Bad Memories
Chapter 3: Alcohol, Part I
This chapter is dedicated to an endangered species, The Reviewer (Hint, Hint) This is in recognition of the few survivors of this noble and near extinct breed of Homosapiense.
I mean only two?
Lost1n7heDark:My first (Somewhat) loyal reviewer, yay! Thanks for the review. I can only hope that you continue to read and review...and that you meant interesting as in 'good' not as in 'It's bad but I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling here'.:)
BlackDave682:Yay, another review from the blackdove. Another (Somewhat) loyal reviewer, yay. I'm glad you don't want to wait till next school year...'cause I sure don't:)
Authors Note:Unfortunatly not a whole hell of alot happens in this begining of this chapter, but it is important, so try to enjoy it. I also thought this would be a good time to explain that my original idea that started this story was "I should make a really dark an d depressing story about Raven's past" And I ended up with this...so what do you think so far? Remember to review:)
Authors note P.S.: Quick little note, I'm going with the titans from the TV show, so they don't swear, drink, smoke or handle any other crimes rather than theft... so despite going up against super villians, the titans minus Raven are pretty sheltered.
66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
"Welcome back to the real world"Robin said as he opened the door, to finally let Raven out of her cell.
"A couple of days?"She asked with a slightly angry tinge to her voice."It's been almost two weeks" Raven said this as if she didn't know why it really took so long. They said it was just making sure that she really had control over herself, the truth was they had been sure she was fine for over a week, they just needed more time to let Cyborg's part's come in and for Starfire's white past medicine to heal all there other wounds (The other titans all switched to it after the second day). They wanted to be in tip-top shape when she was released, in case she lost control again, she couldn't blame them, she had severly hurt them all, nothing would ever be the same between them, but still the fact that they lied made her angry enough that she was having to meditate a lot more and she was on the edge of losing control, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let her out, it felt like any little thing might set her off, then again they would probably be so afraid of her she might be ok.
"Sorry it took so long friend Raven but we had to be sure"Star said in her normal cheery voice, this surprised her, sure Star was forgiving but two weeks ago she had broken her leg and wrist and she talked as if nothing had changed.
"Yea, dude, didn't want you going all crazy on us again"Beastboy said his voice and demeanor also the exact same as before.
"Don't call me 'Dude'"Raven said automaticly with a scowl.
Beastboy shunk down in terror...but no more so than he usually did.
"Well, looks like everything is back to normal" Cyborg said with a laugh "I'm making waffle's"
Raven smiled inwardly, she would never of guessed they would forgive and forget so quickely, things might stay the same between them after all.
"Well before waffle's, I need a shower, a change of clothes and a cup of herbal tea"Raven said, for the first time in her memory she felt completely content, all traces of anger and fear disapearing from her mind.
"Everything really is back to normal"Robin said smiling at Raven
6666666666666666666666666666666666666666
"I'm sorry"
"What?"Robin asked, the titans were all in main room now, later that same day.
"I just realised I never apoligized for what I did...so, I'm sorry"Raven said, her usual monotone finally had returned.
"That's ok, you didn't have control over your self, though I would like to understand what happened"Robin said sitting down at the counter."Did you know that man?"
Raven had been dreading this, she had felt Robin holding back the question's all the titans had been wanting answered, since she had explained that she did not attack them willfully, this was the perfect time to ask them though."I don't know"Raven said truthfully "He was just starting to look familiar when..." Raven looked around at her friend's waiting face's 'I'm still nowhere close to being ready to tell them, they don't need to know'Raven thought sadly'My past would only depresse them, besides it's way to personal'
"...when every thing went black"She said at last.
"You don't remember anything?"Robin asked, concern on his face.
Raven could have laughed when she realised he was concerned for her, the trauma of almost killing her friends didn't even register in her top 10 traumas.
"Nothing"She said simply
Robin hesitated then asked in a concerened voice "How are you doing?"
She was really holding back the urge to laugh now"Fine"
Robin looked at her suspiciously for a moment, then nodded.
'She was holding something back then...I bet this has upset her more than she's let on...this has been traumatic for us, but she has to be feeling pretty helpless about now, she totaly lost control of her body, she has to of been fearing this for awile. Why won't she tell the truth and ask for help' Robin thought studying the gothic girl in front of him.
"Well if your sure" He said as she started on her tea.
6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
"Why do you always struggle?"A tall thin man dressed all in black said as he undressed, laying his long jacket out on the cold concrete. Raven just starred at the man with contept in her lifeless eyes, pulling her knees up tighter to her chest, trying to make her self as small as possible "It's not like your father feed's you anywhere near close enough for you to even struggle a little against me, your just tiering yourself out"He looked at her and smirked "I heard you gave some guy a blow job in exchange for an apple awile ago..."He said, his smirk growing. At mention of this Raven looked down in shame, bile rising to her mouth.
The man, now fully undressed, reached over and grabbed one of Raven's arms that were wrapped around her knees, and pulled her over to the jacket he placed on the floor, she struggled, but as he had said it was futile.
He pinned her arms out above her head and pinned her legs with one of his, Raven looked away, knowing what was about to happen, how could she not, it had happened multiple times a day ever since her sixth birthday, when her father turned on her.
The man starred down at the naked sprawled out body of this nine year old girl he controled. He glared at the scars that covered her body, everything accept her legs, they were for some reason untouched, though they were far too thin and pale, they looked like they belonged to a dead girl. But the rest of her body was covered in cuts and burns, she cringed under his gaze
"You never have told me who's doing this to you"The man stated simply as he positioned himself for the act.
Raven closed her eye's and tensed up as the sickening pain started for the third time that day.
66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
Raven opened her eye's calmly to the darkness of her room, she used to hate the darkness, like in those memories, but now...she found it comferting...she wasn't sure how that worked, there were alot of things about her brain she didn't understand. Like why ever since her friends let her out of her cell she had been having nightmare's of her childhood, she was used to it by now though, it after all has been happening for a month.
She had also received a slight phobea...of light. Raven had never hated light, she just prefered the dark, but now...It was getting worse too. The day after she was released, she noticed half way through the day that she was avoiding light...it seemed everytime she was in the light for more than a couple of minutes she felt slightly scarred, and it only got worse, she also felt drained of the miniscule amounts of energy she had, by now it was so bad she wasn't going outside very often during the day, which she didn't before, but now she only left the tower if there was a villian...and the last two times she contemplated faking an illness to get out of it.
This she at least had a theory about, she had been forced to stay in that room, that unbelievibly brite room, the whole time she was sure her friends hated her, fear had all but controlled her more then once, she had not been so close to loosing control for such an extended period of time before, that could have caused it, theoreticaly.
Raven sat up in her bed, her black bed, and checked the clock, 11:30am, Raven stared at the clock for a moment as if trying to convince it that it was wrong. Raven had never been a big morning person, she got up when she felt like it, it just so happened that that was usually somewhere around 9 or 10. And here it was now 11:31 and Raven couldn't think of anything she wanted more than to sleep for another three hours, maybe this had some thing to do with the dreams, she thought. This was another thing that had changed since she had been let out, her sleeping habits had become somewhat more, Beastboyish. Raven sighed as she let her body fall to her nice comfy black bed.
Just as she could feel herself drifting in to the sweet darkness called sleep, Raven heard a knock on the door as Beastboy's voice shook her from her sleep "Raven, are you alright in there? It's pretty late and you haven't come out yet, it's almost lunch...we're a bit worried" Well that's the last straw, when Beastboy the 'King' of sleeping in, is worried about your sleeping habits, your in trouble. Raven summoned all her streagth (Which wasn't much) and draged herself, still half-asleep, to the door, she opened it up to see Beastboy standing before her, when he fully took in the sight of her half-asleep and still groggy, his eye's went wide "Raven?"He said in disbeleif, his eye's wide"Are you all right?"
Raven took awile to understand why he was so worried, she was wearing only her pajama's, black silk two piece that fit her nicely...usualy, the top few buttuns were undone on the top so it was hanging of her, revealing her shoulder, that plus the fazed glossed over look in her eye's and on her face, and the way she was hanging onto the doorway to her room for dear life, like it took all her streagth not to fall over, which it did. The whole affect must have made her look hungover and half dead, she wasn't hung over, though she had been drinking a bit more since her release. Raven had been drinking brandy since she 'escaped' from her father, not much, a quarter glass a day, just enough to dull the pain, she had kept it at a quarter glass a day for three years, maybe a small glass of scotch every once in a while, she never increased the amount, though she had needed more since she had been released by the titans. She was up to a glass and a half a day, on a good day now, but she never really got 'drunk' so she was never hungover, though she was considering if that was true now, she was sleeping later and avoiding the sun, could it just be the alcohol?(AN:No it isn't, but it will seem that way to the titans who don't know about her drinking yet)
"What do you want?" Raven asked impatiently, she just wanted to go back to her comfy black bed.
"It's almost noon and we were worried...are you alright?"Beastboy asked looking sincerly worried about her well being, she didn't have time to quelle his fears.
"I'm fine, I'm just tierd..."Raven replied, her annoyance seeping into her voice slightly.
Beastboy looked even more concered "When do you think you'll be ready to join the world of the living" Beastboy said plastering a gigantic grin on his face, obviously trying to lighten the mood...and failing.
"Give me three hours"Raven said, on the verge of doseing off as she spoke.
Beastboy was obviously skocked that it would take so long but just nodded and left.
Raven closed the door, she rested her head on the closed door, breathing deeply trying to siche herself up for the twenty foot walk to her bed, her body felt completely numb.
She turned and made her way to her bed, it looked so far away now, she didn't make it two feet before all was black.
6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
He was back.
The kid, he didn't look to be much older than her, maybe 13 years old, tops.
He was shy, he kept trying to look in on her without her noticing him. The problem was that the door blocked all light from entering her cell, so when he opened the small slot they shoveled the little food they gave her through, to peek in on her naked body, she noticed.
He obviously wanted her, so him being shy was the only reason he would have for not rushing in and forcing himself inside her. It's not like any man, or boy, with any sence of decency would be on this god forsaken island.
She was afraid of him... as stupid as this may sound she was terrified every time he peeked in. One man who had looked pretty harmless, had done the same thing, Raven had even fantasiced that he was going to rescue her, it gave her hope for the first time in as long as she could remember, and so when one day he finally entered her cell, she was overjoyed, that was untill he pinned her to the ground and pulled out a large hunting knife, it wasn't untill the innocent looking man started draging the blade over her ab's, that she realised he was just like all the other's, evil, the look on his face was one of pure joy, he looked as if watching her squirm and bleed underneath his suddenly towering figure, gave him some sadistic joy. He also started to undress, to reveale that the sight of her in pain and the sight of her blood actually aroused him...
He had done that every day for a month, covering her ab's, side's, and even her breasts in a maze of scars, even worse were the scars he left on her insides, both mentaly and physicaly...he was rough. So naturally she was frightened when some 'innocent' looking kid was watching her.
666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
Raven woke, it took a moment to realise she was on the floor and moment more to remember why. She pulled herself up off the black carpet and tryed her best not to remember her dream, ofcourse that only made her remember it more vividly... it was when a face looked familiar that she started paying attention on purpose, the man she recalled in her memory/nightmare, the man that cut and raped her for a month then disapeared...he was the robber, the one she had killed, suddenly some more pieces of the puzzle were added. Ofcourse she would lose control seeing him, especially in front of her friends, who knew nothing of her past. It also answered why she was suddenly having more flashback nightmares, though it didn't explaine everything, her sudden need to drink more, she didn't increase the amount in the time when her memories were still fresh, so why after seeing someone who reminded her of it would she start drinking more,and then there was her sleeping habit's the nightmare's had to have something to do with her always being tierd, but she had had bout's of nightmare's before, they had never affected her like this before. And the most important question after 'who he was' still needed to be answered, 'What emotion besides hate has the power to take over my body and mind so completly?'
The troubling thoughts were messing with her emotions, normaly she would meditate, but this was to much for meditation to help.
'Time for Plan B'Raven thought as she walked at a hurried pace over to her bed side table, and opened the drawer, she reached in and grabbed her salvation, in the form of a razor blabe she took out of one of her disposible leg razors.
She walked over to her bed, sat down, and took off her pajama tops.
This revealed her naked upper body to be covered in cuts and burns, most including all on her torso were slightly faded, as were some on her arms...though there were still many fresh wounds on her arms, these were inflicted by her self, and she was about to add more.
Raven brought the small thin blade to the outside of her forarm, her skin tingled in aticipation, the moment she started to drag the blade across her skin she felt her emotions release, this was the only way she could release her emotions without blowing something up. She stared down at the cut on her arm as it grew longer and widened as the blood started to pour out of the cut and drip on her pajama bottem's, she just stared, the sight of her blood calmed her down.
And she needed it now more then ever.
666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
Authors Note: Sorry if that isn't a good place to stop, at first this chapter continued on for almost eight more page's, but I thought splitting it in to two sections would be good, problem was there was no good place to split it...this was the best place I could find without re-writing bits of the story. I thought splitting it up would help the reader (Cause it's not so damn long, I mean 14 pages! I've never scene more than 11 in a chapter) and I would get more reviews...speaking of which...REVIEW...I obviously have the next chapter written so same deal as before, the more reviews I get the faster I update.
It's time for a little history on everybody's favorite author(I hope)Raven's Darkness.
WARNING: This is extremely boring and borders on a rant.
When I first joined a couple of years ago I was really into Dragon Ball Z, they were the only fic's I even looked at, I even wrote one called 'The Meeting'...a lame title for an equally lame fic...it wasn't very good and I never finish it(I lost my cable, and without the show I was short on inspiration)As you'll see if you look at my profile it is no longer there, I took it down, if I had left it up you would see that even though it had only four chapters of crap writting, it had 29 reviews...(Get where this is going?) So naturaly I'm disipointed that the fic I know is a hundred time's better written is getting less reviews. I, to a certain degree, understand why...this is a M rated fic and is very dark...only a small number of people even look at fic's like this, and aparently even fewer review...I know most people don't change the paramiter rating of K to T and therefor don't even see the summery. So I emplore you to PLEASE review, not only is there that trip I have during summer vacation that means I won't be able to update untill next school year if I don't get it out before...but I started a new fic a Terra/Raven yuri fic called 'First Love Lost' (I suck at title's)It start's out kinda' dark (NO where near as dark as this)but it will lighten up very soon, if you like yuri's or Terra/Raven pairing's or Raven/Any girl pairing's check it out. Any way it's competing for my limited writing time, which ever get's the most review's will get the most attention.