Hey kids! There's a hot new toy on the market, from Vector Inc.'s kids division who brought Grahf 'I've got the power' (his body can be renewed again, and again, and again!), Purple Cloaked Virgil (be careful, or he'll eat your brain) and MOMO's Dream House (complete with the music box and bunny doll – please don't look at the back of the head. Vector Inc. doesn't hold any responsibilities for any Bunny caused mental injury or heart attacks).

Children! Trample each other as you run to the toy store to get...

TICKLE ME ALBEDO!
This cute, cuddly doll with the weird outfit and white hair will keep your kids
entertained for hours! Instead of those "talking" dolls that only have three
responses at most, Tickle Me Albedo has thirteen!

RESPONSE 1:

Slight smile creeps across face.

"Ma! He's not laughing! What's going on?"

RESPONSE 2:

"Frailty, thy name is woman... No, that's not right. You little Realians weren't even born from a woman's womb."

"Jeez! This doll is talking like Shakespeare!"
"I said I'm not! I'm not a Realian! What do you mean I'm not born from my mother's womb? Are you saying that I'm a clone? Or I'm adopted?"

RESPONSE 3:

Starts getting "personal" with little Johnny.

"The Song...the song is...I... Mirror, mirror, on the wall...show me...define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I am the perfect chain!"
"EEEEEEEK! Get away from me! No, not there! YAAAAAARGH!"
"Johnny! What the hell are you doing with that doll?"

RESPONSE 4:

"I think I'll have a look around...for that key that sleeps inside you."
:plunge:
"AAAHHHHH! MY DATE! MY PROM DATE! YOU GODDAMNED DOLL! GET YOUR STINKIN' HAND OUT OF HER CHEST THIS MINUTE! OH, THE HUMANITY!"
"Laura, what did I tell you about leaving your toys around the house? Now your
brother will have to find another date! You're grounded, young lady!"

RESPONSE 5:

"Au contraire. I...am doing all this...for your sake, Rubedo."

"Ohh… okay, dammit. So I'll admit it. I'm the one who put the frog inside Sally's skirt! I send a package filled with shit to the makers of Xenosaga! You happy now? Huh!"

RESPONSE 6:

"Ah, ma belle pêche...there's no need to tremble like that. Else you'll make me feel like a péché myself..."

"Um, my name's not MOMO, and stop staring at my underwear, dammit!"

RESPONSE 7:

Laughs maniacally.

"Stop mocking me! ARRGH, YOU SON OF A BITCH STOOOP IT!"
"No naughty words in my house!"
"But Mo-om, Albedo's blew up my closet-"
"I don't care! Hurry up!"
"Arrgh, ow! That hurts! Not even a pair of underwear!"

RESPONSE 8:

Albedo broke a little girl's arm.

" Ah, my beautiful little Kirschwasser... But still... Can you really call this a corpse?"
:CRACCKK:
"WAAAAAAAAHHH! MOMMY! THAT DOLL BROKE MY ARM!"
"Clean up the blood, Sara dear. You're staining the carpet."

RESPONSE 9:

Break off neck of child's playmate(s).

:thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk CRACK:
"YAAAAAAA! He's done breaking Elaine's neck!"
"Keep your hands to yourselves up there, y'hear? That's the fourth body
rolling down the stairs today!"

(Note: This situation can be averted with Dismember Me Kirschwasser, available in
stores this July.)

RESPONSE 10:

Albedo decides to tear-off his own arm. "And that is what I shall provide you with...!"

"Oh my god! It ripped his own arm! So COOL! I wanna try that too!"
Albedo screw off his own head and step on it.
"SO cool! Try that on my sister!"
:CRACCK:
"Albert! I told you, never leave the toy with your sister! Now clean up the mess!"

RESPONSE 11:

Albedo gets access to his giant E.S. "Simeon" (included with doll). "Weak! They're all so weak!"

:BOOM:
"Wow, thanks, Tickle Me Albedo! You blew up the school!"
:BOOM:
"OH, NO! NOT GRANNY'S!"
:BOOM:
"OH MY GOD! ANDREW! NOOOO!"
:BOOM:
"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! MY LEEEEEEGS!"

RESPONSE 12:

:Laughs maniacally: "Come on come on come on! Now DIE!"

"That's it! Stop mocking me dammit! Or I'll tear your fucking face from limb to limb!"

It would be a crime to spoil the final response! Find it out! BUY TICKLE ME
ALBEDO NOW!