Angels of Night
Chapter 5 – The Inexorable Destiny
I came back from the University very tired, but I still had strength to see Erik. I entered to the house later than I hoped. I threw my coat on a sofa near the entrance and when I was going upstairs, someone pulled me. When I was eager to scream, I realized it was Erik. He took me down another secret doorway beneath the staircase. I felt strange. Neither of us talked all the way down. I couldn't find any words to say, neither did he. He looked very worried and nervous, but why?
When we were down in the lair, he showed me a place to sit down and acted as if he had something to say. I waited for him to talk, but he said nothing. We stared at each other for a long while. I got tired of all the uncomfortable silence, so I broke it by saying:
"What is going on with us? First of all, you grabbed me up there without warning. I got scared to death. Plus, we are so quiet… have you something to say?"
"Sorry, I didn't meant to scare you," he said, "Indeed, I have to talk with you, but I feel that you also have something to say."
"Yes, I do," I answered.
"So please begin.".
"It's just that I can't find the words," I said nervously, "Erik, your presence has been discovered."
He glanced at me with a very preoccupied gaze. He looked even more nervous than before. He sat down on a chair next to me, took my hand, and said:
"But, how? How is this possible?"
"I… I was so dumb. I had the rose you gave me in my hand when my friend Sophia entered the room," I answered with my voice trembling.
"What did she do?" he said.
"Well, she asked me from whence it came, and I couldn't find any reasonable excuse..." I said shyly.
"And, what will you say to her?"
"That is precisely what I wanted to ask you. What can I say to her?"
"I don't know, really…"
"I knew this would happen, sooner or later, but not that fast."
"Yes, it is true. All is going too fast…" he said, lowering his head.
A long pause followed his short answer. He breathed loudly, and he looked extremely troubled.
"Why are you so silent today? All your answers are small phrases. What is going on Erik?" I said, touching his face. "What do you have to say?"
He stood up from his chair, took a few steps around the lair, and answered:
"Since the beginning of our relationship, all has gone very quickly. It is that way because of a particular reason. I…" he said, turning around. I approached him and rubbed his back: "Please end this uncertainty. Let's get right to the point." "I have to go, Ellen, but I don't know when," he said, turning around and hugging me. Pain covered his voice.
"What? To where? I don't understand," I said, puzzled. "To leave this world, to go forever," he said, caressing my hair.
A tear jumped out of my eyes, followed by another, and another, and another... I was speechless. What did he mean? Seeing the uncertainty in my expression, he said:
"I was allowed to travel in time to find a pure soul, to search for someone who could cure the deep wounds in my spirit, left by the hate and the bitterness of so many years ago. But the hours left for me are numbered, since I have found you."
"Why? Why have you to leave if we have only just begun to live our life together?" I asked with my face full of tears.
"When you first accepted me, with all my imperfections, you cured almost all the detestation and all the pain suffered in the past. Every second of the day I think of you, and I know you love me. That gives me strength to get out of the sick world in which I live."
"I still don't understand. This situation is unfair."
"That is my destiny. I have you with me, in my heart. You have given me a completely new perception of life."
"I know I have changed your life, and I feel so good in that sense, believe me. But you have also changed mine. I don't know how my world would be without you," I said, hugging him tightly.
"Ellen, my angel," he said, hugging me even more tightly. "You have transformed me from a monster to a man, finally. Isn't that enough?"
"No Erik, it is not enough. You are misunderstanding me. Put yourself in my place. What would you feel if I suddenly went away?" I said, getting apart from him. "Imagine that I have to go to England and leave you here, alone," "I would try everything to go after you."
"That is the problem. What if you could not come with me?"
"Ok, ok, it is enough. I'm sorry, but it is easier for you. You will find somebody to replace me."
"Oh, don't be a fool. You know I love you more than anything else in this world."
"It is very hard for me to leave you, believe me! I am only trying to be polite. I can't bear the idea of leaving you here, all by yourself," he said, almost getting crazy. "I can't tolerate, also, the thought of you finding another man to replace me. A man that could give you all the things I could not give you when I was here. I can't, Ellen, I can't…"
"Erik, my love… I also can't bear the idea of not having you by my side," I said, hugging him again.
"But you will have more to win than to lose," he said, caressing my hair.
"What would I win? Pain, tears, loneliness…" I argued, placing my head on his chest.
"No, you will have the chance to start a new life. You don't have anything to stop you from doing it. You are an amazing girl. Life goes on, Little Lune."
"But I also have my weaknesses. Lots of them. Life is a burden too heavy for me to carry. You have lightened it, but without you," I said, looking at his face, "without you, I am lost."
"Think that death is something that will reach everyone, any time, any moment. None of us will stay here physically. But I am going to be with you always, believe me. My body will die, but my soul will always persist. We will never be separated."
"I want to believe you, really, but I can't," I muttered, getting apart from him.
"And I want to comfort you, but I can't."
I did not find any words to say. I was blinded by the tears. My mind was a hurricane of thoughts. Finally, I got the strength to sing:
"Looking for a hope,
What I am left to think,
Walking in this tight rope
Of cruel destiny?
Will you go suddenly
And leave what's left of me?
What I will do alone?
So hopeless, lonely.
I don't want you to go…"
Erik approached to me and placed his hand over my mouth, and then he sang:
"Ellen, Ellen
I'll always be with you
So please calm down
I can't bear watching you cry."
Once again, being blinded by the tears, I couldn't find anything positive to say, so I stayed there, close to the man I loved the most.
"I know you think life is unfair, and it is true. I know it more than anyone else. Now, put yourself in my place," he said softly. "Have you ever wondered how many times this man in front of you has been deceived? I was feared by everyone. Nobody ever came near to console me."
I felt mad with myself. Selfishness was a prominent defect in me. All the time I had been worried about me. I had never thought about his feelings. I felt like an idiot. I had nothing to say, but so much to think of…
" You have many people who love you. The story of my life is hard to narrate. I have been truly mistreated," he said.
"I feel angry with myself. I am a selfish idiot. Please forgive me," I said.
"There is nothing to forgive," he said, drying my tears. "Ellen, I love you even further than your thoughts could reach. The universe is too small if we compare it to the size of my love for you."
I raised my eyes once more and stared at his face. The face of the angel of love, of life, of hope, of music, of night… the face of my angel. A pair of gleaming emerald eyes stared at my thankful face. A mask, as cold as the snow of a winter tempest, but as tempting as the heat of the burning wood covered, as usual, half of his face. Those lips, which were the shelter of my deepest passions, attracted my attention as the most powerful magnet of the cosmos. The desires were too many, and the time too short. Leaving all preoccupations behind, and letting my fervor explode, I kissed him with all the strength of my body. And, seeing us there, life felt pity for us, so the time's tempo slowed at the point of almost stopping. What occurred after that? Even my mind cannot tell…