Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries
Mysterious music here
And now your host... K.K. Slider!
KK: Welcome to AC: Unexplained Mysteries. If you joined us last episode, you'll remember that me and my faithful cameraman, Bobby, who is currently filming this episode also, went into the wishing fountain and faced singing pigs and our worst fears.
Now, this episode, we'll be doing something even more daring and exciting. Maybe even... horrifying.
Mr. Kandy: KK! KK! I'm back!
KK: What? I thought... you were... eaten!
Mr. Kandy: Well, er, um... the pigs, they... were just... kidding.
KK: OK... that's odd...
Mr. Kandy: Well, I'm back! And I'm willing to test out whatever mystery you have now!
KK: OK, today, we'll be with Kapp'n, sailing and trying to find the big mysterious fish that sometimes comes!
Mr. Kandy: OK... sounds great. Let me just, um... tell Tortimer, my boss...
Tortimer: What's happening this time, sonny?
Mr. Kandy: (whisper whisper whisper)
Tortimer: OK. Sounds dandy! Just go ahead and do that.
Mr. Kandy: All right, I'm all set. Shall we go?
KK: Yes. Follow me.
After a lot of walking, the three companions (including Bobby) reach the sea. Kapp'n is waiting for them.
KK: Kapp'n, you know our mission, correct?
Kapp'n: That is correct! Hop in, boys!
The three guys get in the boat. They sail off into the sea with Kapp'n.
Kapp'n: Now, it's time for a song.
KK: Hey, if anyone should do the music, it should be me.
Kapp'n: But... I really think I should...
KK: No need to. Here goes my sailing song – the Boating Beat!
Mr. Kandy: Save us.
KK:
Sailing, sailing,
over the open sea!
Wherever we go,
no one knows,
where Kapp'n takes us,
it beats me!
Kapp'n: I can sing better than that!
Sailing to and fro,
here oh here we go!
Tossing in the waves,
Drifting in the wind!
KK: That last verse didn't even rhyme!
Mr. Kandy: Uh, guys...
KK: Here's my version!
Mr. Kandy: Guys...
KK:
To and fro we sail,
hit a mighty gale!
Waves are tossing us,
Wind will make us bust!
Mr. Kandy: GUYS!!!
KK: What is it, Mr. Kandy?
Mr. Kandy: LOOK! It's the FISH!
Suddenly, their boat gets knocked over into the water.
KK: Help! I can't swim!
Kapp'n: Ha! A musician who can't swim! That's just... well, I guess there's nothing strange about it, really.
KK: BLUB BLUB BLUB
Mr. Kandy: No! Mr. KK sir!
Bobby: Hey guys... the camera can't get wet, and well... it is, so any moment here it's going to-
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One hour later...
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Bobby: Guys! I got the camera working!
KK: Oh good! Film me, I'll clue our watchers in.
Bobby: OK, I'm rolling.
KK: Well, the fish swallowed us whole, folks, and here we are in the belly. It turns out that this big fish is actually some sort of robot, because the stomach is actually a FBI (Federal Bunny Industry) base! Here some officers come now!
Agent Bunny Ears: We've decided that you cannot go free without a brainwashing. No one must know our secret. Unfortunately, it will be extremely painful. So we will have to chain you up and proceed.
Kapp'n: But... I'm allergic to pain. It makes me hurt!
KK Slaps Kapp'n on the head.
KK: You dope! Pain means the same- oh, nevermind!
Agent Bunny Ears: Come with me!
Two other officers grab the prisoners and take them to a room. Four chairs await the frightened animals.
Agent Bunny Ears: And I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate your tape, Mr......
Bobby: Bobby.
Agent Bunny Ears: Mr. Bobby. Hand over the camera.
Bobby: Run guys, run!
KK kicks one guard in the shin. The guard falls on the ground in pain. The other guard tries to grab Mr. Kandy, but Mr. Kandy dodges him and jumps on top of the guard.
Mr. Kandy: Run, guys! I'll sacrifice!
KK: No! We're not leaving you!
Mr. Kandy: RUN!!!
KK turns and follows Kapp'n and Bobby. They are being chased down the hallway.
Agent Bunny Ears: Stop! Stop!
KK: Out the escape hatch!
KK, Bobby, and Kapp'n open the escape hatch. Water comes flooding in. They go out the exit and swim to get air.
Bobby: We escaped! But the camera got wet again!
KK: Oh no.
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One hour later...
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Bobby: Got it!
KK: Good! Point it at me!
Bobby: Rolling.
KK: OK, we escaped the fish and got to a town. Unfortunately, these animals speak in a different language.
Dog: El perro esta muy gordo!
KK: Um...
Dog: Muy, muy gordo!
KK: Hey listen, where's the train station? You know – CHOO CHOO!!!
The Dog scratches his head, then points in a direction.
KK: OK good, I think he understands. Come on guys, this way.
KK leads them to a big building.
KK: Is this the train station?
Bobby: Hey, here's a sign with a translation. It says: "National Sneezing Museum."
Kapp'n: Oh dear.
KK: Looks like he thought I was saying "ACHOO ACHOO."
Kapp'n: Not good!
Bobby: I say we just try to explore until we find the train station.
KK: Good idea. Come on, guys.
KK, Kapp'n, and Bobby search around for a long, long, time until they finally find train tracks.
KK: Guys, if we follow the train tracks, we can find the train station!
Kapp'n: Yeah, but they go in two directions. Which one should we take?
KK: My father always used to say, "If you're lost, just stand there."
Bobby: What does that have to do with anything?
KK: Uh... I don't know.
Kapp'n: Well, my father always used to say, "If the fish is big enough, bite it!"
Bobby: But that has nothing to do with this situation either!
Kapp'n: Good point.
Bobby: My father always used to say to me, "When you're on a railroad, LOOK OUT FOR THE TRAIN!"
KK: What? That has nothing to do with this situation either.
Bobby: NO! Seriously! THE TRAIN IS COMING!
The train is coming down the tracks at a ferocious pace. KK turns just in time to see it and hops off the train tracks. The train goes roaring by.
KK: Well, that was close. You saved my life, Bobby.
Bobby: Yeah, well, it was nothing.
Kapp'n: Come on, you two! Now we know which direction to head!
The three companions walk a long way to the train station, where Porter is standing in the hot sun.
KK: Hey, Porter, my man! How ya doing?
Porter: Ooh Ooh Aah Aah!
KK: Darn. He speaks a different language too.
Kapp'n: Well, there's only one thing to do, since we can't get back to our town by train.
KK: What's that?
Kapp'n: Hot air balloon!
Kapp'n snaps his fingers and all of a sudden a cat dressed up like a clown pops in front of the three travelers. The cat blows up a balloon until it is gigantic, and quickly ushers the three travelers to follow.
Kapp'n: Come on, my friends!
KK: What the heck is this?
The three travelers hold on to a rope tied to the balloon, and the clown lets go of the rope. Now the balloon goes higher and higher.
KK: What?! This is your hot air balloon?
Kapp'n: Uh, yeah...
Bobby: And what was that clown down there?
Kapp'n: Oh, she's my cousin. Weird relationship. Don't ask. Anyway, she promised me to appear whenever I snapped my fingers and give me one of her hot air balloons.
KK: (Sputtering) But we can't even turn! We're just going to go up until we let go or suffocate!
Kapp'n: Not exactly.
KK: What do you mean?
Kapp'n: One, we can't let go. There's super glue on the rope.
Bobby: Hey! He's right! It's impossible to let go!
Kapp'n: Two, once the balloon reaches a certain height, it senses a satellite dish signal telling it where to go. It will bring us back to our town.
Bobby: Sweet. I guess this thing is more high tech than I thought.
KK: Yeah... I guess... But why couldn't we just get a regular hot air balloon?
Kapp'n: Because! It wouldn't be as much of an adventure, now would it?
KK: I guess not...
Kapp'n: Oh! And now we're heading towards our town!
KK: I can see my house from here!
Bobby: Look! The giant fish is still in the water, down there in the ocean!
The giant fish explodes before their very eyes.
KK: NO! What happened?
Bobby: Well, since the fish was a robot thing, I guess it malfunctioned because we let water in through the escape hatch.
KK: Oh boy.
Kapp'n: Prepare to land! It might get rough!
The balloon pops and the three travelers fall the rest of the way. They hit a tree.
KK: Ow... my... neck...
Bobby: Stop worrying about your neck and let's get moving!
KK: Fine, fine...
This ends this episode of Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries.
Up coming: The debate on Animal Crossing Creation and Evolution!