Bad Memories
Chapter 4:Alcohol, Part II
BlackDove682:Yea, your right, she is, like I said my whole idea for this fic was' A really depressing fic about Raven's past' and what is more depressing then a young girl being beaten, tortured and raped every day. Anyway, thanks for the review, to bad not many other people are doing it (The only reason I'm posting this chapter so soon is, like I mentioned, this is actually the second half of the last chapter)I hope you enjoy it, I look forward to hearing from you again:)
Lost1n7heDark:Here's your update...though I was contmplating waiting awile...it would be entertaining to see you try to 'spork' my eye's out:)You'de probably just end up hitting my nose...:) Any way, thanks for the review, I hope to hear from you again.
Authors Note:Well here is the second part of chapter 3, you'll notice I call it chapter 4, I wanted to keep it in line with the numbers in the chapter select.
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"Well where is she?"Cyborg asked, as Beastboy entered the room.
"Yes, why has friend Raven not retured with you"Starfire added in a worried voice.
"She said said she was tierd, she's gone back to sleep...for another three hours"Beastboy said slightly distracted voice
"Three hours!...that means it's going to be almost three by the time she gets out of bed"Robin said in disbeliefe, then noticing how Beastboy was acting "What's wrong?" he said turning his attention back to the changling.
"...she looked pretty bad..."Beastboy said worry in his voice and on his face. "...she's paler then usual, I didn't know that was possible"He said in disbeliefe "She also looked pretty sick...and like she was on the verge of passing out...she looked hungover, to tell you the truth, really hungover"
This shocked the group, did any of the titans drink? They had never made any tower rules to say not to, but only Cyborg was old enough to drink legally...so..."That's impossible Beastboy..."Robin said confidence in his voice"Raven's to responsible to drink...beside's she not old enough to any way..."
"I know..."Beastboy said now looking down at the floor"...but she looked pretty out of it...and sleeping 'till three...Idon't even do that"
"I admit Its strange...but Raven doesn't drink...it would be against the law, and being a titan doesn't put you above the law, she knows that"Robin believed every word as they came out of his mouth, Beastboy on the other hand looked scepticle so he added "If your that worried we can ask her what's wrong when she get's up...OK" This was enough for beastboy, he nodded in agreement.
"Now about lunch, I'm thinking tofu..."Beastboy said the magic words to start a fight with Cyborg.
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Raven was finally making her way to the main room, it was now 3:20pm.
She got up right when she said she would, but it took forever to change and get ready, and the glasses of scotch she was drinking while doing all that just slowed her down, but she finally did it, and now she was at the main room.
As soon as the door opened the other titans stoped there conversation.
"Are you ok Raven?"Robin asked wide eyed, he was certinly surprised by her appearance
'Beastboy really was telling the truth, she looks really hungover...'
Despite the fact that she was wearing her normal cloak and leotard, she looked far from normal, she had her hood down so they could see how tierd she looked, she always had bags under her eyes but now they were visible even from where they sat.
Cyborg's first thought was that she looked like the timid version of her self in her mind.
One thing was for sure, Beastboy was right, she did look hungover.
"I'm fine...I've just been having trouble sleeping, that's all"Raven replied in a tierd voice.
"Are you sure that's all?"Robin asked somewhat scepticly. Now that he saw her...she at least had to be sick, cause no healthy person could look this way, she looked half-dead, more so than usual. "You don't look well..."At this she scoweled
"What's that supposed to mean!"Raven scoweled, she didn't know why but the question's were severly annoying her, worse than that, the flourecent light's were giving her a headache which aggrivating her nausea.
"Nothing, we're just worried...is there anything we can do to help?"Robin said backpeddling a bit.
'What am I thinking? There's no way Raven would drink, she not even old enough, and she's more responsible than that'Robin though, trying to convince himself.
"Well...you could dim the lights, I have a headache, and some aspirin would be nice" The rest of titans faces dropped at this comment "And I think I'll be laying down on the couch"She added, bringing her hands up to her head and held it as if she had a huge headache, which she did.
The titans looked at each other sadly, it was looking more and more like Beastboy was right. Taking into accout her appearance, behavior, sleeping habits and the headache, Robin could barely beleave it, he didn't want to beleave it...but it made sence, she had a traumatic experance it's concivable that she started drinking alcohol...it just didn't seem like her.
Raven grabbed the aspirin that Starfire had gotten her from the first aid kit on top of the fridge, and downed it dry. By now Cyborg had turned down the lights and Raven was making her way over to the couch.
In truth Raven was not really tired, she just felt so sick that she wanted to go to sleep just to avoid vomiting what little was still it her stomach.
Raven noticed as she lay down that the rest of the titans were talking in whispers in the kitchen
'What's going on, I don't look as bad as they're making it seem...do I? And what are they talking about...?'Raven was to out of it to try to listen in, or even to care a great deal about what they were saying, untill she opened her eyes and saw all her friends standing above her with worry and determination on all there faces,
"What?"Raven was in no mood to talk.
"Is there anything you want to talk to us about?"Robin said as though he was telling her more than asking.
"No"Raven said simply, she was now slightly worried 'What are they trying to get out of me?' For a moment she even feared that they some how knew of her nightmares, though she quickly pushed that out of her head 'How would they? I'm the telepath, not them'
"We were just wondering about your illness"Starfire said in a soft symathetic voice.
"A headache and nausea does not count as an illness, just an annoyance"Raven said closing her eyes to try to aleveyate her pounding head.
It took a moment to realise that the titans were not moving, Raven reluctantly opened her eyes "Problem?"She asked more annoyed
"I would like to know what is causing your 'annoyance' of an illness"Robin asked impatiantly
"I'll let you know when I do"Raven said closing her eyes, hoping they would take the hint and leave...they didn't.
"We have a theory..."Robin said, Raven kept her eyes closed"Really..."She said sounding half asleep.
"Well considering your symptoms, the headache brought on by a sencitivity to light, the nausea...I'm assuming thats why your laying down"Raven gave a halfhearted nod 'yes' and Robin continued "Your sleeping late and staying up later...that with the fact that this all happened after a traumatic experiance..."Robin trailed off knowing that by now Raven would know what he was implying. She did.
Raven's eyes opened and she sat up slowly "What are you saying?"She said anger showing on her face, though her voice stayed monotone and dead.
"You know what we're implying...well, is it true"Robin asked hoping he was wrong.
Raven said each word slowly, letting the titans know it would take awhile for her to forgive them."No..I am NOT..an alcoholic"She said it threw gritted teeth, when she finished she stood and tryed to walk out, but she was stoped by Cyborg "What!"Raven said wishing she had stayed in her nice dark room.
"Sorry Raven but..."He held out a strange object with a tube at the end."What is this?"
Raven asked as the titans moved to beside Cyborg
"The only way your leaving this room is if you take a breathalizer..."
Raven's eye's went wide with fear, she had downed a couple glass's of scotch before she came out, she wasn't an alcoholic, though she was slowly turning into one...but her friends would take this to mean that she was already...and what would she tell them? The lie of being an alaholic would be beter than the truth of her past. Raven was now wishing with all her heart she had stayed in her room this morning, she could of said she was meditating...to late now.
Raven quickly tryed to think of the best way to avoide the test, but the only one's she could come up with were things like teleporting back to her room...but her friends would force her to take the test later, plus they wouldn't trust her any more, or fighting them, but that was just stupid...besides they were only trying to help her, they couldn't know the stress of this was ripping her apart inside, Raven already realised she would be cutting tonight even if she some how wormed her way out of this, which was lookind unlikely.
The titans were looking impatient as Raven tryed to think of any excuse she could have for have alcohol on her breath...none, well none they would be stupid enough to believe, the best course of action seemed to be a last ditch effort to worm out of it, if that didn't work she would have to trivialise her dependancy on alcohol, they would obviously search her room and find the bottles, the razor blades were safe though, she hid them in a book in her bedside table, they wouldn't search all her books, it would take to long...well time to try to worm out of this, first step 'Guilt'
"Do you really trust me so little"She asked calmly, this was a dangerous approach, cause if she went to far and it didn't work they would believe her less.
"It's not about trust, we just want to help you"Beastboy said, deffinatly shaky on the breathalizer matter, that was good, she could use that.
"Help me!"Raven responded puposley allowing her dead monotone to give into betrayal. "How? by making me feel untrust worthy?" From the look on Beastboys face it was working
"Maybe we should take her word..."Beastboy said to the others
"No Beastboy, she's not going anywhere without the breathalizer"This statement came from an unlikely source...Starfire, with this any hope Raven had of worming her way out of this faded from her mind, she knew Cyborg and Robin would be the hardest to guilt, but she had relied on Starfire and Beastboy giving in almost immedeatly, now that it was revealed that Starfire really wanted her to take this damn test...there was no way she would get out of this. Raven sighed heavily.
"Fine"Raven said in defeat opening her mouth.
The titans smiled, they were sure there was no way she would take the test if she would test positive.
Cyborg stuck the tube of the breathalizer into the gothic girls mouth and said "Ok, when I say now blow really hard into the tube ok?"He said feeling slightly akward, though no where near as much as Raven, who simply made a sound of confirmation.
He squeezed a button and said "Ok, now" with that Raven blew it to the tester, still thinking of any excuse she could use, still none came to mind.
A beeping sound came and Cyborg pulled the tester from Raven's mouth said"Good work Raven, thanks"and started waiting for the answer to appear on the small digital screen.
While he was waiting the other titans praised and thanked Raven for co-operating, all fully beleiving since she took it without a fight that it would be negitive. Raven was looking around sheepishly, she was embaressed from all the praise, she was also worried about how they would react when it showed positive.
Robin looked away from praising Raven to look up to Cyborg when the breathalizer beeped. Cyborg's face fell as he read the answer, he looked up to Robin and shook his head from side to side, while frowning, he held out the instrument to show Robin the big 0.097 on the screen, Robin frowned and turned to the group, the other titans stoped there praising of Raven to ask "Well, what's it say?"
Robin sighed and looked at Raven, who looked down in shame as Robin answered "It was 0.097..." Both Beastboy and Starfire looked at each other before asking "That's good right?"
Robin turned to face Starfire"No, the legal limit is 0.075"Raven consitrated all her attention on a spot on the floor as Robin talked "What is the 'legal limit' you speak of"Starfire asked slightly confused "It's the limit of alcohol a legal adult can have in his or her blood stream before being legally drunk...but since Raven is only 16 she can't have any alcohol in her blood stream, she's illegally drunk right now... and she lied"
Raven was still looking at the ground not meeting anyone's eyes, but she could feel there gaze on her.
"How much did you drink this morning before you came out to meet us"Cyborg asked
Raven felt shame burn it's way through her, she thought the best thing now would be to answer everything she could "Not much..."She said still looking at the floor, she senced that that wouldn't satisfy them so she said the rest "Only a couple glass's of scotch..." She tryed to keep her voice low enough that they wouldn't hear her, but they did.
"Only? Do you know how much alcohol is in scotch?"Robin asked, his voice rising
"14 normaly but mine's harder, it's 25"Raven said without thinking, only realising to late her mistake.
When she didn't get a reprimand, Raven looked up to see Robin and Cyborg staring at her in disbelief, she couldn't see the other two but she assumed they had the same face.
"I thought you were smarter than this Raven..."Robin said looking tierd, this only caused her to shift her eye's downward in shame again "Its not that bad...I don't need it or anything..."Raven felt she had to say this, to try to get them to understand.
"That's what all alcolics say..."Cyborg said in a cold voice, Raven was angered, they weren't going to let her of with a warning.
"I'm not an alcoholic!"She spat, Raven felt a need not to let her friends think all her problems were caused by an addiction she had."They say that to..."Robin said, his voice as cold as Cyborg's.
"What are you going to do to me?"Raven said in defeat as she let her head lower and her shoulders sag.
"We're not going to do anything to you Raven, we just want to help you, but first you have to help yourself"Robin's voice was much softer now as he spoke "You have to admit you have a problem..."
Raven just looked away, there was no way she was going to admit to being something she wasn't. Robin just sighed deeply and focused his attention on Beastboy and Starfire "Can you two help me and Cyborg check Raven's room for alcohol?"He asked, they nodded and Raven froze, she was fearing this.
Raven imeadiatly went through a checklist of all the thing's she didn't want them to find and wieghed the chances of them finding them, it was bad enough they were going to invade her privacy and take all her drinks, but if they found her bloody razor blades...Raven didn't want to think of what hell she would go through then.
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She hated this, watching her friends going through her stuff.
They hadn't even bothered asking her where it was, they knew she wouldn't tell them anything, not that that was stoping them from looking...
They had already found her stash of scotch (She kept it seperate from the brandy) in a custom made suitcase, all six bottles looked very tempting as she saw the surprised looks on all there faces when they saw how much she had, the case must have also thown them off. It cost her a pretty penny too, it looked like a normal suitcase on the outside, but when you opened it up... it had a beautifle wood finish that looked like a desk, it had custom slots for four bottles, two on each side of a small surface to rest glasses on, in the top there were two more bottles strapped into the center of the top, on eather side of them were a pair of glasses. She had gotten a great deal of disaproving looks when she asked them to at least hold on to one peticular bottle of scotch "It's old, it's worth alot of money.." She had said to them "It's sixty years old..."Cyborg had said looking at the lable "I have car parts that are older than that"
"That stuff goes for thirty dollars a shot in any bar in town"Raven had rebutted"It just seems like a waste of money..." It had worked, Cyborg had put it in the vault after pouring all the other scotch down the drain, that made Raven mad, five bottles of good scotch down the drain.
"Anything else?"Starfire asked looking betrayed, Raven just ignored her, she had to use all of concentration to stop her self from forcefully removing the titans from her santcuary.
Her remaining stuff was her brandy, if they were surprised by the amount of scotch, they would be completely floored by the liquir cabenate, frankley Raven was suprised they hadn't already found it, it was pretty obvious, she used a cupboard in the middle of one of her bookcases for all her alcohol storing needs.
Speaking of which Beastboy was headed over there now, when he got to the bookcase he moved a couple of books around, then lazily opened the cupboard, he definatly did not expect to find what he did "Dude!"He said in complete disbeleife, this caught the attention of the other titans.
"Holy crap..."Was all Robin could say as they looked in on twenty or so bottles of brandy, some had fallen over on there sides, that mixed with the five glasses in the middle, one of which was still half full, gave way to a distinct look of a drunks little hideaway.
Robin grabed a bottle and walked over to Raven, anger all over his face, Raven shrunk back using the same tactic from her childhood trying to make her self smaller, it worked as well as it did before.
"There is no way you got all of these in the last month!"He said angerly waving the bottle at her "How long have you been a drunk!"Robin said sharply, so lost in the rage of betrayal he didn't acknowlage the words as they left his mouth "How long have you been lying to us?"
Raven didn't answer, she was using all the tools she used to deal with her childhood to deal with her friend now, that meant completely closing her self of so she couldn't be hurt.
Looking into Raven's cold, dead eyes as she just stood there being yelled at brought Robin back to his senses.
"Raven..."He said his tone soft and filled with sarrow for his friend "What triggard this, what was so bad that you had to turn to alcohol at such a young age?"
Raven's senses had returned, but she refused to answer his question "You've got it all, now can you leave me alone?"Raven asked in such a way hat the titans believed her and started to gather the brandy in box's, as they filed out.
Robin tryed not to make eye contact as he left, Beastboy gave her a pity look, which she hated, Starfire, the only one without a box, gently hugged her and said everything would be alright as long as they had each other. Cyborg, the last to leave said "We'll talk about how best to handle your...rehab, tomarrow...ok"Raven just noded and waited for him to leave.
As soon as the door closed Raven practicly sprinted to her bedside table, if she didn't have alcohol, she would have to cut alot more often.
Raven smiled to her self as she held the razor to the soft skin on her arm, the last thought to pass through her mind was that if the titans knew that this was her alterntive to alcohol...they would have left her the brandy, then Raven pulled the blade accros her arm and all thought was gone, and she felt, if only for a moment, free.
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Authors Note: Well what did you think, was it good? Did it suck? Let me know in a review, and as always, how many reviews I get will determine when I update:)