Note:
I started writing this story last December, then got involved with other things and stopped working on it. I recently rediscovered it, and decided to finish it.
My original idea was to parody a short story by writer A.M. Homes. The story changed as I worked on it more recently, however, and isn't so much a parody anymore. The basic idea is hers, however, and the first chapter still has a few elements of that parody. Aside from that, this story is an original creation. So, disclaimers, blah blah blah. I don't own or make any claims on Teen Titans, Bandai, or the work of A.M. Homes. If i did, I would not be writing fanfic, I would be filing lawsuits.
Review, please. Spam if you must, but be aware that spamming only reveals your ignorance and lack of maturity.
If you're interested, the story I originally intended to parody can be found in a collection of short stories by A. M. Homes titled 'The Safety of Objects'. It will be obvious which story was being parodied.

I'm dating Beast Boy.

OK, not the real Beast Boy, but the little Beast Boy action figure I bought at Target. He came in a package with a little Robin, whom I like too, but not as much as Beast Boy. They came with guns, which they never use in the show. I guess the company that made them figured they needed something for the kids to play with.
I didn't plan on buying them. I was just walking through the toy department and stopped to look for a minute. Beast Boy caught my eye, and gave me a wink. He's cute. Way cuter than my little sister's Barbie dolls, and her Kens too, for what it's worth.
When I got them home I set the package on my desk and opened it. Beast Boy immediately jumped out, gasping for air.
"I could hardly breathe in there," he said. His voice was just like Beast Boy's voice on tv. A little raspy, and kind of sexy. Beast Boy started stretching and shaking his limbs. "Ah, that feels so good. Couldn't move in there either." He looked up at me. "I'm Beast Boy."
"I know," I answered. 'I'm Danny. You're the reason I bought...you. I mean, I wanted you, not Robin." Beast Boy smiled at me. His tooth, that sexy tooth, poked out from his lip.
Robin hadn't stirred yet. "Is he dead?" I asked.
"No, he just sleeps all the time," answered Beast Boy. "I think maybe he's depressed or something. I'll get him up." Beast Boy walked over to Robin, sleeping in his custom molded plastic package. "Titans, Go!" he shouted. Robin jolted awake.
"What is it?" he shouted. He looked at Beast Boy. "Ha ha. Thanks for waking me up, jerk. Wait-you're out of the package!" He climbed out from the package and looked up at me. "Oh! Hi, I'm Robin." He held out his hand for me to shake.
"Hi, Robin," I answered. I didn't shake his hand. "Beast Boy, wanna go play?" I asked.
"Sure," answered Beast Boy. I reached down to pick him up, then stopped. If I grabbed him around the middle, I would be touching his...well, his bump. You know, the bump where his thing would be, if he had a thing. His pants don't come off, they're just painted on his body, so I guess he doesn't have one. Anyway, I thought that touching his bump would be rushing things, so I grabbed him by the feet instead.
"Where are we going?" Robin asked. I hadn't picked him up. It was obvious that he wanted to come, too. Ignoring him, I carried Beast Boy out to the backyard.
In the backyard, I sat at the picnic table and placed Beast Boy on top of it. I was suddenly aware that I was going out with a celebrity, and I got really nervous.
"Um, can you really change into any animal?" I asked. I was trying, badly, to make small talk.
"No," Beast Boy answered. "What makes you think I can do that?" Beast Boy the doll didn't seem to know much about Beast Boy the person.
"Beast Boy on tv can do it," I answered.
"I'm just plastic," Beast Boy said. "Plastic can't change like that."
I had grabbed Beast Boy's purple gun on my way outside. "Why did you come with this gun?" I asked. I handed the gun to Beast Boy.
"I don't know," Beast Boy answered. I've never used it." He held the gun down, below his waist.
"Whoa!" he exclaimed. 'It looks like I have a huge dick!"
Sure enough, with the gun held that way, it did look like an oversized penis. It was the same color as his uniform, and had a silver rounded tip. I fought the urge to start sucking it. Something in my pants twitched.
"Dude, this is hysterical!" cried Beast Boy. "Let's go show Robin."
I didn't want to go see Robin. I wanted Beast Boy to myself. "I like you," I said.
"I like you, too," Beast Boy answered. He walked over to me. I lowered my head and leaned in for a kiss. I ended up kind of kissing his whole face at once. There wasn't any other way to kiss him. Beast Boy didn't seem to mind, in fact, he seemed to like having his entire face kissed. Then I blew it. I stuck Beast Boy completely into my mouth. I don't know why I did it, I just had to have him there. Beast Boy started thrashing around in my mouth, and I started gagging. I spat him out before I choked on him.
"That is totally disgusting!" Beast Boy shouted. 'Take me inside!"
"I'm sorry", I said. I picked him up, wiped him off roughly on my shirt, and walked towards the house, kicking myself at ruining my chances with him.
When we got inside, Robin was pacing back and forth on my desk. I sat Beast Boy next to him. Robin stopped and stood with his arms crossed, a stern expression on his face.
"Where were you?" he demanded.
Seeing Robin jealous changed Beast Boy's mood.
"Look at this, Robin. I have a gigantic dick!" He held the gun below his waist again.
"How cute," Robin said sarcastically.
"Danny thought so. He laughs at all of my jokes. Hey Danny, what's hot and made of plastic?"
"I don't know," I answered.
"ME!"
I started laughing, even though that was probably the worst joke I'd ever heard. Robin stood there looking grumpy.
My bedroom door opened, startling me. "What's so funny?" my bratty little sister Caitlin asked.
"Get out!" I shouted.
"Mom said you have to go empty the dishwasher," Caitlin said.
"I'll be back later," I whispered. I reached out with a finger and gently stroked Beast Boy's arm. He fell over.
"Sorry," I said, and stood him back up.
I didn't get back up to my bedroom for a while. After emptying the dishwasher, I had to set the table, then we had dinner. After dinner, I had to take the garbage out. When I finally made it back upstairs, I found Robin and Beast Boy back in the package they came in, sleeping. It didn't look too comfortable, but I guess they liked it. I decided not to disturb them. Maybe they were tired after their first day out. Turning towards my bed, I noticed Beast Boy's gun. It was lying on the floor, close to the wastebasket, as if someone had tried to toss it into the trash and missed. I picked it up and carefully placed it back into it's place in the toy package.