A/N: I would have updated sooner than this, but I've been planning out this
new story featuring our own favorite little werewolf . . . This fic is very
different from what I usually write. It's called "Scarred" and it's a
romance dealing with Remus's adolescence. I like it a lot so far (even
though it's only in the planning stage), and I hope that when I put it up
here, you'll all like it as well.
I RECEIVED SO MANY IDEAS FOR THIS CHAPTER! THANKS EVERYBODY! Unfortunately I couldn't use all of them, but they're ALL fantastic, so I thank you all very much!
Mary-Jane Black: Haha, very funny. Heehee. Don't worry. Lily won't tell on Remus. She's not that cold! Um . . . if Sirius had a girlfriend, Pat would get mad . . . and probably come after ME, seeing as I am the writer. Maybe in another story, kay?
anniePADFOOT: (high five!) Good job! I'm glad you like Sirius's character! Glad you think it's funny. (sigh) This chapter won't be so funny, tho.
TimKnispel: Aww. I know how that is. My computer had a virus a few days back. Lucky I had this saved on a disk, along with everything else. Vincent? That is COOL. I love that name. Yes, Kadabra and Alakazam! (gasp) How did you know? Heehee. Happy you're looking forward to it! (You know, I didn't think guys would like this fic much, but it's very cool to know that this story attracts both sexes! Makes me feel all happy.)
Nathalie17: Hope this chapter satisfies you! Love your story ideas! (wink, wink)
MWPP Fanatic: Well, I hope Lily and James hang on tight cuz their relationship is about to get a bit MORE rocky! And don't worry . . . I'm working on a new fic where Remmie won't suffer as much as he does in my other fics. I hope you read it when I post it! That will be, hopefully, sometime soon.
walkingcensure: What do you mean? The "aargh" makes perfect sense! You're frustrated, right? So you have every right to say "aargh." I'm glad you like Lily in this fic! I actually think I'm working harder on this fic than I've worked on any other, and that's really not fair to my reviewers who read my other stories, and not this one! Oops! Lily's not so stubborn in this chapter, though . . .I'm glad you like my other characterizations. Hmm. About "Snape's Worst Memory" . . . yeah, I'd have to say you're right about that. Whenever I see it rewritten in another story, I usually just skip it, so if I ever need to write about it again, I'll just do that whole transition thing. (smile)
shrk-bait: Mean? Really? (frowns) Well, I suppose she IS being a bit mean and unreasonable . . . but, hey, what can you do? Hope you like this chapter!
Quiteona: Thanks! You and a few other people had about the same idea, so you'll see if I used it or not. Glad you like! Oh, and this chapter is most definitely more emotional than the last one. Strange, considering I was in a very good mood when I wrote it. Heehee.
Kerichi: But Snape didn't start it. James DID say it, remember? I feel sorry for James, too. And, uh, about your idea . . . Are you sure that YOU'RE not the one who's been watching too much muggle tv?
CanadianBlueberries: Yes, someone SHOULD point that out, shouldn't they? (Hums a tune while walking away) Thanks for reviewing!
Nikki: Thanks for the chapter names idea! I'll definitely use it! Glad you like! Thanks for reviewing!
gryffspopgurl: Glad you like the chapter names! I would use yours, but they're really long. Maybe you could think of something a bit shorter? And I used PART of your idea, but not all! It was really good. I liked it a lot! Thanks!
Snidgetlass: I thought about your idea, and I like it, so I used it . . . sort of. Kinda. In the chapter after this one. And don't you worry! Lily will definitely ride Prongs! Happy you like!
gatoritis: Thanks! I wanted to update quickly, I really did . . . but I've been working on yet ANOTHER new story featuring our fave little werewolf. I haven't posted it yet, but I hope everyone likes it when I do. Hmm, now if only I could figure out how to work on two stories at the exact same time . . .
DreamWarrior: Don't apologize! You went camping, so there was no computer. I understand, and I hope you had fun! Oh, and I KINDA used your idea. I put together a bunch of people's ideas, and kind of put a twist in there, so . . . Hope you like!
holly-evans: You're right. Any reasonable person would. But I probably wouldn't, and neither will Lily! (grins) Life is not fair . . . but hey, it's all good. Hope you like this chapter!
Angel Black1: Yeah, everyone at school thinks I'm a sweetheart, too! It's cool, almost like I'm living a double life . . . Yeah, anywayz . . . They DO need a good kiss, don't they?
sunni07: Don't worry. I'm working on a new story where poor lil' Remmie gets lucky in love, so be happy! Your idea is a good one, and I used it, sorta. Well, Lily gets in trouble, anyway . . .
animalluvr75: Sorry! I know it's been way over 24 hours . . . Hope this makes up for it!
Harriet: I'm glad you love it! I MADE YOUR FAVORITES LIST, TOO! Yay! Go me! And in answer to your question: Why do people portray James as handsome? I do it because Harry Potter is VERY CUTE in my opinion, and J.K. describes James as looking almost exactly like him, so James must be VERY CUTE, too! Plus J.K. portrays James as one of the popular boys, and popular boys are usually hot boys, aren't they? Hmm, good question!
jess131346: YAY! I memorized the numbers! I'm proud of myself, now! (even tho that was pointless – heehee) Oh, I don't think Lily would ever be that petty, either. (shifty eyes) Hope you like the ride!
I'M ALL NERVOUS, NOW. YOU'VE ALL BEEN SAYING YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR THE "RIDE," SO I HOPE I LIVE UP YOUR EXPECTATIONS!
---
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to lil' ol' me.
Chapter Eleven – Kadabra
James walked slowly, making sure that she was able to keep up. He was nervous, and he sensed that she was, too. For one, neither of them was talking. Granted that they were under an invisibility cloak, and talking would get them in trouble, the silence was still an uncomfortable one.
He kept going until he reached that same clearing they had stopped at, before. He slid the cloak off of them, and stuffed it into his robes. Then, he took a deep breath and turned to Lily. "It's kinda cold out here, isn't it?" he asked, uncertainly. 'The weather?' he thought. 'I'm talking about the weather? Cripes, what is wrong with me?'
She gave him a small smile, and just sort of nodded. She seemed to be avoiding his gaze for some odd reason. He wrinkled his forehead in confusion puzzling over what was making her so edgy.
Lily looked up and caught him watching her. "Um, are we going to do this?" she asked, anxiously. James tilted his head to the side. Maybe it was just his imagination.
He flashed her a grin. "Yeah. Could you maybe turn around again?" he asked. Complying quickly, she turned, and dug her hands into her robe pockets. For a second, he just stared at her. Was she standing a bit stiffly, or was it just him? He shook his head and took a deep breath.
'Lily is just nervous, Prongs,' he told himself. 'Same as you.'
Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the stag, and felt his bones start to shift. The transformation wasn't a painful process, and he was very familiar with it by now, but he would never completely get used to the feeling of his bones changing shape. When he felt the shifting stop, he opened his eyes to find Lily staring at him. He couldn't discern the expression on her face.
And for some reason this bothered him severely.
---
Lily was tense as she climbed onto James's back. By the way he stood, she knew he could probably feel it. She willed herself to relax. 'This will work,' she told herself. 'This will work, and everything will be fine.'
But she wasn't so sure.
She gasped as she felt James start to move, and she suddenly realized how very high up she was. Looking down, she began to get dizzy. Starting to get scared, she leaned forward, and grabbed James's antlers, but she couldn't get a secure enough grip. She let out a frightened yelp as she felt herself start to slide sideways.
Panicking, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, hanging on for all she was worth. James abruptly stopped walking, giving Lily time to steady herself. She closed her eyes, and buried her face in his fur. Maybe if she didn't look down . . .
She took a deep breath, and smiled. "I'm fine," she whispered. "I'm okay."
He still wouldn't move until she nudged him with her foot. "I'm fine, James. Really."
He was so sweet . . . And it was touching that he seemed so concerned about her. Lily gently ran one hand up and down his smooth fur. It was soft to the touch. And his antlers were just magnificent. She sighed. He really was a pretty stag. But all the prettiness in the world didn't change the fact that he was a jerk – a stupid jerk who probably only cared about his friend . . . He didn't care about her. He was just befriending her because . . . because . . .
Lily paused. What was she doing? James cared about Remus Lupin. That's why he had befriended her: To protect his friend. Wasn't that a noble thing to do? And here she was . . . feeling so what? Jealous? She hardly dared to believe it, but it seemed to be true. Lily Evans was jealous. Jealous because James liked Remus more than he liked her.
She felt her eyes start to well up with tears. What WAS she doing? She was a horrible person. A truly horrible person.
"Stop," she whispered. "I want to get off."
---
James stopped as soon as Lily told him to. His eyes widened as he picked up the scent of salty tears. Tears? Was she crying? What was wrong?
He felt her slide off of him, and he immediately changed back, suddenly not caring if she was watching or not. "Lily," he said worriedly, as soon as he had gotten his voice back. "What's wrong?"
She was really sobbing now. Her hands were over her eyes and she wouldn't look at him. James grabbed her hands, and pulled them away from her face. Her eyes were red. She focused on the ground.
"Lily? Lily, look at me. Tell me what's wrong, Lily," he pleaded, anxiously. "Lily, I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is." He reached one hand towards her face, and lifted her chin upwards, bringing her gaze up, also.
"Lily, what's wrong?" he asked, softly. "Please, tell me."
"I-I can't!" she said. "I'm a b-bad person . . . I'm a h-h-horrible p- person . . ."
James shook his head. "You're not!" he said. "Lily, you're the best person . . . Lily, LISTEN to me! Look at me right now!"
Most likely startled by his tone of voice, she brought her eyes up to meet his. "You, Lily Evans, are the best, nicest, and most confusing person I have ever met," James said, fiercely. "You are sweet, and sincere . . . You actually DO your homework, and you do it early, too! You stick up for people who don't deserve it, like Sniv-Snape, and who don't appreciate it, either, but you do it anyway, because you care about everyone . . . and even Remus, who you barely know. Remember when you said you wished that you could be a werewolf, too, just to keep him company? That was the noblest thing I've ever heard of. And I know I joke around a lot, and I'm not that responsible. Look at me, I'm an unregistered animagus, for goodness sake . . . but Lily . . . deep down, I want to be just like you." He stopped, shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. 'This proves it,' he thought. 'I have a crush on Evans.'
---
Lily stared at him in astonishment. She was literally rendered speechless. And she was sure that she was blushing, too. James thought all of those things about her? He was wrong, though. He was so wrong. If he only knew –
She was cut off mid-thought as he suddenly leaned forward and kissed her.
---
James closed his eyes, his heart hammering. Her lips were so warm, and soft against his. He lowered his arms to wrap them around her waist, and pulled her closer to him. He sighed happily as they both ran out of air and broke the kiss.
Lily brought her hands up to his chest, and pushed against him gently. He released her in surprise. "What's - ?" he started to ask. However, he never finished his sentence.
There was a clicking sound coming from somewhere in the trees. James jumped in surprise. He glanced at Lily. She had gone wide-eyed and pale and was staring in the darkness. James reached for her hand, and started to pull her backwards, away from the sound.
She looked up at him in confusion, and he motioned for her to follow him with his finger. Quickly, she complied, and they stopped only when they were deeper into the trees. "What . . . what was that?" he panted.
"We should leave," she said, suddenly. "We need to go."
"Lily . . . I-I think that was a person," James said, starting to blush. "I think that person saw us k-"
"James, let's go," Lily interrupted. "Please?"
James stared at her. She was at the utmost unease. "Are you alright, Lily?"
"Yes, fine," she said, quickly. "Can we please head back inside, now?"
James grabbed his cloak out of his robes, and draped it over the two of them. He wanted to hold her hand, or something, but at the last moment he decided not to. The vibes he was getting from her were making him uncomfortable.
What was wrong with her? She had been jumpy all night, and she hadn't seemed to enjoy their riding session, either. Then, she had gotten so upset afterwards. James sighed. He was just glad that she HAD gotten upset, or he wouldn't have had a reason to transform, and that "photographer" might have even caught him.
James shivered. He wouldn't be the only one in trouble, either. Lily would've been in trouble for knowing and not telling anyone, and his friends . . . What would they ever do if he was expelled? Poor Remus, and poor Sirius and Peter for having to deal with him, alone. He sighed. He owed Lily a huge thank you. She had probably sensed all along that there was something wrong . . .
He suddenly froze. Lily. She HAD known all along that there was something wrong. She had been fidgety for this entire evening, almost as if she had suspected something like this to happen. James mentally shook his head. But no. Lily wouldn't have done something like that to him. She just wouldn't have. Lily would have known the consequences of something so serious . . .
But then why . . . Why was she crying? James stopped in front of the fat lady, surprised they had reached it so quickly. Lily gave the fat lady the password, and stepped into the common room ahead of him. He scrambled in after her.
"Lily?" he said. She was already heading for the stairs, but she paused, stopped and looked at him, her cheeks burning.
"Y-Yes?" she said. James didn't miss the tremor in her voice.
"Lily, did you . . . Did you know?" he asked, wishing he didn't have to do this. But he had to know.
She turned crimson. "James . . . I can, I can explain."
---
His mouth dropped open in surprise. "What? You DID?"
Lily winced as the expression on his face turned from shock, to confusion, and then to anger. "J-James, I – "
"You wanted to get me caught?" he asked, as if hardly daring to believe it. "You would do something like that?"
"J-James, you don't understand – the rumors . . . I . . . I didn't know what else to do," she said, feebly, knowing her excuse was as pitiful as they came.
He was breathing heavily now. "So you decided to expose my other form!? I don't understand. Why would you do something like that!? YOU KNOW WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED!"
"James, please don't yell," Lily begged.
"DON'T YELL? DON'T YELL!? I HAVE EVERY BLOODY RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO YELL!" His eyes flashed with anger. "Lily, I could've gotten expelled!"
"I know," she mumbled, feeling her tears start to well up again. "I know. I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."
"Don't you dare start crying on me, again!" James said, furiously. "I cannot believe this . . . I cannot BELIEVE . . ." He was pacing back and forth, and Lily knew he wanted to strike out at something. Probably wanted to destroy something, just as she had wanted to do.
He suddenly stopped and stared at her. "Why?" he whispered, his voice laced with pain. His eyes were full of anguish. Lily wiped a tear away on her own cheek. She almost couldn't stand to see him this way. "Why would you do that to me, Lily? Do you really hate me that much?"
She began to shake her head, violently. "No! No, James . . . I don't! I don't hate you at all!" More tears splashed onto her cheeks, and she hastily wiped them away.
"Then why?" he asked, softly. "Because I need to know."
---
James stared at her, watching her cry. It broke his heart to see her cry, it really did. Lily was the only girl he had ever felt this strongly about, and she . . . she had betrayed him in the worst way. She had almost gotten him EXPELLED.
"Why?" he asked, "Why would you do that to me, Lily? Do you really hate me that much?"
"No! No, James . . . I don't! I don't hate you at all!"
"Then why?" he asked, feeling as if he on the verge of tears, himself. "Because I need to know."
She was no longer making any attempt to wipe her tears away. "I . . . I was jealous!" she said. "I was jealous of Remus. You two . . . you two are such good friends. And so close."
"What the hell does Remus have to do with this?" James asked.
"You're so close, James," she repeated. "I have friends and they're wonderful, but we're not nearly as close as you are. And look what you've done for him. Instead of being afraid of him, you've done the unimaginable. You've taken on this other form, so he wouldn't be alone. You've risked everything here at Hogwarts for HIM, you, Sirius, and Peter. You accepted him, instead of shunned him, like most people would have. Like . . . like I almost did. You say you want to be like me, James, but I . . . I want to be like you!" She hugged her arms to her body.
She suddenly realized that she had feelings, actual FEELINGS for this guy that she had hated for so long. He had shown her another side of himself, a kind side that was rare in a lot of people. He was everything Lily wanted to be, and she loved him for it. She gasped, realizing that it was true. She actually LOVED him.
"That doesn't tell me why you did this, Lily," he said, shaking his head. "Did you want to rip Remus and me apart? Would it give you some sadistic pleasure in seeing me separated from my friends? Is that why you did it?"
"No," Lily interrupted. "I did it because . . . because of those rumors." She blushed. "I thought you had spread them."
James glared at her. "You did this because of some stupid rumors?" his voice was cold with anger. "Because of a few stupid rumors, you were going to have me torn away from everything important to me?"
Lily shivered. His hazel eyes were cold here when they had been warm in the forest, just a little over ten minutes ago. She preferred it when he was yelling.
"It was stupid, I know," Lily muttered. "I'm sor – "
"It was WORSE than stupid," James retorted.
A fresh round of tears sprang up in her eyes. "James . . ."
"Shut up, Evans," he said, heatedly. "And don't call me James. It's Potter to you!"
"No, James! I'm sorry!" she cried, tears cascading down her face. She didn't even try to wipe them away this time.
"I said it's POTTER!" he hissed, turning toward the boys' dormitories.
Lily watched him go, the tears blurring her vision. Then, she leaned against the wall, her legs suddenly giving out, and she cried.
---
A/N: It's 2:10 in the morning and I'm in the mood for Hot Chocolate for some strange reason. I thought it best to get this chapter up, so I did this first. And now I'm going away to the kitchen for Hot Chocolate.
Oh, yeah, please review. Thanks!
Ariana S.
I RECEIVED SO MANY IDEAS FOR THIS CHAPTER! THANKS EVERYBODY! Unfortunately I couldn't use all of them, but they're ALL fantastic, so I thank you all very much!
Mary-Jane Black: Haha, very funny. Heehee. Don't worry. Lily won't tell on Remus. She's not that cold! Um . . . if Sirius had a girlfriend, Pat would get mad . . . and probably come after ME, seeing as I am the writer. Maybe in another story, kay?
anniePADFOOT: (high five!) Good job! I'm glad you like Sirius's character! Glad you think it's funny. (sigh) This chapter won't be so funny, tho.
TimKnispel: Aww. I know how that is. My computer had a virus a few days back. Lucky I had this saved on a disk, along with everything else. Vincent? That is COOL. I love that name. Yes, Kadabra and Alakazam! (gasp) How did you know? Heehee. Happy you're looking forward to it! (You know, I didn't think guys would like this fic much, but it's very cool to know that this story attracts both sexes! Makes me feel all happy.)
Nathalie17: Hope this chapter satisfies you! Love your story ideas! (wink, wink)
MWPP Fanatic: Well, I hope Lily and James hang on tight cuz their relationship is about to get a bit MORE rocky! And don't worry . . . I'm working on a new fic where Remmie won't suffer as much as he does in my other fics. I hope you read it when I post it! That will be, hopefully, sometime soon.
walkingcensure: What do you mean? The "aargh" makes perfect sense! You're frustrated, right? So you have every right to say "aargh." I'm glad you like Lily in this fic! I actually think I'm working harder on this fic than I've worked on any other, and that's really not fair to my reviewers who read my other stories, and not this one! Oops! Lily's not so stubborn in this chapter, though . . .I'm glad you like my other characterizations. Hmm. About "Snape's Worst Memory" . . . yeah, I'd have to say you're right about that. Whenever I see it rewritten in another story, I usually just skip it, so if I ever need to write about it again, I'll just do that whole transition thing. (smile)
shrk-bait: Mean? Really? (frowns) Well, I suppose she IS being a bit mean and unreasonable . . . but, hey, what can you do? Hope you like this chapter!
Quiteona: Thanks! You and a few other people had about the same idea, so you'll see if I used it or not. Glad you like! Oh, and this chapter is most definitely more emotional than the last one. Strange, considering I was in a very good mood when I wrote it. Heehee.
Kerichi: But Snape didn't start it. James DID say it, remember? I feel sorry for James, too. And, uh, about your idea . . . Are you sure that YOU'RE not the one who's been watching too much muggle tv?
CanadianBlueberries: Yes, someone SHOULD point that out, shouldn't they? (Hums a tune while walking away) Thanks for reviewing!
Nikki: Thanks for the chapter names idea! I'll definitely use it! Glad you like! Thanks for reviewing!
gryffspopgurl: Glad you like the chapter names! I would use yours, but they're really long. Maybe you could think of something a bit shorter? And I used PART of your idea, but not all! It was really good. I liked it a lot! Thanks!
Snidgetlass: I thought about your idea, and I like it, so I used it . . . sort of. Kinda. In the chapter after this one. And don't you worry! Lily will definitely ride Prongs! Happy you like!
gatoritis: Thanks! I wanted to update quickly, I really did . . . but I've been working on yet ANOTHER new story featuring our fave little werewolf. I haven't posted it yet, but I hope everyone likes it when I do. Hmm, now if only I could figure out how to work on two stories at the exact same time . . .
DreamWarrior: Don't apologize! You went camping, so there was no computer. I understand, and I hope you had fun! Oh, and I KINDA used your idea. I put together a bunch of people's ideas, and kind of put a twist in there, so . . . Hope you like!
holly-evans: You're right. Any reasonable person would. But I probably wouldn't, and neither will Lily! (grins) Life is not fair . . . but hey, it's all good. Hope you like this chapter!
Angel Black1: Yeah, everyone at school thinks I'm a sweetheart, too! It's cool, almost like I'm living a double life . . . Yeah, anywayz . . . They DO need a good kiss, don't they?
sunni07: Don't worry. I'm working on a new story where poor lil' Remmie gets lucky in love, so be happy! Your idea is a good one, and I used it, sorta. Well, Lily gets in trouble, anyway . . .
animalluvr75: Sorry! I know it's been way over 24 hours . . . Hope this makes up for it!
Harriet: I'm glad you love it! I MADE YOUR FAVORITES LIST, TOO! Yay! Go me! And in answer to your question: Why do people portray James as handsome? I do it because Harry Potter is VERY CUTE in my opinion, and J.K. describes James as looking almost exactly like him, so James must be VERY CUTE, too! Plus J.K. portrays James as one of the popular boys, and popular boys are usually hot boys, aren't they? Hmm, good question!
jess131346: YAY! I memorized the numbers! I'm proud of myself, now! (even tho that was pointless – heehee) Oh, I don't think Lily would ever be that petty, either. (shifty eyes) Hope you like the ride!
I'M ALL NERVOUS, NOW. YOU'VE ALL BEEN SAYING YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR THE "RIDE," SO I HOPE I LIVE UP YOUR EXPECTATIONS!
---
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to lil' ol' me.
Chapter Eleven – Kadabra
James walked slowly, making sure that she was able to keep up. He was nervous, and he sensed that she was, too. For one, neither of them was talking. Granted that they were under an invisibility cloak, and talking would get them in trouble, the silence was still an uncomfortable one.
He kept going until he reached that same clearing they had stopped at, before. He slid the cloak off of them, and stuffed it into his robes. Then, he took a deep breath and turned to Lily. "It's kinda cold out here, isn't it?" he asked, uncertainly. 'The weather?' he thought. 'I'm talking about the weather? Cripes, what is wrong with me?'
She gave him a small smile, and just sort of nodded. She seemed to be avoiding his gaze for some odd reason. He wrinkled his forehead in confusion puzzling over what was making her so edgy.
Lily looked up and caught him watching her. "Um, are we going to do this?" she asked, anxiously. James tilted his head to the side. Maybe it was just his imagination.
He flashed her a grin. "Yeah. Could you maybe turn around again?" he asked. Complying quickly, she turned, and dug her hands into her robe pockets. For a second, he just stared at her. Was she standing a bit stiffly, or was it just him? He shook his head and took a deep breath.
'Lily is just nervous, Prongs,' he told himself. 'Same as you.'
Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the stag, and felt his bones start to shift. The transformation wasn't a painful process, and he was very familiar with it by now, but he would never completely get used to the feeling of his bones changing shape. When he felt the shifting stop, he opened his eyes to find Lily staring at him. He couldn't discern the expression on her face.
And for some reason this bothered him severely.
---
Lily was tense as she climbed onto James's back. By the way he stood, she knew he could probably feel it. She willed herself to relax. 'This will work,' she told herself. 'This will work, and everything will be fine.'
But she wasn't so sure.
She gasped as she felt James start to move, and she suddenly realized how very high up she was. Looking down, she began to get dizzy. Starting to get scared, she leaned forward, and grabbed James's antlers, but she couldn't get a secure enough grip. She let out a frightened yelp as she felt herself start to slide sideways.
Panicking, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, hanging on for all she was worth. James abruptly stopped walking, giving Lily time to steady herself. She closed her eyes, and buried her face in his fur. Maybe if she didn't look down . . .
She took a deep breath, and smiled. "I'm fine," she whispered. "I'm okay."
He still wouldn't move until she nudged him with her foot. "I'm fine, James. Really."
He was so sweet . . . And it was touching that he seemed so concerned about her. Lily gently ran one hand up and down his smooth fur. It was soft to the touch. And his antlers were just magnificent. She sighed. He really was a pretty stag. But all the prettiness in the world didn't change the fact that he was a jerk – a stupid jerk who probably only cared about his friend . . . He didn't care about her. He was just befriending her because . . . because . . .
Lily paused. What was she doing? James cared about Remus Lupin. That's why he had befriended her: To protect his friend. Wasn't that a noble thing to do? And here she was . . . feeling so what? Jealous? She hardly dared to believe it, but it seemed to be true. Lily Evans was jealous. Jealous because James liked Remus more than he liked her.
She felt her eyes start to well up with tears. What WAS she doing? She was a horrible person. A truly horrible person.
"Stop," she whispered. "I want to get off."
---
James stopped as soon as Lily told him to. His eyes widened as he picked up the scent of salty tears. Tears? Was she crying? What was wrong?
He felt her slide off of him, and he immediately changed back, suddenly not caring if she was watching or not. "Lily," he said worriedly, as soon as he had gotten his voice back. "What's wrong?"
She was really sobbing now. Her hands were over her eyes and she wouldn't look at him. James grabbed her hands, and pulled them away from her face. Her eyes were red. She focused on the ground.
"Lily? Lily, look at me. Tell me what's wrong, Lily," he pleaded, anxiously. "Lily, I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is." He reached one hand towards her face, and lifted her chin upwards, bringing her gaze up, also.
"Lily, what's wrong?" he asked, softly. "Please, tell me."
"I-I can't!" she said. "I'm a b-bad person . . . I'm a h-h-horrible p- person . . ."
James shook his head. "You're not!" he said. "Lily, you're the best person . . . Lily, LISTEN to me! Look at me right now!"
Most likely startled by his tone of voice, she brought her eyes up to meet his. "You, Lily Evans, are the best, nicest, and most confusing person I have ever met," James said, fiercely. "You are sweet, and sincere . . . You actually DO your homework, and you do it early, too! You stick up for people who don't deserve it, like Sniv-Snape, and who don't appreciate it, either, but you do it anyway, because you care about everyone . . . and even Remus, who you barely know. Remember when you said you wished that you could be a werewolf, too, just to keep him company? That was the noblest thing I've ever heard of. And I know I joke around a lot, and I'm not that responsible. Look at me, I'm an unregistered animagus, for goodness sake . . . but Lily . . . deep down, I want to be just like you." He stopped, shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. 'This proves it,' he thought. 'I have a crush on Evans.'
---
Lily stared at him in astonishment. She was literally rendered speechless. And she was sure that she was blushing, too. James thought all of those things about her? He was wrong, though. He was so wrong. If he only knew –
She was cut off mid-thought as he suddenly leaned forward and kissed her.
---
James closed his eyes, his heart hammering. Her lips were so warm, and soft against his. He lowered his arms to wrap them around her waist, and pulled her closer to him. He sighed happily as they both ran out of air and broke the kiss.
Lily brought her hands up to his chest, and pushed against him gently. He released her in surprise. "What's - ?" he started to ask. However, he never finished his sentence.
There was a clicking sound coming from somewhere in the trees. James jumped in surprise. He glanced at Lily. She had gone wide-eyed and pale and was staring in the darkness. James reached for her hand, and started to pull her backwards, away from the sound.
She looked up at him in confusion, and he motioned for her to follow him with his finger. Quickly, she complied, and they stopped only when they were deeper into the trees. "What . . . what was that?" he panted.
"We should leave," she said, suddenly. "We need to go."
"Lily . . . I-I think that was a person," James said, starting to blush. "I think that person saw us k-"
"James, let's go," Lily interrupted. "Please?"
James stared at her. She was at the utmost unease. "Are you alright, Lily?"
"Yes, fine," she said, quickly. "Can we please head back inside, now?"
James grabbed his cloak out of his robes, and draped it over the two of them. He wanted to hold her hand, or something, but at the last moment he decided not to. The vibes he was getting from her were making him uncomfortable.
What was wrong with her? She had been jumpy all night, and she hadn't seemed to enjoy their riding session, either. Then, she had gotten so upset afterwards. James sighed. He was just glad that she HAD gotten upset, or he wouldn't have had a reason to transform, and that "photographer" might have even caught him.
James shivered. He wouldn't be the only one in trouble, either. Lily would've been in trouble for knowing and not telling anyone, and his friends . . . What would they ever do if he was expelled? Poor Remus, and poor Sirius and Peter for having to deal with him, alone. He sighed. He owed Lily a huge thank you. She had probably sensed all along that there was something wrong . . .
He suddenly froze. Lily. She HAD known all along that there was something wrong. She had been fidgety for this entire evening, almost as if she had suspected something like this to happen. James mentally shook his head. But no. Lily wouldn't have done something like that to him. She just wouldn't have. Lily would have known the consequences of something so serious . . .
But then why . . . Why was she crying? James stopped in front of the fat lady, surprised they had reached it so quickly. Lily gave the fat lady the password, and stepped into the common room ahead of him. He scrambled in after her.
"Lily?" he said. She was already heading for the stairs, but she paused, stopped and looked at him, her cheeks burning.
"Y-Yes?" she said. James didn't miss the tremor in her voice.
"Lily, did you . . . Did you know?" he asked, wishing he didn't have to do this. But he had to know.
She turned crimson. "James . . . I can, I can explain."
---
His mouth dropped open in surprise. "What? You DID?"
Lily winced as the expression on his face turned from shock, to confusion, and then to anger. "J-James, I – "
"You wanted to get me caught?" he asked, as if hardly daring to believe it. "You would do something like that?"
"J-James, you don't understand – the rumors . . . I . . . I didn't know what else to do," she said, feebly, knowing her excuse was as pitiful as they came.
He was breathing heavily now. "So you decided to expose my other form!? I don't understand. Why would you do something like that!? YOU KNOW WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED!"
"James, please don't yell," Lily begged.
"DON'T YELL? DON'T YELL!? I HAVE EVERY BLOODY RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO YELL!" His eyes flashed with anger. "Lily, I could've gotten expelled!"
"I know," she mumbled, feeling her tears start to well up again. "I know. I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."
"Don't you dare start crying on me, again!" James said, furiously. "I cannot believe this . . . I cannot BELIEVE . . ." He was pacing back and forth, and Lily knew he wanted to strike out at something. Probably wanted to destroy something, just as she had wanted to do.
He suddenly stopped and stared at her. "Why?" he whispered, his voice laced with pain. His eyes were full of anguish. Lily wiped a tear away on her own cheek. She almost couldn't stand to see him this way. "Why would you do that to me, Lily? Do you really hate me that much?"
She began to shake her head, violently. "No! No, James . . . I don't! I don't hate you at all!" More tears splashed onto her cheeks, and she hastily wiped them away.
"Then why?" he asked, softly. "Because I need to know."
---
James stared at her, watching her cry. It broke his heart to see her cry, it really did. Lily was the only girl he had ever felt this strongly about, and she . . . she had betrayed him in the worst way. She had almost gotten him EXPELLED.
"Why?" he asked, "Why would you do that to me, Lily? Do you really hate me that much?"
"No! No, James . . . I don't! I don't hate you at all!"
"Then why?" he asked, feeling as if he on the verge of tears, himself. "Because I need to know."
She was no longer making any attempt to wipe her tears away. "I . . . I was jealous!" she said. "I was jealous of Remus. You two . . . you two are such good friends. And so close."
"What the hell does Remus have to do with this?" James asked.
"You're so close, James," she repeated. "I have friends and they're wonderful, but we're not nearly as close as you are. And look what you've done for him. Instead of being afraid of him, you've done the unimaginable. You've taken on this other form, so he wouldn't be alone. You've risked everything here at Hogwarts for HIM, you, Sirius, and Peter. You accepted him, instead of shunned him, like most people would have. Like . . . like I almost did. You say you want to be like me, James, but I . . . I want to be like you!" She hugged her arms to her body.
She suddenly realized that she had feelings, actual FEELINGS for this guy that she had hated for so long. He had shown her another side of himself, a kind side that was rare in a lot of people. He was everything Lily wanted to be, and she loved him for it. She gasped, realizing that it was true. She actually LOVED him.
"That doesn't tell me why you did this, Lily," he said, shaking his head. "Did you want to rip Remus and me apart? Would it give you some sadistic pleasure in seeing me separated from my friends? Is that why you did it?"
"No," Lily interrupted. "I did it because . . . because of those rumors." She blushed. "I thought you had spread them."
James glared at her. "You did this because of some stupid rumors?" his voice was cold with anger. "Because of a few stupid rumors, you were going to have me torn away from everything important to me?"
Lily shivered. His hazel eyes were cold here when they had been warm in the forest, just a little over ten minutes ago. She preferred it when he was yelling.
"It was stupid, I know," Lily muttered. "I'm sor – "
"It was WORSE than stupid," James retorted.
A fresh round of tears sprang up in her eyes. "James . . ."
"Shut up, Evans," he said, heatedly. "And don't call me James. It's Potter to you!"
"No, James! I'm sorry!" she cried, tears cascading down her face. She didn't even try to wipe them away this time.
"I said it's POTTER!" he hissed, turning toward the boys' dormitories.
Lily watched him go, the tears blurring her vision. Then, she leaned against the wall, her legs suddenly giving out, and she cried.
---
A/N: It's 2:10 in the morning and I'm in the mood for Hot Chocolate for some strange reason. I thought it best to get this chapter up, so I did this first. And now I'm going away to the kitchen for Hot Chocolate.
Oh, yeah, please review. Thanks!
Ariana S.