Because of You

Disclaimer: You know, I never used to put disclaimers up in my stories before, and I think I might just stop. They do nothing but make me feel bad – let's face it, if I had any ownership of anything Friends related, you would know who I am, and suffice to say that I would not be writing fanfiction (although it's something that I do love). Enough said.

A/N: Well hello everyone. Thank you so much for the great reviews. I know you will probably think that I'm full of it when I tell you this, but when I read them and I see how nice you guys are to me, I get tears in my eyes. Nothing makes me happier than to know that you guys enjoy so much what I love to give you. I apologize for the delay in this chapter, I have been working a lot and volunteering a lot which leaves me little time for anything but eating and sleeping – although I did stay up late to make sure that I got this finished for you.  I think that there will be a short – or maybe long – epilogue after this… We shall see… In the meantime – please make me cry and leave a review. I appreciate them so much!

Things like why Joey and I broke up.

In a matter of seconds, Ross' eyes glazed over and his throat went dry. His palms began to sweat and his pulse started to race. His appearance in that brief second in time was one that defined the phrase 'freaking out'. It was amazing how a statement that would be so mundane and unimportant to someone else could suddenly make him more nervous than he'd been in all of his twenty-eight years.

"Ross?" Rachel was still sitting on the coffee table in front of him, attempting to gauge his shocked expression, hoping to God that he was okay and that he wasn't having a nervous breakdown of some sort. "Are you okay?" She sounded so scared and innocent; almost as if she did something wrong and was afraid to admit her mistake.

Ross cleared his throat and rubbed the back of her hand, allowing his eyes to finally come up and make contact with hers. "Yeah – yeah, I'm fine. You just – you kinda threw me a curve there. I wasn't expecting that." He chuckled nervously and looked down at her hand that was held safely in both of his. Gazing back up at her, he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I just – look, you don't have to talk to me about this if you don't want to. I'll totally understand if you can't or something. Listen Rach, There isn't a thing you can say to me that could make me not want to be with you." He pulled up her hand and kissed the top of it to prove his point, never tearing his eyes away from hers.

Rachel smiled, silently wondering why it had taken her so long to notice how sweet and loving and … just perfect Ross was. She gently placed her free hand on top of his and sighed. "I know… But this is something that I have to get out - if not for you, then for me." Ross nodded. If this was something that she felt necessary to tell him, then he would listen and do whatever he could to help her along the way. He squeezed her hand as both a symbol of comfort and assurance, and a signal telling her that whenever she was ready to talk, he was ready to listen. He watched her as she took another deep breath and studied her hands that were resting comfortably in her lap. She closed her eyes and slowly began to talk. "Two years ago…I was in a relationship that I thought was going to last forever." Opening her eyes, she turned her head away from Ross and glanced around the room at all of the pictures on walls and tables, dinosaur knick-knacks and awards dating all the way back to 9th grade English; all the while collecting her thoughts. "I really thought that Joey and I were going to get married and live happily ever after. We were going to have our big family…" She smiled at the memory while Ross just listened, not even daring to move a muscle as she spoke. "I remember he wanted two boys and two girls. The first boy was going to be Joey III, and the second was either going to be Ross or Chandler – he hadn't decided yet." Ross tried but failed to stifle a chuckle at the thought of Joey naming his sons after either him or Chandler. Rachel, however, remained serious. So serious, in fact, that Ross calmed down almost immediately so as not to deter her from finishing the story. "The girls were going to be Phoebe and Monica. He wanted our first baby to be Monica so that she could take care of the other kids when they all got older – just like Monica takes care of all of us now." Rachel met Ross's eyes for the first time since she began talking, and it was then that he summoned enough courage to ask her a question.

Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By taking' your hand
And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free
Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
And if you asked me why I've changed
All I gotta do is say your sweet name

"How come Joey didn't want to name one of the babies Rachel, for you?" He asked. He spoke softly so as to not upset her, and he was surprised when he saw her smile.

She looked down to the ground once again and played with her fingers and she spoke, "He didn't think that it would be right to name one of the girls Rachel because he said that there could only be one Rachel – and that the one Rachel was me." Ross nodded silently, smiling also because that was definitely something that Joey would've said. He could almost hear the words in Joey's voice in his mind. When she spoke again, Ross could hear her voice cracking as she began to cry. "We'd been together for about a year and a half when we decided to start trying for our first baby." Rachel chuckled through her tears, "Call me crazy, but I wanted to be pregnant when we got married. I've always thought that pregnant brides are the most beautiful." Ross reached up and wiped a tear that was threatening to slide right off of the smooth skin of her cheek, feeling her face sort of melt into his hand as she resumed talking. "We agreed that when I got pregnant and we got past the first trimester, we would officially announce our engagement. So…in October of 2004, I found out that I was pregnant." Ross's face fell – not out of sadness or anything, but just because he couldn't believe that they'd actually been pregnant and hadn't told anyone. And then the thought flew across his mind – if they had been pregnant, where was the baby now?

"Rach, how come you never told any of us that you were - ?" Rachel silenced him with a finger to his lips and he looked into her eyes. In them, he saw simply that she wanted to tell him everything, but that he had to be patient. She would cover all of the details, but when she was ready to, and when she felt that the time was right. He nodded in silent agreement, but continued to watch her as she told him what happened.

It's your love
It just does something' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
and if you wonder
about the spell I'm under
Oh, it's your love

"I was about two months pregnant when I went to the bathroom one day and saw that I was bleeding…Joey took me to the hospital and they did an ultrasound…" Still crying, Rachel took a deep breath that was released in a heart wrenching sob, making Ross immediately wrap his arms around her to allow her to cry into his chest. They sat like this for several moments before Rachel composed herself enough to begin talking again.

She was just getting ready to open her mouth and speak when Ross interrupted. "Rachel, you don't have to finish this. I understand."

Rachel shook her head vehemently. "No. I can do this. It needs to be out in the open – I've kept it inside for too long." Obediently, Ross nodded and let her continue. "The doctor performed an ultrasound and we found out that I'd had a miscarriage. Joey and I dealt with the loss and kept trying. But after 4 months and no pregnancy, we went back to the doctor for some tests. Apparently, the miscarriage affected my body more than they originally thought. The doctor told us that I could never carry a baby to full term. So basically, I wasn't going to have my fairy tale, happily ever after ending. I could never have children."

Rachel looked up into Ross's eyes and saw that he too was crying. Softly his whispered, "I'm so sorry Rach. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because it was too difficult to deal with. Joey took it so hard. He didn't talk to me for days, he wouldn't make love to me…For a while, I thought he hated me."

"Why would Joey hate you?"

"I couldn't make his dreams come true. I couldn't give him his little Joey or the family that he wanted and deserved. Eventually, I confronted him about the way he was treating me, and we tried to work through the loss together – as a team. We tried to make everything go back to normal, but neither of us could put something so big behind us. In the end, my inability to conceive tore us apart." Neither Ross nor Rachel said anything for a while. Ross was still absorbing the fact that Rachel and Joey had broken up over her inability to have children, and Rachel was relishing in the fact that a secret she'd been keeping for two years was finally out in the open. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She didn't know how Ross would react to this information, but at this point, his reaction wasn't the all that important to her. What mattered most was the fact that he knew. And based on this knowledge, he could make a decision on whether or not he still wanted to be with her. A decision that deep inside, although she didn't want it to bother her, she knew she was dreading.

When you lie next to me
Breathing' the air I breathe
We don't have to speak
To just be
Our love's a precious thing
Don't want to waste a day
Or one more minute
Without you in it
Life is so sweet
When you lie next to me

Rachel played with her fingers and chanced to look at Ross who had his head in his hands and was staring blankly at the floor by his feet. "Well?" She whispered.

He sighed and looked up at her, breathing out an elongated "Wow…"

"Yeah," Rachel looked down and asked in that same adorable, innocent voice, "So how do you feel about all of this?"

Ross fixated his gaze on the couch to his left and said, almost distractedly, "Well…I hate to break it to you…" he looked back at her and took her hand once again "…but none of this changes how I feel about you or what I want with you."

My heart is yours
And every part of me still wants to give you more
More time to love
'Cause you never know when life will leave us
I want to take in all the beauty here
Let the world around us just disappear

"Really?" Rachel's eyes lit up and she squeezed his hand so hard he could almost hear his bones crushing in her grip, trying to hold back the grin that was threatening to spread itself all across her bright and shining face; the same face that was crying and sobbing only moments ago.

"Yeah," Ross looked down and softly sighed. "I mean, it's sad and heartbreaking what you and Joey went through, but your ability or inability to have children is not what made me fall in love with you. I don't want to be with you so that you can have my children and raise them with me in the suburbs. I want to be with you just to be with you. I want to be the one that you come home to every day, the one you wake up to every morning, the one who knows you inside and out. I want to be the one who loves you and gets all of your love, unconditionally, in return; whether or not children were in that equation was never an issue with me. I don't want anything from you but you. That's all I've ever wanted, that's all I'll always want. Are you satisfied with that?"

I melt

Every time you look at me that way
it never fails, anytime, any place
this burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt
I melt

Rachel's cheeks were wet from the tears, although this time they were happy ones. Her eyes were dancing and her face was plastered with this grin that had the potential to make her look like a total idiot. She managed to squeal "Very satisfied," before both she and Ross leaned in for a very deep, passionate kiss. She smiled as her lips touched his and she brought her hands up through his hair before finally settling them on his face. His hands followed a trail from her hips to her hair then back down to rest on her thighs, periodically squeezing them lovingly. Their kiss deepened as she opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to enter and within minutes, she was on his lap and he was picking her up and taking her to the couch not even five feet away. He climbed on top of her and kissed her neck while she tried to get his shirt off.

It was when she felt his hands fumbling with the zipper of her pants that something clicked in the small portion of her brain that was not thinking of Ross and how turned on by him she was. In that second, she realized that this was their second time already and they still hadn't done anything ideal. Their first time had been in the kitchen up against his refrigerator and now, they were on the couch in his living room. Neither of these times really qualified as making love. Both were more comfortable just as sex. But that bothered her. This time, she wanted it to be right – like it should've been the first time. She was breathing dangerously hard - and as mentioned before, only a small portion of her brain was really thinking – however, she still managed to push him away a little bit. "Wait…" she heaved. Ross looked at her confused, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. "No, no. I want to do this – more than you can possibly imagine – I just want it to be special, and right. And somehow, sex on the couch doesn't really fulfill that for me. I want our second first time to be how our first first time should've been."

Ross smiled and kissed her nose. "I know what you mean."

"So, shall we move this into the bedroom?" she raised a suggestive eyebrow as he stood up and she giggled when he picked her up off the couch. She looked up into his eyes and smiled. He opened his mouth and was getting ready to say something when she stopped him, once again, with a finger to his lips. He looked at her confused once more but all she said was, "I want to." She took a deep breath and looked even deeper into his eyes, tracing his lips with her thumb as she whispered, "I love you." He smiled and sighed, and she felt herself slide down slightly in his grasp. She giggled and asked, "How long have you been waiting to hear that?"

Ross looked up at the ceiling, then back down to her gorgeous face and said simply, "Too long." She smiled and brought her hand up to his face, pulling him down for a kiss. When she pulled away and opened her eyes, she saw that his eyes remained closed. She touched the tip of her finger to his nose, bringing him back to life, giggled when he brought his forehead in to rest against hers. Breathing the same air as that one person you love more than anything was intoxicating, but through his pure bliss, he managed to whisper, "I love you too."

Don't know how you do it
I love the way I lose it, every time
What's even better
Is knowing that forever you're all mine
The closer you get, the more my body aches
One little stare from you is all it takes

I melt.

She kissed him softly once more and caressed his face. As they made their way into the bedroom, she leaned her head back on his shoulder and looked up at him, whispering "I know," as they rounded the corner.

I know.

A/N: Okay, so this is chapter 3 – the last actual "chapter" for this story. Up next will be an epilogue just giving you an idea of where Ross and Rachel are later in their relationship. The songs I used in this are: "I Melt" by the Rascal Flatts, "When You Lie Next To Me" by Kellie Coffey, "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, Thanks so much for sticking with this story – I love that you guys read my stuff… So, drop me a line – Tell me what you think!