Title: Of Human Senses and Sensibilities
By: garlic
Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and affiliated do not belong to me.
Summary: Love can be so confusing, and Al is just a teenager, after all.
Al takes special care when he handles living things.
It took him a long time to adjust to the strength and durability of his metal form. Al remembers endless nights where he sat alone on the floor of the Rockbell's home so long ago, agonizing over his brother's wounds. His worry was only compounded by his confusion and sleeplessness; so many times he wanted to rest, but he no longer had eyes to close. He would be forever grateful to Winry, who stayed awake with him through the night until she slipped into sleep against his side. Fatigue was something Al tried to convince himself he felt, terrified what it would mean to not feel the limitations of a flesh and blood body.
Where nerves and flesh once sensed the warmth of another's presence, Al feels the utterly complex sensation of nothingness. Al compensates by learning to watch everything around him; while Ed is asleep at night he sometimes stands out in the hall studying manuals of the human body – how it works, how it moves. Not only does this familiarize him with the nuances of human movement, Al also thinks that somehow it will help further his alchemic goals as well. This has gotten him to the point where instead of feeling someone behind him he predicts it, yet no closer to restoring his brother's limbs.
Still, late at night, Al finds himself sitting outside the bedroom door, anatomy book in hand. It is more out of habit than anything now, but Al reasons that habits are a human mannerism, so he makes no effort to rid himself of it.
In the morning Edward always makes the maximum amount of noise possible involved with waking up – Al can hear him through the door, cursing and stumbling about. He can clearly picture his brother's antics in his mind, senses when his left foot hits the ground before his right by the slight vibrations echoing through the ground, heavy and low.
Al watches Ed storm out of their dorm room in a flurry of gold and black and red - Edward is constantly in motion. Al is glad Ed is so expressive - it makes him feel alive, even through vicariousness, and Al is always grateful that Ed can do all the things that he himself cannot.
Depending on the day or weather Ed greets him with a raucous "Mornin' Al!" or a grumpy "Let's go." It's customary for Al to respond cheerfully so he does, and sometimes he wonders how it is that a suit of armor like him can see or hear or speak, and wonders if Ed ever thinks about it too or if he'd avoid thinking about it at all.
Walking down the halls Al tries hard not to make eye contact with anyone in an effort to avoid the stares. Instead he keeps up idle chatter with his brother, focusing on the state alchemist's devil-may-care strut, and admires how he is able to be so sure of himself, and so proud of his metal limbs. Unlike Edward he pays special attention to where he places his feet and how hard they tread on the ground as to keep his clanking to a minimum.
Once in the Colonel's office Al falls back into the role of observer, zealously watching Mustang's apparent ease at handling Edward and his tantrums. Ed and Al may know each other the best, but they have lost their comfort and skin ship with each other, the ability to just be still and savor one another's presence. Only Al knows Ed's need for constant movement is his only defense at keeping the guilt at bay.
When the Colonel finally backs down from teasing Edward (only at the warning look Hawkeye throws at him) Al takes a seat in the corner, pulling out the latest alchemic research book related to the Philosopher's Stone. He has already read it the previous night in the hall, but Al has always believed in checking things over. Although he never tires, Al knows there is the distinct possibility that he could have missed something.
However, despite his best efforts at concentration, Al always finds his attention drawn to the other soldiers in the room. Again there is that air of camaraderie that Al often envies, and even though Hawkeye always does her best to make him comfortable, he can't help but feel like he's intruding.
Al knows for sure that First Lieutenant Hawkeye loves the Colonel unconditionally; loyalty like hers goes above and beyond any ties of duty or obligation. That is how he and Hawkeye are alike, and Al takes quiet pride in that.
Al is also mature enough to realize they stay apart for reasons more than regulations, but not experienced enough to know what it is.
By midday the Elrics are free from the Flame Alchemist's office, only to be intercepted by Winry on the way to Central's extensive libraries. Al carefully wraps his childhood friend in a cautious hug, and feels a brief burst of giddiness when Winry ignores his tentativeness and wraps her arms as far around him as she can get and hugs him as hard as she can.
As they shop around Central (Winry had convinced Edward with a wrench and Al had already been won over with the hug) Al could feel his spirits lift – Winry had always had that effect on him. He watches her skipping around the streets, dragging Ed behind her as she cooed over a new set of tools (for her), automail parts (for Edward), or metal polish (for him), and finds he's standing a little taller, and walking just a bit more firmly. Al thinks he doesn't mind the stares so much anymore, if both Winry and Ed don't.
When the trio reaches one of the main plazas in Central, they are immediately greeted with a large, boisterous crowd – dozens of people and vendors celebrating some small festival in honor of some courageous soldier in some war long ago. Winry immediately lights up, and laughing, rushes through the crowd, still dragging Edward along. In the wave of people and colors and merriment, Al quickly loses sight of them. He tries to stay calm, but the press of the crowd and the cacophony of sounds are suffocating him, and without his brother or Winry in sight there are only a sea of strange faces and curious eyes. He can see gleeful children reaching their hands to touch his armor, and suddenly there is sensation where there should be none - fingers and hands gripping and pulling at him, and panicking Al stumbles away from the mob.
He turns a corner to collect himself, and spots Winry and Ed across the plaza searching the crowd for him. As he watches, his brother turns to Winry, a scowl on his face as he reprimands her. Only she could make him lose seven feet of armor. The mechanic just rolls her eyes, which only serves to set Ed off again. He turns his back to her, arms crossed and sulking, to scan the crowd again and Winry bends quickly to drop a quick kiss on his cheek, ostensibly for forgiveness. Just as her lips land he blushes a beet red to match his coat and stammering and shouting, distances himself from her in one panicked jump. Winry laughs out loud at this, holding her sides at his reactions while Edward fumes on in silent embarrassment.
And from the shadows of the alley Al observes them together, golden and sun-warmed and happy, and doesn't know if its Edward or Winry that he's jealous of.
Authors Note: Argh, it took me 5 minutes to have this nice little drabble halfway set up, and then the damn thing just stopped and refused to finish itself for a month. I added bits and pieces sporadically, so it's a bit choppy, but I'm sick of it just sitting there, so slap a pretentious title on it and up it goes!