Monkhood Chronicles
Happy Birthday… My Daughter?
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Miroku would be like if he had gotten his hands on a Barbie? Oh yessssss… let your imagination run wild. EWWW! Don't go THERE! That's X-rated! XD But who cares what you think when I've written a story about it? Read and enjoy. (btw.. Barbies have been around even before I was born.. so basically, they're like artifacts to me… Hence I'm gonna say that Barbies have been around since 500 years ago :D) and all the censored stuff, they're just there so your imagination really can run wild… -maniacally laughs-
A young Miroku woke up to pure, white snow drifting down outside his window. Clambering out of his futon, the young boy stretched and yawned while rubbing the crusted eye-boogers out of his eyes. He glanced across the room to where his parents were sleeping somewhat peacefully. He mentally noted that his father's hand was resting on his mother's rump while his mother looked visibly agitated in her sleep. He, of course, did not really understand what made his father's hands automatically go for his mother's behind (A/N: but he'll find out soon enough XD), but never the mind- today was his birthday! His seventh birthday, to be exact.
This meant exactly what it meant for children nowadays that wake up to Christmas day. Presents. Oh, how he glowed with excitement. He couldn't wait til midnight, when it was custom for his family to open presents.
But HECK, it was his birthday. Screw the custom!
The mini version of Miroku made his way into the kitchen and over to the small table on the ground. However, food was not his target on this fine winter morning. Oh no, it was the colorfully wrapped objects on the table (A/N: or at least as colorful as they can get 500 years ago).
Presents.
To be expected, Miroku dug into the medium-sized pile and went after the biggest one first.
Ripping up the wrappings and tearing open the box… young Miroku was surprised to find a…
'Cooking pot?'
Miroku stared at it for a moment, not sure what to make of it. It was large enough for him to sit in- what kind of sadists are those people, anyways?
"Oh heck," he muttered, throwing the pot behind him as he went further into the pile.
'Now,' Miroku sat back up, triumphantly holding onto a blue and green present, 'Present number 2!'
He tore apart the wrappings, exposing a…
'Teddy bear?'
Miroku gave the stuffed animal a look of despair and disgust. Stupid adults always freaking thought that kids like stuffed animals.
'Heck no!'
The little boy quickly disposed of the abhorred thing by throwing it far away behind him.
'Present number 3!'
Socks.
'Present number 4!'
A brush.
'Present number 5!'
Robes.
'Present number 6!'
Candy!
Now this present was worth his time. So instead of chucking it behind his head into the pile of other worthless presents, he greedily shoved it into his mouth.
'Present number 7!'
A medical kit. (A/N: Basically like herbs…) Miroku was slightly interested in the pouch as he rolled over and sniffed at the substances.
"ACHOO!"
Miroku quickly whirled about to check if his parents were still asleep. And sure enough, they were.
He gave a quick sigh of relief as he placed the bag on the ground next to him- it would come in handy to play with later. He would probably lure his next door neighbor and best friend, Chimamaru, out to play then beat him to a pulp then treat him with his present.
'Present number 8!'
A blue ball.
'SERIOUSLY!' Miroku roared in his mind, 'What kind of a fool do these people take me for!'
Crossing his arms across his chest, he pouted miserably at the round object that seemed to be pleading for him to play with it. Miroku raised a brow. Either way, it wouldn't matter- he didn't have anyone to play with until Chimamaru woke up.
'Anyways…' Miroku shifted his gaze to the last present left on the table.
The little boy had purposely left this present for last for one very good reason.
It was wrapped in pink paper.
"Eeyuck…" Miroku made a face as he poked the pink object.
He couldn't touch that thing… it was PINK!
But still… it was his present.
Carefully making sure that his parents were fast asleep and that all the curtains were pulled close, Miroku quietly snuck up to the pink box.
Little by little, Miroku peeled off the offending color wrapping- making sure that the least amount of pink was touching his very manly hands.
Minutes passed, I mean… (checks the time) Oh my gosh! An hour passed before he had finally removed the girly-pink crap to reveal…
"What the heck is this?" Miroku looked at the pink box that held a doll in it.
But it was no ordinary doll.
"Bar… Bi… E…" the little boy read the box.
'Huh…'
He read the rest of the label.
Special Edition: Japanese-style Barbie!
"Pfft…" Miroku pffted as he took another glance at the doll, I mean, Barbie inside. For some very, very odd and strange reason, the doll looked a heck of a lot like his future teammate, Sango. His dark eyes were now examining the extremely attractive doll held in the box. Gosh, did she have an awesome figure… not to mention the size of her censored! Not even his own mother had that big of a censored!
Miroku flipped to box around, reading as he went.
Special Edition: Japanese-styled Barbie comes with…
1 Yukata(s)
2 Kimono(s)
1 Fan(s)
1 pair of Slippers
1 pair of Sandals
'Blah… Blah… Blahhh…' Miroku began scanning through the rest of the list of bonus items that came with the Barbie.
1 Swimsuit(s)
'Swimsuit?' Miroku read interested now- he had never heard of a 'swimsuit' before…
Within seconds, Miroku was opening the box and laying all the accessories, clothes, and whatnots next to the Barbie doll. Then, picking up the doll, the little boy began removing it from its binding.
But alas, all too soon, the doll had come free from the cardboard (A/N: Don't ask me how they had cardboard back then…) and was being held in the hands of a soon-to-be extremely perverted little boy.
The Barbie was wearing a summer festival kimono that was loosely tied about the waist, therefore showing a very nice censored to the gaping boy.
Miroku gulped as he set the doll down.
Now… where was that 'swimsuit'…
The little boy picked up a spandex-something that he could not identify.
'This is it?' he pondered, raising a brow. His eyes traveled from the busty, I mean… censored Barbie to the skimpy-looking 'swimsuit'
Miroku laughed giddily in his mind.
He was going to change a girl's clothes!
His heart was beating loudly as he reached for the doll.
Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump.
His thumb was now under the fold of her kimono… He was REALLY going to do this! He was-
"Miroku-chan!"
Miroku quickly hid the Barbie behind his back as he whirled about to see his parents coming into the kitchen.
His mother looked frantic.
"You opened all your presents already?" she spoke, looking agitated and upset at the same time.
His father, however…
"Oh-ho ho!" he laughed as he thumped Miroku on the shoulder, "My boy's turning seven today- He's a big boy now! He can open his presents whenever he wants!"
A glare from his wife quickly hushed him.
"With your mother's approval of course…" his dad sheepishly added with a fake laugh as his mother's glare turned into a happy smile.
"Yay! My little boy is all grown up now!" she said giving Miroku a big hug, then turning to look at the presents he had opened.
"Did you like your presents?" she asked with a big smile.
"Yes," Miroku lied.
"That's good," she replied as she went through the presents.
His father, however…
"Eh? Miroku… What's that you're hiding behind your back?"
Miroku growled at his father in his mind.
"N-Nothing…" Miroku lied again.
"Oh come now!" his father said, reaching for Japanese-styled Barbie, "Let your old man see!"
He took the doll from his son's hands.
"What's this?" his father asked, raising a brow as he examined the doll, "Whoa! Mitsuki-chan! Look at this! This doll's got a huge censored!"
His wife turned about, her confused look turning rapidly into a death glare as she swiped the Barbie doll away from her husband and whacked him over the head with it.
"Y-You… You…" his mother seethed.
"M-Mommy?" mini-Miroku toddled up to his mom's side, tugging on her apron.
Bad move.
"YOU!" she pointed an accusing finger down at her son, "Where did THIS come from?"
Miroku buggered off her and shyly pointed at the box on the table.
Storming over to the table, she reached down a pulled out a card from the paper wrapping.
Dear Mitsuki-chan!
I'm so happy to hear that you've had your first child. Sana-kun (he's my third ex-boyfriend, if you don't remember) tells me that it's a girl! I bet she'll grow up to be just as beautiful as you. Thank goodness it's not a boy- with that husband of yours I'd bet that she would have turned out to be just like him, or even worse! I know that I heard the news quite late, but I hope that your daughter will like this present!
Your fifth cousin, twice removed, and fourth best friend,
Onami Yuka
Slowly, Miroku's mother turned around. Her calmness was eerie- but her eyes were just scary.
If she had been storming before, now she was hell's hurricane just waiting to be released.
"Honey?"
Her trembling husband looked up expectantly at his wife.
"Y-Yes?"
An evil-like smile crept onto her lips.
"Wasn't Sana-kun just here playing with Miroku-chan before he left to visit Yuka in her village?"
"Y-Yes, h-honey…"
"And he was here just yesterday to being the present, right?"
Her husband nodded furiously.
A big smile crept onto her face.
"Honey, fix our birthday boy some breakfast… I need to go do something right now."
Her husband moved silently towards their son and held him by his shoulders as Mitsuki disappeared out the doorway with the Japanese-styled Barbie in hand.
"Son, right now, I want to pass along some knowledge to you."
Miroku looked up at his father curiously.
"Never marry a woman who can kill you when she's pissed off, and never make friends with someone who can make your future wife pissed enough to kill."
Miroku nodded understandingly as he reached for the blue ball lying on the ground.
Suddenly, there was a blood-curdling scream that filled the entire village. Then…
"COME BACK HERE YOU –BEEP- OF A –BEEP- IDIOT! I'M GOING TO –BEEP-ING MURDER YOU FOR GIVING MY SON A –BEEP- WITH A –BEEP- OF A –BEEP- AND –BEEBEEBEPPBABEPPBEPPEPEPEPBEEEPPP- THING! YOU BETTER GET BACK –BEEP- HERE OR JUST –BEEP-ING DIE ALREADY!"
Miroku's father looked down at his son.
Miroku looked up at his father.
And there was much rejoicing.
What do you think? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you LOVE me? T-T
Anyways… I'm kinda outta ideas already for this story… so please give me ideas? If you would please be so nice… ah. So yeah.
Thank you for reading!