Author's Note: I hope this unconfuses things a little. Please take time to piece things together. Any more confusion, please email me so I can make it clear to you. Hope you enjoy. Thanks muchly!
Italics -flashbacks.
Impersonator Waltz
Chapter Eight
White Carnation's Death
"I'll do anything. I'll even give you my body."
A mocking laugh. A scribbling of words. Twinkling eyes.
"Really, Rin. As much as I'd like to, you're much too young for me."
A flash of dignity. Snarl.
"You're a fucking liar, Shigure."
A knowing chuckle. An empty smile.
"Not liar, dear, just… cryptic." He laughed again.
"Then what price do you want for you to do this for me?"
It was his turn to look condescendingly at her, smile gone. He gripped his pen tighter.
"There is no price on love, Rin." His eyes were hard and his jaw set. "I'll do this, but not for you." His eyes softened for a moment, remembering. "I do this for someone else. A person who is worth as much to me as Hatsuharu is to you."
He looked pointedly at her and Rin stared back, mirroring his expression; an expression of a fierce dedication to their loves, a dedication they do not want them knowing of; a dedication that intended to destroy the family in order to build a new life.
The Horse sighed tiredly, sitting on the floor, looking disgruntled.
"You'll really do this," she said flatly, staring blankly at the ground, fingertips toying with her hair. Her eyes were cold but held a burning love. "You're stupid, Shigure, but brave. I'll give you that much." She looked up at him, lashes making pretty shadows on her cheekbones. "You're much braver than me, I'll admit. That's why I came to you to break this – this –" She fished for words, distaste evident, "this fucking thing."
"Oh, but babies wouldn't exist withou –"
"Braver than me," cut in Rin sharply, shooting him a warning glance, "braver than me because I came to you instead of trying to solve this by myself." She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Heavens knows I've tried." She observed the dull shine of her hair in the half light, eyes fleetingly mournful, like shining coals. "Tried so much and so many times for him." An instinctive hand went to the faded cut on her arm, caressing it as though the gauze still bound in her blood, a phantom memory still haunting her. "You're really sure about this?"
"And if I'm not?"
Her eyes flashed.
"Don't play games, Dog! By striking this deal with him –" here, Shigure smiled inwardly "—you know that you're putting all of us in danger. Possibly death." Both sets of eyes were as cold as ice; as hot as fire. "By striking a bargain with God …" She referred to Akito with ill-hidden disgust, mouth curling nastily. "A bargain with the Jyunnishi commander … you know that he can kill all of us if he wanted to? If the fancy just takes him …? If he finds out that you're – that we're doing this for other reasons, not just because we're creating time for him to seduce Hatori –" she said this with utmostdistaste "— so that he'll release us from his dirty hold, you know that he'll punish not just us, but the people we're doing this for? Hatsuharu and Ayame will cop as much blame."
Lightly. "I know what Akito will do."
Rin regarded him closely, eyes narrowed.
"And you think Ayame's worth it for you to consort with that bastard?"
Shigure raised an eyebrow, as if to say "Do you doubt me?"
Rin sighed and shook her head. A small smile played on the corners of her lips.
"Then I hope God's eyes won't see this sin, Shigure."
He laughed again, resuming his writing, eyes holding everything and nothing.
A small pause followed. Rin twirled her hair, glaring at nothing. Shigure wrote his thoughts.
"Aren't you going to ask me how I knew it was Ayame?"
The Writer shot her a glance from the corner of his eye, a playful smile twitching on his lips.
"You're not confused on who you love, Rin," he said after a while thoughtfully. His writing slowed as he sank into thought, same smile still fixed; an engraved trademark. "Dear Tohru's mind is befuddled with innocence; we all know that, so she never notices things like this." Rin snorted. Shigure chuckled, despite himself. "The Cat and the Rat are in two chases all at once: their own, and an imaginary one that shouldn't be there in the first place." He looked thoughtfully into space, chewing on his pen. "It's bad of me to encourage their so-called 'courting' of Tohru, I think." He shrugged indifferently. "A mutual understanding of feelings will come when they're older."
Rin looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"As enlightening as that was, you never answered my question properly. Speak, Dog."
"Tcha, manners, little Horse." He leaned back in his chair, pen inserted behind his ear. He seemed to be collecting his thoughts, wisely using words that would not divulge too much. "You knew I'm doing this for him because, for one, you're older, therefore wiser."
Drily. "I don't see how that applies to you."
"For two," he continued, ignoring her, "your mind isn't cluttered with as much teenage fancies as it was a few years ago. You're nearly an adult, Isuzu, so you're starting to think like one."
Rin glowered. Her nails dug into her own flesh as she gripped her arms.
"Don't call me that," she hissed heatedly, eyes crackling. "My mother gave me that name and I never want to hear anything from that woman ever again."
"And for three," the Writer went on, blatantly overlooking the distress he had caused, "I know that you want the best for Hatsuharu, hence your wanting the curse to be broken, so it's natural that you recognize your own aims when mirrored in someone else. Me." He looked at her, emotions in his eyes dancing a lethal waltz. "We're two of a kind, Isuzu." She flinched again. "You want this curse off us so your Hatsuharu can live life to the fullest and find love again." Rin looked away. "I want it off so Ayame can decide for himself properly who lover and friend is, without hiding things."
"He can do that with the curse on," Rin spat savagely, aiming to hurt.
"Ah," Shigure said superiorly, unfazed and wagging a finger. His eyes were alight, all-knowing. "Then you don't know much about this Curse of the Twelve then, do you, my dear?"
The Horse scowled but said nothing. Shigure smiled mockingly.
"So, if that's all you've come here to amicably chat of, I guess you'd better be going. Akito might call me soon." His eyes darkened a few shades. "The master can't find you here talking of plots and things. No, no, that would be bad. The holiness wouldn't like it." He plucked the pen from behind his ear and set it on the table, waving a dismissive hand at Rin. The horse flipped him off. "Go wreak havoc somewhere else now. Along with you!"
Rin was gone before he had finished his sentence.
Shigure looked at the empty space on the floor thoughtfully for a moment, chewing on his pen. His brow knitted slightly as he thought. He clicked his tongue, for once becoming disturbed of the silence his study had.
"Kagura!" called Rin distractedly down the hall, hoping the Boar would open her door without preamble and her usual impossible self. The called didn't answer. The corridor was held in thick silence.
Rin bit her tongue from swearing out loud. She shut her door, locking it securely. Her hands lingered on the doorknob, head bowed.
"Shigure …" she bit out lowly through gritted teeth, eyes hardening. She grabbed her jacket and strode to her window, gait hardly measured. For the second time in two hours, she opened it more violently than she intended to, wind whipping her hair back.
She leapt out of the window, jarring her foot nerves and was making her way to Akito's in no time. Things were going too far. For all it was worth, she had to do something.
Shigure pounded on the door, all dignity lost for the moment. His eyes were partly furious and partly in panic.A tearwas forcingits way out of his duct, hot and raw, scalding his skin. A guttural howl rumbled through him as he pounded and pounded on the door, unheard. His mouth was curled in a snarl of shame and anger, fists balled into the tightest of fists.
"Akito!" he yelled. "Akito!" His poundings became louder, slower. He began grating his nails against the fine wood of the Head Sohma's door, creating uneven prints. The air was heavy, pressing against his face. His heart thudded painfully, his mind remembering all too clearly the pain-streaked face Ayame had looked at him with. It was then, with a plummeting, cold feeling in his torso, that he realized the Snake had looked at him with the infinite worry of a friend, not a lover.
He growled, too much akin to his Jyunnishi form that he could have liked.
"Cold feet?"
Shigure swung around, expression feral.
"Funny," observed Rin darkly. "How uncharacteristic of you to be so violent with a door."
"I'm not doing this," Shigure seethed at once, stance defiant, unforgiving. "I'm not going to consort any further with Akito concerning my relationship with Ayame." Rin needn't know of his quiet, unvoiced rejection just yet.
He remembered the kind of worry Ayame had given him, and visibly flinched.
"Or lack of it," Rin spat out with poison.
Flinched again.
Rin observed him as docilely as she could, long black bangs serving as an effective curtain for her eyes. She noted the very slight shaking of Shigure's form (from anger, fear or just simple shame, she didn't know). She took in the wildness of his eyes, the same fleeting emotion she had seen when she offered him her body the day the bargain was made known to her. She carefully watched the way he looked at her; with contempt, with anger ...with a little bit of blame.
"It was your choice to go on with it," Rin said quietly, voice devoid of emotion. The wind whistled through their hair. Wind nipped at bare skin. "Your choice to do this for Ayame." She hesitated then added, even more quietly, venomously, "Your choice to do this for the Jyunnishi."
"You stupid girl," Shigure blurted out, suddenly laughing. His eyes held no mercy. "You really think I'm doing this for the Jyunnishi?" He leered challengingly at her, confidence slowly seeping back into him, like poison willingly being drawn in. "I was doing this for myself, Isuzu." He spat the name at her like it was the epitome of ugliness. "Maybe a little for Ayame, since I love him."
Rin regarded him with disgust, mouth curling. Shigure laughed arrogantly at her.
"You don't know me well enough to judge my character, Isuzu, so let me tell you this: I go to any means to achieve things and I don't care who gets hurt in the process because what matters is that I – get – what – I – want."
Rin stared at him, unfazed. For some reason, Shigure's emotional tirade didn't surprise her too much.
"But what if the person who's getting hurt is Ayame?"
"Sacrifice is needed in order to achieve the good in things," Shigure bit out, eyes flashing.
"The good for you," Rin growled, temper rising. She stepped toward him, hands falling to her sides. "And now that you're here, having banged on Akito's door and woken half the compound, what're you to do?" She stepped closer, wind picking up her hair. "Now that you've just said you're giving up on this, what're you to do now? Now that you're giving this up, giving up this whole demented bargain with fate … you're giving up Ayame." She said the last statement with triumph, sneering.
Shigure snarled at her, just barely keeping himself from lashing out at a minor, a woman, a Jyunnishi and family member.
"There are other ways of gaining Ayame's love, Rin," he said, assuring himself more than anyone else. His hands clenched and unclenched. A quiet, lethal determination lay dormant in the depths of his eyes, waiting to be untimely released.
"Other ways that doesn't involve you risking your friendship with him?" she asked incredulously, casting around them a wild look, hoping no one would come out and check of the ruckus. "What kind of idiot would risk everything he has with someone, just to gain something that doesn't even seem possible?" She almost scoffed, becoming irritated with this face of Shigure. "Have you really gone insane, Dog?"
The manic gleam in Shigure's eyes quickly hid it self. Too slow for Rin.
"No, Horse," he said, smiling slowly. "Not there yet."
A distant crash, muffled by walls, sounded from inside. Both swiveled to the door, staring for a moment. In the split interval of initial puzzlement, Shigure's mind careened some years back.
Hatori's eye. Blood. Heartfelt wails of shock and blame. Angry bellows of a God.
Shigure started violently, shaking his head to clear it, suddenly sweating. Without a side-glance at Rin, he pounded the door again and, ramming into it thrice, successfully weakened the lock, splintering it. Both Dog and Horse went through; one shooting in and the other calmly walking, eyes steely, mouth set, heart humming.
Akito watched gleefully, smile growing ever wider as Kana gave a startled gasp then sob, a realization piercing through her like a knife through a baby's heart. She scrambled away, ignoring the pains that pricked her skin from the inside like a moth fleeing from a snuffed flame. Her eyes were wild with hurt and loss and blame. She whispered Hatori's name fervently under her breath, as though she needed herself to say it for him to be real, for him to be proven not an illusion.
Akito grew tired of her moping. She whispered something to Kureno. The Rooster nodded.
"Pathetic," she sniffed, looking down at the woman as the Rooster picked her up bodily from the ground. He held her limp form as straight as possibility allowed, emotions carefully veiled. His hands shook somewhat, but that was the extent of it.
Akito slapped Kana. The sound rang in the room. Hatori kept his eyes away, hands palm down on the floor, hair falling around his feverish face.
"You see, my perfect Dragon," she informed, tone akin to one commenting of idle things, "this is your imperfection; your dirty streak that needs to be cleaned." She looked sharply at Kana who wept bitterly, eyes narrowed. "This filth – this ugliness. I was right in not allowing you relationship to go on further." She cast an indifferent glance at Hatori, eyes lingering on the partially blinded eye, hidden from view. Her stare wandered back to the sorry expanse of Kana's face, edges of her mouth curling upward. "Only I am allowed to keep my imperfection by my side, Hatori. You cannot share the role of God with me. The Dragon is below my status, and you will act accordingly."
She walked to the hunched form, gait sensual. Her slight figure bent over him, almost motherly. With careful grace and gentleness, she tilted Hatori's head, cupping his chin. Her eyes flashed disappointingly at the brokenness in the ones she looked into. She frowned.
"You're showing emotion, Hatori," she observed lightly, bringing her other hand to caress his face. "Remember back … you're as cold as ice."
Hatori didn't flinch. He didn't speak. He didn't blink. He scarcely breathed.
"I don't know why you're being so cold to me, my Dragon," she whispered, leaning down further to kiss him, eyes possessive. "The only time you've done this was when … when …" Akito straightened a little and cast a quick look at Kana, who remained in Kureno's grip, head bowed, spirit wasted. She looked back at Hatori, searching quickly and thoroughly in his face a wild emotion, an untamable feeling. She was on the brink of a discovery, both knew it. Hatori failed to hide his innermost troubles the moment she pierced her stare into his soul.
Akito saw right through him.
"You're in love with the Snake," she spat, disgusted. Her hands fell away from his face as though she had been stung. An ugly expression contorted her deathly pretty face. She turned on her heel and threw instructions carelessly over her shoulder at Kureno as she passed him, punishment for several people already simmering in her mind.
"Let both of them go. Keep Hatori in this house and fix him. Let the mistake out."
Akito slammed the door shut, disturbing a vase set on the table beside the door, upending it.
"A bargain, Shigure? Hmm. This is new."
"Yes, Akito."
Ruffling of robes. Indifference.
"And what of this bargain? Do you expect me to agree to it?"
"I expect nothing, Akito."
Belittling stare.
"Keep it short. I don't like wasting my time."
Immediate obedience. Monotonously.
"I know that you love Hatori."
Akito's eyes flashed, but she kept still.
"And I know that you think Ayame is in the way."
Shigure ignored the emotion stabbing to be let out of him. He continued, composure level. "If you like, Akito, I will keep Ayame away from Hatori."
She seemed interested. Predator versus prey.
"You want something in return." Statement; half-mocking.
Hesitantly. "Only that you relinquish your hold over the Jyunnishi children, and Ayame."
Akito was incensed.
"That is absurd!" she shrieked, leaping from her place by the window sill. She strode to Shigureandstopped a meter away from him. The journey there made her breathless, lungs not used to such quick activity. Her delicate hands quivered from fury. "Do you think I will give up my power as God to have your unrequited love returned?" She stepped once and slapped him, barely restraining herself from doing more. Shigure remained quiet. "You are sadly mistaken, Shigure." Her voice settled to a low hiss, doused with mockery and contempt. She looked at him furiously for a moment before her eyes unclouded and cleared, replaced by a different emotion.
She smiled.
Silence.
She walked back to the window sill, strides measured; slow and sure. The caress of hair on shoulder whispered of secrets and betrayal. Though Shigure could not see, Akito smile's widened, stretching to her eyes. It made her beauty rise to a painful notch, with her malice just a little higher.
"This is a fine bargain, Shigure," she commented lightly after a while, settling herself down again. Her fingers toyed with her robes idly, like a slender finger running over curls. The air was a warm coldness around Akito; a tense, suffocating cloud around Shigure. "If you can manage your end of this …" She gazed at him, smiling slightly. "Well, I'll have to try my best for mine, won't I?"
Her hand went up, palm facing him. She waved it once.
Shigure left the room, heart elated and spirit burdened.
White Carnation - remembrance