a/n: Hi! Sorry this took so long to get up. Thank you's to all of you who reviewed and helped me with this chapter. I own nothing.X-men is not mine. Enjoy this new chapter.
Can't Stay
When I got back to my bedroom, I was huffing and puffing from running.
Friday Nov. 10, 2004
Dear Journal,
What on earth am I doing? Am I really going to leave the only place that I feel comfortable? Now that I think about it, I realize that I feel safe and comfortable with Logan, not in the mansion. Yet it is a safe place for me, or as Logan said, "people like us." I really am mad at him for saying that and not staying to make an us. He said he would take care of me and thought that was what he was doing when he left the first time, but when he came back he saw that I had grown up. Not even then did he do anything, and then his love Jean died, and I know it sounds selfish, but I thought that maybe he would notice me then. No dice. I need to find him if only to be turned down. It's better than never knowing what he would say. God, I really need to see him. Plus I need to tell him that when I absorbed him the last time, I got bone claws and his senses, and that he isn't fading. The professor doesn't know because Carol gave me a powerful mind block, plus he really hasn't been the same since Alkali Lake, so I doubt he would notice anyways. I can sense Kitty and Jubilee coming. I really need to see Logan again.
Knock, knock"Come in."
"Hey chica, what are you doing?"
"Yeah, we like haven't seen you all day."
"I had my math final. Then I did some personal stuff. Want did you guys come in here for? Did you need something?" Jubilee's perfume was giving me a headache. Logan's senses can be a pain sometimes. Like when people smell scared when you're on a date with them, or if one of your best friends thinks layers of perfume make you smell better.
"Do you want to go to the mall with us? You've been like a hermit for a couple of months. We really need to get you out of this slump chica."
Jubilee said months, and she's right. I haven't been the same since Alkali Lake either, so I can't get on anyone's case about that. And I need to go to the mall for clothes to wear in Canada, which is most likely where Logan is.
"First, I'm not really in a slump, I've been studying for my finals. Second, I would love to go with you guys. Let me just grab my coat."
"Man I just bought a stink load of clothes." And I really did, and some are pretty risky for me to where, but Jubilee and Kitty can be very persuasive.
"Good god, chica, most of what you bought is long sleeves and pants. At least we talked you into those black leather pants and that dark green halter-top. Which mind you, we know you will never wear. But really, who needs a bag of scarves and gloves, all in different stages of sheerness? And then a bag of pants, jean and leather."
" Hey I bought boots and a ton of shirts too. Don't lecture me! Look what you bought, a candle and some perfume that you don't even like." Oh, she's pouting now. HeHe, now I get to smirk. "Oh I get it, Remy likes it right? What!?!"
Oh now a glare, I'm so scared.
"Get out will you Jubes, I'm exhausted and need to do some stuff, and I'm sure you want to show Remy all that stuff you bought especially for his eyes only. Get going now. Go!"
"I'm goin, I'm goin, don't have a cow. I'll see you at dinner right?" Uh oh, what to say, I really wanted to pack and plan.
"Maybe, I might just stay in, but you will definitely see me later, kay?"
"Yeah, ok." Good she left, but not without giving that look that says that she thinks I'm either crazy or hiding something. I hope she doesn't question anything; I really can't lie to her very well, I mean she is my best friend but she barely knows me.
With the time I have by myself now, I'm going to pack my bag, put it in my car that I got for my nineteenth birthday, which was last year, and try to get some sleep, because it is going to be a trying week with me saying good-byes without anyone knowing I'm leaving. All I have to say is that I better be doing the right thing, because even if the Professor says that I will always have a place here, I don't think I can come back. Oh well, I can live out in the real world, and I might be with Logan. I'm adult enough to know how to take care of myself if Logan doesn't want me around.
Boy, is he in for a surprise. I am actually a woman, not scared and helpless, and definitely not scared of him. Logan can't make me come back here. Maybe I won't find him right away? I could try and find my family, since I was adopted into the D'Ancanto family. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Life changes, plans change with it, and right now, I'm turning my whole world upside down.
a/n: Please review. It might help with my writer's block.Thank You!!!