Kingdom Hearts

Attack Of The Fat Men

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, My Fair Lady, Dunkin Donuts, any Disney characters, or basically anything except for the ideas, which, by the way, was written by my bestest friend, Luna-Starr.

"What a beautiful day in Traverse Town," Sora said as he sipped an Ice Latte from Dunkin Donuts. Sora liked Ice Lattes. Why? Well, we don't know. He just did.

"Did you ever notice that it's always night in Traverse Town?" Donald Duck asked.

Goofy chuckled stupidly. "Really? There must be something in the water."

"Um, right," Sora said. He took another sip of his Ice Latte.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant fat man appeared.

"Great jumping jehosaphats (or however the hell you spell that word)!" Sora said, spilling his ice latte.

"Oh, no," Donald said to the fat man. "You made him spill his ice latte! Now you've gone and done it!"

But the fat man ignored him, simply because Donald always talked like he had marbles in his mouth. Sure, this worked out well in My Fair Lady, but, come on now. What fat man in their right mind is going to listen to a duck who sounds like he has marbles in his mouth? Anyway, that's besides the point. Moving on.

"Ay dios mio! My ice latte!" Sora said, opening a can of whoop-ass on the fat men.

Sora began to whack them around with his Key blade from the Tarzan level, that looked a lot like a toothbrush. Plaque and gum disease everywhere trembled in fear. Although, why they were afraid, I do not know. Sora wasn't attacking them like there was no tomorrow.

The fat man looked at Sora, who was practically crying over the spilled ice latte, and laughed. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

The other fat man, then started waddling around, jumping on Sora, Goofy, and Donald. Sora whipped out his...toothbrush and attacked one of the fat men.

"Remember to brush after every meal!" Sora said. "Which is pretty frequent for you, isn't it?"

The fat man waddled angrily up to Sora, and attacked him with his oversized stomach. Sora went flying backwards about twenty feet.

Sora sat up, looking dazed and confused. "Huh? What's going on? I don't wanna go to school mommy! I don't wanna go!"

"He has parents?" Donald asked. "I bet they're drug addicts and alcoholics."

"I'm telling you, there's something in the water," Goofy said.

"What are you saying about my parents?" Sora asked. All of his anger was now focused on Donald. Donald backed away nervously. Sora attempted to bring the key blade down on Donald. Goofy got popcorn, sat back, and watched the show.

Goofy, so intent on watching Donald and Sora battle to the death, didn't notice the fat men sneaking closer and closer to him. He realized too late, that they wanted his popcorn. And him. On the barbeque.

"Help!" Goofy yelled as the fat men played tug-of-war with his limbs.

Sora, so pissed off at everyone, yelled, "Screw you!"

"Okay!" the fat man said.

Censored-

It was definitely more disturbing then the time that the gay gorilla hit on Donald.

So, with Donald unconscious, Sora turned around to fight the fat men.

Suddenly, Rikku appeared with an ice latte. He helped Sora fight the fat men.

After the battle, Rikku turned to Sora. "Sora, I'll give you a choice. You can either have this ice latte, or, you can have Kairi, for as long as you both shall live," he said.

"Is that even a contest? Give me the damn ice latte!" Sora yelled. Kairi, who had been standing in the shadows, ran off, crying.

Sora ran off with Rikku's ice latte, laughing evilly.

And they all lived happily ever after. Until...Sora finished the ice latte.