Part 15 – Sleepless
Around 10pm – Irina
She felt like a tiger, imprisoned in its cage in one of the zoos she had once seen when she was smaller. There was a place she wanted to go, things she wanted – she needed – to do, yet she couldn't. Forced to remain imprisoned, she had to endure the torture.
Irina paced up and down in her room, trying to force away the unpleasant thoughts of what might be happening to her sister right now, only to find them replaced by erotic thoughts that tortured her even more.
"I hate him," she murmured again and again, and it was true. There had never been a human being she had despised more – and loved more at the same time. That fact bothered her the most. How could it be possible to dislike a man and at the same time wish for his company? There was obviously something wrong with her. Had she unconsciously hit her head in her sleep?
Irina sat down on her bed, unable to think about sleep – or to just lay down for that matter. She was in turmoil. Every nerve of her body pushed her to just go to Jack and seduce him, but her reason on the contrary forbid that action. He would not be the one who won the battle. If he thought that she couldn't control herself, he was wrong. She was quite capable of banning him from her mind.
For about ten seconds, she stared into the dancing flames of the fireplace in her room, trying to think of something unimportant - their house, Maggie – Jack – Gerard who had betrayed her. She needed to take revenge for that – Jack's sweet kisses.
"Oh come on..." she murmured to herself. She had never been one of the women who needed a man to feel complete, so why was she acting now as if all her reason had gone from her mind?
Since the incident in the garden, she had spent the rest of the day in her room and not allowed anybody to disturb her. She felt unbalanced, frustrated and angry, and there was nothing she could do about it.
She had even tried to imitate his touches to ease her discomfort – to no avail. She longed to lie in Jack's arms, to feel his skin against hers and his lips seducing her, just the way he had described.
When she realized that she was again thinking about Jack and their encounter in the afternoon, she got up with a sound that was a mixture of fury and frustration. She grabbed her candle and went to the door without making any sound. The sun had long gone down and the house had settled into silence, although some of the late servants were still working busily.
Carefully, Irina peeked out into the dark corridor. When she didn't see anybody, she left her room. The least thing she needed now was to run into Jack by accident. Maybe the cook could make a cup of tea for her. And she needed to eat something. That would surely ease her feeling of restlessness.
10.30pm – Jack
Perfect. The whole situation was just perfect. He was unable to do any kind of work, just thinking that she was sleeping in the same house he was in – not even hundred meters away from his study. All he had to do was go to her room and then do all the things with her he had fantasized about.
He had surely underestimated the effects she had on him. He dropped the book he was reading and leaned back. He needed a woman – no, he corrected silently, I need her. Damn, he was adult. Even more, he was a well-situated man in his mid-thirties, not a young, untamed boy anymore. He had learned to deal with women, and even more to control himself.
"Damn you, Irina," he murmured to himself and got up from his armchair. His pride forbade him to do what he wanted to do the most. Go to her room and make love to her until she had forgotten about fighting him or running away. Until all she could still think of was him and how he brought the sweetest pleasure to her body.
Abruptly he got up from his chair and put the book back in its place on the shelf. Those thoughts had to stop. He couldn't allow Irina to have such power over him. She was no better or worse than any other woman.
He left his study and went the small way from the room to the door where his coats were hanging. Irina was not the only woman who could fulfill his needs. There were plenty of others who would not start a fight with him, but be grateful for his company and fulfill his wishes before he even knew he had them.
"Milord, you want to go out so late?" James, his old butler hurried to help him with the coat and get the gloves. He was already wearing his nightgown, a candle in his hand. "Shall I wake August to prepare the horses?"
"No thank you. I will take my horse and take care of it myself. I'd appreciate if you kept my late leave discreetly to yourself." Jack said friendly and the old man nodded, then thought for a moment.
"And your wife? Shall I also keep it from her?"
"Yes..." Jack started, then suddenly stopped. He cocked his head slightly and the hint of a grin played around the corner of his mouth. "No," he corrected his earlier order. "No, tell her that I am gone to visit a friend. And tell her that I will most likely stay there overnight."
The butler's eyes grew wide and the cleared his throat. "With all due respect, milord, but I don't think that's information you should give to your lady. She will think that..."
"That I'm going to visit one of my mistresses – which is the case. I want her to think exactly that. As a payback for what she does to me..." Jack chuckled slightly. James shook his head and opened the door. He was not afraid of Irina, but he knew that she would definitely be more than outraged if she learned where Jack had gone. He was well aware that their marriage had not been perfect from the start – but what marriage was? Although he didn't know the circumstances under which the marriage had taken place, he assumed that it was comparable to one of those forced marriages. Only very few people today married from love, and Irina was obviously one of the women who did not accept to being married to a man she did not want.
"Sir, why don't you give your lady another chance? She's probably very lonely, now that she is gone from her family. Maybe she needs a friend in you, not an enemy."
Jack looked at the old man. He had already served his father as a stable hand and when Jack had been a boy, James had taught him riding and everything about horses. There were not many people in his household that Jack trusted, but James was definitely the one he trusted most. He could be sure that the old man did not gossip if Jack asked him not to do so. It was due to that deep respect that Jack accepted the fact that James told him his opinion so openly.
"James, I was her friend. The circumstances of our marriage were a little – well, unusual. But I never treated her disrespectfully, and she had more than one chance to behave a little more appropriately."
The old man growled to show Jack how much he disliked his behavior. "One thing is for sure. You are fortunately totally different from your father, but the one thing you've clearly inherited is his stubbornness."
Jack laughed and turned around. James opened the door for him and watched him leave. Silently he shook his head. A blind person could see that those two loved each other – although neither of them was willing to admit it.
When Jack had disappeared in the darkness, he closed the door and turned around to go back to bed.
Around 10.40pm – Irina
The air on the corridor was almost icy and Irina shivered, wishing she had taken a blanket from her room. At night, only the personal rooms and the kitchen were warmed by fires, the rest of the house stood in coldness to save wood for the winter.
When she turned left towards the stairs, she ran against a person and almost screamed in shock. At first she feared it might be Jack, but soon she was relieved to find only the old butler James, standing in his nightgown in front of her and looking at her confused.
"Milady?"
"I'm sorry James," she murmured. "I was just heading for the kitchen."
James looked at her and thought of the orders Jack had given him – tell Irina about where he was going. But when she was standing in front of him, smiling nicely, he couldn't do it. Damn it, he thought to himself. So, he would have to take the consequences if Jack found out, but he couldn't be so cruel to consciously hurt the woman.
"A lady shouldn't walk alone in a house on a dark night. Why didn't you ask for your maid... or me?"
"Thanks, I'm fine," Irina smiled. "I just needed to... I wanted to get out of my room anyway."
"Then I'll accompany you..."
"That's not necessary," Irina replied courteously. "Seriously, I'm..."
"You never know what ideas a drunken soldier or kitchen assistant might get." James replied and Irina shrugged her shoulders. She was actually glad to have found somebody to talk to. Hopefully, he would distract her from further thoughts of Jack.
"Do you want the cook to prepare some snacks for you?" James finally asked after a long pause.
"Oh, that would be nice, if it doesn't cause any problems, since it's late and...," Irina replied, trying to keep the candle burning, as they stepped down the stairs and entered a corridor where a soft breeze—most likely caused by the open windows—threatened to blow out the flame.
"No, the lord is often up at night to eat or drink a cup of tea. You two have much in common." The sentence was spoken as if in passing, but James watched Irina carefully from the corner of his eye.
"Maybe," she replied almost coldly.
"You are very lucky to be married to such a charming man. I've seen girls trying to draw his attention to them, but he never even looked at them."
"James, I don't mean this to sound disrespectful or insulting in any way, but could we change the topic?" Irina finally asked, not able to bear talking about Jack now. It was enough that she couldn't stop thinking about him…about how they had made love – how he had known everything she needed and fulfilled her deepest needs.
There had been other men she had slept with, but none of them had made her feel as Jack did. She remembered the first time she had given herself to a man. He had been a young noble from London. She had been nineteen, and it was shortly after her father had died. Katya had thought it about time for Irina to be introduced to society.
She could still remember his name – Marc. She had never known his last name – all she had known was that he was the son of a Duke. He had seduced her by sweet promises to marry her afterwards, but the next morning he had been gone.
Totally down on her nerves, she had confessed to her sister what had happened. Katya had sworn to take revenge for what he had done to Irina. Then she had left. Irina hadn't heard from her for three days, then Katya had returned and said, that the Duke had paid for his lies. Irina hadn't asked what had happened. She knew that sometimes it was better to not know what exactly her sister had done.
After that experience, men had merely been a nice pastime for her. Whenever she felt like she longed for a man, she went to the man with whom she was currently having an affair and left the next morning – without any questions or demands. But with Jack the whole situation suddenly seemed different.
He was totally unlike all her affairs – and sleeping with him was in a strange way more satisfying.
Determined, she banned those thoughts from her mind. Jack wasn't better or worse than other men. She could live without him, as she had done her whole life. There were other men who could fulfill her needs as good as he did.
When they came closer to the kitchen, Irina noticed that James hadn't spoken a word since her request to change subjects, and she was just thinking whether she might have insulted him, when she heard the voices from a maid and the staff in the kitchen.
"It's a shame. They just married. I swear, if my husband did something like that, he would curse the day he was born at..."
"Malory, you can't blame him! She's a witch. No man would want her company when there's a nice, willing girl waiting for him somewhere." A male voice replied.
"Oh please. No marriage is easy at the beginning. And he was not treating her very fair either, or would you be most cooperative when your husband locked you in the prison? He can't expect her to be cooperative when he behaves like a bastard." Irina recognized the voice of her maid Sarah.
"You just watch out to not drop the cup." Another, the first voice – that one of an elder woman - rasped. "It's not the task of a man to make the woman behave lovable. It's her task to make him respect her and enjoy her company. If you ask me, it's no wonder that he's gone to see his mistress tonight. I would have done the same if I was him."
Irina felt as if a knife had been stabbed into her heart. They're not talking about you, she tried to fool herself, but it failed. She knew exactly that the servants were talking about her and Jack, and she also understood that Jack had obviously gone to visit one of his cheap whores.
A slap into her face couldn't have been worse. It's your own fault, the tiny voice inside her whispered, but she forced it away. The servants continued giggling and gossiping about where Jack went until James pushed open the kitchen door.
"Do you not have enough work to do that you can pass the time chitchatting about things that are not your business?" he ranted angrily, and the servants jumped. "Get back to work!" His face was dark and although Mrs. Tribbiani was the superior of the household, every servant felt respect for old James since they knew he was something like Jack's confidant.
Concerned, James looked at Irina. "I'm sorry... sometimes they just can't shut their mouths."
"He's gone." Irina stated coolly, and James nodded slightly without saying anything. Irina laughed bitterly and felt the need to throw the candle she was still carrying against the wall. But she knew very well that showing such an outburst of feelings in front of servants was never a good idea, and so she just smiled.
"So, what kind of snacks do you have to offer?" she asked, pretending to not really be interested anymore. All her features represented dignity, and for a moment James truly admired the beautiful lady for her discipline and self-control. He had either expected her to suffer an infuriated attack or a breakdown in tears. Neither happened. He wondered for a moment whether Jack Bristow knew what an extraordinarily strong woman he had by his side.
The other servants didn't dare to look at Irina anymore who, by her appearance, showed such a dignity that for the first time they respected her even more than Mrs. Tribbiani. Within seconds, the kitchen came to life. The cook lit the fire in the oven anew to make some snacks and tea, the servants cleaned the table and Sarah hurried to get a blanket for Irina.
"Are you okay?" James asked worried, when Irina sat down at the wooden table which was actually meant for the servants. Irina had never known those differences. At home the family had always sat with Maggie and the one or two other servants they had in the kitchen for dinner.
"Why should I not be okay?" Irina asked. "He's a grown up. He can do whatever he wants. If he thinks that a cheap whore is a better company than I am, then he has to visit her."
Sarah looked worried at the old man, but didn't say anything. She had learned early to not comment on the behavior of her master or mistress.
"Thanks, Sarah..." Irina said and looked at the young girl. She noticed that her maid looked tired and smiled friendly. "Why don't you join me? Sit down and eat some snacks."
"Milady, I can't..." The girl started and obviously thought of words. "I mean... you can't sit with servants..."
"Let that be my problem. Now sit down and have some tea. James, could you get Sarah a cup of hot tea please? And one for yourself."
The old butler nodded and went to take some cups. This lady never failed to surprise him in her behavior... He just wondered what old Mrs. Tribbiani would say if she learned about tonight's kitchen-party with the lady of the household. He smiled to himself. Certainly, Mrs. Tribbiani would be more than infuriated – and that was what made him like Irina even more.
0.30am – Jack
He hurried to take the horse back into the stable. Since the staff was already sleeping, he had to take care of the animal himself. Jack didn't care. He loved to do so and was used to it. Whenever he came back late, his first task was to dry the horses fur and feed it, before he could go inside.
And tonight he needed some time alone. He had gone to the nearby city to visit Annabel, his mistress. She was a beautiful young woman, the most exclusive girl in the city. And she never failed to satisfy his needs. But tonight had been different. He had not really been in the mood. Correct that. He was very much in the mood, but it was Irina that invaded his thoughts…her face…her eyes…her scent.
He had paid his mistress, but when she had kissed him, he had felt totally turned off. It had not been the girl's fault. Jack sighed. Irina had bewitched him with her stubborn behavior and her rebellious spirit. He longed for her temper and fire in bed... not for some easy girl who spent the time only fulfilling his wishes.
What was wrong with him? When had there been this change in his behavior? All he longed for right now was to go to Irina's bedroom and make love to her until she forgot her name. He shook his head in silent disapproval of his own thoughts. No, he would not allow Irina to control him in that way.
When he had finished taking care of the horse, he left the stable through the servants' entry, which led him directly into the house. He was used to taking this way. At night he was just not willing to go out into the cool air again just to take the more appropriate front entry. The way through the servants' tract was faster.
When he approached the kitchen he could hear loud laughter and cheering. He raised his eyebrows and turned left to the kitchen. He didn't make any sound when he opened the door and watched, in disbelief, the scene that presented itself to him. One of his stable boys was standing in a free corner, juggling with five eggs. The rest of his servants, including James, were standing and sitting around the table, cheering and clapping, while they encouraged him with joyful and admiring comments.
Jack didn't believe his eyes when he found Irina amongst them, just getting herself a new cup of tea and handing her maid Sarah a second one.
"What is going on here?" he finally asked loudly, not hiding a certain sharpness from his voice. Within an instant, the happy people silenced and stared at him in shock. The poor juggling boy was so frightened, that he dropped all of the eggs and stared at Jack with wide eyes. Jack looked in disapproval at the broken eggs on the ground, and his face darkened.
"Jack!" Irina stepped forward, when he approached the stable boy.
"Irina, what do you think you're doing here?" he hissed, his eyes now turned on her, and Irina held his gaze.
"I was amusing myself."
"With the servants?"
Irina turned and smiled at the staff. "It's okay, you can go to bed." She looked at the unhappy boy who had dropped the eggs. He was fifteen at the most and obviously expected to be fired now. "You too. Go to sleep. I will clean up here." Irina said softly, and the boy turned and stormed out of the room in relief. When the servants had gone, Jack grabbed Irina's shoulders.
"Who do you think you are?" he asked infuriated. "You're questioning my authority by acting against my orders in front of the servants! I am sure they told you that they are not allowed to use the kitchen at night."
"I was using the kitchen!" Irina countered sharply. "And since my husband was obviously occupied elsewhere, I thought I could as well have some fun by myself."
"Define fun!" Jack's voice was loud, and he didn't even try to calm down anymore.
"Well, having a little party, drinking tea... after all more innocent than what you had." She looked him down. "Was it good at least? Did she satisfy you? I seriously hope so, because then you will luckily leave me alone for the next days."
"Irina..." he grabbed her sharply and locked their eyes. "Don't push it too far. You're just inches away from a prison cell!"
"I thought I already made clear that that was not a threat to me!" she yelled back, not caring about her tone anymore.
"Would you just act reasonably for a moment?"
"Would YOU just act reasonably? All we had was a little party."
"My wife has a party with her servants when her husband is out of the house. What do you think will that look like?"
"Jack, don't make it look dirty, it wasn't! My maid was there, so there's nothing wrong about..." she couldn't even finish her sentence.
"That is simply not the point here." Jack said dangerously calm. Irina's eyes blinked with fury, and Jack could literally see the flames in them.
"Bristow, don't you dare ever interrupt me again!" she hissed angrily. "The point here is that you were obviously left frustrated by your well-paid whore, and now you are angry that I was having a good time when you had obviously hoped that I'd be infuriated about your little escapade. Well, you were wrong. I don't care one little penny with whom you share your bed, since I want to remind you, our marriage is fake! I am not your wife, and so don't you dare talk to me in that tone again."
She had hit the point gloriously, he admitted angrily. Yes, he was angry that she obviously cared that little about him sharing another woman's bed. He was not only angry, it also hurt something inside him that he seemed to mean nothing to her.
"Wrong, Milady. You are my wife as long as I decide." He countered, and when he saw the sparks in Irina's eyes, he was seriously afraid that she would grab one of the knives in the kitchen and stab him.
"Well..." she finally said simply. "This is where YOU are wrong."
"Really?" He couldn't help but provoke her. "Today in the garden it looked totally different." Satisfied when he noticed, that she knew nothing to contradict, he folded his arms.
"Fine..." Irina finally started, trying to remember her fury instead of the arousing incident in the garden, then she saw the amused gleam in Jack's eyes and threw one of the eggs towards him. "You damned son of a..."
At the last second she remembered that some of the servants might still be listening, so she lowered her voice and approached Jack slowly, until their faces were only inches apart.
"I am tired of talking to you... and I will go to my bed now... alone... You know, being alone can be satisfying too. Even more, sometimes..."
With these words she turned around, satisfied by the gasp Jack took at the vivid mental image, and went out of the room in the most seductive way she was capable of. Jack stared after her, and for a moment he actually thought about just grabbing her and carrying her into his room.
With any other woman, he thought bitterly, that would have worked, but Irina would start an ado he'd never forget. Besides, he would not be the first one to give in. If she wanted him, she had to show him. After another deep breath, he followed her hastily.
"Irina!"
"What?" the woman asked at the stairs and turned around slightly annoyed. Jack couldn't help but grin at her tone. Luckily the dimness of the corridor hid his face from hers. It was just amazing how much she resembled him in her reactions.
"Oh, I just wanted to wish you a good night." He said friendly. "And apologize... Although my point was justified, my behavior inside there was not quite appropriate …especially not in front of servants."
"Um..." she started, totally stunned by his sudden friendliness. He actually seemed to mean what he said. "Well... accepted." For a moment, it seemed as if she was going to take a step towards him, but then she changed her mind. Staying where she was, she was unsure about what to do next. Jack's change of behavior, his almost charming friendliness, had totally put her off.
He took a few steps towards her, until their bodies were only inches apart. For a moment they just looked into each other's eyes, unable to turn their faces away. The longing to kiss the other was standing in the eyes of both of them, but the corridor was too dark for them to read each other's eyes.
When their hands brushed accidentally, they shivered at the sensation and longed for more than just an innocent touch like this.
"Good night..." Irina suddenly whispered, unable to keep her voice steady and sure. Feeling dizzy, she turned and almost fled up the stairs. Jack looked after her, considering the possibility of just forgetting about their stupid challenge. Then he decided against it. One of them would start all this again tomorrow at the latest, and Jack was sure Irina would use his surrender against him then.
No, this time he would not be the one to give in. And damned, he had lived a good amount of time without a woman. It was not like he needed one in his bed to be happy.
Determined to not let Irina haunt his dreams this night, he followed Irina up the stairs to go to his own bedroom.