A/N: Okay, this random songfic popped into my head, after listening to Hoobastank – The Reason. And it also came as a result of trying to get out of revising for exams. Procrastination rocks…
Song lyrics
Flashbacks
Present
Disclaimer: I wish! Doctor Who and all aspects of it belong to the BBC. The song belongs to Hoobastank. I just listen to my muse and ruin them both. :D
Reviews (Especially constructive criticism) are welcome!
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
"Your race is dead. You all burned. All of you. Ten million ships on fire, the entire Dalek race wiped out in one second. I watched it happen. I made it happen." That's what I said to the Dalek. And not only did I kill his race, I killed mine too. A whole planet full of them. My friends, family, and even Gallifreyans I didn't know. But it had to be done. It was the only way to get rid of the Daleks. I had to do it.
It still hurts though.
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
"I'm the oldest thing in here!" I cried. Everyone behind me watched as the Reaper swooped over towards us all. Even though I couldn't see Rose, I could almost feel her eyes on me. And that was the last thing I remember - knowing that Rose was behind me, and that I was protecting her, as the Reaper landed on me, wiping me from time.
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
If I pull out from under the console where I am, I can see her. She's sat there, just across from me, reading a book from the library. I can't see the title, but after another look, I realise that she hasn't turned the page in quite some time. I can see tear tracks on her face. They glisten in the light. I feel both of my hearts sink to see her this way. I promised Jackie that I'd protect Rose. And here she is, crying, and I can't do a thing to help her.
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
"You got what you wanted so that's goodbye then… Another stupid ape……" My hurtful words to Rose rang in my ears, never stopping, never letting me go. When I'd said them, I saw hurt across her face as he said those words. She had tried to hide it, underneath anger and hurling back comments, but it had been there. And my hearts wrenched.
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
"For once you're not the most important man in my life!" She had said to me, during our worst argument yet. That had stopped me dead. Partly from the shock of realizing that I mostly likely had been the most important man in her life, up until that moment. Then, when
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
"I'm sorry." That was all she said. And I believed her. I knew that she was sorry. I think I had known all along. She just loved her father, and wanted time with him. She did what any human with a heart would have done. Quite of its own accord, my hand reached up to touch her cheek. I'd never done that before, and we both knew it. We froze for just a second, neither of us quite sure how to proceed. We both knew that there were several ways this could go. Then, we hugged. I held her close to me, inhaling her scent, glad that we were no longer fighting.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
"What use are emotions if you can't save the woman you love?" That one comment had hit home. In the back of my mind, behind all the anger towards the Dalek, Van Statten, Pretty-Boy-Adam, and even myself for almost killing Rose, I wondered if it was true. Did I love her? I think I answered my own question when I pushed that one button. That one button that released the Dalek, that Dalek that had killed so many that day, into the world, where, if it wanted to, could wipe out the entire human race. Just so that Rose could live.
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
"Wife?"
"No."
"Concubine?"
"No.
"Prostitute?"
"No."
And that was part of the conversation between Jabe and myself. The odd thing was that it felt as though no matter what word she used, I probably would have denied them all. Because even I, a Time Lord, couldn't define it. Ever since that fateful day Rose and I met, and I took her hand and told her to run, she's been an enigma. She's like the other companions, but not.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
Eventually, I can't take watching her anymore. I stand up, and cross the room to her, sitting down beside her. She collapses against me, throwing her arms around my neck, as I respond, wrapping mine around her wait, and murmuring soothing sounds to her. If I listen closely, I can hear her talking, hear why she's crying.
"I couldn't loose him…but then I lost you. I killed you. And I thought I'd lost you forever," she sobs into my shoulder. I stroke the top of her blonde head, and as she calms down a little, I tuck my finger under her chin, and lift her head gently to meet my eyes.
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
"You didn't kill me. And you haven't lost me. You're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere," I say, looking deep into her eyes, trying to convey my message without saying it. She nods, and I see something that resembles a smile cross her mascara streaked face.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
I reach up to her cheek, and wipe at the black smears down her cheek. They don't make her any less beautiful. She turns her head into my palm for just a second, before burying herself into the crook of my neck again, worn taking my and tightly, as we've done since we first met. I still hold her, blinking back the tears that prickle in my own eyes, and running the pad of my thumb across her hand.
A reason for all that I do
After a while, I notice that her breathing is slow, and rhythmic. I pull back just slightly, to look at her face. She's asleep, clutching my leather jacket as if for dear life. I smile slightly and sigh. While the TARDIS still needs some work. It can wait a while. I turn back to Rose, allowing her to cuddle closer to me in her sleep.
And the reason is you
A/N: Well, that's it. I think some of the flashbacks are wrong, especially the quotes from them, but I've only seen each episode once, so I'm dredging them up from memory. I hope I didn't ruin it for you. :D
Read and review, and you get cookies. :D
Susie xxx