Disclaimer: I don't own this. I own the story line, the computer it's on, the service the Internet Company provides me, the fanfiction account, but I do not own this. 'This' as in Excel Saga, not a bologna sandwich. Silly, I didn't even mention a bologna sandwich! You should really pay more attention.
A/N: Lot's of people start off their notes by saying 'I got this idea from…'. Well, have I got news for you! THIS CAME FROM THE TOP OF MY HEAD! TAKE THAT! So really, these notes are pointless. TAKE IT AGAIN!
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Family Portraits
By Someone With A Brain In There Somewhere Maybe
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"HAIL IL PALAZZO!"
"…zzo…"
Lord Il Palazzo sat upon his high and mighty throne, himself looking quite high and mighty. High meaning of high stature, not like he was on pot. He had morals, please and thank you! No pot for this Il Palazzo! Not that there's another one…
"WHAT WORDS CAN BE BESTOWED TO EXCEL'S EARS FROM HER FABOULOUS LORD?" Excel shouted, wavering a hanky with tear in her eyes. Hyatt just looked on blankly to her lord, eyes holding no understanding in them whatever, hand still slightly raises, blood trickling down her chin.
"While this is our weekly Wednesday meeting that we have while the masses sit in front of the TV to watch another spin-off of CSI, even though they know the one that takes place in Vegas is the best and the others are really know good at all, and yet they still force themselves to watch like the mindless underlings they are, I actually have no plans of conquest that may be put into motion as of yet. If you, Agent Hyatt, and you, Agent Excel, would just give reports of your progress in your own personal ways of conquest and / or ideas that would help us with ACROSS's plans of conquest, I think this meaning would have some point to it after all."
While Excel tried to speed her brain up to take in everything her Lord had just said in what seemed like one long, confusing, and possibly run-on sentence, Hyatt began executing his orders.
"Perhaps if we convinced the masses that all the spin-offs of CSI really were horribly bad and pointless by doing a sketch of it on MAD TV or perhaps SNL, we might further plans for conquest and / or get more air time for the one that takes place in Vegas?" Hyatt asked, a new stream of blood pouring from her mouth as she spoke.
"Although an intriguing idea, ACROSS has already tried that. All it accomplished was a New York episode, although we did get the upper hand when FOX started re-running the original series and naming it CSI: Weekends," Lord Il Palazzo said. He turned his attention to Excel, who seemed to have finally grasped her most likely tiny mind on the situation.
"Excel has no ideas to ramble about for once, sir!" Excel cried enthusiastically. "But she does have something to report!" Lord Il Palazzo waved his hand in a 'go on' gesture. Excel grinned happily and began.
"Excel would just like to say that if three females that kinda sorta not really look like Excel come around here 'cuz they most likely followed my in their very expensive car claiming to be Excel's sisters that they are lying, and don't belive them. In fact, maybe you should just throw them down that pit that you like to throw Excel down! Because after all, they're family!" She paused. "I mean, they aren't family. So maybe…don't?"
Lord Il Palazzo looked at her somewhat blankly, not exactly following her in any retrospect. "I see…" he said, trying to give the feel like he did know what the hell Excel had just said.
Suddenly the back door burst open. Excel spun around too see whom it was, while Lord Il Palazzo lifted his gaze to meet the intruders, and Hyatt fell on the floor dead from the excitement.
"THERE YOU ARE, YOUR MOTHER !#!" Yelled the person who seemingly kicked down the door. She was tall, with spiked green hair that ended in purple, a variety of piercings and tattoos, blue Capri pants, converse, and a red tank top. Two more girls followed behind her, one who seemed older and another that seemed younger.
The first girl grabbed Excel and immediately had her in a headlock.
" WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR YOUR SORRY ASS! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU RETURN ANY OF OUR CALLS?" She screamed into Excel's ear. Excel didn't seem to do much fighting; just wiggle around and squeal in fear every now and then.
"Oh, release her, Emily, you brute!" the older girl said, disgusted. She was shot and slightly plump, with long, clearly died blonde hair and piercing green eyes, wearing a very sensible beige dress suit and maroon heels. 'Emily' released Excel with a glare. The orange haired girl fell to her knees, grasping her neck and panting heavily.
"She wasn't holding you that hard," the younger girl said in disgust. She was the shortest of all of them, with a grade-school school uniform. Her long brown hair was wavy, and she had huge, thick glasses. "Can't you at least try to be less of a wuss?"
"Well, at least she doesn't cry like you do, Esme," the older girl said, eyeing her. The younger girl turned red and mumbled an 'I do not…' before turning her gaze to the ground.
"Excel…" Lord Il Palazzo said as a brief silence has passed over the room. "I assume you know these people?"
"I can utterly and truthfully say that I completely do not know these people in the least bit!"
"Why, you little prick!" The oldest girl exclaimed, moving towards Excel with murder in her eyes. Excel gave a yelp of fear, and looked for something to hide behind. Seeing that Hyatt had died and had not of yet resuscitated, Excel moved to her last resort.
"Lord Il Palazzo, as a loyal member of ACROSS I must ask you to please pull a certain cord and send me hurtling down that pit o' yours!" Excel said, reduced to hovelling. "I beg you! Ellen is older then me and has been going to anger management classes since I've known her, so she scares me more then Emily does, and I'm pretty sure she's always got a switch blade with her!"
"I thought you didn't know us!" yelled Ellen, the eldest, fuming and tapping her heeled foot.
"DO IT NOW!" Excel shrieked as Ellen leaped toward her, with only the twelve-year-old Esme and her switchblade-carrying buddy to stop her.
"If you insist…" Lord Il Palazzo said in a bored tone. As he pulled the rope that opened the pit, and she began falling towards perpetual doom, Excel could of sworn that she saw a look of glee in her lord's eyes.
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A/N: Cliffhanger? No, not really. But who are these three girls? Are they really Excel's sisters? Are they the muffin men? What? They're men? Find out in the next chapter, and don't forget to review, review, review!