in do time.

-Mary-

Winter 1

The first snow is falling this morning. It's the first day of winter and this is when the snow starts for Mineral Village. We won't be seeing the grass again for quite some time. It's not exactly freezing here, but it never quite gets warm enough for the snow to melt completely until spring. I stopped questing why the weather acts like it does here. The only answer that I can come up with is that this village is special, that's all.

I love the winter and the snow. It seems to muffle out the entire world. I think I'll go for a small walk around. I really want to get out of the house and out into the great outdoors. So then I'll just end here. So long.

-Mary-

Winter 5

I ran into Gray today. He was just leaving the blacksmith shop where he works just as he was leaving. He looked so upset. I asked him what the problem was. He complained about Saibara, the elderly man he works for. He often is upset the poor man. Gray don't feel appreciated by him. He says that nothing he makes is ever good enough for the tastes of Saibara. I can understand how he feels, though I think he may just be a little touch about anyone criticizing his work. That makes scene. I know that I would be hurt if anyone told me that my writings were not good enough, we all like to hear nice things about what we've done and Gray is no exception to that rule.

I told him to keep at it, that I liked what he made and the he ad great talent. After I said that, I saw Gray smile, just a little at the corners of his mouth. He so rarely does that, but he looks quite handsome when he does. That by it's self is a noteworthy event, but it was what he did next that took me off guard. Gray hugged me, tightly out in the falling snow. And as he held me he thanked me for being so kind, for always being so kind. He was blushing a little as he said goodbye and half walked, half jogged away. I was full red faced. There was no warning, just all of a sudden Gray was holding me and I don't know how to take that. I don't know what I'm supposed to think. Perhaps I'm taking to much into a simple hug. He was just happy, that's all. He was happy that I liked what he did. I'm sure that was all. Sometimes I think the dumbest things.

-Mary-

Winter 9

Gray came into the library today. He said that he had the day off and was looking for something of interest to read. However we both spent a good amount of time talking before we ever actually went to look for a book. He asked me something very painful. He asked what I did for the Moon Festival. I know that he had no way in knowing about what happened that night, but I was still upset. Somehow, and I don't know how, I managed to stay calm and tell him that I was fine, that I just spent the night at home. Gray looked confused. He said that he tried my home and no one was there. He even asked Karen where he could find me and she didn't know. I told him that I just must have nodded off upstairs while I was reading and not head him. Gray accepted that well enough. I hated to lie to him, but I had to. No way was I going to tell him the truth. The strange thing is that when I asked him why he wanted me, he blushed slightly and dismissed the question like I didn't even ask it. That was when he left for the far corner of the shop. He was there for a long time, too. Actually now that I think of it, he didn't leave until Jack came in. That was when he suddenly claimed that he forgot something he had to do and just left. And I think, I think he even glared at Jack as he exited. I wonder if they got into a fight or something? I thought about asking Jack, but it wasn't my business.

Jack was visiting as he often did, though he only checked out books every now and then. I wish I could say that he make the visit to see me, but that just would just be wishful thinking. However, a girl can dream, can't she?

-Mary-

Winter 14

Today is a small little celebration we have in Mineral Village known as Winter Thanksgiving. It's no were near as nice or as elaborate as the actual Thanksgiving, but it still does involve food. It's a holiday where girls give chocolate to the boys. Not just any boy either, we're suppose to give them to someone we really care for. I never took part in this before because there was never anyone where that I cared that much about in that way. That's not to say that I don't care for the people here, I do love them all, but I've never been in love with anyone, until Jack. I spent all of yesterday making a chocolate cake for Jack. You have no idea how much Karen's face beamed when I told her about what I was going to do. She said that she was proud and that her 'little girl was growing up'. She is so weird at times. Karen offered to help me bake, and I refused as politely as I could. Bless Karen she is a wonderful person, but when it comes to cooking however, I'm sorry, but she is terrible! Karen is the kind of person who could burn cereal if you know what I mean. I think I would be safest doing it on my own. I told here that it made it more 'special' if I did it myself. That's not a total lie. I do think it does make is special.

I walked to Jack's farm so carefully as I held this cake in my hands. It was a small cake, but I was so scared that I would drop it and waste an entire day of cooking that it took me twice as long to reach his home as it normally would. I swear that the road in front of me stretched out forever as I walked.

When I came to his home, I didn't see him anywhere. I thought I left soon enough that he would still be at home, but it didn't appear so. I thought that maybe I could just leave the cake outside and leave. That way I wouldn't have to actually give it him in person. I might have just as well done that too, when the door to his home opened and Jack stepped out, adjusting the ever-present hat on top of his head. He saw me and smiled right away. But then his eyes saw the cake and his face changed into a mixture of emotions that I couldn't really decipher. I didn't wait for him to speak, instead I held the cake out to him.

"H-here." I said "I-it's for you. I made it myself."

He took his gift from my hands and looked at it. He then trained his eyes back on me. The smile was back again, wider then ever.

"Thank you Mary. This is the nicest gift I've ever gotten."

"You-you're welcome."

I was so happy to hear that he liked it. I didn't think the day could get better, but it did. He invited me inside to eat it with him. Now, I was ready to say no, that it was his to eat, that I didn't want to keep him from his work, but my mouth beat my brain. I said agreed right away and Jack lead me inside.

This was the first time I had ever been inside of him home. Can you believe it? I've know Jack for almost a year and I've never even seen the inside of his house. It was rather small, but didn't need anything elaborate. The bedroom, living room, and dining room were all combined into one with the bath room and kitchen beyond the other door. Jack entered the kitchen and came out with two plates, tow glasses of milk, and a knife. He cut the cake and served me and then himself. The home was nice, but a little messy. It was nothing a good cleaning couldn't fix. As much as Ann loved to clean, she would go wild in there. It was as if Jack read me thoughts, he apologized for the mess. I made the comment that he was to busy as is to worry about his home. I told him he needs a wife to help out. After I said that, Jack blushed and said, almost whispered, "I guess I do."

Jack changed the subject quickly and I had forgotten that I had even made the comment until just now. We talk about his farm, and the snow, he said that his dog, Kit, had won the Dog Race back on the tenth. I congratulated him and apologized for not showing up. He said that it was all right.

Before I knew it we had eaten the whole cake and the milk was gone. I still lose track of the entire world when I'm around that man. I really do. We both said goodbye about a hundred times before I actually returned home and he left for Mother's Hill to go work in the mine. I guess neither one of us wanted the moment to end.

Mother greeted me from the kitchen when I arrived home. She asked where I was for so long. I told her I was at Jack's home. She smiled at that. She knows what I feel for him. Mother's know these things. I am grateful that she didn't say anything though. As I was about to head upstairs she said this:

"Are you going you going upstairs, dear?"

"Yes, mother."

"There's something for you on your bed."

"What?"

"You'll see."

I went up to my room and there was something on my bed. Sitting right at the food was a small, brown bag. I opened it up and inside was a chocolate bar and a note. The note read:

'I know that this isn't how it's supposed to go, but I still want you to have this. You deserve it.

Yours:

Gray'

I sat there looking at the chocolate and reading the note. Maybe Gray is just being nice to me, but I think it's more. He had never done something like this before. I think that Gray sees me as more then a friend. I think that he's starting to feel for me the way that I feel for Jack. Suddenly, things seem a lot harder.

-Mary-