Part 22 – Before I Fall In Love...

It was so dark that the small group of men could barely see their own hands in front of their eyes. The night air was cold and the winter announced itself by almost freezing breezes from the sea. Nobody doubted that soon the first snow would fall. The thin crescent of the moon was hidden under a thick blanket of dark clouds, and a distant rumbling announced that a storm was coming up.

Jack urged his men to go faster. "We need to find her. As soon as the storm starts, our chances are gone. Hurry!" He was driven by fear and hate for himself.

After Arvin had left in the afternoon, he had spent hours in his study, trying to bring order into his thoughts. He had spent eternities to find proof for what Arvin had suspected – that Irina was using him. He had tried to refute Irina's words of love by the truth of facts – facts that didn't even exist. And when finally the young maid Sarah had stormed into his room, it had been too late for regrets. Totally beside herself, she had confessed to Jack in tears that Irina was gone, that her cape was missing and nowhere was a sign of her.

That was the moment he had remembered Irina's state, the shock she had been in, and all his doubts and analyzing thoughts had turned into worry. She had run away again, but she hadn't done it because she was deceiving him.

He should have seen it coming, but instead he had preferred to bury himself in his study – leaving her alone when she most needed him.

"Milord, we have to turn around," a higher-ranking officer admonished when the first thick raindrops hit their faces. "The storm will soon become stronger, and we have to be home by then."

"We will not turn around until we find her," Jack snapped back, knowing that his officer was right. It was madness to go on if the thunderstorm was raging with all force. But he knew that Irina was alone out there, that she didn't have money and that she hadn't taken a horse. Therefore she would have no place to hide from the storm, since the next farmhouse was miles away.

"Sir," the officer tried again ten minutes later, when the fire of the torches threatened to go out due to the rain. "When we lose the torches, we won't even be able to find the way back."

Jack turned his head at him, knowing that he was right. It would be suicide to go on in this weather. Yet, he couldn't turn around. "You are right!" he yelled back at the man to drown out the rain. "You turn around!"

"Milord..." the man started to disagree, but Jack became furious.

"You heard my orders! You will turn around! I am going to go on searching! If I haven't returned in the morning, send somebody after me."

"Yes, Sir," the officer replied, knowing better than to contradict. He himself had a wife he absolutely adored and if he imagined she was out in the rain, he would have acted exactly the same. He turned around to the soldiers. "We turn around, men! Back to the manor!"

Jack didn't pay attention to him. He went on, driving his horse as fast as he could on the muddy ground and in the darkness. Soon his clothes were soaked, and the wind felt like needles on his skin.

It was more a chance than knowledge when all of a sudden he had reached the coastline. In the storm, he had lost his orientation completely, but when he saw the rocks of the cliff, he knew where he was. It was not far until he reached the larger cave that led to the small part of the beach he and Irina had been yesterday. It wouldn't shield him from wind, but at least it was dry and he would probably be able to make a small fire to warm himself up until the rain got weaker.

He drove the horse another mile and it was more luck that the animal didn't trip or slip out on the ground. When he reached the cave, Jack almost jumped off the horse and ran into the cave. The horse followed him. He calmed the animal down, softly tapping it's nostrils, while he looked around in search of wood. Leaving the horse, he crossed the cave until he reached the other end, collecting some of the smaller branches that had fallen from the trees. After examining them, he discarded them all. They were already soaked and were useless to start a fire. He was just about to turn around, when his eyes spotted a dark shadow. Slowly he left the cave to go closer, ignoring the rain that was striking into his face again.

She sat under the tree – their tree – with her knees hugged to her body tightly. She was just sitting there, motionless, her eyes fixed at the large horizon and the waves that played violently against the rocks and on the sand of the beach. The rain didn't seem to affect her, although she was all soaked.

"Irina..." he said when he was next to her, careful not to startle her. At the sound of his voice she turned her face and stared at him, her eyes showing her disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped, and Jack laughed bitterly.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that question?" He was tired of yelling against the sounds of the storm, so he grabbed her arm. "Come inside the cave! You will catch a cold out here."

"Don't touch me!" she yelled and hit his hand away. "Go away, leave me alone!"

"I won't."

"I don't want to see you ever again!" She jumped up, turned and just left him where he was standing, approaching the wild waves of the sea.

"Irina!" Jack hurried to follow her and held her. "This is dangerous! The waves are unpredictable, and if you slip out and are pulled out into the open sea, I won't be able to help you!"

"So what?" she snapped back and hugged her body with her arms. She was trembling from the cold, but didn't seem to realize it.

"Irina..."

"You killed my sister!" she interrupted him. "You damned bastard, you sent her out! If you hadn't used her, she would still be alive! YOU KILLED MY SISTER!"

Desperately, she started to beat his chest with her fists until he pulled her abruptly against his broad shoulders, hugging her shivering body with his arms. She was cold, and her skin was almost icy.

"I am sorry," he whispered into her ear. "Irina, I am so sorry. That was not supposed to happen. I sent a soldier after her to protect her, but your sister wasn't so fond of the idea of being followed. She did everything to lose him – and finally succeeded. I am sorry."

She clenched the material of his jacket with her hands, not holding back her tears anymore. Silently they streamed over her cheeks and mixed with the water of the rain. Jack held her, ran his hand through her hair and tried to soothe her pain.

"Let's get out of the rain," he whispered after a while and this time, Irina didn't refuse. She followed Jack, her body and feet stiff from cold that caused her to stumble in the sand. Finally Jack lifted her into his arms and carried her into the cave. He put her down at a wall that was shielded from the wind and took a thick blanket out of the saddlebag of his horse. Then he sat down next to Irina, rubbing her arms to warm her up. Softly he pulled out her cape and wrapped them both in the blanket then.

"I am cold," Irina finally whispered weakly. "I want to go home..."

"We can't go home in the rain," Jack replied softly, leaning back so her head could rest at his shoulder. He pulled her close until he felt her warmth. She snuggled in closer to him and when he kissed her cheek, he could taste the salt of her tears.

"Jack..." she whispered and looked up. "I am so cold."

He kissed her deeply, his hand stroking through her hair. She closed her eyes, her exhaustion finally taking over. Jack let her fall asleep, softly rubbing her back and arms until he felt her stop trembling. Tenderly he kissed her forehead, wrapping the blanket close around their bodies.

One hour later the storm turned into soft drizzling. Jack decided that they should move before the rain became stronger again, so he lifted Irina up. She moaned in a slight disapproval of the loss of the comfortable warmth. Jack sat her down on the horse and got up behind her, making sure that he could hold her safely between his arms. He wrapped the blanket around her body and then set the horse to motion.

"Wait... my cape..." Irina whispered weakly, but Jack didn't stop.

"I will buy you a new one, honey." He calmed her down and her head dropped against his shoulder. She fell into silence again, and Jack didn't doubt that she had fallen back to sleep. With one arm wrapped safely around her waist, he drove the horse faster. It was easier for him to see through the drizzling now, and so they beheld the lights of the manor in the distance an half hour later.

He didn't even have to yell for his soldiers to open the gate – the men had already been watching out for him. In the court, Jack jumped off his horse, catching Irina up in his arms and carrying her up the stairwell to the door. Inside, he started to give orders to the servants.

"James, wake the kitchen helpers and the female servants, Sarah, take care of a hot bath! I want a bathtub filled with hot water in twenty minutes!"

"Sir, the tub is not in the lady's room. It's..." Sarah started, but Jack cut her off.

"Then fill the wooden tub in the kitchen!" he bellowed harshly and the girl ran away. Jack brought Irina directly into the kitchen, ordering the servants around. Five minutes later he had two cups of hot tea, one of which he gently forced Irina to drink.

She was more sleeping than she was awake when Jack started to pull off her soaked clothes. Sarah sent all male servants out of the kitchen and took over the task of organizing the filling of the tub. Nineteen minutes later, the big, old wooden tub was filled with hot water.

Softly, Jack slapped Irina's cheeks, then lifted her up into his arms and finally let her down in the hot water. Within a split second she was wide-awake, screaming out at the temperature, which seemed like boiling water on her icy skin. She would have jumped out of the tub if Jack hadn't held her back.

"Hot..." she yelled so aggressively that the present maids held their breath, but Jack didn't care for her outburst.

"You will stay in the water," he simply countered in a tone that didn't allow any contradiction, and even Irina was too tired to fight him. And after the first shock at the hot water had passed, it became more pleasant every second. After ten minutes, Jack helped her to get out of the tub. Only then Irina realized that she was still wearing her underwear – a courtesy Jack had shown her to prevent her from feeling embarrassed or ashamed in front of the servants.

"I am going to wait outside." Having said the words, Jack left the room, knowing that it was inappropriate to stay in the room while the maids undressed Irina – even for him as her husband.

Irina let Sarah and the other servants undress her, and then rub her skin until she felt all warm again. Subconsciously, Irina noted that Sarah was chatting with her, but she didn't understand the words the girl said. Her mind felt blurred, and she was unable to understand details.

She pulled on the nightgown Sarah handed her and then went slowly to the door murmuring, "I am going to bed". Outside the room, Jack was already waiting for her. In the meanwhile, he had changed as well and now looked at his wife worried.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes..." Irina murmured. "I am just... tired and a little dizzy..." Jack felt her forehead, ignoring Irina's assurances that it was nothing and that she would feel better when she was in her bed. Then he lifted her up, ignoring her resistance – although her attempts to fight him could barely be called resistance. He carried her through the dark corridor and up the stairs that led to their private rooms. But instead of her room, he carried her into his own room, laying her down on his big, soft bed. She was too tired to care – actually he doubted that she realized the difference at all. He pulled the sheets over her body and let his finger run over her cheek.

"Stubborn woman," he whispered tenderly. And replaced his finger with his lips.

"Jack," Irina opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'm sorry I broke my promise."

"What promise?" Jack asked softly.

"I ran away again..." she murmured sleepily, and Jack smiled.

"I have to apologize for not taking better care of you." He lay down next to her and pulled her body against his under the blankets. "You could have died out there... let's just hope you don't catch a cold – or an illness in your chest."

"For a moment, I wished I would become sick and die." She whispered and turned her face to him. "I thought I hated you... but..." She touched his cheeks and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Now I am sorry. I know that Katya's death is not your fault, and what I said on the beach..."

"Shhh... it's okay, you don't have to explain." Jack murmured.

"Jack, I love you." Irina said and closed her eyes. "And I need you... please hold me."

He fulfilled her wish, holding her body close to his until they were both sleeping soundly.

O O O O O

Irina slept the next day through. She was suffering from a strong headache and after Jack had sent for a doctor, who assured him that she would be alright again if she rested, he didn't allow her to get up. The day in bed gave her enough time to come to terms with Katya's death and how she should go on. She remained in Jack's bed – mainly because he had insisted on it, but also because the thought of having to cross the cold corridor was not pleasurable at all.

At the second day, Irina felt much better. When she awoke, the sun was already standing higher, which told her that it was at least ten o'clock. She stretched and yawned, noticing that her headache was gone and the bright light didn't hurt her eyes anymore.

Without ringing for her maid, she got up and pulled on Jack's robe. She had only been wearing a thin, short nightgown that barely covered her upper thighs and the air still felt chilly to her skin. Her memory of the last two days was only blurred, but she remembered the most important parts. In retrospect, she didn't know why she had run away. She had just wanted to leave, since all of a sudden she had felt unable to stand the situation.

Carefully she pressed the door handle to Jack's study and opened the door a little. She saw Jack sitting at his desk, and when she was sure he was alone, she entered the room.

"Good morning," she said friendly and smiled. Jack's face lightened up.

"Good morning. Are you feeling better?"

"Wonderful, thank you." She approached the desk slowly while looking around at the pictures that were hanging on the wall.

"It's good that you are here." Jack said. "I have to talk to you about something anyway." His voice was serious, and Irina met his eyes. He was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Immediately her bad conscience returned.

"Jack, I know what you want to say, but I was confused... I assure you, I didn't mean to break my promise by running away."

"Actually that was not what I was going to bring up."

"Oh..." Irina murmured and noted mentally that her hysteric excuse had been absolutely unnecessary.

"No, I have written a letter for your sister, Elena, and your maid Maggie, and I want you to read it. It is five pages long and explains everything that happened so far – including the tragic death of your sister, Katya." Jack said softly. "I'm sure you would not want me to inform your family without consulting you beforehand."

"Thank you..." Irina murmured and gave him a weak smile. "I appreciate that. I will read it later, when I am alone."

Jack nodded in agreement and smiled when Irina strolled around his desk. When she was standing in front of him, he laid his hands to her waist. Irina buried her hands in his hair and played with his gray waves.

"I missed you..." she murmured, and he looked up.

"I was always in my study, close to you..." was his slightly confused reply. Irina laughed softly.

"That was not what I was referring to," she pointed out and without giving him time to fully understand her words, she sat down on the desk surface in front of him. Jack looked at her in appreciation and then lifted from his chair, his eyes not leaving her elegant form as he took her invitation. Hungrily he devoured her mouth in a kiss, before he pulled back.

"We shouldn't," he murmured, "you're still too weak."

"I assure you, I am absolutely fit." She replied and pulled him back against her, legs at either side of his body.

"Irina..." Jack moaned, feeling that he wouldn't be able to resist her if she went on with her clever seduction. Her lips touched his chin, and she started nibbling on his skin…her hands running over his cheek to be able to take in all of the sensual atmosphere. All of a sudden, he loosened from her and went to the door.

"Jack!" Irina exclaimed, almost insulted and started a tirade of threats against him. "Two days ago, I ran away for reasons even I don't understand, but if you don't come back here at once, I swear to you, today it will be for a good reason!"

Jack grinned amused and turned the key in the lock. "Will it?" he asked playfully menacingly.

"Yes... and this time you won't find me."

"I will always find you." He warned, his eyes gleaming in a challenge. "And be sure that you would regret running away after I found you."

"Really?" Irina murmured close to his lips when he urged her back to fully sit on his desk. "Empty threats, Lord Bristow? I am not really fond of those."

"No, not empty..." He smiled. "But I am sure you would be really fond of the consequences."

"Are you trying to talk me into running away?" she mused, while her fingers slowly opened the buttons of his jacket one by one. "So, why don't you just imagine that I tried to run away, and show me your consequences now?"

"Here?" Jack asked, scanning her eyes for approval.

"Yes, here and now..." she mumbled, wrapping her legs around his body to pull him closer with her ankles. "You already locked the door, so why the question?"

"I was more thinking of the couch... for the sake of your comfort."

"I am quite comfortable here – and besides it's exciting. I like it exciting." She continued her flirtations, and Jack chuckled.

"Then your wish is my command." With a quick movement of his arm, he had pushed the books and papers that were covering the surface of the desk, aside. With a loud bang, some of the books dropped to the floor, but Jack didn't even waste a look. He pulled Irina abruptly against him so she lost balance and fell back with a stifled laugh. When she was lying flatly on the surface, Jack untied the knot of the ribbon that held her bathrobe. Then he pushed the material open, gasping at the sight of what she was wearing underneath.

It didn't take him much of an effort to push the nightgown up and reveal the silky skin of her belly and breasts. She lifted her arms and tugged him towards her at his sleeve. Their lips connected in a short, open-mouth kiss, before Jack evaded her touch. He bent over her body and buried his head at her neck, where he started to suck her skin until he was satisfied by her soft moan. His hands fondled at her breasts, and when he felt her nipples harden, he replaced one hand with his mouth. Enjoying her passionate reactions to his touch, he continued his caresses, feeling his erection grow.

It amazed him what kind of effect she had on him. Never had he been as uncontrolled and easy as he was when he was with her. Even the way she moved was enough to ignite fantasies inside him, that were not at all appropriate for a gentleman to have about a lady. The perfect preconditions to manipulate him. Involuntarily, that thought had occurred to his mind. He froze for a moment and lifted his head, looking at the exotic beauty under him.

It was impossible for him to believe that Irina might have planned to seduce him, but maybe Arvin Sloane was right. He had to consider it as a possibility. He had seen women working for unscrupulous men, manipulating the men around them so brilliantly that revelation of them being enemies was like a shock.

"Jack..." Irina whispered and looked up at him, her eyes clouded and her skin flushed, "what is wrong?" She sounded truly worried, and he forced a smile.

"It's nothing. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

"And you are the most handsome man I know." She murmured back.

"Am I?" he murmured thoughtfully. "Have you said that to your affairs as well?"

The question was asked thoughtlessly and almost indifferently, but Irina lifted onto her elbows.

"What?" she asked insecure, confused by the sudden change in Jack's behavior. "Jack what are you talking about? I told you, that my affairs were not even close to what we share. What I am feeling for you is... different. You drive me crazy." Her hands were lying softly on his cheeks and her eyes reflected a deep fear. He felt a stitch in his heart and placed his hands on hers.

"But..." Irina continued weakly, "if you want to think our situation over again, I won't be angry. Even if you decide that we...that our relationship is only to be considered as an affair… won't reproach you, Jack." Her voice sounded like breaking, and Jack pressed his lips to hers hungrily.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered breathlessly between two kisses. "I want you Irina. Only you... I love you. I just want to know if... there is anything left from your past that might be standing between us?"

Their eyes locked for a moment, and Irina returned his stare, not knowing what he was referring to.

"No Jack! Except for the problems you already know, there is nothing. I am all yours..." And although her seductive pose was not what she was actually referring to, she laid back and smiled at him, trying to put his thoughts to another track. Jack chuckled and moved down her body. Over her abdomen, he stopped and kissed her deeply, burying his face in her skin. Irina closed her eyes at the sensual gesture and ran her hands through his hair.

When his lips moved further down and his tongue finally flicked over her clit, she arched her hips against him.

"Jack, don't! Just... take me." She pleaded. "No teasing today..."

Chuckling, he moved back up until his lips were hovering above hers.

"Impatient, are we?" His lips brushed hers in a butterfly kiss while he opened his pants.

Her soft laughter tickled against his mouth, and she bit his lower lip combatively. "I am not the only one..." she teased, when his erection grazed her thigh. She ran her legs up and down his body and finally pulled him closer. The desperation to feel him inside her was standing in her eyes and Jack complied, entering her in one deep thrust. The soft cry that escaped her lips made him freeze. Her fingers dug into the fabric on his shoulders in the perfect mixture of pain and pleasure that rushed through her veins. Jack moaned, forcing himself to still until she had adjusted to his size. An endless moment passed which he spent by licking and nibbling at her earlobe to soothe her momentary discomfort.

She licked his chin seductively and pulled him closer. He smiled when she reached his lips with her kisses, and started to move inside her slowly. She adapted to his pace and soon they rocked in a perfect rhythm.

"You feel so good," Irina uttered.

"And you are so perfect," Jack whispered against her hair, increasing his pace. Irina whimpered, grabbing the edge of the desk with her hand while she bent her body to intensify their joining. She felt Jack's lips at her throat and clenched her hand into the material of his shirt. Unable to control her passion any longer, she accidentally knocked a vase off the desk. It shattered with a loud burst on the ground, but neither of them cared. The effect of their uncontrolled lovemaking increased their desire, and both got carried away by the feeling of each other, the closeness and heat.

Five minutes later, Jack was leaning on his elbows above the woman he loved, looking around in disbelief. They had literally turned the room into a space of chaos in less than twenty minutes. When Irina followed his eyes, she smiled amused. Quickly, she tried to prevent another book from falling, but only grazed it with her hand and it dropped, causing her to giggle softly. She turned her head to look up at Jack, stroking a strand of hair away from his forehead.

"Thank you..." she whispered and kissed him.

"I have to thank you." He stated seriously. "I never enjoyed sitting at this desk. From now on I definitely will."

She joined in his amused laughter and hugged him closely. Eventually he stood up and helped her to get off his desk. When she was standing on the ground, she rearranged her clothes and closed the robe in the front, while Jack put his own clothes back to order. Then they started to pick up the books and papers from the floor, continuing to tease each other with flirtatious comments. When the room was looking normal again – except for the broken vase on the ground – Jack rang for James.

"I get the feeling that we can not be in the same room together," Irina murmured playfully, causing Jack to chuckle in amusement.

"Me too." He smiled at Irina and sat back in his chair. "But I will certainly like this room a lot more than before from now on."

"Mmm... you can give me a list with all rooms you don't like in this house and then we can..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Jack warned amused, and Irina hurried to leave the room in cheerful laughter. Jack followed her with his eyes, smiling. When she was gone, his face became serious again, and he opened one of the drawers of his desk. His forehead was furrowed while he looked at the words that were written with dark ink on the paper – his handwriting. It was a letter to the queen in which he explained Irina's identity and their marriage. He knew that he had promised Irina not to inform the queen, but things had changed since then, and before he went on working on a future with her, he needed to be sure that Irina was being honest with him. He needed somebody to confirm that what she had told him was the truth, and the only person who could do so, was the queen.

His letter included numerous questions about what had happened twenty-five years ago, but also a detailed description of the background Irina was coming from, combined with the assurance that she had given him valuable information about the terrorists. At the end he asked for an audience in order to solve the misunderstandings and work out a solution for Irina and her sister Elena.

After a long time, he folded the letter and sealed it with wax and his signet. When James knocked at the door, he ordered him to give the letter to a soldier and send a maid to clean up the broken pieces of the vase.

It was the hardest decision he had ever had to make, and he just hoped that Irina would forgive him and understand his reasons if she found out.