Bad Memories
Chapter 5:"We Will Help Her"
Lost1n7heDark:It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy one...though it's no secret for me. You sound a bit like me, I don't drink...so I can't really understand that to well. But I'm a cutter, so I obviously understand more about that, although I did make Raven a much more serious cutter then I am. As for her friends...well they get a little side tracked from the whole "Drinking" thing as you'll see in this chapter...As always I thank you very much for your review, I always injoy reading them, I look forword to hearing from you again.:)
BlackDove682:Well I must say, you are not only my most loyal reviewer(Tied with Lost), but my most inthusiastic(Not sure if I spelt that right)You know they say one person can't make a difference...what about two? This chapter is dedicated to you and Lost, my most loyal reviewers:).I'm sorry to tell you that unfortunatly this chapter will not contain any new tid-bit's of Raven's past...but on the upside the next two chapters have a lot of her past...like the entire time she was held captive, so I think you'll injoy that. I as always await your response to this chapter. P.S. I got a review from a friend of yours too, I'm glad to see your recomending my fic. to others:)
Adin-Darklighter:Well, any friend of BlackDove is a friend of mine. I'm glad to see that I've got you so interested and that you think my fic is so good. I'm sorry to inform you that not a whole hell of a lot happeneds on the whole rehab. section...you'll see in this chapter they get a little distracted, but on the upside you will eventually get a whole lot of rehab...like a whole other story's worth (Hint, Hint) Anyway I hope you like this chapter enough to review a second time, I'm looking forward to it.(P.S.I was just wondering, when you say your 'With BlackDove682' are you two like friends or online friends or something? I don't mean to pry, and you obviously don't have to answer, I was just curious)
HermioneGranger22491:Wow another glowing review, at this rate my face will be in a constant state of blush (That doesn't mean stop though)Thanx for your complements, they mean a lot. I look forward to hearing from you again:)
Angel Caida:I shall fallow your order….(Mostly because I was going to anyway) Thanks for the reviewAuthors Note:This chapter is dedicated to Lost1n7heDark and BlackDove682 the two people who have been reading (And reviewing) from the very begining, thank you, I hope you like this chapter:)
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Raven woke to find much to her amazment, she hadn't had one nightmare the entire night.
She formed a possible reason why when she tryed to lift her left hand and found resistance. Blood, her wrist and a part of her hand was actually stuck to the sheet with half-dryed sticky blood from her coping strategy the night before.
She could have laughed, who would have guessed all she would have to do to stop the nightmares was slash her arm up badly and fall asleep as the blood soaked into her beding.
She forced her arm up, the blood was sticking, it certinly wanted to stay, but she got it up. Raven studied her wrist for a moment, it looked odd, the blood had dryed in streams leading from the three deep long slashes in her arm on the other side of her wrist to the underside that had been laying on her sheets, she smirked
'Wow, I really out did my self this time'She thought then turned her attention to her sheets.
There was a rather large puddle of somewhat dried blood on her sheet.
'Oh well, I do my own laundry anyway...' Raven thought as she snuck a glance at her clock, 9:37am 'Wow, this really helped, it fixed my sleeping habits in one night...still, I miss the alcohol, it's familiar, I've been drinking for almost three years' With that thought Raven started to make her way to her bathroom to take a shower and clean her cuts. She let out a small smirk as a question crossed her mind. 'I wonder how the titans would react if they knew what there raid of my room caused me to do...'
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The titans were a little surprised when Raven walked in to the mainroom at a little past 10, but it also confirmed there belief that it was the alcohol that was making her sleep in later. She also wasn't as pale as she had been over the last month, she seemed well rested and, unless Robin was mistaken she had a small smirk on her face.'Since when does she have anything but that dead look on her face, she's looked like that ever since I've known her...wait has she been drinking since before she was a titan?No way...that would change things...'Robin thought.
Raven's smirk vanished as she saw her friends, they were all sitting at one end of the table in a very 'We've got a plan and we're going to tell you that's what you have to do in a very condesending tone'sort of way. Robin was of course at the head of the table with Cyborg to his left and Starfire to his right, Beastboy was one round down on table sitting on the same side as Starfire. They all looked over to her as they realized she had entered.
Raven decided to just ignore there obvious 'Come over here and sit down' looks, and make herself a cup of herbal tea.
"Raven, when your done making your tea come sit down here, ok"Robin's voice said from behind her, Raven nodded her head in agreement but decided to take her time making her tea, she put the tea kettle on the stove but turned the flame so low it would take 10 minutes for the water to boil. Raven kept herself busy grabbing her teabag and tea cup, she could already feel the aura of impatience radiating from behind her as she looked through the selection of tea's she had bought, she smirked slightly...
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'Finally...'Robin thought as Raven started heading to the table, tea in hand.
"That took longer then usual.."Cyborg observed
"A watched kettle never boils"Raven replied smiling inwardly as she took a seat where they obviously wanted her to, on the other side, the farthent seat from them 'They thought this through... they want to keep there distance from me...smart move.'Raven thought, she was impressed.
"We have discussed how we should deal with your...addiction..."Robin said in his 'Leader' voice
"And...?" Raven asked in her cold monotone, which masked her sudden fear 'What are they going to do to me?'
"You have two choices..."Robin said before turning to Cyborg who continued "First, choice, you can refuse our help and we get a court order to send you to a rehab. clinic..."Raven turned away, the titans had made many friends in the courts...they could easily get a court order, and if she escaped...she'd be out of the titans before you could say 'Pack your bags bitch' Cyborg turned to Starfire who was obviously going to give her the choice she was supposed to take "Or, you can stay here with your friends and we can help you through this tough time...we can help you get over your addiction friend Raven"She ended with a smile. Beastboy pipped in "But you have to be 100 honest with us, k?"
"So, what's it gonna be...?"Robin asked
"What choice do I have?...here I guess..."She said reluctantly
The titans looked pleased, though obviously discouraged by her reluctance, Star was the first to reach her, she gave Raven one of her bonecrussing hugs.
Raven was happy that Starfire was so relieved by her choice.
But she found her self in a great deal of pain suddenly, 'My arm!' Raven thought panicked as she could feel the wounds opening and start to bleed. "Starfire"Raven said weakly through gritted teeth."What? Oh, sorry..."Star replied sheepishly as she sat Raven down, Raven immediatly brought both arms under her cloak and held her injured arm, trying to keep the blood from leaking out.
'What's wrong with Raven?'Robin asked himself, she had a pained look on her face, so much so that he could see the other titans start to notice, apparently so did Raven, cause she quickly turned and started a swift retreat mumbling some thing about forgeting some thing in her room.
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"Dammit!"Raven swore as she pulled up her sleeve, she had waited intil she reached her bathroom to check, she didn't want to leave blood spots in her wake.
She cleaned the cuts that were stinging alot more then she had ever felt before, "What the hell is going on?"Raven spat angerly, she couldn't understand what was going, it didn't ever hurt this much, not even when she was cutting...especially not when she was cutting, she never felt that much pain when she was cutting, and what little pain she felt was covered up by the imeasurable amount of release that came with it.
But now...it was more pain then she had ever felt before, her arm felt like it had been severed completly, she was certainly lossing enough blood for that. Raven remembered enough of first aid to remember to apply pressure to the wound, unfortunatly that only made it hurt more, it hurt so much that Raven was actually contemplating breaking her number one rule and heal the wounds with her powers, not that it mattered she was to unfocused to do anything.
Finally the bleeding was stopping, Raven was preparing some bandaids for the cuts.
"This sucks..."Was all Raven could say "This is just screwing with me now...that was just to close to the titans finding out"Thinking of the titans brought other things into her mind, thoughts like 'Will I be able to stop drinking cold turkey?' and 'What will they do to try to help me? Its not like they have any experiance with this sort of thing at all...' and last was a thought that had been in the back of her mind for a long time 'What would the titans do if they found out what I do to myself...?'
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"Ok...that was freaky..."Beastboy said slowly as soon as Raven had left"What's up with her?"
"I don't know, but Raven doesn't want us to know"Robin said from his state of deep thought"I bet it's something important, and some thing bad...or else she wouldn't have left..."
"You don't think she has more booze in her room do ya...?"Cyborg asked, worry on his face.
"Friend Raven would not lie to us!"Starfire exclaimed
"She already did by saying she wasn't an alcoholic..."Beastboy said quietly
Starfire hung her head in defeat"She wouldn't..."She said weakly, trying to convince herself more than the others.
"If she is" Cyborg started "She wont tell us, the only way we'll ever find out is if we catch her...that's the only way we can help her..."He looked over to Robin as he finished.
Robin's eye's went wide "NO!"He said firmly
"Its the only way..."Cyborg said solemnley
"Dude, what it the world are you talking about?"Beastboy said confusion all over his face, Star had the same expression.
"The towers security system" Cyborg started "Has cameras everywhere"
Beastboy just looked at him "So, even I knew that, it wouldn't be much of a security system without them..."
"No"Cy started again "I mean everywhere, including the bedrooms..."He finished
Beastboys eye's went wide "WHAT, you've been spying on us?"
"No!"Robin said defencivly "They're just there in case of an emergency, and as a safety precaution you need the access code and occular scan from two titans to be able to view them...We have never ever used them"
"Still..."Beastboy said, his gaze droping "It doesn't feel right...and you want to spy on Raven!"He said bringing his gaze back to the other boys "What if we catch her naked huh, it's an invasion of privicy.."
"Does Raven seem like the type of girl who would prance around her room naked?"Robin said, finding it hard to keep a staight face as an image of a smiling naked Raven skipping happily around her room forced it's way into his mind.
Beastboy blushed and thought for a moment "What if she's just getting out of the shower...or she's changing or something?"
"Then don't look"Robin replied simply
Starfire voiced her opinion "Why I do not think it is an honerable thing to spy on some one, I must admit there is truth to Beastboy's statement that Raven will most likely lie to us again if we were to ask her if she continue's to consume 'the alcohol' "It looked as though it broke her heart to say this "Therefor I agree that we should use the camera in her room...but if it is revealed that we were wrong then we instantly tell friend Raven what we have done, and apologise"
The boys just looked at her surprised for a moment by her sudden insight, then they all nodded.
"Sure, when it's time to go to bed...that's probably when she would...so that's when we check, ok"Robin said, then added "But intil then we say nothing to Raven about the camera, ok?"
The others nodded as Raven entered the room looking refreshed.
"You ok Raven?"Robin asked in the interest of not arousing suspision.
"Fine...just fine"
"We'll start with your rehab. tomarrow"Robin said in a steady voice
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Raven walked out of her bathroom, she had just taken another shower and changed into her pajama's. It was bed time, the day had been uneventful, with the exception of Starfire's hug opening her wounds. She was glad they weren't starting her rehab. 'till tomarrow, she found that every time she got nervous she started rubing her arm, if she had to go through a full conversation about her 'problem', she would most likely open up her wounds, and that would be very bad.
She walked over to the side of her bed and opened her bedside table...unaware that her friends were watching.
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"See I told you!"Beastboy exclaimed as Raven walked into her room, her hair still wet from the shower.
"She changed in the bathroom, we aren't using that camera"Robin replied
"There are camera's in the bathroom's!"Beastboy looked apalled
Cyborg decided to redirect there vision from each other to the screen"She's headed over to her bed, I never did a good search of her bedside table, she could have hidden anything in there..."
The camera was in the top of a corner in the room, if as soon as you entered the room you turned to your right and looked up you would see a small hole in the wall, thats where it was. It had the perfect view, you could see everything in Raven's room except her bathroom and what was in the corner on the otherside of the door.
"She's grabbing something..."Robin observed
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Raven grabbed the razor blade from her book, the book it was hidden in was ironically called 'Cut' it was out of place in Raven's room, a book on a girl in a mental hospital in a room of ancient liturary masterpieces... but it was a good book and she liked the irony of keeping her razor blades in it.
Raven decided to do her other arm tonight, the cuts were still far to fresh on her other arm to add more.
She pulled up her right sleeve, and it the comfort of her dark room she brought the blade to her forearm.
Raven pushed the corner of the blade in as far as she thought she should, she didn't feel any pain or relief yet, but if she pushed to deep the cut might be to serious, she might sever muscle or tendons, or hit an artery, she would still continue but, the aftermath might be far more serious.
Raven started to drag the corner of the blade across her forearm, she was greeted by a slight stinging sensation, which was quickly pushed aside be a feeling of release, as if all her emotions banging on the edge of her mind, yelling and screeming to be heard, were released, Raven looked down at the cut, the skin had parted so easily, it wasn't even bleeding yet.
But she was to cautious, the cut wasn't deep enough, the feeling of release was quickly vanishing.
Panicked, Raven removed the blade and placed it two inches lower and pressed harder and deeper, Raven once again dragged the blade's corner across her arm and as the flesh parted, and the blood started to flow instantly, Raven was met by even more pain, but this was pushed aside as, once again an imeasurable amount of release consumed her being, it could only be discribed as paradise.
Raven dropped her blade on the floor as she slowly crawled into bed. It was hard to move when you felt like your soul had left your body, but slowly she pulled the blankets up to her neck, as her injured arm fell to the side.
And with that she was asleep, no nightmare's, no bad memories, just a peaceful sleep, that night Raven would be the only titan sleeping soundly.
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"I don't beleive it..."Robin said staring wide eyed at the screen
"Why?...why would Raven do such a terrible thing to herself?"Starfire asked in a state of panicked disbelief, she couln't even begin to understand what would drive her friend to do such a thing.
"I've heard of this...they call it 'cutting'"Cyborg said as he looked downward"It's a form of self-injury...it's a severe mental disorder..."(AN:It really isn't.)
Beastboy was, for once, speechless as he looked on in horror.
Raven brought the blade to her arm a second time, this time the cut was much deeper and blood started to flow immeadiatly.
Starfire cringed and shut her eyes as she fell to the floor, she pulled her legs to her chest and put her arms around them, she pulled in on her self wishing she could make it stop, stop whatever it was that made her friend do this to herself, the sight of the blood flowing freely from a self inflicted cut on her friends arm was forever etched it to her memory, she couldn't stop seeing it.
For Beastboy, he could almost taste the blood, he felt sick, he couldn't take it any more as he rushed out of the secrurity room and made a beeline for the main doors.
Leaving only a whimpering Starfire and the two other boys in the room.
For Cyborg this was awful, so many questions pushed there way into his mind, why did she do that, did it hurt, how could she do that to her self, was there anything he could have done to stop her, how long had she been doing it, the light made it hard to see in her room, her arm could be completey covered in scars and he wouldn't see them. What really drove him insane was the knowlage that Raven would, most likely, never answer any of his questions.
It was bad for all of them, but for Robin, it was hell, a reminder of his limitations as a leader, a member of his team is an alcoholic, and he didn't notice, ok, that's somewhat understandible, there underage so it's not like he could see her drinking one too many glasses of scotch at a party if she kept the fact that she drank hidden, she was apparently not drinking much untill recently, not to mention the fact that Raven had always been so secritive about herself that he never would have suspected, plus there was the fact that she was responsible and level headed, he had never told anyone else but if he had to leave he was going to leave Raven in command, not Cyborg. But if she had been hurting herself for any lenth of time... dammit he should have noticed that, for godsake she was slashing her arms to the point that she probaly needed stitches and he didn't notice... some leader he turned out to be.
"Call Beastboy"Robin said to a surprised Cyborg
"Man I think he just needed some air.."Cyborg said in a softer voice than he had used before
"Call him and tell him to meet us in the main room...we have to have a meeting to decide what to do"He waved his hand at the screen on which Raven was crawling into bed looking sleepy, but satisfied "about this..."Cyborg nodded and brought up his arm to call Beastboy as Robin kneeled down next to Starfire "Are you Ok?"He asked looking at the frightened girl.
"I just don't understand"Starfire started as more tears fell down her cheeks, in a very shaky voice that didn't sound anything like her usual cheery confident one "Why? how...?"Starfire brought her hands up to her head as if she had a terrible headache and started to shake her head from side to side violently, so much so that she lost her balance and started to fall over, but Robin caught her "Listen" He started in an understanding voice "I don't understand a whole lot about this either, all I know is that some people use it to help deal with some stuff, I don't pretend to understand how causing pain to your self would help, but some people, including Raven apparently, think it does...what we need to do now is help our friend find a better way to deal with her problems"Robin wished that he could help Raven, but he really knew nothing about what would cause her to do this, or how to help.
"But we will help her"He said as much to himself as to Starfire as he helped her up and they headed to the main room to decide how to help there friend.
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Authors Note:Well that's that...the next chapter will have Raven recounting her past to her friends, that is the climax of this story after all (It's not going to be a long story, maybe seven or eight chapters) This will be where the story gets really heavy, and I'm warning you now that all the stuff from the warning in chapter one, as well as some incest, will be in full swing so if you are really affected negitivly by that stuff, don't read.
So same deal as before, the next chapter is done, and the more reviews I get the faster I update.:)