Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, but I'm still not giving up on it!

Chapter 34: Hanyou

"I still don't understand why you insist on going by yourself, InuYasha. I could go with you, you know." Miroku and InuYasha were standing outside at the edge of the forest, the sky just showing the first lights of dawn.

"Did she tell you or not, monk!" InuYasha had come up with a plan. He knew if Kagome had her way, she would follow him, so one night ago after she had fallen asleep, InuYasha made his way to Miroku's hut with his plan…

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"Miroku! Hey Miroku, are you awake?" InuYasha pushed back the bamboo curtain to Miroku and Sango's hut. Miroku and Sango were asleep on their futon, Mai was silently sleeping in between them. InuYasha nudged Miroku's shoulder to wake him, careful not to disturb the exterminator or baby.

"Mmm, not now Sango. I'm sleeping…" He swatted at InuYasha's hand and rolled onto his side. InuYasha shook him again. "Sango…a bit playful tonight, aren't we?"

"Oi, monk, wake-up!" InuYasha slapped the side of Miroku's head. In an instant the monk was on his feet, fists up, looking around dazed. When he spotted InuYasha he grumbled under his breath, lowing his fists and yawning heavily.

"InuYasha." He said in a flat tone. "What brings you here in the middle of the night?" Miroku scratched under his neck.

"I need you to do something for me."

Miroku cocked his eyebrow. "You? You are actually asking for my help?" He was fully awake now, hanging on the hanyou's every word. "Well, what is it?" he asked after InuYasha led him outside.

"I need you to talk to Kagome. Get her to tell you the about the stars, the landmarks, anything she saw that'll help me track down Suoh. I already know that he's in my brother's Western Lands, but that's a pretty big chunk of territory."

"You, want me, to ask Kagome. InuYasha, why don't you ask her yourself. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it." He turned to go back in, only to be stopped by the hanyou once again.

"She's not to know, Miroku, that I asked you this."

Miroku gave a questioning glare. "What are you planning, InuYasha?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow night for the Western Lands, on my own. I need to know whatever Kagome saw to track down Suoh. If I ask her, she'll know I'm up to something." He gave a warning look to Miroku. "She is not to know. You are to keep her here, and make sure she doesn't follow."

"I'll go with you. No sense on you running off on your own, and I do believe you may need help with this youkai. From what I've heard of him so far, he's quite a formidable foe."

"No. You stay here. Protect Kagome. I'm trusting you, Miroku." His voice was sincere.

Miroku was taken aback. Then he replied; "Very well, InuYasha, if that is what you want. Tomorrow I'll ask Kagome to describe the area. But, I fear that you will need my help more than she will."

"Don't worry about it. I got a plan."

Miroku just shrugged his shoulders and went back inside.

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"Yes, InuYasha, she told me everything just as you thought she would." He pulled out a slip of paper.

InuYasha took it and looked it over. There were a few drawings, stars mostly, with names of constellations and their positions overhead. Some of them he recognized, some he did not. Other pictures were harder for InuYasha to decipher. He had to look at them from odd angles until he finally figured out it was a clearing with huge trees surrounding it, mountains in the background, and that was pretty much it. No defining landmarks of any kind. "Is this all?"

"Well, she didn't exactly paint a picture, but it is all we have to go by."

InuYasha nodded. "Fine. I'll just have to hunt him out on my own. She said he almost completely had his old body back. Let's just hope he has his old scent back as well. That'd make my job ten times easier."

"InuYasha?"

"What now monk! I've got to get going before the wench wakes."

"Be careful. I know you can take care of yourself, but you also have Kagome to think of now. She fears for you just as much as you do for her, if not more. Just make sure you come back to her in once piece." Miroku placed a hand on InuYasha's shoulder, squeezing it lightly, then turning back to the village.

InuYasha ran through the forest, avoiding trees, shrubs, and anything else that got in his way. He was moving full-speed toward the Western Lands. If he traveled through the rest of the day and on into the night and all the next day, resting that night, and continue like that he figured he could make it to Sesshomaru's castle by the end of the week. That left a couple of days to get rid of Suoh, then another seven to get back. Sixteen days without Kagome. The sooner he got this done with the sooner he could get back to his Kagome, or so he figured. He really hated being alone; he hated leaving Kagome behind even more. With her around he didn't have much of a chance to think. Always talking, and begging him to stop for something or another. Wanting to take baths, and study her dumb books, or his favorite; 'rest'. Like the wench did anything to need rest. He was the one carrying her and that stupid bag around everywhere they went. But now, when he was alone, when he didn't have the wench distracting him, nothing stopped old memories from coming back to haunt him, nothing stopped him from remembering just what it was like to be truly alone…

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A five year old InuYasha ran out into the small courtyard in the center of the village. Two boys over twice as old as he were following close behind occasionally stopping to pick up stones to throw at the hanyou. Tears streamed down his face as he ran into the arms of his awaiting mother. She, too, was crying. Crying for her young son, crying because he'd never be accepted into a human village, crying because he was crying. The two boys turned and went back to their games.

InuYasha didn't know why the other children were always so mean to him. All he wanted to do was play, but he wasn't even allowed that much. Instead, he and his mother moved out of the village to live a solitary life on their own. Together they built a small shack at the edge of the woods. They had each other, and that was all that they would ever need. For awhile they were happy; they spent cold nights cuddled by the fire, and warm summer days swimming in the stream. Everything was well, until that fateful night when a group of villagers stormed in on them.

"It wasn't him! It couldn't have been, he's been here the whole time!" InuYasha's mother desperately tried to convince the villagers. They had come in the night and drug InuYasha out of his home by his ears. His mother was able to get him back and she threw him behind her back protectively.

"He killed one of our children!" one of the village men yelled.

"He shouldn't have been allowed to live this long!" yelled another.

"InuYasha didn't kill that boy! He's just a child!" his mother argued back.

"He's an abomination! A foul creature!"

The whole time InuYasha cried into the back of his mother's clothes, holding handfuls of her kimono in his small hands. She reached back and stroked his head with a reassuring hand. His cries quieted.

"That half-breed killed my son!" a man stepped up in front of the rest of the villagers. "His body was covered with claw and fang marks. Care to explain that! Care to explain why your 'son' was seen by my eldest with blood covering his hands!"

"InuYasha was trying to help your son, it was a rat-youkai that kill him! InuYasha would never hurt anyone!"

"You expect us to believe you, a human who betrayed her own race to spawn a half-breed monster?" The father advanced on her. "Then you can die with him!"

Before InuYasha knew what was happening his mother shoved him away from herself. She turned and looked into his face. "Go InuYasha, run!"

"But mama…I can't…"

"I said go InuYasha! Do as I say and run!"

He turned, leaving his mother behind and made his way through the forest alone. He stopped only once for a few seconds, hearing his mother's final scream. He cried as he ran, limbs ripping at his flesh, and rocks and sharp stones ripping at his bare feet. When he finally stopped to rest he climbed into a tree and cried himself to sleep. The memory of the sadness in his mother's face the last time he saw her alive would continue to haunt him every night he was alone. He can still hear her screams.

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A now ten year old InuYasha wondered through a village one night on his travels. Hunting hadn't been going too well lately. Famine and draught left little game behind for him to eat, and out of desperation he was forced to scavenge for food in one of the villages. He hated going in the villages, it only lead to trouble for him, but if he didn't get something to eat soon he was going to starve. Everything was quiet as he traveled the empty streets. Everyone was asleep. Soon InuYasha came across discarded food, rotting fruits and vegetables that were thrown from one of the huts. He cautiously sniffed at one, then gagged and threw it back down. His hanyou senses wouldn't allow him to keep that awful smelling junk down, not even if he was starving.

InuYasha sighed and walked on. He would stop and sniff here and there, but found nothing edible. Then everything went down the drain. He smelled men and sake, and that was never a good combination, especially for InuYasha. But it was too late for him to get away now, the men were already upon him.

"Hey! Look at the freak! What is he doing here?" one of the men said, pointing to InuYasha.

"I bet he's after the women and children. Get out of here you murderer!" another yelled. All three of the men were drowned in sake; they grabbed their spears and one his bow and headed in InuYasha's direction.

InuYasha knew all too well what would happen if he were to be caught. He'd experienced it more than his share of times. He broke into a run straight for the forest, only to come face to face with a centipede-youkai, and it looked hungry. He wasn't fast enough to avoid the first attack, feeling sharp teeth latch onto his right forearm. The men were now catching up to him, he could hear their yells getting closer. InuYasha whipped his arm around, taking the youkai with him, it's teeth sinking deeper into his flesh.

"What the…? Kill both of them!" the self-proclaimed leader shouted to his comrades as they came upon sight. Spears and arrows flew through the air. InuYasha flung his arm up, jerking the youkai in front of him and making it take the full blows from the villagers. The centipede loosened its grip and fell to the ground. InuYasha didn't have time to recover before the villagers arrows and spears were once again aimed at him. He turned to run but something caught hold of his foot. The centipede was still alive, and the villagers didn't notice it at all.

"Stay back, its still alive!" he warned the villagers. They stalled and sunk back. InuYasha drew his claws and stood to his feet. The youkai gnarled its teeth and leaped into the air. It slung the rest of its body and wrapped around InuYasha like a snake coiling around its victim. He bit the outer shell of the hide, gagging at the taste of the liquid draining from the wounds. The centipede uncoiled InuYasha, which gave him just the chance he needed to use his claws to decapitate the youkai. InuYasha fell to his hands and knees, bleeding heavily, blood pouring from his wounds.

He thought the villagers would leave now. He thought that maybe, just maybe he would be left alone. He was wrong. One approached him, kicking his side hard. The other two soon followed in suit. InuYasha couldn't do anything but cover his head with his hands, waiting for the beating to be over. One lifted his head up by his sensitive ears, only to jam his face hard into the dirt. Finally they seemed to have gotten bored in their drunkenness and left back toward the village.

Through the entire episode not a tear was shed. InuYasha had run out of tears long ago. Instead he slowly stood to his feet, brushed himself off, and walked away. It was how he had lived ever since his mother was killed. It was how he was going to live for the rest of his life.

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InuYasha, now an adult, ran through the village, ripped past their nets and weapons, tearing through various huts and in through the roof of the shrine. Incense was burning all around him, making it hard for him to breath. His face wore a cocked grin as he covered his nose with the sleeve of his haori. If they thought a little displeasure like that was going to keep him away, they had another thing coming. The jewel was right in front of him, not two feet away from his grasp. He reached out and then it was his. Villagers broke through the doors, throwing their spears, knocking over the podiums of incense causing the shine to catch fire. InuYasha leaped back out through the roof.

He still wore the grim smirk on his face as he ran into the forest with the jewel in hand. Finally, the Shikon no tama was his. He would show them. He would show all of them, including Kikyou. InuYasha had thought he had actually found someone who cared for him. Boy was he stupid. Kikyou must have known she wasn't able to defeat him by pure strength. Instead she had tricked him. She led him into believing she was going to let him use the jewel to become human, then they could be together forever. He was an idiot for believing her. When he met her where they were supposed to meet, she had tried to kill him. Now he would show her. He planed on using the jewel the exact opposite way Kikyou had told him; he was going to wish to be full youkai.

"Finally," he said to himself as he leaped into the air, "a way to become full youkai at last!" His victory was short lived.

"InuYasha!" Kikyou yelled a few feet away, blood pouring from a wound on her shoulder. She fitted an arrow to her bow, and released it. The arrow soared through the air and struck InuYasha just above his heart, pinning him to a tree. He tried to hold on to the jewel, but it slipped out of his hand and clanged as it hit the ground.

"Ki-kikyou…how could…I thought…" he wasn't able to finish what he was trying to say as Kikyou's spell overtook him. The last he saw, the memory that he would dream about for fifty years, was the look of hatred in the eyes of the person he loved.

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InuYasha shuttered, angry at himself for letting his memories take hold of him once again. It was so easy to get lost in ones memories when they are alone. InuYasha knew that all too well. It was just mid-day, and he was already regretting leaving Kagome behind. He twitched his ears. For some reason they were always a favorite target for human and youkai alike. Maybe that was why he was so reluctant to let anyone touch them, except for Kagome. Her touch healed him a bit more each time she rubbed his ears. He sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

InuYasha didn't have bad memories about Kagome. He had bad experiences with her, but never bad memories. When she was under control of the dark priestess and trying to kill him, she had broken the priestess's control long enough to warn him. She wanted InuYasha to run, to save himself. The only person who ever did that for him was his mother, but that time he didn't run. He didn't risk the life of someone he loved so he could live. He saved her, protected her. Just as he had promised to do.

A/N: Poor InuYasha. I know most of you thought that InuYasha and Kagome were going to go off together again and have a nice fluffy journey before killing Suoh and living happily ever after. Sorry! But to make you feel better, I did not like this chapter at all, but it had to be done. You have to understand what InuYasha feels when he's alone. :sob: I did put a bit of humor in the beginning to lighten up the mood a bit…