A/N: ok... is being stupid. the flow of the story is interrupted because i can't put in anything to show that time has passed... like an extra space between paragraphs or some little symbol... (you guys probably have no clue what i'm talking about, but if you look at earlier chapters, whenever there's a new part there's three little lines to show that time has passed or it's a new pov or something, and it's being stupid and won't let me do that anymore... so i don't know how else to show it without putting something in parenthesis or... something) sigh... ok, how bout this, in place of the three little lines, i'll just put this: "mwmwmwmw" instead... so whenever you see "mwmwmwmw" it means that time has passed or the pov is being switched... hopefully that will interrupt no one's flow.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, a few characters, and a bad conscience . . .

Chapter Fifteen – Hocus

mwmwmwmw

"I'm sorry, James," Lily said, biting her lip. "I am so, SO sorry. Nothing gave me the right to do that. Nothing. I understand if you hate me, but please don't. Please, please don't because . . . because . . ." Lily blushed.

James turned crimson, sensing what she was about to say. "It's okay, Lily. I mean, it's not okay, but you don't have to – "

"I like you, James."

mwmwmwmw

There. She had said it. It was out. And now that it was out, it was no longer a fantasy for her, but a reality. A very real reality. A reality that she wasn't quite ready to deal with considering the way her mind just kept babbling on and on like this, searching for some rational explanation to tell her why James – Potter, he's Potter to you, remember? – why Potter hadn't responded yet.

"James?" she whispered, afraid because he wasn't talking, yet not wanting him to talk either.

He was merely staring at her. It seemed that he was in shock. It might have been the first name thing. Yes, that could have been it.

"Potter?" she said even more quietly. Maybe he had gone deaf. Maybe the combined shock of an owl flying through the library window and her sudden confession had rendered him deaf. 'Yes, Lily, that makes perfect sense,' she thought, shaking her head, mentally. 'Merlin . . .'

"POTTER?" Ok, now his staring was beginning to creep her out. Also, he was turning a bit red, as if he hadn't breathed in quite a while . . . "POTTER?" She straightened up, grabbed his shoulders, and roughly started shaking him.

James blinked and took a deep breath. Lily released him. "Merlin, Lily . . ." he said, still wearing that shocked expression "Merlin . . ."

"Thank goodness!" she said, momentarily forgetting her embarrassment. "I thought you were petrified, or something!"

"And that's your method for dealing with petrification?" James muttered. "I hope you never become a mediwitch . . . I would fear for your patients."

She giggled, then caught her breath. He was so handsome when he sitting there like that. Annoyed and all – Lily stopped . . . And she had just told him that she liked him! Oh, no! What had she been thinking? This was . . . this was insane . . .

He must've suddenly remembered, too, because his face was rapidly turning bright red. That meant he was blushing. Gods, she had made him blush! The realization turned her beet red, too.

"I bet we look like a right pair of fools," he mumbled, "standing here blushing and all." She tried to smile at his attempt to make light of the situation, but couldn't. She was too nervous at what he would do next.

"So, do you . . ." she started, then stopped and looked up at him. She met his gaze, still feeling rather humiliated as she moved toward a chair and sat down. "Do you have any ideas, then?"

"Huh?" he stared at her, confusedly. "Ideas?"

"What Dumbledore wants us to do . . . Remember?" Lily said, attempting to change the subject. "The whole reason we agreed to meet here . . . Headboy and Girl business . . ."

"Evans, don't you think we should talk about what just happened?" he interrupted.

"What good will talking about it some more do? I've already said everything I need to say," she replied, stiffly. She was avoiding his gaze.

"Well, I haven't," he said, softly. "Evans . . . Lily . . ." At the mention of her first name, she looked up and was surprised to see that he was sitting in the chair next to hers. They were so close . . .

She couldn't speak if she wanted to.

mwmwmwmw

James's heart was pounding. He wondered what Lily felt like right now. His own stomach was flip-flopping all over the place and the adrenaline rushing through him was intense. Her face was flushed. He knew his had to be as well. He couldn't describe this feeling. She had just told him . . . The object of his desire for the past few weeks, betrayal or not, he still really felt something strong for her . . . and she had just told him that she liked him.

Wasn't he supposed to be happy right now? Shouldn't he have been turning cartwheels on the tables and shouting happiness at the top of his lungs?

"I – I . . ." he stopped. He suddenly didn't know what to say. Should he describe this feeling to her? This feeling of . . . of what? Of disappointment?

He looked into her eyes. They were full of fear, anxiousness . . . and deep down he saw hope, though she was hiding it rather well. What did she want him to say? That he liked her, too? DID he like her, too? Still? He looked away. Honestly, he didn't know.

"Potter?" she whispered. Jeez, he could hear the hope in her voice . . .

"I need time," he said suddenly. "I need time to think."

She didn't say anything for a few moments. Then, she stood. "Alright," she replied. "Okay. Time. I understand. I can give you that."

He nodded, then watched as she hurried away from him and out of the library. He breathed a sigh of relief. He had never been so relieved to see her go.

Sirius was grinning as James entered his dorm. "So? What's new?"

His best friend glared at him. "You were behind those letters, weren't you?"

Sirius and Remus shared a glance, then Remus shrugged. "So what's new?" he asked, repeating Sirius's question. Sirius kept on grinning.

"Nothing," James said, sighing. He collapsed on his bed. "She told me that she likes me."

"WOOOO HOOOO!" Sirius yelled, startling Peter who was sitting beside him on the floor. They had been playing Exploding Snap. "YEAH! WAY TO GO, PRONGS!"

James just shrugged. "Eh," he said.

"Eh?" Sirius looked at Remus who also shrugged. "Eh?" Sirius repeated. "Hey, Jamesie, what does 'eh' mean? I thought you and Evans getting together was what you wanted?"

"I don't know anymore," James said. "I don't know what I want, anymore."

"But, Prongs – "

"Look, Sirius, it was just a silly little crush, okay? Now, I think maybe I'm over it," James interrupted. He started to pull the curtains around his bed.

"Are you sure?" Remus said, quietly. "Are you sure you're 'over it'? Because you seem pretty upset for a guy who's over it."

James just shrugged again.

"James, I think maybe you should – " Remus started, worriedly.

"It doesn't matter, okay? It doesn't matter that Evans thinks she likes me or what I think, or even if I like her back or anything because I just CAN'T," James said hastily. "It doesn't matter because I can't be with her. I can't. Not after what she did. How can I? We can't BE anything because I can't trust her. I just can't."

"You mean you won't let yourself," Remus said, persistently. "You like her James. Who knows, you might even love her. But because of some silly little mistake, you – "

"REMUS! How can YOU of all people say something like that?" James was seriously shocked. "Her 'silly little mistake' could've gotten us expelled! Kicked out of Hogwarts! Do you realize the seriousness of this situation? Do you know what you're asking me to do?"

"We're asking you to forgive her," Sirius interrupted, "like you forgave me."

James stopped and stared at him. Remus stared at him. Peter stared because that's what everyone else was doing.

"You remember that incident two years ago?" Sirius spoke in low tones. "You forgave me for that, remember? So did Remus. And we were caught that time. I'd say that situation was a LOT worse than it is now. The only thing this kid caught you doing was kissing. You're lucky that was the only thing."

"And she's apologized, James," Remus reminded him. "She knows that what she did was wrong and she apologized for it. I think . . . you should give her another chance."

mwmwmwmw

Lily stared down at her breakfast three days later. He said he needed time, but how much time did he need exactly? It was either, "Hey, guess what Evans! I like you, too!" or "Sorry, Evans, I've outgrown you and your selfish ways." Lily grimaced. Wouldn't that be the day? When James Potter turned down Lily Evans on account of immaturity . . . How ironic.

"Lily?"

"Lily!" someone tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up. Pat.

"Hi," Lily said, returning her gaze to her breakfast. She moved some grits around with her fork.

"Lily, you need to snap out of it," Kat said. "So, he turned you down – "

"He did NOT turn me down," Lily growled.

"No, he didn't," Pat said soothingly, throwing a nasty glance at Kathryn.

"He just said he needed time. That's a good thing, right?" Lily continued. She cast a hopeful glance at the pair of them. "It's a good thing?"

"It can be," Pat replied.

"Yeah, it means he's thinking about it," Kathryn added. "And from the way he's been staring at you all through breakfast, I'm guessing it's a very good thing."

"What?" Lily turned her head to look. Sure enough, Potter looked quickly away from her. It was evident that he HAD been staring. Lily felt herself start to blush. This was no good. She was acting like one of Potter's fan club members, and that was NOT acceptable. She was Lily Evans. She was Headgirl. She wasn't boy-crazy and she prided herself on that.

"Remember who you are," she whispered to herself.

"What?" Kat asked.

"Nothing." She gave her friends a tight smile and stood up. "Well, it looks like I'm not very hungry. I'm going to head back to the common room until classes start. Look over my homework one more time. See you two soon!" She smiled again and headed for the hall before either of them had time to try and stop her.

"Hey Evans!" Lily froze, halfway to the common room. She spun around to face him. Oh no. Not now. She wasn't ready for this now.

"Yes?" she said, wearily.

Potter grinned at her, then ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think we could talk?" he asked.

"Oh . . . Um . . . Not now," Lily said. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I haven't got the time. Classes start soon and I want to look over my homework one last time before I turn it in. I think I might've forgotten a book or two in my dormitory, also. Maybe some other time would be good?"

Leaving him there, she hurried away faster than before, practically sprinting to Gryffindor Tower.

mwmwmwmw

James watched her all through Charms. She seemed tired. Exhausted, even. He wondered if she was tired for the same reason he was? Thinking about her was tiring. And for the past three days, that's all he had been doing. Thinking about her.

He wondered if she was getting impatient. She said he would give him time, and he had to give her credit for that. She hadn't come up to him and demand that he talk to her, or anything. In fact, it didn't even seem like she WANTED to talk to him. James knew that if it had been the other way around, three days would have been entirely too long. Hell, ONE day was long enough!

He sighed. Here he was, getting impatient with her for having the patience he would never have. He almost grinned to himself. Lily would have said that he was being perfectly ridiculous. He sighed again. He missed her . . .

"For goodness sake, mate! Talk to her after class!" Sirius hissed, elbowing James in the side.

James scowled at him. Now how did Sirius know what he was thinking? Because Sirius is your best friend, he answered himself. He always knows what you're thinking. James shook his head. He really needed to clear his head. Maybe he would go for a walk after class . . . Maybe he would arrange to "accidentally on purpose" bump into a certain Miss Evans on his way . . . Maybe, if he was lucky, Miss Evans would agree to talk to him, and he could have everything that was in his head out in the open instead.

"I will," he said, decidedly, really talking to himself more so than Sirius. "I'll talk to her after class."

mwmwmwmw

A/N: I'm going to say "I'm sorry" once and hope that we can forgive and forget together all about our lovely author who took an extended leave of absence from the world of fanfiction and promises to update in the very near future.

So, I'm sorry! For leaving you people at the end of that chapter. I promised I wouldn't abandon this story and that's exactly what I did! But I'm back now, so hopefully no one carries a grudge against me. I hope my writing style hasn't changed much . . .

Ariana S.