Part 21 – Doubts

Whenever you doubt my love, just look at the sky.

You will find it there, written in the stars.

('A Love Letter' by Kimberley Jackson)

The bright sunlight coming through the closed curtains made her blink. With a soft moan she turned onto her side and buried herself deeply in the covers. Every part of her body seemed to ache – a good pain when she remembered the passionate moments that had caused it. She curled up and was just about to drift back to sleep, when the door was opened soundly.

"Did I not tell you, that the lord's room was to be cleaned by ten?" Mrs. Tribbiani's shrill voice startled her. "Stupid thing! Is this what you call clean?"

"Madam, the lord told me..."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear your cheap excuses! I wonder how someone can hire a brat like you..."

The servant started to sob, trying again to explain, but Mrs. Tribbiani didn't even listen to her.

Irina's mood sank and when she was sure that she wouldn't get any more sleep anyway, she sat up and cleared her throat soundly. Both the servant and the mistress of the household started and turned to look at her. The young servant sank to her knees, sobbing even louder now.

"Milady, I am so sorry..."

"Shut up," Mrs. Tribbiani cut her off and pulled her onto her feet. "Do your work! You are not paid for whining like a baby!" She pushed the servant towards the curtains and the girl started to cry even more now. Totally lost, she looked from Irina to the menacingly looking mistress, then back at Irina. Irina smiled.

"It's okay, you can open the curtains."

Relieved, the girl exhaled and started to clean the room. Mrs. Tibbiani folded her arms over her big chest and looked at Irina with a hint of sarcasm on her face.

"And you!" she went towards the bed and tried to pull the blanket away from Irina. "You are certainly not paid for lying around lazily in bed. Even if you grant the lord certain 'favors'," the way she pronounced every syllable of 'favor' with emphasis made clear how much she despised the situation, "you can make yourself helpful during the day. One of the kitchen workers is sick, and we need help. You can take care of onions, can't you?" The woman didn't even try to hide how lowly she thought of Irina.

Irina didn't know what to say. She held on to the sheets of the bed desperately to cover her nakedness. "I don't think I..." she started, but was immediately interrupted.

"The lady thinks she is too good for our work? Let me tell you something then. As long as you are living in this household, you will not just spend your time by lying lazily around. Only because you get to work closer to the lord doesn't mean that you are better than the maids – on the contrary. If I were you, I would be ashamed of myself, and not carry my chin so high."

"What is going on here?"

Irina was almost relieved when James entered the room with his typically stoic expression. When he understood the situation, a hint of anger changed his face. Those who had been around him for some time knew that it took quite an amount of anger to make James lose his countenance.

"Milady, did they wake you?"

"No... no, it's alright." Irina hurried to say, but James was not convinced at all – especially since Mrs. Tribbiani was still holding the sheets that were covering Irina.

"The lord explicitly ordered that she was not to be awakened!" he started to rage, and Irina gasped for air, afraid that the two servants would jump at each other and start a massacre.

"He never gave me that order," the mistress yelled back and what now started was a loud dispute that soon turned into a wave of insults they threw at each other. Irina moaned loudly and held her head, falling back into the cushions. It was still too early for her to be able to stand chaos like this.

"HEY!" Suddenly Jack's voice yelled angrily from the door and immediately the room became as silent as a grave. The man looked in disbelief from Mrs. Tribbiani to James and then to Irina, who looked at him as if he was her guardian angel. Jack understood the situation at once and turned towards the two servants. Mrs. Tribbiani was still looking as if she would like to kill James, but the old butler had regained his control and stern face. "How dare you start an ado like this in front of the lady?" Jack asked, his voice dangerously low. The maid who was cleaning up the room tried to make herself invisible, but was still following the happenings with great interest.

"I think, my orders have been quite clear."

"Yes Sir." James said. "I apologize, Sir, but I couldn't stop this... woman... from acting against your will. And I also apologize to you, Milady. I don't know what came over me." He looked at her with regret in his eyes, and Irina nodded slightly, not exactly knowing what to respond. This was a tricky situation, because if she assured that everything was alright and she didn't feel bothered, she could very easily lose the servant's respect. If she accepted the apology, she would put herself over the servants, and although Jack had made sure yesterday that he fully accepted her as his wife now, she wasn't sure what rights she had. Therefore she kept silent.

"Get out! Both of you!" Jack finally ordered dangerously quiet. "Resume your tasks for the day... and this afternoon I want to see both of you in my study, are we clear?"

"Of course, Milord." Mrs Tribbiani said, her voice suddenly weak and not at all as forceful as it had been three minutes ago.

When the two servants were gone, Jack shook his head and went to Irina. He sat down at the edge of the bed and took her hand to place a soft kiss on it.

"Good morning, my love." When she started to smile, he touched her cheek in a soft gesture. "I will talk to them this afternoon and make clear that I will take every insult against you as an insult against myself. A situation like this will never happen again. So, how did you sleep?"

Irina lifted her hand and touched his face softly. "Wonderfully," she whispered and the love she felt for him inside was reflected in her eyes by the unmistakable softness there. "How long have you been awake?"

"Two hours," Jack replied. "I have to visit the farm house again. The peasant and I have to work out a plan to rebuild the houses as effectively as possible. So, I won't be back before this afternoon." The regret could clearly be heard from his voice. His index finger slowly stroked along the silk skin of her naked shoulder.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Irina was about to sit up, but Jack held her back.

"No. Stay here and rest a little. You must be even more exhausted than I am."

Irina became aware of her aching muscles again and relaxed into the cushions. "But hurry up... will you?"

"I promise... do you want me to post a soldier in front of your door as your personal escort?"

Irina laughed, a sound that he had already missed. "No, I don't think that will be necessary. I am quite capable of defending myself."

"Good... I will see you later then." He got up and wanted to leave the room, when Irina grabbed his hand to hold him back for another second.

"Jack!"

When he turned, he saw her kneeling on the bed, only the most important parts of her body covered by the blanket she was still holding to her body. "Be safe," she whispered, before she laid her lips to his in a tender kiss. He closed his arms around her, feeling her naked, female body under his fingers. When his hands ran over her bare legs, he considered for a moment to just stay here and spend the rest of the day in bed with her. Before he could seriously pursue that idea, he loosened from her and pushed her back softly. First of all the old peasant Gransom was waiting for him and secondly, she needed a little rest – which she would surely not get if he stayed home. Smiling softly, he ran his hand over her cheek once again before he turned and eventually left the room.

Irina leaned back into her cushions, her eyes still fixed on the closed door. She couldn't believe that she had actually agreed to be Jack's wife – that she was really married now. What had driven her to do so? She smiled to herself. Actually it didn't even matter so much to her. For the first time in her life, she felt safe. Even the problems that opened up with their decisions seemed to vanish. What should she tell her sisters? And what could she do to not end up in prison? For the time being, she just relaxed in the peaceful feeling of being loved and safe.

After she had slept for another hour, she took a long bath and got dressed. She chose an especially beautiful dress she had never worn before that underlined her perfectly shaped body. After she had spent another half an hour in front of the mirror, where Sarah was doing her hair, Irina had breakfast. She couldn't help but looking at the clock over and over again.

This is ridiculous, she thought to herself, he has only been gone for a few hours and you miss him already. Something had changed inside her. She was unable to deny how deeply she was in love with Jack, how much he attracted her – not only physically, but also mentally. She enjoyed talking to him or just being close to him – just as they had been last night.

When they had returned from the beach yesterday, it had almost been dark. Irina smiled to herself when she remembered how furious Mrs. Tribbiani had been – especially after she had seen that Irina's hair was ruined, she could well imagine what had caused their late return. If she hadn't already thought of Irina as a whore by then, she surely did now, as the scene earlier that morning had shown.

Jack had ordered a rich dinner to be brought to his personal rooms, then he had lifted her up and carried her all the way into his bedroom.

They had had dinner only wearing thin bathrobes. Unable to keep their hands off each other, they had fed each other and sunk into kisses over and over again, until they had ended up making love in front of the fireplace on the carpet.

Later they had moved it to the bed and loved each other as if there was no tomorrow – forgetting everything around them, especially the time. Between their passionate games they had spent endless moments just lying in each other's arms, talking or not saying anything at all, until they had eventually fallen into an exhausted sleep just as the sun announced the approaching dawn to the east.

Irina sighed at the pleasurable memory of the previous night and stretched herself a little. Fortunately, Jack hadn't accepted her invitation to accompany him to the farm, because she doubted that her muscles would have allowed her to ride today.

She strolled into the library where she had a small breakfast – she didn't have that much hunger at all – and then dedicated herself to the book she was currently reading. Hopefully, it would make the time pass more quickly.

When somebody knocked at he door, Irina jumped up, hoping it would be Jack, but it was only James. Irina smiled friendly when he bowed.

"Milady, we have a visitor." James announced. "Lord Arvin Sloane is here, and he wants to talk to your husband."

"Oh... I..." Irina murmured, unpleasant memories of the ball night coming back to her mind. "When will Jack return?"

"It could be any minute, therefore I thought it better to ask you what to tell Mr. Sloane."

Irina looked at him, then at a point somewhere in the room. She knew, her duty as mistress of the house was to welcome the guest until her husband returned. Sending Lord Sloane away would not only be rude, but also put Jack's reputation in danger. On the other hand, she wasn't sure whether Jack wanted to see Arvin Sloane at all after what had happened at the party a few days ago. He had certainly forgiven her, but what if she welcomed Sloane in his house?

Eventually, Irina decided that she had to go downstairs to greet the visitor. Until now the happenings at the party were an incident only Jack, Sloane and herself knew about. Denying Sloane entry would possibly make it a public affair, and that was the last thing she needed.

"Tell Lord Sloane that I will be downstairs in a few moments," she finally ordered James friendly. The butler smiled faintly and bowed again, then left the room. Irina looked at the book on her lap and then turned her head to stare out of the window. It took her some time to gather her strength, then she remembered the grace and elegance she had always admired in her mother. Naturally, her mother could get really furious and even throw plates at her father, but those outbursts only happened when they were alone. When welcoming guests, her mother had always been a symbol of beauty and grace.

Taking a deep breath, Irina lifted her chin and left the library. When she entered the large living room downstairs, courage left her again for a moment as she caught a glimpse of the man who was standing at the window. Only for an instant, she allowed her uneasiness to take over, then she cleared her throat.

"Lord Sloane, what a pleasure to see you again."

The man turned around, and his eyes widened when he saw Irina. Very ungentlemanly, he looked her up and down, as if she were the very first woman he had ever seen in his life. Immediately, Irina's uneasiness returned. Intuitively, she took a small step back when he came towards her. How she had been able to even think about sleeping with that man was a puzzle to her.

"Lady Irina," He took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "If possible you are even more beautiful than you were at the party."

"You are flattering me, Milord. I am sorry to tell you, that my husband is currently not at home. We expect him back any minute though." She smiled, putting a certain distance into her curtsy, and hoped that he wouldn't try to pursue her offer from the party. "May I offer you a cup of tea?"

Irina didn't even need to say anything, James was immediately there, arranging the cups on the small table that was standing in front of the sofa. She offered Sloane a seat, then sat down herself, choosing the place that allowed the most distance to the man.

James filled their cups with tea, while Irina started a courteous chat about the weather. When she noticed though, that Arvin Sloane's eyes were lying more at her slender neck and the line of her décolleté that formed out her breasts in the most perfect manner, she soon felt embarrassed. For a moment, she hated herself for having chosen this dress only for the vain reason to be beautiful when Jack returned.

James noticed the uneasiness of his mistress and tried to ease the situation by offering cake and cookies.

Irina didn't dare to look at the man opposite to her, the expression in his eyes scaring her. It was not only the way he looked at her, but also the strange feeling that he knew more about her situation than she wanted him too. Well, that was very likely. She tried to calm herself down. After all he was Jack's friend – at least he had been – and therefore, Jack might have told him the truth about the whole situation.

The conversation – if the words they exchanged could be called that – finally reached the point where both kept silent, neither of them saying anything. Irina knew that it was her duty to keep a guest entertained, but every additional second she spent in the presence of this man made her feel more insecure and uneasy.

And so she almost jumped up when suddenly the door opened, and Jack entered the room. He didn't seem surprised by Sloane's visit – most likely James had announced the visitor to him outside already – and went directly to the sofa. Irina took the last steps towards him and smiled, her eyes thanking him a thousand times for returning.

He didn't even need to see her glance to feel the uneasiness of the situation. Actually, he wasn't very much in the mood to meet Arvin Sloane either. Softly he smiled at the woman in front of him, for a split second stunned at how beautiful she was, before he turned to the visitor.

"Arvin." His voice, although courteous, showed a certain coldness and distance, making clear that the man was not at all appreciated in this house.

"Jack," Arvin gave him his slippery smile and got up. "I know you do not want to see me at the moment, and I can totally understand that."

"Really?" Jack asked ironically, and Irina felt a tension coming up. She pressed Jack's hand, silently begging him not to behave inappropriately. Knowing that the situation was partly her fault, she didn't want a fight to take place.

"Yes. I don't know what came into my mind at the party. I knew you were newly wedded, and when I beheld the beauty of your wife, I was stunned. She does something to a man, do you know that?" His eyes met Irina's again, and he smiled friendly. "However, I am terribly sorry. A man of my age should know better than to make a move on his best friend's wife."

Jack relaxed a little, obviously willing to listen to Arvin. Surely their friendship would not be as it had been before, and he would certainly not leave him alone with Irina again, but Arvin was right. They had been friends for the last twenty years, and therefore manners required him to give Arvin a second chance.

"You were drinking tea?" he noted and smiled at his wife. Irina nodded, but before she could say anything, Arvin jumped in.

"Yes, we were just talking about the mild climate this time of year. It is still way too sunny for a November day. So, the farm of Gransom burned down?"

"Yes..."

Irina followed Jack to the sofa. The men started to talk about properties now, and soon the conversation turned over to the latest political affairs and dangers from the North. After having patiently listened for a few minutes, Irina excused herself with a smile, reasoning that she would look for James in order to set a third place.

As soon as she had left the room, the men sat back down, and Arvin's face became serious.

"To be honest, Jack, that was not the reason why I am here. I didn't want your wife to hear this, because, I am afraid, it is going to upset her." He took a deep breath and had Jack's full attention now.

"What is it?"

"It came to my ear, that one of your men is doing an investigation in the city. When I heard that he had been tasked by you, I decided to step in and do what I could to help him with my contacts and clearances. You are searching for a young woman, Katya Derevko, the sister of your wife, aren't you?"

"Yes," Jack simply said. "What do you know about her whereabouts?"

"Nothing so far... but unfortunately the messages I recently received from my own men, whom I tasked with an investigation, indicate the worst." He hesitated for a moment, and then pulled a piece of cloth out of his pocket. "This is the scarf of Lady Katya Derevko, isn't it?"

Jack took the beige material out of the man's hands and examined it. The words 'Property of Katya D.' were embroidered at the edge, but what concerned him the most were the deep red marks all over the scarf – blood. "Where did you get this?" Jack asked seriously and his eyes met the ones of Arvin.

"It was pure chance, an investigation that wasn't actually involved with yours. Two days ago, an old man came to me and reported that he believed to having witnessed a murder the previous night. From his window, he had seen a man pushing a woman down the bridge into the river, but nobody wanted to believe him. I sent out my soldiers to search for proof that confirmed what the old man said. They found this at the riverside in the shallow water. When they brought it to me, I didn't pay much attention to the cloth – then I heard of the investigation you were leading. The forename and the initial of the last name on the cloth matched. Jack, I am afraid that the old man was right. The woman who was murdered that night was Katya Derevko."

Before Jack could express his shock at the revelation, the ear-splitting sound of shattering porcelain was heard from the door. Both men spun around, finding Irina standing in the doorframe, paralyzed in shock. Every hope from Jack's part that she had probably not heard the last sentence of Sloane's report were futile. The expression on her face betrayed the pain and horror she felt inside.

For a moment, it seemed as if Irina lost balance, before she could steady herself at the wood of the doorframe. James hurried with two female servants into the room, wanting to clean up the broken pieces from the ground. Irina went to her knees, her mind still not really understanding the words she had just heard.

"I am sorry... it was my fault." She murmured and started to clean up the mess. James tried to pull her away.

"Milady, it's alright, we will do that."

"No, I was being careless."

She hissed, when one of the pieces cut into her trembling hand deeply and set free a small stream of blood. She shivered, when the blood of her own hand made her realize the truth of what she had just witnessed the men saying. Katya was dead. Her elder sister, who had always protected her, had died trying to free her – and in the end it had all been for nothing, because she wasn't even a prisoner anymore.

Her hurt hand became blurred in front of her eyes and when she looked up, the world started to spin. Vaguely, she saw Jack running towards her and felt him grab her shoulders. Unable to stand him or any other person at the moment, she pushed him away and turned around. Stumbling, she fled the room. Jack wanted to follow her, but the silent plea in James' eyes held him back.

"I will send her maid to take care of her," he said, before he left the room. Jack knew that the old man was right. Maybe it was best for her to be alone for now and besides, he was having a visitor. Slowly he went back to the sofa, staring at the red scarf in his hands. The almost unbearable feeling that the situation was his fault came up in his mind. Would Irina ever be able to forgive him that he had sent her sister out as his undercover agent? An untrained woman, who most likely had no experience in covering her traces or making sure that nobody learned the truth about her real loyalty.

The more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that his judgement had been impaired by the desire he had felt for Irina. To make her stay with him, he had been willing to sacrifice her sister.

"Jack, I am sorry... I didn't see her coming into the room." Arvin murmured causing Jack to look up.

"It's okay... it was my fault." Jack murmured. "I knew Irina would return."

"Jack, why did you search for Lady Katya?" Arvin's voice showed sympathy, and his eyes followed Jack who now went to the window, staring out to an uncertain point in the distance. "Was there a reason for your investigation?"

"There was," Jack opened up after a deep sigh. Slowly, he turned to Sloane. "Arvin, I trust you to handle what I am going to tell you absolutely confidentially."

"Of course."

"That I met Irina Derevko in the woods for the first time is only partly true. In fact, it was on the failed mission a month ago that I met her. She was the contact I was supposed to meet and arrest."

Arvin's face showed surprise, but he kept silent and let Jack go on.

"But she was able to escape. I am not going to lie to you, we were attracted to each other and from one of our flirtations, I knew her forename. For the first time in my life, I acted against the sake of the kingdom and kept her name to myself. I started to search for her, not giving more information than necessary to my soldiers, and finally, I was able to find her alone. Nobody knew up to now that she is the contact from that night. Only my closest servants and some chosen soldiers know that she is involved with the rebel group. She came here as my prisoner, and since I had no idea of how much she was involved yet, I thought it better to fabricate a marriage with her in order to keep her and my own reputation in tact."

When Jack stopped for a moment, Arvin took a deep breath and got up. "So you betrayed the queen for that woman?"

Jack look at him. "Not necessarily!" Now he told Arvin about the agreement he had with Katya Derevko, and that Irina would be a free woman again, as soon as he held a list in his hand which allowed him to identify the higher bosses of the terrorist ring. He told him about how they had accidentally gotten married and that the price for the list would be the annulment Irina had wanted so badly. Arvin listened patiently, shook his head from time to time and when Jack was finished, he took a deep breath.

"One thing is still unclear to me... why did you start an investigation on Lady Katya's whereabouts all of a sudden when she was working for you."

"Because I wanted to pull her out."

"Why?"

Jack turned to the window again and it took some time before he answered. "Because I love Irina."

"Jack..." Arvin started and folded his arms. "I am not going to lie to you. I am in a difficult situation now. I feel true respect for your decision, but the fact remains that the woman is a criminal – and that you collaborated with her. Have you ever considered the possibility that she might just be using you in order to get closer to the queen and gather information?"

"No." Jack said and eyed Arvin with a hint of coldness on his face. "Irina loves me. She would never do anything like that."

"What makes you so sure that the whole thing wasn't planned?" Sloane asked with concern in his voice. "After all, it was the leader of her rebel group through whom you got married. And it was her who ran away to him in the first place. I know it is hard for you to take this into consideration now, but you have to at least keep in mind that she might be playing you. She seduced you in the first place, after she felt that you wanted her. It is not hard for a woman to manipulate a man, when she is as beautiful as Irina. Remember that she tried to seduce me as well."

Jack looked at him, his eyes filled with rage and hate against the man opposite him, but also with the hint of doubt.

"Impossible." Jack simply stated after a while. "Irina can not be using me. Her sister was killed while spying for me. If this was all a plan of the rebels to get near the queen, she wouldn't have been killed by them."

"Jack, we don't actually know who killed her. It might have just been an angry lover – another furious man she betrayed and played with." Arvin remarked and after another moment of silence, he laid his hand to Jack's shoulder. "Think about it. I don't want to accuse your loved one out of jealousy or envy – although that is most likely what it looks like now. I am just concerned for you. You are my oldest friend Jack, and all I am asking you is to be careful."

Having said those words, he turned around and went to leave the room. At the door he turned around once more. "I will let you know when I find out something new."

And then he was gone, leaving Jack alone with the newly-born phantom that was slowly growing in his mind. Could Arvin be right? Could it be that the whole thing had been a game all along? That Irina had planned everything just as it happened? No, he refused to believe that. Irina loved him, and he loved her. All their fights, their furious outbursts when they had yelled at each other, their passionate lovemaking, all that couldn't have been faked, foreseen in the brilliant head of a woman who was used to playing with men…could it?