Before I'm dead
A fanfiction by FreyaHamilton
Artist: Kidney Thieves
Song: Before I'm Dead
Moon hangs around
A blade over my head
Reminds me what to do before I'm dead
Night consumes light
And all I dread
Reminds me what to do before I'm dead
The sun reclines
Eats my mind
Reminds me what to leave behind
Light eats night
And all I never said
Reminds me what to do before I'm…
To see you
To touch you
To see you
To touch you
Epochs fly, reminds me
What I hide, reminds me
The desert skies
Cracks the spies
Reminds me what I never tried
The ocean wide salted red
Reminds me what to do before I'm…
To see you
To touch you
To feel you
To tell you
The sun reclines - remind me
The desert skies - remind me
The ocean wide salted red
Reminds me what to do before I'm…
Echo:
See you
Touch you
Feel you
Tell you...
Chapter One
Mortal. I was so pitifully mortal when things started to get rough.
It was twenty years after the brush with sorceress Ultimecia.Mr. Leonheartwas still the headmaster of Balamb Garden, and had been for as long as I could remember. His wife, Rinoa (as she had us call her), had taken over the infirmary, and was doing a rather enthusiastic job of healing the various ailments of the students. Everyone loved her. Ms. Selfie was in charge of the festivities of the Garden, and mr.Dincht was in charge of the cafeteria. Another man, Irvine Kineas, was always wandering around the Garden, but no one really knew what he was doing. Mrs. Trepe may as well have been the head instructor, because she certainly gave out most of the orders. No one liked Mrs. Trepe much.
I was training to be a SeeD under Seifer Almassy, a boy who had been eighteen since I had come to the garden at age five. Mrs. Trepe favored me from the rest of the students, so she promoted the idea that I get my SeeD liscence, I suppose they called it, earlier than the rest of the students. I was only sixteen at the time, but very talented with dual pistols, and the gunblade Seifer (he refused to let me call him 'Mr. Almassy') so favored.
I didn't even understand what it was I was training for, really, or else I would never have even tried. I had no desire to be a hired mercenary, and I especially didn't want to be a force to keep rising sorceresses at bay.
I was one.
I'd heard many stories from the conversational man who acted as my mentor about the last time sorceresses rose. There had been four of them. Ultimecia, Rinoa, Edea, and Ellone. I was told that their powers went in that order. He said I would need the information for the written exam, but he seemed fond of going into his memories, and giving me the first hand account, and then adding, "But they won't have that in the history books. Stick to being politically correct."
How was I supposed to seperate the truth from what the books said?
Either way, I passed the exam with ease, something Squall's entire team delighted in telling me. Looking at Rinoa that night, I couldn't imagine her ever being in a sorceress position. She was so sweet, so innocent. In fact, I couldn't even see her holding a weapon. A needle in her hand was fearsome enough for her.
But Seifer swore up and down that she was a powerful sorceress, and quite frankly, I believed Seifer over my better judgement. He'd always been trustworthy. He was there when I was in pain, and he gave me advice when I needed it. He took my revenge when I couldn't, or wouldn't do it myself. He seemed to hate my enemies more than even I did, and he was too handsome to deny.
Yes, I was very easy to woo, and Seifer Almassy, a thirty eight year old that looked like he was still eighteen, had become my latest obsession.
During my SeeD field test, the sorceress in me decided to rise. I was in the middle of a battle with two of my superior comrads by my side when I suddenly felt very dizzy. My legs went out from under me as my stomach felt as if it was being torn in two. I attempted to move out of the way, but I had not enough energy, and by the time I realized what was happening, I was on the ground, a wendigo groping at me in an attempt to curl me into a ball to throw at my confused allies.
I don't know what happened next. I went out like a light. My friends told me that I rose as if drawn by puppet strings, and destroyed the offending monster with a spell they had never seen before. They said that after that I went through the city, each enemy, even the hidden ones, exploding in my passing. They said that it was Seifer who stopped me, and brought me back to the infirmary, where I woke.
After that, my friends didn't talk to me again, deciding correctly that I was a sorceress. Needless to say I failed the exam, but Seifer claimed he was just glad I was back safe. Mrs. Trepe had a completely different story, nearly screaming at me in the infirmery room about loosing control of God knows what, but Rinoa, with the help of Headmaster Leonheart, and Mr. Kineas, dragged her out of my presense, leaving Seifer to comfort me, and to make me laugh with his not-very-nice musings about the instructor.
They kicked me out of school, though, Headmaster Leonheart said it much more gently, and sent me to Winhill for 'safe keeping'. With me came only Seifer, and Irvine. Everyone else had jobs to do. We stayed in Ellone's very haunted house. She tried to council me on my growing powers, as the weakening and the pain was happening more often now, but she wasn't helping much.
Irvine went back to the Garden regularly to report to the officials how my progress was going, as Seifer had said "To hell with Balamb Garden," and had continued to train me dispite my apparent expulsion. It came to a point where Seifer was with me at all times, except, of course, when I slept, and even then he was in the next room over. I used to dream that he had his ear to the door, listening to see if I was traversing the halls. If it wasn't such an extreme concept, I wouldn't have been surprised. He always caught me when I tried to sneak out.
My obsession grew noticeably stronger as I learned that Seifer seemed to be the only one able to stop the pain when I lost control. Suddenly, I didn't mind his constant presense so much, and when he corrected my gunblade posture, all I could do was smile, and try to hold the correction.
The town people were very nice to us, having been told that I was a distant cousin of Ellone's. Everyone loved Ellone so much, and she attended old fashioned get togethers that bored me to tears daily. They would sit and talk about methods of baking pies, and cakes. By the joy in Ellone's eyes we could all tell that she enjoyed the talks, but I absolutely loathed them. I was forced to attend for the first two weeks or so, but after that Seifer started finding excuses to rescue me. The most common being that I had skipped my training that morning, and needed to train now, or never.
For a while, we would actually train during that time, but after quite some time we grew weary of the extra training sessions, and would sit on the cliff, and simply talk.
Irvine started coming back less and less often until a simple phone call sufficed, he would gather my progress from Seifer, and sometimes even I. My talking to anyone but Seifer, and Ellone became rare. The residents of Winhill steadily became less friendly toward me, and we seemed to reach a compromise. I wouldn't bother them if they wouldn't bother me.
When I turned eighteen they started asking Ellone when my vacation there was going to end. I got tired of the town, often taking hours out of the day to stand at the gate and stare out at the rest of the world, knowing that I wasn't allowed to step out. In my years of life, I became less naive, and I realized that Seifer wasn't there to guide me, or to preserve my training, but to restrain me. To keep me there. I was a sorceress, and the Garden, SeeD,was keeping me secluded from the rest of the world.
I longed to see cities again. I longed to see the oceans of Balamb, and the sands of Esthar. I wanted to go into Julia's legendary Inn and lounge by the piano. I wanted more.
It was within these hours that I made my decision. I would rebel. I would do whatever I had to do to get out of this hell hole, and when I did I would wander the world dry. I would see everything, fight everything, know everything, taste everything, hear everything. I would take everything that had been denied to me, and I would love it.
Authors Notes: This is where I mention that Final Fantasy Eight, Any of its characters, or the song at the top of this page do not belong to me. This is also where I say that all reviews are welcome, especially the ones telling me my errors, so I may fix, or at least try to fix them.