Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries
From the makers of Animal Crossing: Strange But True...
Comes the same style of madness...
Same style of strangeness...
Same style of... stupid ness...
Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries... up next.
Mysterious music here
And now, your mysterious host... K.K. Slider!
KK: Welcome to AC: Unexplained Mysteries. Have you ever wondered why sometimes you can find pill bugs when you hit rocks with your shovel? Have you ever wondered why sometimes a big huge fish comes under your boat while traveling to Animal Island? This show will unravel the mysteries of Animal Crossing. But first we need to cut to a commercial so we don't get in trouble and some mean lawyer comes to bring a lawsuit against us.
COMMERCIAL ROLLING
Clown: I work day and night trying to make people laugh, to no success. What's my problem?
Comedian: I've tried and tried, but for some reason those knock knock jokes just don't work!
Is your life miserable because nobody finds you amusing? Well, try our new product, Clumbiox, today! It will make people laugh and laugh all day at you, and you don't even have to say a word!
Wearenotresponsibleforanysideeffectseventhoughthesideeffectsarewhatthemedecineissupposedtodowhichismakeyourfacesodistortedthatpeoplewilllaugh.
Clown: Now for some reason people laugh, and I don't have to do anything! But my face LOOKS LIKE A RAISIN!!!
Comedian: Clumbiox really works. But... I HATE IT!!!
COMMERCIAL END
KK: OK... anyway... um... that was.. er.. interesting... to say the least... snicker
Producer: K.K., get with the program!
KK: Oh, right. Now, folks, we will learn about the spookiest parts of Animal Crossing. Today we will be investigating the mysteries of the wishing fountain. It is a very mysterious thing, this fountain. If you go to it, it will speak to you. What makes this voice? Is it... an angel from heaven, that has come down to help you get the golden axe? Today we will go and see.
Cut to KK standing beside a male villager.
KK: Hi, I'm with one of the villager in this lovely city called Ugliville. His name is Mr. Kandy. Mr. Kandy, would you like to inform us where we are?
Mr. Kandy: Well, we're by the wishing fountain, and I'm about to ask the fountain how things are.
We see Mr. Kandy walk up to the fountain, and before he can say anything, he screams and the fountain sucks him in. He is gone.
KK: Augh! Run!
The wind starts to suck KK and the cameraman into the fountain. They start screaming, all you can see onscreen is a blurred motion of struggling against the suction. Suddenly, everything is quiet. The camera comes up to KK, who is looking around.
KK: Well, we certainly weren't expecting that to happen. We got sucked in! Let's watch an instant replay to see exactly what happened.
We see Mr. Kandy walking in slow motion towards the fountain, then his eyes bulge out and he screams in slow motion as his body is pulled forward. He disappears as he hits the water.
KK: This is incredible. Where could we be?
Suddenly, the lights turn on and ten short pigs start dancing on a stage. They now realize they are in a theater.
Pigs: (Singing)
Welcome welcome welcome!
To our special place!
Welcome welcome welcome!
Pick up the pace!
(Singing faster)
Welcome welcome welcome!
See our happy face!
Welcome welcome welcome!
Pick up the pace!
(Singing faster)
Welcome welcome welcome!
Let's break a vase!
Welcome welcome welcome!
Pick up the pace!
KK: STOP! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY MORE!!!
Pig 1: (Singing) Why, oh why, oh whyyyyyy not?
Pig 2: (Singing) Oh why. Oh why. oh why oh why oh why oh whyyyyyyy not?
KK: Because! My ears! They hurt!
Pig 1: (Singing) Oh dear. Oh dear. We must... get a band-aid!
Pig 2: (Singing) Oh my. Oh my. Whatever will we do?
Cameraman: This is just wrong. Singing pigs inside a wishing fountain. OK.
Pig 1: (Finally not singing) Gasp! The fountain!
Pig 2: He mentioned the fountain!
Pig 3: The fountain... no...
KK: What? What's wrong about the fountain?
Pig 1: One day, us pigs went to the fountain and got sucked in. This theater is our home. We get visitors every once in a while.
KK: But... we need to get out of here!
Cameraman: Do you know a way out?
Pig 1: Uh... no. There are no doors, no windows, nothing.
KK: Did a fellow come in here before? A small guy, his name was Mr. Kandy?
Pig 1: Ah, yes. He was delicious.
KK: What did you say?
Pig 1: He was juicy.
Pig 2: He was yummy.
KK: You mean... ???
Pig 3: (Grinning evilly) How else would we get our food?
KK: Suddenly, this place doesn't seem so friendly. RUN!!!
KK and the Cameraman start running like crazy. The pigs chase after them, happy to have some more food. They are right on their tail. Literally. KK and the Cameraman (His name is Bobby, we'll say) run through a bunch of corridors and into a room with costumes. The pigs are not on their tails anymore, so they hide in the costumes. After about ten seconds, a pig enters the room. Another one joins.
Pig 4: You see 'em?
Pig 5: Nope. But they can't hide forever.
Pig 4: They're trapped, and they know it. There's no way out.
Pig 5: Search this room, then head back to the theater.
The pigs start sniffing, looking all around the room. Luckily, KK and Bobby are not found. Bobby is still filming, but you can only see through the crack in the costume he is in. Eventually, the pigs leave. KK and Bobby get out of their costumes and look at each other, frightened.
KK: This is a nightmare.
Bobby: I had no idea this place existed!
KK: Oh well, let's try and find an exit to this place or something.
Bobby: But didn't you hear them? There's no way out!
KK: Never trust half starved pigs, Bobby. Never.
Bobby: If you say so...
KK: I say so.
Bobby: All right. Why don't we try and find an attic or something?
KK: Sure. But we've got to be sneaky.
KK and Bobby check around the corner. They see nothing. They sneak along the corridors very quietly. Eventually they hear voices, coming from the theater. They spot some stairs leading up. They go up those stairs as quietly as they can, but the wood creaks. The voices stop.
Pig 3: (Jumping out from behind a corner) Aha!
KK: Run!
KK and Bobby run up the stairs as fast as they can. The pig does not chase them, he just laughs as they scramble up the stairs.
Pig 3: They have no idea what they're getting themselves into when they go up there.
KK and Bobby reach the top of the stairs and turn the corner. A sign points down the hallway, and says, "The way out – this way." KK and Bobby walk forward into the dark hallway. They keep walking for what seems like five minutes. They look back and see where they started walking, which is very, very far away. They realize this hallway is huge! They keep walking, and walking, and walking. Finally, KK and Bobby stop. They turn around again. They cannot see where they started from.
Bobby: KK, this is really giving me the creeps.
KK: I know. Are you still filming?
Bobby: I have been this whole time.
KK: Sweetness. Let's keep moving.
Bobby: But I'm... scared.
KK: All the better for this show.
Bobby: If you say so...
KK: I say so.
KK starts walking again. After about an hour they reach light. KK starts to rejoice, but Bobby is still freaked out. They finally reach the light and come into a big bright room.
Bobby: Where are we?
KK: If I knew I would tell ya, but I don't have the slightest clue.
Bobby: I'm scared.
KK: But it's not even dark!
Bobby: It's just that...
Suddenly, Bobby and KK lurch forward without trying to. It is almost like they are being pulled by the air. A whispering voice creeps into their minds. They can hear it without their ears.
Voice: You have entered the ultimate battle zone. To get back home, you must face your ultimate fears.
KK: Uh oh...
Voice: Once you face your worst fear, you may return home.
KK: Not good...
Voice: KK, you are first.
Suddenly, KK and Bobby are transported to a concert. They are watching as another KK goes out onto a stage.
KK: That's me, on stage!
Bobby: Yeah. I thought that voice said you would have to face your worst fear.
KK: Well... I'm afraid that maybe... this is my worst fear.
Bobby: Being on stage?
KK: No... something else... I can't bear to watch.
Bobby: You must, or else we won't get home!
KK: OK...
The other KK on stage is in a tuxedo. He starts playing his guitar and dancing around, singing a great tune. He starts really getting into it, going all out on the guitar strings, and his jumps in the air violently. His pants slip right off, revealing his pink polka dot boxers.
KK: NO! NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!
Voice: Bobby, you next.
They are suddenly transported to a cliff. A very, very high cliff. KK looks over the edge, and cannot see the bottom. The clouds are below them, and it is quite hard to breathe.
Bobby: I hate heights.
Suddenly, a pack of wolves come charging at them. It is either go near the cliff or face the wolves.
Bobby: I HATE wolves!!!
Bobby steps toward the cliff. He is on the edge with KK as the wolves come nearer.
KK: We're going to have to jump! We'll fall, but hopefully we'll be OK. You have to face your fear!
Bobby: I don't wanna!
KK: Fine, I'll do it!
KK jumps while holding on to Bobby. They fall, and they scream.
Bobby: HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLPPPPP MMMMEEEEEEEeeeeee!!!!!
Voice: Good job. Now you may return home.
Suddenly, the two friends are no longer falling. They are standing in front of the wishing fountain.
KK: Run away!
Bobby: We've got to get as far away from this wishing fountain as we can!
Bobby drops the camera in the dirt. We can still see the wishing fountain. We see Tortimer come out from behind the wishing fountain.
Tortimer: Heh heh. That virtual reality program I created really fooled those two.
Mr. Kandy emerges from behind the fountain too.
Mr. Kandy: Yeah. But did you really have to have those dancing pigs?
Tortimer: That was just for humor.
Mr. Kandy: Yes, but... nevermind. Let's get ready to fool them next episode.
Tortimer: Right on, sonny! Right on.