Goodbye
by Wicked Child

Did you ever stop to think? Did you ever wonder? Could you even begin to contemplate what it would mean to have your fingers on my skin? What I would mean?

A part of me hopes that you have but that's my romantic, whimsical side. The other part knows better and always has and always will.

Emotions have always been considered weak, and that school of thought has been drilled into us since we were but children. I've never subscribed to that school and I've always refused to believe that theory. My emotions have always made me stronger, wayward at times, but strong nonetheless. What about you?

You've strived so hard to bury your emotions, to kill them off completely because you were taught and you believed they were a weakness, that they made you weak. You could handle me being weak because that meant I had to depend on you. You the strong, brave one that had no fear. My handsome savior, so beautiful and yet so very unreachable.

Did you know that I heard from someone, a little bird if you will, that you envied me at one time because I didn't hide my feelings? I was told that you admired my ability to be honest with myself and honest with the world on how I felt and even why I felt. I can only guess at why you would think this way if it was in fact true, but I'm inclined to believe the little bird because the one who was once blind now sees. Blind birds don't fly. Maybe that's why the little bird has it's own happy little nest. Where's yours?

That was cruel of me and I apologize. This isn't the reason I came here today though. This isn't the reason that I let these thoughts take form in my mind. I actually just came here to tell you, that even if you had wanted to, you can't have me. Do not mistake this declaration as one of hatred because I could never hate you. You'll always be in my heart, somewhere, because no matter what you do or have done, I could never hate you. But I do want you to remember this conversation. I want you to ruminate on it after I've gone. I want it to keep you company on those cold, lonely nights. I don't honestly know if you will or not because I don't even know if I cross your mind these days. Regardless, that, this isn't why I'm here.

You can't have me because I'm giving myself to someone else. And no it isn't either of two you might think. I am friends with one and respect him greatly and he knows that I would never just settle for someone, including him and thankfully he understands and accepts that wholly. The other is also my friend, the best really. But I love him like a brother and I wouldn't dare to cross that barrier because it wouldn't be fair to either of you. I wouldn't dare to become something that breaks your bond with him. Because while I know you don't and never will give a damn about me, I do know that you expect me to sit around and wait and pine for you. I can't do that anymore and I promised myself that I wouldn't waste away because it's what you expect even if you don't know it.

I'm leaving. Don't give me that look, please don't. You're the last to find out for a reason, because while everyone else supports my decision I know you won't and you never will because the person I'm going to is someone you refuse to acknowledge as a human being. Considering your past and the things you've done, I'm honestly stupefied as to why you consider him a monster and yet you see yourself as a righteous person albeit you admit it's relativity. I love you, that will never change. And before you even ask, I do love him but this time it's different. We accept each other, we understand one another. Don't even try to suggest that it's just a ploy to keep our respective homes on speaking terms. This has nothing to do with public relations, other than our own.

So here I am, telling you goodbye, in all the various definitions of the word. I am leaving our home, our people. I am still a member of this family but it's time that I make my own. Please accept my embrace this time as it will be the last time I allow myself to hug you, or even touch you in such a manner. Please accept this kiss, and don't rub it off your cheek until my back is turned and no one else is watching you. My ego will forever be grateful for this small favor. Be happy for me, because I'm able to move on and am able to do so with someone who can return my feelings even if he isn't the best at expressing them. You two really are similar.

But above all of these things, please don't let your mask break. Don't let it fall. Allow me to believe that you don't care, that the hurt in your eyes is the product of a neglected child who fears abandonment and not the product of a heart breaking. Let me walk away believing that you're still the same impervious boy that I fell for when we were children. I won't waver if you do decide to show your emotions, just so you know, but I'd hate to think that you're that desperate to keep that which is no longer yours.

You can let go of me now. He's waiting and it isn't good to keep him waiting because his patience is always running thin. I'll always have fond memories of our time together. No matter our separate lives, you'll always be precious to me. It's time for me to let go and start my new journey.

Just please let me go.

I am a woman in love
And I'm talking to you