Disclaimer: I do not own Angel (unfortunately), or the song Anything for You (that honour belongs to Evanescence).
A/N: Boldis song lyrics, and italics are thoughts (also remembered speech). I haven't used ALL of these lyrics, as a lot of the song is pretty repetitive and only varied slightly.
I'd give anything to give me to you
Can you forget the world that you thought you knew
Lilah Morgan sat at her desk, chewing a thumbnail and reading a very lengthy report. She shook her head, and withdrew her nail from her mouth. "Only got those manicured yesterday," she thought. She inspected the offending nail.
"Looks like I'll be back tomorrow," she said to herself with a sigh. A thought occurred to her, and her expression brightened. Maybe she would go to see Wesley tonight. "No!" she mentally berated herself.
If you want me, come and find me
Nothing's stopping you so please release me
"I won't go to him, I won't!" she thought. "If he wants me, he can come to me. I won't be his little slave!"
Lilah picked up her Prada handbag, and carefully withdrew a crumpled dollar bill, covered with a scrawling signature. She wondered if he would come, if he really did believe that they had a relationship. A little voice in her head whispered that no, he was just using her like she used him. And she had used him. She could still hear his voice; still see the hurt on his face.
"You played me," he had said. "It's never simple, is it?"
I'll believe all your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe, close your eyes
I'll be anything for you
He thought that she was evil, a soulless, heartless bitch. And she was. Lilah grimaced to herself. "But I love him," she thought. She knew that deep down, she would do anything for him, be anything. She had already proved that. Lilah flinched, not wanting to remember the embarrassment and shame. She had dressed up like that little Texan twig, worn those glasses and pulled her hair into those ridiculous plaits. At the time, she had felt triumphant because he had fallen for it. When she reflected afterwards however, she knew that inwardly Wesley must have been laughing at her. "Never again will I be that desperate," she mused. The worst part was, she knew she would be. He but had to ask, and she would dress up like Carmen Miranda.
Nothing left to make me feel anymore
There's only you and everyday I need more
Lilah sat down heavily on her sparse bed, carefully pulling off her new Manolo Blahniks. Her eyes went to a pair of glasses sitting on her dressing table. "Never again," she reminded herself. Her head was pounding, daggers hammering into her skill. With shaking hands, she picked up the white plastic bottle full of painkillers. Lilah tried to read the directions on the sticker, but her eyes were stinging and throbbing.
"Hell, I've got nothing left anyway," she muttered. She opened the bottle and poured out a handful of small white capsules. She swallowed them with a mouthful of week-old water, her head hurting too much to stand. Exhausted, Lilah Morgan fell back onto her pillow and descended into darkness.
"Wesley," she whispered.
Anything for you
I'll become your earth and sky
Forever never die
I'll be everything you need
The phone rang. Lilah's eyes snapped open. She felt as though she had clawed her way up out of the grave. With difficulty, she climbed out of bed and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" she said, too loud.
"Lilah? It's Wesley."
"Ah, so you finally called. That's OK, I told you to take your time. Oh, wait, I actually didn't." Lilah's incapacitated brain sat back and listened to the words running out of her mouth. She never knew she could be so witty.
"I was wondering if you'd like to come over tonight-"
She perked up a bit. Maybe he did want her, maybe he had a romantic dinner planned…
"-maybe you could bring the glasses?"
Her heart shattered all over again. She should have known that in his view, she was only good for one thing. "No Lilah, don't do this to yourself again," her mind insisted. But her heart rebelled. She knew that they would never be real, that Wesley would never respect her. But without him, she would be less than nothing. This pretense of love may not be enough for her to live on, but it was enough for her to survive, albeit as a barren husk of the true Lilah Morgan.
"I'll be right over."
I'll be anything for you